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OfflineBuddha1
journeyman
Registered: 05/22/02
Posts: 73
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Need good info on death and loosing loved ones
    #1297027 - 02/10/03 04:02 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I have a good friend who lost her mother a few years back and lost her father just over a week ago. We were just discussing death and what it is and what life is and I was wondering if anyone had any good links or books to recomend. She's dealing with it allright and she's a smart girl but she's obviously confused and doesnt really know what to believe. There have allready been a series of weird coincidences which were comforting to her. Any more info would be appreciated. Thanks for the help.


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InvisibleMountainMist
Stranger

Registered: 01/01/03
Posts: 53
Loc: Seattle, Washington
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: Buddha1]
    #1297148 - 02/10/03 04:33 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is the classic book on the subject and probably the best place to start. Kubler-Ross spent her whole career on this topic, and any book by her is a good bet.

One book that isn't specifically about death but that gave ME a lot of comfort during a time of mourning is "The Light Inside the Dark" by a man named John Tarrant. It is a beautiful blending of Eastern and Western insights into the spiritual illumination given us by dark and difficult times.

Best of luck to your friend in getting through this difficult time.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/06/00
Posts: 10,185
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: MountainMist]
    #1297332 - 02/10/03 05:19 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

you are without a doubt the most refreshing person to find their way to the S&P forum for a good while now - where did you come from? namaste/cj


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,756
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 hours, 12 minutes
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: Buddha1]
    #1299223 - 02/11/03 09:42 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I work as a crisis intervention specialist with adolescents, and currently have 4 kids who just lost a parent. Is your friend overly concerned with spiritual/metaphysical matters, or is it more emotional trauma, loss? One week past the event is not a good time to recommend reading of any sort. Grief and bereavement emotional states cloud cognition. She would only end up reading the same sentence or paragraph over and over without reading comprehension at this point. Grief counseling is the better course to take, not self-help.

Be like the friends in the Biblical Book of Job, who sat with their friend in his misery. Just BE there for your friend. You do not have to initiate conversations, and please do not speak in platitudes - there IS nothing comforting to SAY to a person in this state - just BE with that person. Don't allow yourself to feel uncomfortable with long silences. Silence can be alive with presence, with being. If she asks you what you think about something, simply be honest. If you don't know, say so. It doesn't help to quote books, even Holy Scriptures at this juncture. Don't suggest things to take her mind off of her feelings. This is denial and is emotionally dishonest. Just suggest that you go for a walk, take a drive, look at the sky - simple ways to BE together. It is only the BEing that helps to heal the void of loss. This is a wordless lesson. This is the truth.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineEarth_Droid
Stranger
Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5,240
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: Buddha1]
    #1299253 - 02/11/03 09:52 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Those coinsidences are called synchronicities, which was coined by the psychologist Carl Jung. Look up synchronicities, and you will find all sorts of information on them. My father died, when my mother walked in the room and said he died I went into shock I think. I felt no emotional impact and felt like I smoked a lot of herb or something.


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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 2 months, 26 days
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: Buddha1]
    #1299353 - 02/11/03 10:18 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

philip kapleau:
_the wheel of death_

& ram dass' latest book as well...
~


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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OfflineEarth_Droid
Stranger
Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5,240
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: gnrm23]
    #1299384 - 02/11/03 10:25 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I second the book on Ram Dass.


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OfflineNomad
Mad Robot

Registered: 04/30/02
Posts: 422
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Need good info on death and loosing loved ones [Re: Buddha1]
    #1299479 - 02/11/03 10:51 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

There's a book called "Graceful Exits: how great beings die - death stories of Tibetan, Hindu & Zen masters" compiled and edited by Sushila Blackman. I don't know if it helps your friend, but it can be uplifting to see that even the most enlightened beings who ever walked the planet die, and the cause of their death is nothing special at all. Some of them die of cancer. There's one hindu master who died because a child threw a brick at his head. Naturally, I like the death stories of the zen masters, but they are, probably, a bit confusing. Zen masters die in a silly way. Their death seems to be a joke. But the book also contains some nifty zen poems, and the usual witty zen anecdotes - i mean, everyone has to love the witty zen anecdotes. Like, the disciple asks: "When we die, it is like an ice block returning to water, right?" And the master replies: "No, it is like water returning to water."


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