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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
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Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Being Gay
    #1324090 - 02/21/03 08:07 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I hate being gay.

I hate having to hide the fact that I'm gay.

It makes me feel isolated. 

It makes me feel like I am lying to everyone I know because I am holding back this large part of who I am.  It makes me feel like I'm lying to myself!

I go to parties and see guys and girls flirting.

I go to parties and see guys that look interesting, but I am too afraid to say anything to them because they might not be gay; and I don't want to let them know that I am if they aren't. 

It's such a horrible dilemma that I face allllll the time!

I've been alone for so long now.

How am I ever going to meet another nice, gay guy if the only ones who are open about their sexuality are "flamers" that I couldn't even hang out with.  It's impossible to find a gay partner when almost everyone hides the fact that they are gay.

Can anyone here relate to me?

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

I need some support...  :frown:

-RebelSteve

 


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Namaste.


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InvisibleOscuro_lobo
Dark Wolf

Registered: 04/15/02
Posts: 813
Loc: it doesn't really matter.
Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1324183 - 02/21/03 08:44 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Yea, that sucks a lot, it's even more complicated when you live somwhere that's not receptive to it. Best advice, stop looking so hard, just goto places and make friends.
Find some nice bars or clubs or organizations that are GBLT friendly.

people are out there, you'll find em :smile:
most are just shy or going through the same things you are.

-ol


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Anonymous #1

Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1324193 - 02/21/03 08:45 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

My best friend called me one time and told me that a friend of ours told him he was gay. I said, "Wow, that's weird." Then I went and made myself a sandwich.


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Invisiblefadedpinkwings
Stranger
Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 120
Re: Being Gay [Re: ]
    #1324238 - 02/21/03 09:01 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

You are so accepting. If everyone was as accepting as you all the gay people could come out of the closets and dance in the streets.


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I hope all bleeding hearts Die from bloodloss!!!!!


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OfflineBavet
Sensitive StonedRebel

Registered: 12/12/02
Posts: 383
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Being Gay [Re: fadedpinkwings]
    #1324272 - 02/21/03 09:20 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Ahh  More women for the straights  :grin:

Dude you don't need to be gay  I mean can u honestly say You don't find hot beautiful women attractive? 


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"~Dream as if you'll live forever....live as if you'll die today~ James Dean"


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Invisiblesilversoul7
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
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Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1324304 - 02/21/03 09:35 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

There are gay clubs, gay coffe shops, gay bars, etc. in most major cities. Not all the guys who go there are total "flamers." I had a gay friend in High School who I never would've suspected was gay until he told me. He used to frequently go to this one gay coffee shop, and I would sometimes go with him. There were some really cool guys there. Not every one of them is gay, but they were all at least tolerant of gays. Also, all my gay encounters have occurred at raves. You might want to check that out, tho of course that scene isn't for everyone.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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OfflineAsanteA
light your candle on my love
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 51,493
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Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1324477 - 02/21/03 11:04 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Being Gay is A-OK!

I know, I'm one of 'em. What's not OK is that indeed there's alot of hatred directed at our group. I lost almost all my heterophilliac friends when I told them I was, and got openly ridiculed by teachers too. And those 'friends' I lost to all possible reasons not related to me being Gay whatsoever, and yet within weeks of me coming out I had managed to shed most friends I had.

Well screw them all!  :mad: I have escaped some cops going Rodney King on me & have staved off several possible violent encounters. And all of this because I'm different than the majority. Homophobia is everywhere. A long time ago I pulled some Gay monkeystuff rite here on the Shroomery, all in good taste, ofcourse :wink:, to see what would happen.

Well: I got flak. Several WS-friendly people started to avoid me & I got some phobic PMs I didn't narc on, but the majority of reactions was relatively accepting. I was prepared to disappear and return under another alias, but this was'nt needed. It was quite funny to see some heterophilliacs do psychological headstands & me getting all stereotypical & provocative, quite refreshing actually.

But let's face it. Homophobia is a REAL thing. It changes alot of people once you're out. I'm not going to say: "hey man, coming out is a piece of cake", because we're backpacking Palestinians in Jerusalem. Ain't it curious? Here at Support Central all posting is sincere and you post something Gay and get some pretty stupid and decidedly immature responses.
Pathetic.

Violence is rare. People calling you names is uncommon. People shunning you is typical, people looking at you differently is to be expected but there really are alot of accepting folks outthere. You can count on at least 5% percent of the male population being Gay: there's some @ the office, on every bus, in every class, wherever groups of people tend to hang.

I suggest you don't buy a "F#ck me, I'm GAY" T-shirt, but try to find a partner discretely. It's in the little things. Not loose wrists or sissy looks or whatever, but people who dig you have a way of discreetly letting you know that. You can flirt too, you just have to keep it non-obvious. As I said: violence is rare.

Please seek out the Gay places in your (general) area. They may be bars, clubs & whatever.

You are right: loneliness sux. Having rubbers pass their expiration rates sux too. But you have GOT to find LOVE. Sex is trivial:It's better to jerk off than to date one. You need to find a close circle of friends and that one very, very special one...
Being Gay is OK. How society deals with it is one of the biggest injustices of all time. But you've got to be true to yourself, accept that you = gay = ok and that you have to work with it, not repress it.
Out of every 1.000 men, one will be the One for you, you'll just have to go discretely about it & not cocoon like I did.

A brotherly hug from Holland,
Wiccan_Seeker 


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Offlinewyldtouch69
You heard ofhell well i wassent from it

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 2,817
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1325012 - 02/21/03 03:35 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

yes...

being gay is not an easy thing, but don't hide it!! I hate it when people have homophobia. my GF and I have A LOT of problems because she hasn't realized that it doesn't matter what other people think of you.

you'll be aight. goto www.gay.com and go into the chat rooms. they're seperated into states and cities. you're bound to find some friends there! also, you can do a search in the personals ads and find some guys in your area. good luck and fuck naysayers cuz they don't mean a thing!


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Offlinespliffguru
guru of spliffs

Registered: 08/28/02
Posts: 122
Last seen: 13 years, 5 months
Re: Being Gay [Re: wyldtouch69]
    #1325052 - 02/21/03 04:12 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Last summer while smoking a lot of pot, I found one male friend of mine attractive.

It really bothered me for awhile, thinking I could be gay, but as I've thought about it, I still find myself very attracted to girls in every way. I love women, and I've shrugged off what happened as me just being really really high, and naturally turned on by anything given that state of mind.


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There was a point to this message, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: Being Gay [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1325296 - 02/21/03 07:16 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

this is probably the only reason why i think there is a definate relationship b/w the male self and his psychology. i thought today... maybe why we have all this homophobia and all these questions of male sexuality, cause the male race is divided. like some men who cant accept certain things? like maybe a certain side of their psyche, like they cant surrender so they all go like super homophobic. theres one really nice gay guy i know, hes smart as hell, and probably one of the nicest people i have ever met and felt more comfortable around him than most men at all! im not gay, but i have questioned myself a lot, and ive had dreams you people wouldnt believe, not to mention experience as a child which i dont really want to go into. but i think you are experiencing a great problem in the male - male and male female psychology, i dont know why it is this way that causes people to react so violently or so obstinately. these problems are everywhere and its quite sad, i think both the gay and straight communities suffer, maybe there is a secret to each sides world that is mis understood, so one is rejected and abused while some of the others have to react so drastically. i just have to say dont beat yourself up too much, most of the girls i have ever met cant begin to understand or accept me, had a great gf and lost her, i realized its not that important.  shit is how shit is. dont hate who you are, hating your situation only gives you that pain which you live in. the world is fucked up, you dont have to join it :wink::laugh: 


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What?


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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: Being Gay [Re: Zero7a1]
    #1325673 - 02/22/03 01:11 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I am going to be extremely honest now. You may not like what you hear, but it might shed a little light on homophobia. I have a gay aunt that I grew up around. And my uncle married a woman who had a homosexual brother. I spent some time around him growing up and watched him kiss men when I would go over to his house with my uncle. I always felt repulsed by what he was doing. Like it was unnatural.

I did not live in a religious household so you cannot blame my negative feelings on religion. I was just naturally repulsed by the idea of two men kissing. Everyone around me was very accepting of his lifestyle. I was not uptight about it and I was never hateful. Just repulsed.

As I grew into adulthood I began to lose some of the negative feelings I had about him and I actually hang out with him occasionally. I know it is none of my buisness what another person does and , logically , I have worked this out. But I still feel somewhat repulsed by the Idea of two men kissing.

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad. I am sure I repulse some people with my lifestyle. I love to use certain drugs and we know there are a lot of people who would hate me for that. I mostly wanted to say that just because a person is homophobic, It does not neccasarily mean that they are a latent homosexual.


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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
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I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325698 - 02/22/03 01:51 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: Being Gay [Re: ]
    #1325702 - 02/22/03 01:57 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Did you think I was"attempting to step over that boundry. I was just presenting a point of view.


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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
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I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325718 - 02/22/03 02:30 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
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Re: Being Gay [Re: ]
    #1325729 - 02/22/03 02:42 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

You are right. This post is not about homophobia. Maybe I did get a little to close to aline that should not be crossed. But steve is not the only one trying to come to terms with this issue. I have spent my life dealing with this issue on a very personal level, just from the other side. Zero posted a reply that insinuated that people who have a hard time accepting homosexuality were repressing something. I did not agree.

If you are gay, then you should a life that makes you happy.Better?


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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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OfflineAsanteA
light your candle on my love
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Registered: 02/06/02
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Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325733 - 02/22/03 02:51 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I just don't get people get hate-feelings when they encounter a different kind of love. Haven't seen that in this thread tho.

I've seen a documentary on fat people. Actually: how they were percieved. They drew a 'neutral' picture of an obese kid & showed this to a bunch of 4-6 years old kiddies in the USA and Ghana. "Please describe what this person is like".
USA: lazy, dumb, unpleasant; all the traits western culture claims obese people to be like & that drive tons of girls (and some boys) into death by anorexia.

Then they showed a similar pic in Ghana, a west-African country where being obese is deemed positive, culturally. There the kiddies rated the pic nothing but positive traits.

As a control they showed white USA 4-6yo kids a pic of a black boy.
"Can't trust him. He lies. Don't want to be his friend."
A white kid pic in Ghana got nothing but positive remarks.


Enough kidstuff. My point is this: Very young kids have before they can think for themselves already got a pretty defined picture of what the culture expects of them. Even then they want to belong & belonging means finding (cultural) common ground. So Sirreal: You likely picked up on the cultural bias like named kids did, or perhaps ANY form of kissing was gross then.

But there's a deeply tragic point to this... Obese USA kids attached the same negative images to the obese kid pic. Black USA kids attached negative image-forming to the black kid pic. It's sad, very sad, but culture cuts very, very deep and severs connections between (percieved) groups of people when we're at our most volnurable: As little kids, preying on our inborn desire to belong to the "Us" and finger a "Them".

Sirreal grew over most of his programming. He consciously stepped over the "Objects" vs "People" boundary. He can connect.

Homosexuality is a cultural taboo. And allthough we like to think we can shatter taboos at will this ain't so. The taboo on Homosexuality is fading away, just as that on interracial sex has earlier. But it will take hundreds of years to get rid of social taboos once they're firmly in place.

Homosexuality isn't wrong, it's different. And in a world where everybody wants to belong & everything has to conform this leads to problems.

CELEBRATE DIVERSITY ! ! ! ! !  :grin: 


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Anonymous #1

Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325737 - 02/22/03 02:57 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
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Re: Being Gay [Re: Asante]
    #1325738 - 02/22/03 02:59 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

That was a very thoughtful reply. I am glad to see you were not offended by my post.

Growing up I remember that my family was very accepting of homosexuality. I also remember the media really pushing acceptance. I did not grow up in a homophobe world. I do not really understand why I felt the way I did. But it did seem to come from inside.

To stay on topic I will say, Good luck rebelsteve.


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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325836 - 02/22/03 05:35 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I think everyone is grossed out by things which seem strange to them, but once they get used to it, it doesn't bother them at all. I, for example, feel nothing but laughter when I see hello.jpg, although when I first saw it, it grossed me out. You know what's wierd? I remember being homophobic when I was in 8th grade, and yet 5 years later I came to discover that I was bisexual. Talk about irony! Until recently, I was grossed out by transexuals, transvestites, and drag queens, but I still accepted those things, and now they don't bother me anymore. The key in life is to have an open mind.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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OfflineAsanteA
light your candle on my love
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Re: Being Gay [Re: sirreal]
    #1325894 - 02/22/03 06:20 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

You cannot say that!
You can't say you didn't grow up in a homophobe world!

Your close enviroment might have been accepting, but the "world" never was. The media "pushing acceptance"... Why was that needed?

If you live in, say, the USA it's impossible to say you live in a "nonracist" world/country, because regardless of how your enviroment is... The media breathe racism... the peergroup hints at racism... school teaches you racistically... You cannot escape it! I have worked long & hard to rid myself of racism, and you know what: some test showed I'm in the most severe category of it.

If you live in the western culture & claim you are free of homophobia or racism (it's basically the same thing)... You can likely be crowned King if deNile!
Most gay people show strong signs of anti-gay tendencies just as most black people show a tendency to step in line with anti-black sentiments, regardless of how they LIKE to think.

Intolerance is the most insidious of poisons: The ones who claim to be free of it are among the most strongly affected.


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