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 deepr
the dancer
Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 238
Loc: nzl
Last seen: 18 years, 4 months
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 Re: Overcoming social anxiety  [Re: johnnyfive]
#845086 - 08/26/02 05:23 PM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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shit im agreeing with swami for once....;]
yes overcoming your fears and doing one thing you wouldnt normally do every day is a good principle to live by.....
and like 420 girl said, e is good for the realisation of a lot of issues and i wouldnt change my experiences with it, but i think long term heavy use of marijuana, e and various other psychoactives can get you on a level too deep for ordinary social interaction, you start to feel misplaced around others, and can be misunderstood by your closest friends... yep its the same old story some people can take it and continue a normal existence and some people cant..
it took me a while to come round , and at the end of it all, you think how stupid you were in the first place, but at the time, its serious, and you want it to stop, and if your wondering why your mind is so confusing, and you want some consistency, then lay off the altered routine, ie: drugs, fucked up sleeping patterns etc. get outside get some exercise, eat healthily and give it a month or so and you might be surprised like i was
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 WhiskeyClone
Not here
 
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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 Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Grav]
#845808 - 08/27/02 03:30 AM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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Swami gave the best advice here IMO. Confront as many fears as you can. Just walk through the fear and do/say what you want. Just don't fear the consequences of social interactions; it's never as bad as you think. Only once in a great while will you regret speaking out. Looking like an idiot in public used to be my absolute greatest fear. Being shy and awkward for years was much worse than any embarrasing moment could be. Learn to identify instances where fear is making a decision for you, and remind yourself that it is YOUR life and you can do whatever the fuck you please.
But no matter what, nothing will change unless you force yourself to directly confront your fears. Just think of something you wish you could do (ie walk up to a chick and say high), then imagine what it would be like if you had done it. Then just do it looking as confident as possible. Don't give yourself a chance to chicken out or rationalize your way out of it, JUST START WALKING. Throw yourself into those situations and soon you'll realize there is nothing to fear. That kind of fear is an illusion, I swear. You've just conditioned yourself to fear the consequences, probably because you suffered them as an impressionable child long ago. Since you let fear make the decision every time, the idea of not being afraid and just going ahead with it seems unacceptable. I know my anxiety used to stem back to a childhood event, and it took a lot of fearless actions to get rid of it.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#846052 - 08/27/02 05:09 AM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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At age 28 I went from being a total computer geek into management with a crew of 50; some twice my age. At the weekly meetings, there would be sweat running down my arms as I struggled to not look down or mumble. After 3 or 4 of those episodes with the world not coming to an end, I started to believe that I was a leader and speaker and I fit the role well.
Create a new self image and grow into it.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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GRTUD
INFP
Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 270
Loc: United States
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 Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Grav]
#847353 - 08/27/02 04:01 PM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs test? If not I suggest trying it as a starter, not to change but to understand yourself. I am introverted and rarely initiate conversations, especially with women, outside of a work environment. I have a job that requires me to "act" like an extrovert and that I was able to achieve with practice but I am still an introvert which means that I am drained in most social settings, not that I have something wrong with me. I'm wired different if you will. I am most concerned with meeting and interacting with women, in social settings, because that is what is most meaningful to me, deep down inside (I feel good about being attractive and wanted by women as well as my desire to get laid). What I have done is start by looking directly at them, try to get into their eyes. If they don't say anything, I usually won't and accept that I may have missed an opportunity to talk or be friends or maybe even get laid, who knows. The point is that I can't be both yin and yang, that is why I seek companionship from women. I want and strive for acceptance and love, especially from women. First I must remind myself that no matter what happens that I am worthy of acceptance and love, first from myself and second from people I meet.
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"New shit has come to light..."
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GRTUD
INFP
Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 270
Loc: United States
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 Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Grav]
#847359 - 08/27/02 04:03 PM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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Oh, BTW, it never really gets easy. It is always a bit of a chore but so is cutting the grass and I really feel good afterwards.
Ciao!
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"New shit has come to light..."
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Remy
Bitches Brew
Registered: 06/04/02
Posts: 1,343
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: GRTUD]
#850252 - 08/28/02 10:19 PM (21 years, 7 months ago) |
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Ya, Im a lot like you. Im Inrovert, but Ive forced myself to become extrovert in many situations in work and socially. Im the same way about women, and I always try to get eye signals before approachig a woman further.
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kieran
Stranger
Registered: 05/20/10
Posts: 23
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Grav]
#12916784 - 07/18/10 07:09 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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i had it bad about 4 years ago to the point where id feel dizzy and on the verge of passing out if i was forced into a situation where i was around people, i still have a lot of trouble talking face to face to people i feel very shifty and like i need to get away from them, I've always had a strange issue with making eye contact with people while i speak to them, even my parents, it feels like staring into someones eyes while talking to them is making some kind of a strange emotional connection that feels inappropriate.
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ
Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH 
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: kieran]
#12916802 - 07/18/10 07:12 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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difficult as a mutha fucka...... being shy is involunatry
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EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT 
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head
Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya 
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Salomon]
#12916897 - 07/18/10 07:35 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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This thread is 8 years old. You could have started a new one...
Anyway, if you want to fix social anxiety look into NEUROPLASTICITY. It's the theory that you can completely rewire who you are through thinking and experience, and that we do this involuntarily on a day to day basis, wiring ourselves up to be someone we do or do not want to be. It's a very 'obvious' type theory - I mean, classical conditioning is basically this neuroplasticity at work.
You also wire yourself to get addicted to emotions. So eventually you WANT to be stressed out in a social situation because it feels more natural. Your cells start to crave it.
I'm overcoming social anxiety at the moment, and all I do is assert to myself that there is no reason to wonder or think about things, that I already have what I need, I don't need to think to get it, so I don't need others' approval on anything, and that any thinking could be wholly inaccurate - ie. I could completely create a hostile world in a town that has zero crime, just by expecting bad things to happen.
tldr; relax and stay that way.
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My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...
TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head
Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: circastes]
#12916920 - 07/18/10 07:40 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Log in to view attachment
Here's the PDF about neuroplasticity I'm reading at the moment. Very interesting even if you have no problems (unlikely!)
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My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...
TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE
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Learyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 34,213
Loc: High pride!
Last seen: 10 hours, 27 minutes
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: circastes]
#12916946 - 07/18/10 07:48 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
circastes said:
This thread is 8 years old. You could have started a new one...
 I love these epic bumps. It's weird seeing my post from so long ago. I'm advocating ephedrine pills, speed (adderall) and alcohol to help with SAD. God. Dumb. I was right about the meditation. One out of four aint bad.
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Mp3 of the month: Sons Of Adam - Feathered Fish
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: kieran]
#12917015 - 07/18/10 08:02 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
kieran said:
i had it bad about 4 years ago to the point where id feel dizzy and on the verge of passing out if i was forced into a situation where i was around people, i still have a lot of trouble talking face to face to people i feel very shifty and like i need to get away from them, I've always had a strange issue with making eye contact with people while i speak to them, even my parents, it feels like staring into someones eyes while talking to them is making some kind of a strange emotional connection that feels inappropriate.
Everyone is a mess imo. Remember that and don't be fooled. Everyone has trouble living imo. Having compassion for your self is a great help. Having compassion for being a mess and having compassion for the rest of humanity even in the midst of self loathing and fear of others. Compassion for all of it. Over and over and over again.  It's something I work on. I try to have compassion for myself when I can't feel any.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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World Spirit
PNW
Registered: 07/27/01
Posts: 9,817
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Re: Overcoming social anxiety [Re: Learyfan] 1
#12917103 - 07/18/10 08:26 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Poptart
Registered: 11/05/08
Posts: 1,821
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Stop smoking weed and start drinking alchohal.
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