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OfflineMuppet
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did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film
    #13254807 - 09/27/10 04:36 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

cause I'm putting it in it's proper formatting an all as we speak
{i.e. making it look like an actual 'according-to-hoyal' script now}

but I'm stuck  :crying:





I'm to the point now after jebus comes back as the anti-christ, just after his birthday scene, when we jump ahead to where he's all grown up an shit {doa search for 'socrates' and that's exactly where I'm at}

...anywho...

when I originally wrote these characters - they were meant to be late twenty types / from the ghetto / who we're both still trying to find their place in life {these are the 'late bloomer' types that are a decade or so behind everyone else} so they're still not really the same teenage 'thug' types anymore these days...but also certainly haven't grown up yet either





...anywho...

so my question you you IS:
how much do people like this curse still.........really  :confused:



cause I got a sinking suspicion I went a little over-board with it

and yet - every time I try to re-write this section without the curse words - it just doesn't sound authentic {like it's coming from some white dude who was going out of his way to watch what he was saying}

but then again - it could also just sound odd to me because I lived in the ghetto during my teenage years



think about it:
we all know that teenagers curse like freacken sailors, right?

...ssooo...

I dunno *maybe* because I just so happened to be in that area during that time period - who knows - maybe it's just hard for me to picture people from the ghetto talking differently...ever















































































or maybe I've just been at this for too long, and my mind is going all screwy  :nonono:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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OfflineTds
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Muppet]
    #13254846 - 09/27/10 04:43 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I'm an aspiring screenwriter/director and I feel I have a pretty good grasp on story.
As a rule I don't use swearing unless it will have some sort of impact on the audience.
What do you want to convey about the character in the language they use?
Does it add to the story?
Would it be more powerful if you cut out all but two or three fucks and shits in the heat/climax of the scene? Mostly I would like to think the answer is yes.

Every scene should have a turning point or a change. New information should be the purpose of the scene, without treading old ground. If this change is not met the scene will become tedious and boring.

If your script isn't too long and you want a second opinion, drop me a download link and I'll be more than happy to have a butchers.


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OfflineMind Transcribing
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Muppet]
    #13254871 - 09/27/10 04:47 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Do some research muppet. Go out there and find out. Easier said then done but a lot of good writing gets made that way. If you don't wanna do research just base if off your experiences I guess.


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OfflineMuppet
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Tds]
    #13255207 - 09/27/10 05:49 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Tds said:
As a rule I don't use swearing unless it will have some sort of impact on the audience.
What do you want to convey about the character in the language they use? Does it add to the story?
Would it be more powerful if you cut out all but two or three fucks and shits in the heat/climax of the scene?

Mostly I would like to think the answer is yes.



yeah...that's generally how I do it too

if you were to do a coupla quick searches - you'd see that there's only a coupla other 'curse' words littered throughout other areas of the script...but even then...it's still always just minor shit, which might not even *technically* qualify as an according-to-hoyal 'curse word' to begin with {i.e. like the occasional 'damnit' or what have you .... but certainly nothing like 'fuck'}

but when I get to this particular point in the film though {about 18 pages or so in} it seems like every time Jace and Socrates are talking - there's a curse word or two tossed in to just about every single response these people make

and every time we switch scenes to someone else - it's just like the rest of the film






and yet:

it sounds funny to me whenever I take these words out though...cause that's all I've ever know those types of situations to be like

but I wouldn't mind a second opinion from someone if anyone would like to take the time to look it over for me an see what I mean

the link's in my signature  :muppet:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Offlinelazyfingers
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Muppet]
    #13255314 - 09/27/10 06:18 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

use the language to shape the character's personality from the audiences perspective. It doesn't matter if they swear. What's important is that they are distinct from each other and hold different voices and personalities. Every person is different and approaches ideas in a different way. I don't know if this helps or not, but I've tried writing before and characters are hard.

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Offlinex Ju x
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: lazyfingers]
    #13255351 - 09/27/10 06:26 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

How long ago did you post it?

Post a link and I'll start it tonight. If I like it I'll have it read tomorrow.

Thats the thing with me when it comes to reading. I don't necessarily enjoy reading, but If I like what I'm reading, I'll read it straight until it's done.


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InvisibleChespirito
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Tds]
    #13255520 - 09/27/10 07:02 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Tds said:

Every scene should have a turning point or a change. New information should be the purpose of the scene, without treading old ground. If this change is not met the scene will become tedious and boring.




Im going to disagree with this.  Plenty of good movies have scenes where nothing more happens than characters sitting around talking.  Tarantino being the obvious example, the royale with cheese scene

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OfflineTds
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Chespirito]
    #13257811 - 09/28/10 07:24 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Chespirito said:
Quote:

Tds said:

Every scene should have a turning point or a change. New information should be the purpose of the scene, without treading old ground. If this change is not met the scene will become tedious and boring.




Im going to disagree with this.  Plenty of good movies have scenes where nothing more happens than characters sitting around talking.  Tarantino being the obvious example, the royale with cheese scene




This scene is not the exception that disproves the rule. In fact it's not an exception at all. I'll break it down.
The anatomy of a scene revolves around several things: Desire, action, conflict and change. Every convocation thread that happens, even visually, is in some way serving one or many of these purposes.
That scene in question is part of a sequence of scenes. Although they might hold only a small amount of ground individuality, collectively they make up a whole including the climax where Samuel L Jackson & John Travolta "dodge bullets".

The royale with cheese sequence tells us alot about the characters. These arn't just two men out to do a job, they are emotionally involved on some level with each other.
Travolta says he just came back from Amsterdam and talks about the drugs. Jacksons reply? "I'm going, that's all there is to it."
In layments terms: These guys are friends. Their characters now matter to the story.

There's much more to it than that, the characters go on to talk about Marsellus Wallace, how dangerous he is, setting up a potential villain. Even something as simple as a foot massage now becomes a point of conflict and interest.

This scene and sequence of scenes follows the exact same blueprint as other great scenes.
I love Tarantino.

Oh and Muppet, that thing is impossible to read. Get some proper screenwriting software like celtx.
www.celtx.com
Don't worry, it's free.

Edited by Tds (09/28/10 07:30 AM)

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OfflineMuppet
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Tds]
    #13258421 - 09/28/10 10:23 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Tds said:
Oh and Muppet, that thing is impossible to read. Get some proper screenwriting software like celtx.
www.celtx.com
Don't worry, it's free.



that looks like it might just be exactly the sort of thing I was looking for  :awesome:



I have another program *sorta* like that one...except...you gotta pay for it before you can save / print / anything
{and for anyone who's ever tried properly formatting a movie script by hand - ya - fuck that}



gimme another day or two to finish all these 'little' changes I'm working on right now, and I'll see if I can't make it look more proper in the process  :cheers:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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OfflineFunguspants
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Muppet]
    #13258755 - 09/28/10 11:43 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

imo dont be a bitch and just do it the way you want to do it.

if it sounds right to you then do it

if it still sounds right to you but you want to take them out to appeal to others your a bitch but i guess do it


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"I... I don't want to die"

"BITCH SOMETIMES WE GOTTA DO THANGS DAT WE AINT WANNA DO"

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OfflineTds
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Re: did anyone ever actually even READ the rough-draft copy of my film [Re: Muppet]
    #13258810 - 09/28/10 11:54 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Muppet said:
Quote:

Tds said:
Oh and Muppet, that thing is impossible to read. Get some proper screenwriting software like celtx.
www.celtx.com
Don't worry, it's free.



that looks like it might just be exactly the sort of thing I was looking for  :awesome:



I have another program *sorta* like that one...except...you gotta pay for it before you can save / print / anything
{and for anyone who's ever tried properly formatting a movie script by hand - ya - fuck that}



gimme another day or two to finish all these 'little' changes I'm working on right now, and I'll see if I can't make it look more proper in the process  :cheers:




:cheers:


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