|
Randomstickynote



Registered: 07/25/09
Posts: 824
Loc: TX
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
|
Sisters being raped
#12847248 - 07/04/10 11:46 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Today I found out that wifes younger sisters are being sexually abused by their father, my wifes father. They're 13 and 14, and have two brothers that are the same ages (two sets of paternal twins) My wife had similar issues with the man when she was their age, but not as bad apparently, she said he's never done worse than rub her. Even one of the brothers admitted to waking up in his fathers/stepmothers bed naked, with both of them naked on either side of him. The parents have since divorced, and it is unlikely that the mother will be able to claim custody of them because she currently lives on disability due to mental disorders, and has had issues with drug abuse in the past. The father has had a bad history also, he has gone to jail for drug charges and for beating the mother, and has done this same thing before with other peoples children (though he's not gone to jail or been charged for that). He drinks a lot, but this isn't just something he does when he's drunk.
All four of the kids know what goes on, but they're too afraid to say anything about it because he hurts them, and they know that he will hurt them. They told us, and now they're all sitting in my living room scared shitless that one of them is going to tell him that they told us. They become so desperate that they will do that, just tell on eachother to avoid getting hurt or yelled at, but it just makes matters worse and resentment towards eachother grows.
We can't let this go on. All four of the kids are very unhappy, they don't get along because their father drives barriers between them, hurts them and yells at them. They're all basically fighting this alone, since they can't confide in eachother. Now, the man does keep them living in a decent, clean house, going to a good school in a good district, but they can barely enjoy it because they're too afraid of him, of getting in trouble, of not maintaining grades, of leaving a wet spot on the counter after cleaning up, of fucking looking at either their father or their stepmother wrong. The stepmother monitors their phone calls and what they do on the internet, and I never fully understood why until now.
I don't know how to go about this. Currently the kids are staying with their mother (and us because we live just a couple miles away from her) for several weeks for the month of july, because of an unrelated visiting agreement established between the mother and the father.
From what I've read, the next custody option would be the grandparents, but we don't want this, because first off the grandparents are going through some money/family issues themselves right now, but also because they're part of the reason why this man is so fucked up, they were abusive to him, and the people that they surrounded themselves and him with were no fucking saints, and to throw the kids in this environment would be redundant.
We are more than willing to take them in, but don't know how to go about doing so, or if it would even be possible legally. My wife is 20, and I'm 19, but we make a fair income and live in a 2 bedroom apartment. Either of us or possibly even both of us could get a second job no problem since our current job is from home at night and on weekends. If the father gets wind of any of this before anything is done about it, he WILL beat the hell out of those kids, and make them too scared to say anything if they had to in court, and his whole fucked up family (that knows all about what he does) will vouch for him. The kids have even admitted that they don't want to tell anyone what he does in front of him (if they had to face him in court) We don't want the kids taken away into CPS custody or anything though.
My wife doesn't exactly just want the guy to go to jail (because it's her dad) but I know how much stress he's put her through, how much stress these kids are going through, and how fucked up this guy is, and I don't give a damn about him or his current wife (who knows whats going on and doesn't do a damn thing about it). Would it be best to go to a lawyer? the police? Legal fee's are something we can't exactly afford right now, to a certain extent.
My wife, their mother and I are going to talk it over with the kids before we do anything, so far they've made it clear that they're scared of their dad, that he breeds most of the negativity in them, that they don't want to deal with that, and that they would like to come stay with us, but we want this to be the least traumatic experience possible. Though getting raped and abused is pretty traumatic, having their dad go to jail for a good chunk of their lives is also going to be.
I really just need to vent and put this whole situation in front of me in black and white (i'm currently outraged with these sick fucks), we're going to figure out what to do, and take care of those kids.
Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, you guys here usually seem to know your shit though, if you can suggest anything, or maybe a better fitting forum by all means let me know.
tl;dr: My wifes little sisters and brothers are getting raped by their dad, the dad doesn't know that we know yet, what's the best way we obtain custody or take legal action to get this fucker and his sick family out of the picture.
|
Anonymous #1
|
|
Wow, I hope you can get this worked out for those kids.
If you feel you are capable of caring for the kids and there is no other family then you already know what you have to do. First step would be to call your local Child protective service/Attorney general and get an investigation started. The kids will be placed in your care and it should go quick. Try to stay positive and don't let your emotions get in the way, call and don't let the father know that you are doing it until it is done and everything is set. It will be hard on everyone involved but it needs to be done. Be sure that you don't have drugs in your house while this is going on the father will try to throw you under the bus and get you in trouble. If the mother is on disability you will receive money from the state so don't worry about getting another job or the financial aspect of it.
|
luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,247
Loc: Lost In Space
|
|
Wow.dude. Kudos for standing up and trying to help. If more people would do that the world would be a better place.
If this guy messed with your wife you could avoid involving her siblings. As you didn't mention it I'm guessing he didn't.
After a bit of thought I'm going to suggest you see a lawyer who specializes in family law/kids. I think they would be best able to guide you through the paperwork horror that is sure to come. Whereas the cops or CPS would run right down, the lawyer will most likely operate with a cooler head. As well, he/she would be operating with the best interests of the kids, rather than what "the law" says is in the best interest of society.
Good luck.
-------------------- You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers
Edited by luvdemshrooms (07/04/10 12:47 PM)
|
Anonymous #2
|
|
Quote:
tl;dr: My wifes little sisters and brothers are getting raped by their dad, the dad doesn't know that we know yet, what's the best way we obtain custody or take legal action to get this fucker and his sick family out of the picture.
a bullet in his head would be the best solution. This is way beyond fucked.
|
Anonymous #3
|
|
Show him a new use of an baseball bat and a jar of vaseline.....
|
PsilocybinMike
T.F.Y.Q.A


Registered: 02/18/08
Posts: 2,602
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
|
|
Damn. That's a fucked up situation. Way to step up and try and do the right thing here. Good vibes to you and your wife. Hope it all works out, that's a really important age, IMO the most important. They need to be in a good environment for these years, do whatever you can man, break the cycle of abuse.
--------------------
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVZBTAYm3rw
|
Alan Rockefeller
Mycologist


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 48,392
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
|
I guess you have to get the kids out of there. Can you take care of them yourself?
I don't think it would help the situation to get the police involved, but if thats the only way you can get the kids out of there you may need to.
A recent study indicates that in child abuse situations the police / court involvement causes as much or more psychological difficulties later on as the abuse itself does.
|
fastfred
Old Hand



Registered: 05/17/04
Posts: 6,899
Loc: Dark side of the moon
|
|
Quote:
A recent study indicates that in child abuse situations the police / court involvement causes as much or more psychological difficulties later on as the abuse itself does.
I'd say that's flat out absurd. Being raped is better than a foster home? That's just plain stupid.
It's much more likely that the intervention just came too late after the damage was done. They probably also throw in all the divorce bullshit. In any case, abused children suffer long-term problems and it's no surprise that legal intervention is no magic bullet to cure damage that's already happened. The important thing is to remove them from the abusive home. Maybe 5 rapes and 50 rapes causes the same mental damage, but it still doesn't make it right to allow it to continue.
The guy is a criminal, you need to involve the authorities immediately. I'd record the children describing the abuse then take them and the tape to CPS. CPS will involve the police at the appropriate time. The taped evidence will give the authorities the leverage to get the truth about the abuse and the children will have a lot easier time talking about it once they know everything is already out in the open.
-FF
|
Anonymous #1
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: fastfred]
#12853324 - 07/05/10 07:38 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
If you decide to get a lawyer involed besure that the kids are out of the house. I have seen this before and if you don't have the kids out of the house the abuse will/could get worse and the kids will change there story and they will stay with the abusive party. What ever happens needs to be swift and not controlled by the abuser.
|
Randomstickynote



Registered: 07/25/09
Posts: 824
Loc: TX
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: fastfred]
#12854305 - 07/05/10 10:54 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
fastfred said:
Quote:
A recent study indicates that in child abuse situations the police / court involvement causes as much or more psychological difficulties later on as the abuse itself does.
I'd say that's flat out absurd. Being raped is better than a foster home? That's just plain stupid.
It's much more likely that the intervention just came too late after the damage was done. They probably also throw in all the divorce bullshit. In any case, abused children suffer long-term problems and it's no surprise that legal intervention is no magic bullet to cure damage that's already happened. The important thing is to remove them from the abusive home. Maybe 5 rapes and 50 rapes causes the same mental damage, but it still doesn't make it right to allow it to continue.
The guy is a criminal, you need to involve the authorities immediately. I'd record the children describing the abuse then take them and the tape to CPS. CPS will involve the police at the appropriate time. The taped evidence will give the authorities the leverage to get the truth about the abuse and the children will have a lot easier time talking about it once they know everything is already out in the open.
-FF
Yeah, we can take care of them, so we're going to try and get them, and besides, my wife basically raised them for most of their life when she still lived with them, when the father had the mother all over town doing a bunch of bullshit.
We sat all of them down and let them all know what could happen best and worst case scenario, what it would involve with court, what it would involve with their dad (him going to jail) the fact that they might go into a foster home temporarily while we fight for custody, etc. Then we told them all to talk to each other, decide what they want, and we went in the other room to let them talk amongst eachother. It took them like 2 minutes to decide that they wanted to report it all now and never go back there, so you can tell they've got it bad there.
I know they will go through some bad times with all of this, they know a little bit of what they're in for, but only time will tell how bad things will actually go, I think it's better than living a life with a criminal. Even my wife had trouble moving out of there (he tried to keep her in the house) until I helped her get out, he'd never let them go unless something like this happened.
Fuck that asshole. Found out today that for Texas it used to be like 20 years. Now it's life.
Talking to a lawyer and calling CPS tomorrow, wish the kids luck, I probably wont be back on to read anything else. Thanks.
|
dokunai
Cactus, Cannabis, Cubensis

Registered: 01/31/10
Posts: 1,878
Loc: Hyphal Heights, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
|
|
Whatever happens those kids are lucky to have you two. People are often outraged at law enforcement or the school system for letting something like this happen. In reality inaction by other family members is usually the key enabling factor. It won't be easy but you are making by far the best choice possible by getting involved.
|
curenado
73rd Man



Registered: 04/01/03
Posts: 2,662
Loc: North Central Arkansas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: dokunai]
#12857293 - 07/06/10 04:04 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
I hate to see kids involved in the legal process of these things. I think FF should have a rape kit done on him before he calls Rockefeller stupid or insists that it should just be done because he's right about it. I noticed though that it was all about the culprit (as fucking usual) and not about the victims. People so love to get a kiddy lover that they will literally run the kiddy down in thier zeal of justified gratuitous vengeance. It is a shame that it's more of an ordeal for the victim than the perp. You definitely need a lawyer first before you end up getting bit yourself and if you can convince him of an uncontested custody everyone will be better off. Who cares about him....
-------------------- Yours in the Natural State Land of Enchantment! "The woods are lovely, dark and deep; but I have patches to keep, and jars to sterilize before I sleep...." "When psychotomimetics become cultural, so does cultural psychosis"
|
Alan Rockefeller
Mycologist


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 48,392
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: curenado] 1
#12857854 - 07/06/10 05:39 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Agreed.
Certainly in our culture its taboo to mess with kids, and its not good for them.
But in other cultures its perfectly acceptable, and I am not sure that putting people in jail for it actually helps anyone.
Its best for the kids to get them out of there and keep them out of the courtroom as well, its traumatizing for the children to put them on the stand and make them air all of their dirty laundry with a lot of pissed off strangers.
If you can meet with the guy and tell him that if he gives you the kids you will leave the courts out of it that would be the best thing for the kids.
To get a conviction the kids would need to testify, if they don't his lawyer will get him off.
I don't really care what happens to the perp. He sucks and will always suck, prison is likely to make his child molesting issues worse.
|
fastfred
Old Hand



Registered: 05/17/04
Posts: 6,899
Loc: Dark side of the moon
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: curenado]
#12857902 - 07/06/10 05:47 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
> I think FF should have a rape kit done on him before he calls Rockefeller stupid
I'm going to have to call YOU stupid for not being able to understand what I actually said. Even those with a marginal IQ can plainly see that I called the study and it's conclusions absurd and stupid. Alan knows well that I don't think he's stupid.
Again, I didn't read, nor did he cite, the study. It's likely not really applicable to this situation or is just plain flawed. But if you believe that being repeatedly raped over the entire course of your childhood and adolescence is WORSE than being placed in a foster home... Well I have to question your intelligence. No random study can overrule common sense and moral decency.
> insists that it should just be done because he's right about it.
Hmm... So you think it's just me and my arrogant opinion and there's no objective morality or moral obligation to intervene when innocent children are being raped?
> It is a shame that it's more of an ordeal for the victim than the perp.
So you really think it's more of an ordeal to be raised by relatives or placed in foster care than to be a chomo spending a decade in prison? You're obviously ignorant about prison, and a lot of other things in life, but your ignorance seems to border on actual stupidity when you make retarded statements like that.
-FF
|
curenado
73rd Man



Registered: 04/01/03
Posts: 2,662
Loc: North Central Arkansas
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: fastfred]
#12858420 - 07/06/10 07:15 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
No FF, it doesn't take all that crap to say what I was saying and I did provoke you so... But I don't really give a fuck what happens to the guy unless somebody kills him - I don't think it is foster care when they are unified in the goal that the older sister and brother in law are taking them and if they must go after the guy do it after the children are secured. It starts a whole lot of unpredictable shit when you fire that gun and peaceable transfers are not uncommon or as turbulent. It will depend on how much he thinks he can pull off but 75% chance they could take the kids without firing a shot - over anybody's head. I'm not saying you are wrong about any given point in the final result just saying I'd think differently on how I went about it if the kids/happy family thing was my primay goal. AND have a lawyer now...
-------------------- Yours in the Natural State Land of Enchantment! "The woods are lovely, dark and deep; but I have patches to keep, and jars to sterilize before I sleep...." "When psychotomimetics become cultural, so does cultural psychosis"
|
fastfred
Old Hand



Registered: 05/17/04
Posts: 6,899
Loc: Dark side of the moon
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: curenado]
#12858554 - 07/06/10 07:46 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
> 75% chance they could take the kids without firing a shot - over anybody's head.
The guy is a criminal and he should pay for his crimes. That is the just a moral and just result.
If he's not taken out of circulation he will abuse his wife and others, he might also have more kids and abuse them too. Without a conviction he will continue to terrorize the family, pursue custody battles, etc., etc.. The kids will live in constant fear that he will hurt them again.
Custody battles are hard on the kids and are a crapshoot. If you put the guy away there's zero chance he will maintain custody and his ability to terrorize the kids and cause problems for the family is almost eliminated.
Life in prison for a chomo is not fun. Even the worst of the worst hate chomos. 90% of the time they spend their entire term in PC (protective custody). The ones that don't usually get killed, raped, or at least beaten on a daily basis. PC is no fun. It's about halfway between solitary confinement and general population, and you're locked up with a bunch of other chomos that have no moral qualms about beating and raping each other constantly.
If you go to prison the very last crime you want to be in for is child molestation.
A friend told me a story once about one. They weren't in for that long (~5yrs.) so they didn't want to do anything too major, but they found out that one guy in there was a chomo. So they put their "stingers" into a mop bucket and got the water to nearly boiling. Then they waited for the guy and threw the entire bucket of water on the guy, burning him severely. (A stinger is a little metal U-shaped heating coil you put in water to heat tea or coffee) They got a dozen guys together who all put their stingers into the water.
So even in a medium security prison with mostly shorter term, non-violent prisoners a chomo will be tortured his entire sentence.
-FF
|
Randomstickynote



Registered: 07/25/09
Posts: 824
Loc: TX
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
|
Re: Sisters being raped [Re: curenado]
#12859863 - 07/07/10 12:01 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
curenado said: I noticed though that it was all about the culprit (as fucking usual) and not about the victims. People so love to get a kiddy lover that they will literally run the kiddy down in thier zeal of justified gratuitous vengeance. It is a shame that it's more of an ordeal for the victim than the perp.
We're not trying to tout these kids around to get this guy locked up, we're trying to get these kids away from abuse. I don't understand what you're talking about. The kids are the only ones that are going to get "bit" if anything goes wrong, they're not going to lock me or my wife away for believing the kids when they say their dad is hurting them, the worst they can do is leave the kids with him, which will just make things far worse for them.
As far as I know, there's no other way to do it legally than to go through the court system. The man is very controlling, and will not just hand over his kids. Since he's done this before, and faced a 22 year sentence before but got away (because he had those kids mothers too scared and jacked up so they kept shut) he knows damn well what he does is wrong, so we can't just go over there and give him a slap on the wrist and tell him to sign over custody, he might hand them over, but then he'll go lie to get them back, or he'll go apeshit right there. I don't know about you but I'm not about to go face down a big fucking stubborn machismo mexican with a criminal past, high blood pressure and a bad temper to suit, it's not worth it. Call me a coward, but cowardice and stupidity are two different things, if it can be avoided then why not?
I'm talking about him, but it's relevant because HE is the one preventing us from keeping the kids safe, I'm only making this as much about the perp as it needs to be. The kids don't get to play in band next year because their dad can't afford to rent their instruments, but can afford beer, cigarettes, etc everyday. They're still cramming their feet in the same shoes we bought them LAST July before school started. They're to scared to ask for anything so he doesn't hit them or call them worthless. They can be living a better life.
As far as other cultures thinking it's ok... He's hurting them when they refuse... It's not an issue of an older man being sexual with younger girls, it's a matter of instilling fear, inflicting pain, creating mental scars...
We talked to several lawyers, they all said to call CPS and make a case, so that's what we did. Since they're not in immediate danger here, they said it will be a day or two before they come out.
Edited by Randomstickynote (07/07/10 12:07 AM)
|
Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
|
|
I would see a lawyer as soon as possible. This is what they are for.
|
|