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OfflineMitchnast
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1308607 - 02/14/03 04:07 PM (21 years, 4 months ago)

i think that the delusion that your thoughts are being brodcasted and that evryone is secretly against you or playing some huge joke/test on you is in fact clearly defined as symptoms of paranoid schitzophrenia with positive symptoms.

basically assuming that your delusion or fear of brodcasted thoght is valid. then ASSUMING that others are playing a trick on you, and insisting that they identify themselves in a serious but annonymous fasion. then taking their bizzare reactions towards your paranoid behavior as proof of their thought-stealing.

thats like, 3 levels of co-functional delusional thought, thats what i would call, deep-seeded phychosis. like a waltz of circular thinking.  if you experince this delusion for 6 months, then you are certifiably insane in canada.
of course evryone has temporary doubts about reality and magical thinkng, hell, me most of all!  our ability to maintain our sanity in spite of our outrageous belefs is a stregnth, not a weakness. not a fear of acceptance, it is survival.  and when you beleive people are reading your mind, its hard to think of anything else. cause its scary, especially when youve done so many awful things you hope nobody will ever know.
if people can read minds, im not one of them.
if i was MAN id have it made :smile:

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OfflineMitchnast
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1308608 - 02/14/03 04:09 PM (21 years, 4 months ago)

one time i read the mdd4 or whatever its called. AWESOME read. dont fucking EVER READ IT!

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Offlinenubious
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Registered: 10/20/02
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: IBLISS]
    #1308964 - 02/14/03 09:49 PM (21 years, 4 months ago)

IBLISS - lemme fill you in on something - I went through the EXACT same thing you did about 1 year ago.. almost one year exactly.. You can pretend you're the mad hatter and that you're the shepard of the creator for as long as you want, but it will only get worse. Wait until you start hearing things. That's when it really gets out of hand. That's when you start not being able to sleep, and not being able to concentrate on ANYTHING but the noises you hear that no one else can (or won't admit too). From what you tell us you're still in the early stages - get help while you can - they'll probably give you some medication (Epival / Olanzapine is what I was on) and aside from some fairly mild side effects, you'll be back to normal in no time. Does the TV talk to you to? Like, do you know what's going to happen next? It's a really neat feeling, but trust me... it goes downhill...

Feel free to PM me if you want.. I've been through it - I know how you feel.


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No one knows the worth of innocence till he knows it is gone forever, and that money can't buy it back. Not the saint, but the sinner that repenteth, is he to whom the full length and breadth, and height and depth, of life's meaning is revealed. Good and evil loose all objective meaning and are seen as equally necessary and contrasting elements in the masterpiece that is the universe.

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Offlinesoylent_green
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1309213 - 02/15/03 03:35 AM (21 years, 4 months ago)

yeah i remember i once read a bunch of stuff about schitzophrenia, and i was telling someone about it, and i ended up making them think they might have it,  :frown:

...but they got over it


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What fun is it in Nirvana while other beings are suffering?

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OfflineDroz
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: soylent_green]
    #1309346 - 02/15/03 05:26 AM (21 years, 4 months ago)

Paranoid Schizophrenia. Chemical Imbalance. My "delusions" gave me two choices. Eat the mushroom or take the medication. I'm glad i took the medication. Take it from someone who has experienced the same thing. I bet you are also very vulnerable right now with your belief system. No matter what way you look at it, it is ultimately your choice. Good luck with your travels.

If need be PM me. I am only here to help.

Peace,
Droz


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Evolution of Time.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Mitchnast]
    #1310955 - 02/16/03 03:58 AM (21 years, 4 months ago)

I think you're referring to the DSM-IV - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Dude...I'm a psychotherapist. I've been using the DSM III, III-R, and IV since 1980. It designates specific criteria for diagnosis, and insurance companies require this lingo in order to pay therapists. It also provides a common language for the mental health professionals in all disciplines: psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, social workers, psychiatric nurses, etc.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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OfflineIBLISS
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1318921 - 02/19/03 08:06 AM (21 years, 3 months ago)

Ok Ok Ok, so my humour is to cry wolf, but serously I'm kool, sorry if some one took offence to my attempt at humour, (be nice guy) I'm not crazy :cool:, I Just KNOW some of you can here me!!! J/K,  but medication sounds nice! but I Love high pressure situations, and day tripping is my bag baby, but it's all good, like my ability to change my words to sound like i'm Bi-polar, I can imitate most mental persona's and just thought I'd tune in on you guys to see what you thought of my charicture,  I thought the "flock you guys" was cool, though, get it? sheep, flock baaaa??? but anyway i'll go now,  and if wandering why i double posted my post didn't show up so i rewrote I'll stop cring wolf for a minute, but I Know you here me soo quit acting like you dont! 


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I am the umbra and Penumbra, the first and the last,behold for once I was dead but now am alive

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OfflineTheGus
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Registered: 09/07/05
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: IBLISS]
    #5631473 - 05/15/06 06:23 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

word of advice from the wise

and by wise, i mean someone who has been in your shoes

time will catch up with you, and they will stop you and make your existence worse than it is now, just dont push too hard for anything, sit back relax and enjoy the ride, or they will force you to because they cant handle it when people get 'out of control' or what they believe to be 'out of control'

i dont think your psychotic
but thats coming from a psychotic bi-polar person
or maybe we are 2 of the few truley sane people

i personally think that perception of people talking about you is their subconscious minds communicating information they observe about you... they studied me when i was in the mental hospital... the aliens study everyone

ok, by aliens i dont mean little green men, i mean non physical conscious entities that exist in (sadly) every humans subconscious.. so on a subconscious level, all of humanity is basically a puppet to an alien agenda

i know it sounds crazy but thats whats goin on i sware

ok, now ive lost all legetimacey on these boards

-peace


Quote:

"People are strange, when your a stranger, faces look ugly when your alone, women seem wicked when your unwanted..."




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"It is easier to teach a computer to play chess than to build a mudpie."Sherry Turkle Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts"-Einstein
:mrt: I pity the fool who break traffic laws with $870,000 of drugs in the car.      -mo0nlite_sonata
Psythos

Edited by TheGus (05/15/06 06:28 AM)

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: IBLISS]
    #5631655 - 05/15/06 08:34 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Can any one hear my thoughts or am i just insane?

I guess it would have to be insane. :frown:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineEquilibriuM
dream stalker

Registered: 07/17/05
Posts: 2,323
Last seen: 17 years, 4 days
Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: IBLISS]
    #5631713 - 05/15/06 09:06 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

I think that your thoughts are being broadcast out, but not many people can read them. Their reactions might be to the crazy looking faces your making at them...


--------------------
HELP!!!!!!!!!

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OfflineJackenobi
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Registered: 05/06/06
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: EquilibriuM]
    #5631871 - 05/15/06 10:09 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Shit ive been on one of these merry go-rounds for approx 2 years.

This site just keeps on enlightening me.

The sooner you learn to get off the better. It would take a lot of convincing to get me to believe people weren't inside my mind originally but over time i kind of made peace with it.

I have never taken any medication.

Maybe i've suffered for it, im an intelligent guy and i think that means a powerful imagination... and when warped that equals an awesome potential for schitzotypic illusion/delusion. I also have a condition of the eye linked to the brain stem that inhibits its movement, which only added fuel to the fire... blind assassin etc

The problem is when you get to ibliss' point as i have and where i have stayed in some form or other the attendent thought to the madness is along the lines of 'but what is this world all about if not this then?', if you know what i mean. People coming and going and milling about??? Old ladies serving me in a shop??? What does it all mean etc...! So you give them a powerful, knowing and loving stare and unsuprisingly you create a rather odd situation for yourself. Repeat in solipsism ad nauseum.

I do wonder about medication though, perhaps im being blind but i preferred to try and pull myself out of it, mediate it, despite still harbouring some more delusional ideas.

This thread has been a great help on the slow road to sanity though...

Though im not sure ive taken the right tack, at this point its hard to believe its not all an epic timeless conspiracy right? So no one tells you the truth anyway? I know the feeling, i had a bunch of guys fuck with my head as far as i can tell, maybe it was just dark egotism on my part but my slant on the 'no ones going to tell you game' involved people talking about unrelated topics that appeared to be insinuations about me. I was insecure in certain companies at this time so you can see the root, though i am still not certain about it all, its something people do isnt it? 'My friend has this problem' etc when perhaps addressing you subtly being a simple version of it, perhaps on an embarrassing issue. The things they'd be insinuating got madder and madder (along with myself) but beautiful also, strange parrallels for your mind to chew on as you burst through the ego to the super ego. I often began to burst out laughing, sometimes joyously, sometimes cynically at random intervals... Trouble is it forces you to live on the cusp of the moment, peoples words constantly paralleling your mind through the application of your now potent super-ego has an incredible momentary beauty to it sometimes, painful and joyous in equal measure to a soul that seems simultaneously lost and found... But if you think like it all the time you are left prey to some of the darker matter of your mind as i have found. Its nothing a persevering and stern spirit cannot overcome though.

I have often felt like the Buddha sitting at a river, a life, a stream of consciousness and daring to try to be what Jesus asked of one of his disciples, 'a fisher of men'...

Try and balance the madness with beauty. I remain suspicious of the world and also of the motivations of some people, i am probably just on a bit of a mental elipse of what was once a circle. Never get crazy with it, always stay as calm and peaceful as you can and you will overcome the more extreme problems of this type of illusion.

Cheers all


--------------------
read books

Edited by Jackenobi (05/15/06 10:33 AM)

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Offlinesoulcircus
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? *DELETED* [Re: Jackenobi]
    #5632802 - 05/15/06 02:06 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by soulcircus

Reason for deletion: .


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OfflineJackenobi
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: soulcircus]
    #5632836 - 05/15/06 02:15 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

what that guy said  :thumbup:

This is more or less the point i have reached. A matter of will through a self-drawn chaos. Took its time though...


--------------------
read books

Edited by Jackenobi (05/15/06 02:18 PM)

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Offlinestemmer
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Jackenobi]
    #5635631 - 05/15/06 11:22 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

You may be insightful enough to question whether you've become psychotic. Being able to "handle it," which is to say, not run raving in public does not mean that you are not experiencing 'ideas of reference (thinking that people are talking or thinking about you),' which is one of the hallmarks of schizophrenia, paranoid type. You may be in the middle of a transient psychotic episode. Your comments that suggest that you are a "shepherd," while others are "sheep," suggests pathological inflation of your ego - a not-so-veiled identification with Christ, and hence paranoid grandiosity.

"You may go on with this for a while without incident, or you can worsen the situation with the use of psychedelics, until your inflation is noted by someone who choses to intervene on your behalf. I recommend checking in with a mental health professional or a physician. But that's just me, and you're broadcasting, and I am a mental health professional who doesn't hear your thoughts, but who has lots of experiencing interpreting peoples' words".

---good point.

on heavy doses of hallucinogens and for days after I feel like I can have a relationship with people without ever speaking because I make about a million associations in a second. To some degree that serves a positive function. During the trip It can really blow your mind(and others) how you can pick out the pieces and know what someone is talking about and even what they are about to say next. Occupying the other persons consciousness given what you know about them and your own fractal memory about a subject or some obscure schema you are familiar with.



I Have never heard of someone with your difficulties besides an old good friend that is now in assisted living. He is a schizophrenic with severe delusions of grandure.
I do believe some of the most interesting after effects of hallucinogens can resemble schizophrenia. You can learn alot that way. But to say it the way you are IBLISS, I just dont know what to think.

Edited by stemmer (05/15/06 11:25 PM)

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OfflineJackenobi
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: stemmer]
    #5636001 - 05/16/06 12:43 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Again, from my own experiences id have to say i can relate to your ideas of the shepherd and his sheep. I remember a combination of events conspired to make me feel as though i was being tested, first by others in their silent and serious conspiracy, then, after a series of what i believe Terence McKenna may have termed 'redemptive psychoses' episodes, i began to feel the test was from God and i must 'Wake Up' to the truth of my existence (His Son in a very personal sense). I tried. It feels a crushing blow if you experience this rather real redemption (for me it was borne of synchronicity, something ive found enlightening to see discussed elsewhere in this forum) and cannot repay it in taking your place as redeemer of mankind: as you have very personally and subjectively experienced it (mankind that is). I felt the persecution of unkind silence yet glimpsed unnatural and joyous beauty, in part the product of hallucinagenics. It can all amount to what seems like a modern day crucifixion, a mental one, one that seems no less apt in its personal experience than the historical-religious figure of Jesus.

The patrons of this site can probably perceive that it has the potential of true spiritual revelation, anyone who has communicated with their mushroom self, or the mushroom persona in its removed form i hope would understand. So what can you do in the face of what in truth is a hallucinagenic phenomenon? It is our, mine, your: subjective, personal and faithful challenge to history and religion through our own spirits, becoming the psychic re-enactment of the Christ-figures sacrifice.

This is what i felt and i tell you now, to have expressed it in word to try and help another has illuminated it beyond the barriers of my transcient thoughts. Ibliss i hope you can mediate what i am saying into your psyche, i at least cant read your thoughts! as i am one of those who was sure the 'Others' could hear mine, and i could not theirs. Trouble is you may not believe me as i recognise the slightly fevered manner of your writing as something i felt permeating my existence at one point. Very hard to calm the self it can be.

It is a dangerous game to play, as it can last a long time, undergoing evolutions and perhaps mutations, the foundation point being that your ego has been transformed into an ALL-encompassing super-ego, that transcends and has experienced some culturally encrypted tenets of history and religion. In ways it could be a path to Buddha-consciousness but i dont think anyone could advise it, it is too much a perversion from the much more comfortable norm. But it may be so entrancing in its paradoxical pains and glories (i describe the month-taking experience, descent or ascent, as i felt it, no doubt the ego-inflation that has been spoken of. But i feel the expression 'ego-inflation' does not understand the agreement of encoded and unavoidable suffering that is made within the complex system of fear and surety, the uncanny seeming that others can read your mind) and certain seeming that you cannot avoid feeling it, experiencing it. What medicine would term 'schitzotypic' or schitzophrenic behaviour.

I hope ive not left any holes in my attempt to help you understand some of the ideas that your mindset may lead you to experience, i guess the mind is a unique thing in all of us and every persons experience of similar circumstances may differ. This is an analysis of some of mine and i hope it helps.

Maybe there is a cruel and sinister 'game' that some of us cannot comprehend that permeates some societies, where insinuations about us, (the ego, that listens) are made, indirectly. New people, not those you know and trust and love and can challenge on anything (particularly when stoned as we all must know) might say of a TV show: 'this character's gay', maybe he means you? Perhaps if enough people seem to attack our stoned and paranoic insecurities constant listening for slights will ensue. Perhaps its all just coincidence or perhaps some cannot understand the rules of cruelty, listen too hard to others' words and break through to the the super ego, where all i have described previously, including the idea of mind reading, can find a (rather grim) playground. Again, this is what began my experiences. I stress now that i was not entirely without foundation in my feelings of persecution, i say this with the certainty that i possess a clear and rational mind in regards to this matter. These are the (weed and) 'circumstances' that i have alluded to in a previous post.

Again i hope this autobiography of social conspiracy and undeserved madness (the mind reading feeling i believe a product of antipathy from others that cannot be reigned in, for it is elusive and beneath the surface of direct challenge, these are not close and trusted friends i speak of) can be of help to you Ibliss. I send out my love and psychic well wishes to you and hope you may calm your fever of perception (as i have done, in the long fullness of time).

P.S. Also! Don't be scared of 'clinical' language, we all have innocent hearts and people going on about 'schitzophrenia' (lets be honest, a bit of a bogeyman) and 'delusions' used to scare the shit out of me! Now in full experience (unmedicated i again mention not that i know to recommend it etc) of these terms i feel a mastery of them, makes them more my playthings than terms that are leading to my institutionalisation...

Anyway, sorry if it all seems intense but the psyche does not like to be expressed and inspected without a fight!

If anything doesnt make the sense (the sense i hope it does!) please pm me, i have opened up my mind a little here as i have gone along so feel it is all relevant, but its just gone 7:30am GMT and may be a little rickety in my expression.


HELLO!
I have begun a new thread entitled 'anti-nutterism: serious!' (playful title to try and get people to read i didnt want it to be dismissed out of hand as a likelihood of clinically written dullness) and if anyone wants to help me on my quest back to the middle way or give their opinons/comments on a serious issue of mental well being and psychadelicia, and their partnerships and conflicts, id be really pleased and that. :wink:

Cheers.


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Offlinestemmer
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Jackenobi]
    #5636111 - 05/16/06 01:22 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

I was definately trying to say that you dont want to let the effects go too far. Schizophrenia is definately a bogeyman. You must not believe in the bogeyman.

Well he is very real and can provide much insight. I was just saying you shouldnt trust and then expound upon "its" every word.

Thousands of seemingly natural associations can lead to schizophrenic symptoms. You dont know much about schizophrenia or psychedelics if you cant relate the two.

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OfflineJackenobi
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: IBLISS]
    #5636134 - 05/16/06 01:29 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Sorry to keep going on Ibliss but your posts (having just re-read them) are a complete microcosm of what goes on!

And it reminded me. When just starting to develop the idea that others could hear my thoughts i remember doing little tests, screaming in my mind and other people seemed to hear sometimes! I called one guy (screaming in English in my mind as he served me) a 'ginger cunt' as a grim test (see grandiosity complexes) and he reacted in a way that seemed more than appropriate to my delusion, downright spooky and weird and out of the ordinary for a shop assistant to react to a normal circumstance. Horrible bit is i remember being desperate for something that would clarify my illusion, make it clear what the truth was, feeling lost and indeed forsaken. I am probably being counter-productive now, so my apologies. Maybe the poster who ruminated that perhaps we are the truly sane ones was right, but i tell you, try to ignore the ideas that form as part of this new perception of life because they will end up hurting you like buggery.

Peace, et all.


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InvisibleLakefingers
Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Mitchnast]
    #5636438 - 05/16/06 05:35 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

And all of this: trust. Most of these problems would never arise if there were enough security and trust (for oneself and others).

Whether one is psychotic or not, one should do their best to keep themself from becoming alienated from others. If you have people you love, that love you, you can openly love yourself and trust the judgment of others as soon as you start thinking those fearful, nervous, dark, solipistic, paranoid conspirational thoughts.

Trust the hand that feeds, don't bite it.

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OfflineJackenobi
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Lakefingers]
    #5637013 - 05/16/06 11:04 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

"To become wise, one must wish to have a certian experience and run, as it were, into their gaping jaws. This, of course, is very dangerous; many a wise guy has been swallowed."
-- Nietzsche, The Wanderer and His Shadow

Never a truer word spoken IMO


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Invisibletruekimbo2
Cya later, friends.
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Re: forsaken or psychotic??? [Re: Jackenobi]
    #5639296 - 05/16/06 08:28 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

sounds like you're noticing common subconscious communication and maybe sending or recieving natural telepathic messages and building up belief systems that can be re-enforced by these normal/everyday things.
perhaps also you're attempting to personify subconscious archetypes (outdated ones at that).

either way i thought ibliss said he was fooling with us?


--------------------
You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.

Edited by truekimbo2 (05/16/06 08:29 PM)

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