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 Razzl3Frazzl3
Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 4,630
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 Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day.  [Re: norml840]
#12935928 - 07/22/10 02:47 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Thanks guys! Gg to eat a kpin and hang out with the wifey. Work sucks, plus im getting a sinus infection.  But its cool, bc soon ill be  and hopefully get some 
Later!
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 Etherealslimshady
almost there
 
Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 325
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Razzl3Frazzl3]
#12937227 - 07/22/10 06:57 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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What does an electrical engineer say during sex?
Ohm! Ohm!
Thought of that one today. I should probly kill myself
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All posts I make are completely fictional.
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scienceguy
Instrument
Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 1,983
Loc: One Mile High... 
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Etherealslimshady] 1
#12937291 - 07/22/10 07:08 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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A Souix chief goes into the local trading post for some toilet paper. The man at the trading post tells the chief he has two kinds: the brand name stuff, and the no name stuff. The chief decides to go for the no name brand and leaves.
A week later, he comes into the trading post and says
"I'll take some of the brand name stuff, and I have a name for the no name stuff."
The trading post owner curiously asks "Well what could that be?"
"Call it John Wayne."
"John Wayne? Why would you name a tp after John Wayne?"
"Because it's rough, it's tough, and it won't take no shit off of any Indians."
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"Freedom starts between the ears."
Edward Abbey
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childsplay
frodo
Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 48
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: scienceguy]
#12937460 - 07/22/10 07:38 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++
WHAT DID THE BUDHIST ORDER AT THE RESTAURANT ????????????????
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1 WITH EVERYTHING
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Paddington
{{Bear Hug}}
Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 405
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: childsplay]
#12937480 - 07/22/10 07:41 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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What did the left leg say to the right leg?
There's shit between us.
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 Paddington Brown
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Arden
לנשום
Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 7,666
Loc: Α & Ω
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Paddington]
#12937562 - 07/22/10 07:55 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Minnesota: land of 10,000 retards.
That's the joke, but if you know the severity it's quite serious.
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Razzl3Frazzl3
Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 4,630
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: scienceguy]
#12939849 - 07/23/10 09:14 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
scienceguy said:
A Souix chief goes into the local trading post for some toilet paper. The man at the trading post tells the chief he has two kinds: the brand name stuff, and the no name stuff. The chief decides to go for the no name brand and leaves.
A week later, he comes into the trading post and says
"I'll take some of the brand name stuff, and I have a name for the no name stuff."
The trading post owner curiously asks "Well what could that be?"
"Call it John Wayne."
"John Wayne? Why would you name a tp after John Wayne?"
"Because it's rough, it's tough, and it won't take no shit off of any Indians."
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blissedout
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Razzl3Frazzl3]
#12939864 - 07/23/10 09:18 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quoted from an old thread of mine...
this blonde wants to go horseback riding,but she's never had any proper training. well,daringly, she jumps on the horses back and it immediately springs into action. she is going along at a pretty rapid pace, when she starts sliding off the saddle. not knowing what else to do, she grips her arms tightly around the horse's neck to try and hold on. it's to no avail. she is still slowly sliding off the saddle. well, in a last ditch effort to try and avoid from falling underneath the horse and being trampled, she tries to jump clear of the horse. in doing so, her foot gets caught in the stirrup, so now she is at the mercy of the horse as her head gets pounded on the ground repeatedly.just when she's about to lose consciousness....the wal-mart manager runs out and turns the horse off.
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Razzl3Frazzl3
Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 4,630
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: blissedout]
#12939876 - 07/23/10 09:20 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
blissedout said:
Quoted from an old thread of mine...
this blonde wants to go horseback riding,but she's never had any proper training. well,daringly, she jumps on the horses back and it immediately springs into action. she is going along at a pretty rapid pace, when she starts sliding off the saddle. not knowing what else to do, she grips her arms tightly around the horse's neck to try and hold on. it's to no avail. she is still slowly sliding off the saddle. well, in a last ditch effort to try and avoid from falling underneath the horse and being trampled, she tries to jump clear of the horse. in doing so, her foot gets caught in the stirrup, so now she is at the mercy of the horse as her head gets pounded on the ground repeatedly.just when she's about to lose consciousness....the wal-mart manager runs out and turns the horse off.
 Why can i see that happening?
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CorrosiveLiquid
Amature Mycologist
Registered: 02/05/10
Posts: 930
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Razzl3Frazzl3]
#12939879 - 07/23/10 09:22 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Whats the first thing a woman does after getting out of a battered women's shelter?
Bitch better be doing the dishes if she knows whats good for her!
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"In order to be a leader, you must FIRST be a follower!"
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our minds."
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, Wisdom is better than silver and gold"
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blissedout
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: CorrosiveLiquid]
#12939894 - 07/23/10 09:26 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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a woman is having an affair on her husband. when the hubbie goes to work, the lover comes over and they get their groove on. well she also has a son that is 5 and totally knows what's going on. the mom makes the boy hide in the closet while her lover is there to keep him from wandering in on them in the act. one day, while they are getting in on, they hear a car pull into the driveway. frantically, mom pushes lover into the closet with her son. while in the closet the boy says to the lover "it's dark in here" the lover says"yes it is, you are very brave" at which the boy replies "do you wanna buy a baseball bat?" " no thanks" replies the lover." no i don't think you understand.DO YOU WANNA BUY A BASEBALL BAT?" the boy replies a little louder. realizing his predicament, the lover asks,"how much?" the boy told him "25 dollars" abashed, the lover forks over the money lest the boy get him in trouble.
a week later the same thing happens. a car pulls into the driveway while their grooving and the mom once again shoves her lover into the closet with her little boy. inside the closet the boy says "it's dark in here isn't it?" " yes it is" the lover tenuously whispers."do you wanna buy a ball and glove" "how much?" says the lover. "50 dollars" promptly replies the little boy. the lover forks over the money and the boy gives him the ball and glove.
that weekend the boy and his dad are hanging out and the dad says to his son "son, go get your baseball stuff, and we'll play ball." "i can't, dad, i sold it all." for how much son" thinking it was going to be in lizard tail and scab denominations. "75 bucks" proudly replies the boy. "75 bucks?! that's robbery! i'm taking you to church to repent your sins!"
they pull up to the church, the boy goes into the confessional, sits down. the window slides open and the boy says"it's dark in here" to which the priest replies "don't you start that shit in here!"
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Happy2fly
The Champ!
Registered: 05/18/09
Posts: 1,287
Loc: The land of many thousand...
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: Arden]
#12940037 - 07/23/10 10:07 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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One day a man walks into a dentist's office to have a tooth pulled:
The dentist pulls out a needle to give the guy a shot, but the guy says "No way! No Shot! I hate needles!"
The dentist immediately starts hooking up the laughing gas, but the man objected again. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the man if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills".
The dentist returns and says "Here's 2 Viagra tablets".
The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller?"
"It doesn't", said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull your tooth!"
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The fire has many things to teach.
But so does the human experience.. which is like fire, sometimes you just need to stoke the coals and sometimes you just need to add a log or reposition the log matrix. But a well built fire will be much more self-sustaining than a poorly built one, and they all need love to grow. And don't fuck around or your might burn yourself. Must always respect the fire. - Shroomism
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jewunit
Brutal!
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: g00ru]
#12940047 - 07/23/10 10:09 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
guruu said:
Quote:
BadAssPterodactyl said:
What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?
I don't know what you get, but I get an erection...
lame, i can phrase that better
What do you get when you run over a baby with a lawnmower?
An erection!
What do you get with a democracy in China?
An erection!
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!
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DrScott
Dextromethonomer.
Registered: 09/12/09
Posts: 805
Loc: Summit of Plateau Sigma
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: jewunit]
#12940325 - 07/23/10 11:07 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one.
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scienceguy
Instrument
Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 1,983
Loc: One Mile High...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: DrScott]
#12940331 - 07/23/10 11:07 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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I like my women like I like my scotch...
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
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"Freedom starts between the ears."
Edward Abbey
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DrScott
Dextromethonomer.
Registered: 09/12/09
Posts: 805
Loc: Summit of Plateau Sigma
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: scienceguy]
#12940347 - 07/23/10 11:12 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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A man is driving home one day after work.
When he gets close, he sees his wife outside with a bunch of her stuff, packing bags and suitcases.
The man climbs out of the car and says to her, "Baby what's wrong? Where ya going?"
The wife says, "I'm leaving you...I found out that you are a pedophile today"
The man then says, "Wow, a pedophile! that's a pretty big word for a 12 year old".
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CorrosiveLiquid
Amature Mycologist
Registered: 02/05/10
Posts: 930
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: DrScott]
#12940507 - 07/23/10 11:41 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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--------------------
"In order to be a leader, you must FIRST be a follower!"
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our minds."
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, Wisdom is better than silver and gold"
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Konyap
Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: Tell me a joke funnyman, im having a shitty day. [Re: CorrosiveLiquid] 1
#12940614 - 07/23/10 11:58 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Man is walking in the desert when he spots a indian holding his dick, facing the sun. The man goes up to him, "What are you doing?" The indian replies "I can tell time", "ok" the man say what time is it, the indian says "9 o clock," the guy checks his watch, "You're right." He keeps walking a little bit more, spots another indian standing naked with his dick in his hand,"Hey what are you doing?," he ask, the indian replies," If I have my dick pointed at the sun I can tell time," guy says "oh really?" the indian says "yea its 10 o clock." Guy keeps walking, he sees another indian standing there with his dick out, "What time is it?" the man ask the indian, he replies, "Eleven it's 11 o'clock," finally the man has been walking for awhile and he spots another indian beating off, the man looks at his face quickly then keeps walking, the indian blurts out, "I'm winding my clock."
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