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Anonymous #1

My life is seized by crippling doubt.
    #13089929 - 08/23/10 10:43 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Yes crippling.

There is nothing I believe in.

Of course I have a ‘world view’… it’s just part of my world view is that everything, everything, is a construction of my own. That it could be otherwise. And so my world view is inherently unstable. It often changes, and is ever prone to doubt. There is nothing I ever feel certain of. Sometimes I can pretend to myself or ‘act’ certain… but I often reprimand myself afterwards. Because of this instability I am prone to complete inertia and despair. I have so many shortcomings that are too long to overcome… I am prone to crippling doubt. Often my only recourse is meaningless distraction…

Maybe my only consolation is sometimes, on rare, rare, occasions, I have insights of divine absurdity. The absurdity of it all. Of myself and the world. And this is what ultimately frees me to act and be on whatever whim so takes me. And I can act freely in the world always with a touch of irony and self reproach, with a sense of deep despair present but also manifest in some strange lively dance condescending to the ridiculous dance of life...

And yet still ultimately I am bound to myself, the world and certain prejudices… maybe simply because I don’t have anything else to grasp onto… sometimes I feel this is all that really separates me from complete madness… madness I have often fantasized about, and have often thought of as an ultimate freedom… Free from the oppression of ‘reality’ the ‘real world’, which I hardly am able to believe or at any rate participate in. 


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OfflineLustfulLinsanity
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Registered: 03/25/10
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Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13090989 - 08/23/10 02:55 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

First off, no offence whatsoever, and i have gone through these thought patterns as well, where i think i cannot connect to this world or the people in it because of its absurdity, but its sort of a form of arrogance thinking that the divine insights you have had separates you from the masses, that you see clearly through all the layers of bullshit and everyone else are just a bunch of purposeless drones. And in the ultimate sense there isnt really a point to this life.... but.. it may help to go out there and connect with people, or nature. If people arent your strongsuit, climb the tallest mountain in the area where you live, or if you are not physically capable of doing that exercise and train for the ascent of that peak. It will give you some feeling of accomplishment as well of plenty natural feel good endorphins. Find a purpose that you can connect with and which will also give you fulfillment.
Just some thoughts... good luck. Got my own insanity to deal with...  :twitchy:


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I wish to become enlightened, to know bliss, to be a pure expression of joy, to slake my insatiable thirst.


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Anonymous #1

Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: LustfulLinsanity]
    #13103533 - 08/26/10 12:15 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

true true true true...

bordering on a philosophical idea... maybe when we 'connect with people' this is what creates a sort of certainty, a sort of truth that exists only between ourselves...

Maybe the man in isolation loses his touch with reality precisely because there is no way for the 'truths' to be verified by others... nothing to keep his neuroses in check... and with only his self he slowly slides to insanity...!

but yeh thanks for the response.
Just as a note i think i did get a bit carried away with trying to express myself 'poetically' or whatever... i certainly don't think my insights are actually 'divine' or even above others or anything like that lol.

Either my madness will be bought into check or not...

But i think that maybe the truth is that people need people...


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Offlineakira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
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Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13103744 - 08/26/10 01:22 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

my approach... be open about my insanity and make the best of it for people to see how i am not so bad for my insanity... most people know i am wierd but they can't say shit because i don't act like a dick... well, not all the time, anyway.


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Offlinewellage
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Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: akira_akuma]
    #13103747 - 08/26/10 01:26 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

it's not insanity, it's duality. You need to do some reframing.


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Offlineakira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
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Last seen: 4 years, 30 days
Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: wellage]
    #13103783 - 08/26/10 01:43 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

i call it that to abstain from fucking with people's head and having to explain duality.


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OfflineGrok
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Re: My life is seized by crippling doubt. [Re: akira_akuma]
    #13104528 - 08/26/10 09:33 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

It sounds like you just overthink everything way too much. I used to do that often, and it was ruinous. The solution for me was to just let it go and stop caring about all those thoughts running through my head. They are worthless. There's only so much productive thinking that results from constant introspection, unless you're onto some genius idea or something, which is unlikely. Sometimes you just have to see your train of thoughts for what they are and detach any importance from them -- which takes practice.

I recommend strenuous exercise and/or kratom. After a good workout, mountain bike ride, or good dose of kratom, my mind totally chills out and stops overprocessing everything, and I finally relax and just enjoy life without thinking about it too much :sun:.


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Entropy is increasing.
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