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OfflineDr. Bliss
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Registered: 06/17/10
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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
    #12775986 - 06/20/10 09:28 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

So my life has been quite crazy this year conserving mental illness...
A little background.
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and depression at young age but I don't think the depression existed. I have been on a variety of medications, such as anti depressants, anti psychotics, amphetamines, benzodiazepines. I have also always been a pretty happy person, and went off my medicines (anti psychotics and SSRI's) because I felt unfulfilled with life and thought the drugs might be to blame. I felt better once I did but suffered from a lot of anxiety but the OCD was gone and I felt pretty fulfilled with life. I tried another SSRI, Lexapro, even though I really didn't want to and it had a horrible reaction and ever since then I had a pretty hard time with my OCD. It had never really was a big deal until then. I would have a few minor compulsions and obsessions which would suck from time to time, but not too many bad things I couldn’t get over. I felt super great concerning my OCD after coming off my first SSRI and anti psychotic. I had less ups and down during the day as well. I recently have been doing pretty well with my anxiety, and the one things that has grown larger and harder is my OCD.
My OCD has a few forms but when it is bad it always has the same cycle- obsessions, anxiety, compulsions, relief, obsessions, etcetera. It can be minor to horrible, and when it is horrible I would probably prefer physical pain to the horrible mental pain. I experience intrusive thoughts, mostly sexual, which are the worst and most frequent and surfaced after my spiff with Lexapro. I guess I can see this form of OCD becoming intense and solid as a good thing, if it was lying dormant the whole time, I can now face it and get over it. But it is hell. I am in therapy and it can be very hard to share these things. I don’t really want to go into them with my therapist, but I also feel like I want to free myself from myself and that I can/should. And sometimes I feel like I have made progress but my therapist doesn’t always see it like that when I see something beautiful and healing, well, maybe he does but he just wants to dive deeper into my memories and thoughts.
One thing I don’t fully understand but I sort of get is why I need to share them if they truly are just OCD. I get it, but at other times I would just like the support of him saying- “It is just the OCD making you have these thoughts not your wants or desires”.
It is hard to know how to deal with my OCD when it comes… do I think it through? Let it go because we shouldn’t cling to suffering? Share it with my loved ones that I am very close with? There a bunch of different philosophy which I all find very true but sometimes contradict each other. Do I share and talk about my thoughts or do as Osho said and-  “Drop them. People cling to their suffering even though they just get suffering and the joy of talking about it! Drop it!”.
I guess I am slowly healing and learning new ways to deal with and fix my problems and they are all true and beautiful. I know there is more I waned to say which I may add later but if anyone has any insight I would love to hear it.
I do want to try to see if psilocybin can help with OCD and I really look forward to that. I just want to work a few things out concerning psychedelics with a person close to me before I jump into that.
Again, I am sorry that I didn't get to put my full self into this post, my energy wore off half way through and I know I didn't get to express everything I wanted to, but I do look forward to doing that.
Some links:
http://www.brainphysics.com/ocd.php
http://www.brainphysics.com/sexual-obsessions.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_obsessions
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php


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ब्लूमिंग भीतर चेतना

Edited by Dr. Bliss (06/20/10 10:34 PM)

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Offlinecurenado
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: Dr. Bliss]
    #12776231 - 06/20/10 10:37 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Def sounds like you have some obsessive traits. Don't know that psilocybes will be of help with your kind though....have you ever tried?


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Yours in the Natural State!
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep; but I have patches to keep, and jars to sterilize before I sleep...."

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OfflineDr. Bliss
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: curenado]
    #12776237 - 06/20/10 10:39 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

curenado said:
Def sounds like you have some obsessive traits. Don't know that psilocybes will be of help with your kind though....have you ever tried?



I have taken psychedelics, while on SSRI's tho, so i didn't get much if anything. i hear psilocybin is GREAT for OCD.


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ब्लूमिंग भीतर चेतना

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Offlinelunatock
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Registered: 09/21/09
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Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: Dr. Bliss]
    #12776741 - 06/21/10 12:37 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

First expereience with psychadelics I had an amazing, life-changing, perception-altering, anxiety-lifting experience. However, since then, its been a roller coaster. Sometimes good, sometimes eh, ok that was interesting, sometimes WOOOO WTF LIFE IS OVER!. I cant say that our mental states are comparable or not. I am no dr. I would call myself an anxious person. Anyways, I can only share what I expereienced. 1st time definately helped anxiety. 2nd+ times ranged from good decent fun to requiring recovery time. Good luck and I wish you well.


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“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”

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InvisibleJufin
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: lunatock]
    #12777177 - 06/21/10 02:45 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Lunatock, I have those ups and downs a lot.  It's not bad at the moment, less extreme emotions, and I'm just doing psychedelics on rare occasions, stopped smoking pot, working out several times a week, and basically trying to do things that make me feel better about myself.

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OfflineDr. Bliss
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: Jufin]
    #12777615 - 06/21/10 08:06 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I believe psychedelics can be very transformative and healing, and I look forward to confirming this!


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OfflinePathofHealing
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Registered: 07/26/09
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: Dr. Bliss]
    #12784520 - 06/22/10 12:57 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

As someone who was tortured by OCD in the past I urge you to check out

http://www.emclear.com/Emotions_obsessivecomp.html

It's really helped me in accepting my thoughts and the pain that is trying to surface so I can just let go.


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It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.

~Joseph Campbell

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OfflineFernis
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: PathofHealing]
    #12784583 - 06/22/10 01:09 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

PathofHealing said:
As someone who was tortured by OCD in the past I urge you to check out

http://www.emclear.com/Emotions_obsessivecomp.html

It's really helped me in accepting my thoughts and the pain that is trying to surface so I can just let go.




Good read.

Reminds me a bit of Buddhist and Taoist teachings.

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OfflineDr. Bliss
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Registered: 06/17/10
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Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [Re: PathofHealing]
    #12789535 - 06/23/10 10:13 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

PathofHealing said:
As someone who was tortured by OCD in the past I urge you to check out

http://www.emclear.com/Emotions_obsessivecomp.html

It's really helped me in accepting my thoughts and the pain that is trying to surface so I can just let go.



I only took a quick look at it and i think I will really like it when I read more of it.

ocd to me is like this in a sense- you know that little voice in your head that says "you should have brushed your teeth!" or "that was mean you are a bad person". well OCD is when that voice is on meth and steroids.i it makes you feel horrible.


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ब्लूमिंग भीतर चेतना

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