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Anonymous #1

I don't really like makin eye contact with people
    #12780425 - 06/21/10 09:05 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I feel like too much eye contact is inappropriate, and it makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time. I think asian cultures have it right, they don't really look at each other that much, they understand. Only in America to people stare each other down for seconds at a time like it's  normal, no other animal on the planet does this. Fuckin wierdos.


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OfflineMajoses
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780437 - 06/21/10 09:08 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

True that


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OfflineOut GrowV
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780443 - 06/21/10 09:09 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

.


Edited by Out Grow (03/06/14 10:59 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Out Grow]
    #12780459 - 06/21/10 09:12 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

what beast?


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780478 - 06/21/10 09:15 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

no, it's people trying to convince themselves amnd others.

it's something we learned and developed through our fear responses.

like dogs... we are.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma]
    #12780497 - 06/21/10 09:18 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I agree, eye contact only makes sense if your like flirting with some chik. dogs dont even like making eye contact, theyre onto something.


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780521 - 06/21/10 09:22 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

testing fear reponses to make an uncertain situation more likely to be comfortable.

people tend to their brain chemicals like addicts. dopamine is nesscessary to our fearful life like vodka is to mixed drinks.

and do people want anything to change... to actually work at their approach without self-depricating? nope. cause lack of serotionin dictates to us "feed your system", you need to find something that'll make you feel complete at 12 in the afternoon to 12 in the evening. and if it isn't serotonin then? we need a boost! sex? food? sleep?(ahh very good) aggression?

moving or not moving? do you need to get away? you probably need to sleep off your cycles.

oh well... nobody wants to be in control. cause then they wouldn't no what they are doing in their empty lives.

:heart:



Edited by akira_akuma (06/21/10 09:29 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma] * 1
    #12780537 - 06/21/10 09:24 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

ive noticed many people seem uncomfortable and give me weird looks when i basically ignore their attempts to mae solid eye contact with me. as if im crazy. makes me realize how deeply socially programmed most people really are:sad:


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780567 - 06/21/10 09:31 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

they need you to punch them in the face.

unless they are really a scared little pussy... then they need you cto stumble along and feed their ego so that they feel better so that don't need to bolt and get that boost their sore egos so desperately need.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma]
    #12780582 - 06/21/10 09:33 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

i only feed peoples egos who i care about. i try my best to ignore random people, their egos are completely alien to me and i have no urge to satisfy them. sort of dont like being approached by random people. most people are on some other shit that i cant, and dont want to relate to.


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12780595 - 06/21/10 09:35 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

that doesn't matter, people's ego wants the approval anyway.

O_O

"everytime i look in your eyes, i see your face and i cry; and will for all the days until i die."


Edited by akira_akuma (06/21/10 09:41 PM)


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OfflineFrinkz
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma]
    #12783477 - 06/22/10 11:20 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I'm usually looking in the background over the shoulder of someone when I'm having a conversation ... people have pointed it out, and said it's weird/rude, but I don't think it is


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Anonymous #2

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Frinkz] * 1
    #12783507 - 06/22/10 11:30 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

its pretty simple, but you anti-social/anxious freaks are making a bigger deal out of it than it is. making eye contact with someone forges a deeper connection with that person and its easier to communicate in general with eye contact. grow the fuck up children, seriously, you guys have the maturity of teenagers.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #12783524 - 06/22/10 11:33 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
i only feed peoples egos who i care about. i try my best to ignore random people, their egos are completely alien to me and i have no urge to satisfy them. sort of dont like being approached by random people. most people are on some other shit that i cant, and dont want to relate to.




you are on your way to a lonely, unhappy life.

EVERYONE is the same. If you can't love EVERYBODY, you won't be able to love yourself.

Everyone is just trying to live life, "normal" people aren't just out there for ego gratification, they are just as real as you.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #12783673 - 06/22/10 12:22 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I feel like too much eye contact is inappropriate




Too much is inappropriate,

as is too little.

Don't worry too much about it, have a glance!


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #12785193 - 06/22/10 05:08 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
its pretty simple, but you anti-social/anxious freaks are making a bigger deal out of it than it is. making eye contact with someone forges a deeper connection with that person and its easier to communicate in general with eye contact. grow the fuck up children, seriously, you guys have the maturity of teenagers.




I'm not anti-social in the slightest, or immature.

I just don't tend to hold eye contact with people.

Don't judge, asshole.


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OfflineMattyBong
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Frinkz] * 1
    #12785211 - 06/22/10 05:11 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Hey buddy, I hear ya.

I absolutly HATE making eye contact with people.

I used to encourage it within myself, but the
past few years, not at all.

Dunno what I dont like about it, but I think the eyes
tell too much about the person, kinda like looking right
into the persons thoughts/brain.

Im with ya man, dont look people in the eye. Keep it up! :thumbup:


--------------------
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--- A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?---

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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: MattyBong] * 1
    #12785935 - 06/22/10 07:19 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Maybe eye contact is negative and stressful for you guys... to me I feel like it adds another level of connection. Much more a sign of mutual respect and attention than anything else.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: golden1] * 1
    #12786800 - 06/22/10 09:25 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I find that when I am able to clear my mind and be receptive, I have no problem making eye contact when in conversations. Under these parameters, the eye contact is a friendly enhancement of the connection of communication.

However, I have also experienced many social interactions where my anxiety was acting up and my mind was not clear, which led to a failure to make a solid and fearless connection with the eyes. Under such parameters, I have to avoid eye contact. I could say I "don't like it" then, but that would really just be a sort of cop out for the fact that I simply can't clear my mind and be receptive enough to make a connection with the person.

Also, when I was more of a dick, I tended to always have an inner dialogue going about everything I witnessed. I still do this at times, but it's not "always on" now. At the time, I didn't think anything of it or whether or not it was inappropriate, but I also could not make eye contact.

Over time, observing these patterns, I've found that it's simply a matter of whether I'm really IN the moment, experiencing the current moment in time... or if I'm off in my head spinng some tale of theoretical uncertainty.

Eye contact is a big can of worms. It cuts right through a big knot of complications regarding things like faith and spirituality. This is because eye contact is maintained solidly by mutual presence, and presence is dependent on confidence and faith in the self as well as respect for the mutual infinite nature of both parties involved.

(2 stoned cents)


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #12786929 - 06/22/10 09:43 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

1 in 100 people have aspergers


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Yared]
    #12786970 - 06/22/10 09:49 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Touche.


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Offlineakira_akuma
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #12788017 - 06/23/10 01:17 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
its pretty simple, but you anti-social/anxious freaks are making a bigger deal out of it than it is. making eye contact with someone forges a deeper connection with that person and its easier to communicate in general with eye contact. grow the fuck up children, seriously, you guys have the maturity of teenagers.



do you know how you work? i doubt it. teenagers = anti-social freaks?

where is your logic coming from, your dick? cause that is what it sounds like.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma]
    #12788748 - 06/23/10 05:57 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Eye contact isn't difficult, or stressful. I just, don't do it :shrug:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Frinkz] * 1
    #12788766 - 06/23/10 06:18 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I find it enjoyable. It shows someone is giving you their full attention (as best as can be shown). It betrays emotion, deceit, and brings a stronger understanding between two people. Small eye movements can communicate huge amounts, and to simply ignore it is to not receive the full spectrum of non-verbal communication - which often says much more than the words from their mouth.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Frinkz]
    #12788977 - 06/23/10 08:32 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Frinkz said:
Don't judge, asshole.




:ilold: really leading by example eh? :thumbup:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12791919 - 06/23/10 07:28 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I don't like people looking into my eyes.  I feel like they can see my perverse thoughts.


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Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: sun_spots]
    #12793137 - 06/23/10 10:47 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

and i also dont like seeing others perverse thots, id rather not no that abowt them


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12793308 - 06/23/10 11:11 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

:ilold:  :retawed:  :ifyoucanawe:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #12793386 - 06/23/10 11:22 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

If you are not comfortable with looking others in the eyes, you should follow your instinct.

But by saying this, know that I am by no means indicating what is appropriate. This is not an answer to the problem that you present, from the perspective of doing what is appropriate.

So this might be frustrating, because the situation seems to "naturally" demand what is appropriate in this case. I mean, you are probably thinking "what possible social situation doesn't demand that I return someone's gaze? Therefore, isn't this nature?

I would say that your instinct points beyond (or rather, precedes) social appropriation.

What your instinct is basically telling you, is that you need to do introspective work, which is a fundamental withdrawal from society's appropriations. What you actually need to do, has nothing to do with what is appropriate. In the meantime, you might very well be inappropriate.

Over or above what you are basically doing, what is socially appropriate is a superimposition, or a construct. But apparently, you never entirely lose your instincts, even from there.

So, to reiterate the situation - What the gaze of the other seems to circumstantially demand, is your own gaze. But what is that actually - without social superimpositions - what is looking "in itself"?

Focus is the faculty of looking, without any necessary implication of intellectual or analytical perspective. 1

In comparison, looking is also your own faculty too - how could it not be? It is your faculty to fjust ocus on an object, in the same way you that you look into the eyes of another. Both focusing and looking are faculties.

But to understand the faculty of looking - what you are doing - you need to just do it. You need to practice, just focusing. Eventually you can see how that becomes the imperative, the Nike impulse, of just doing it. I suppose that this is one way to work to being "appropriate" in our culture.

But what you may have forgotten from within socio-economic imperative, is that to "just doing it" it is possible to work on what you are supposed to do, without feeling obligated.

By introspection it is possible to distinguish focusing in such a manner that it is strictly limited to your faculty. You are in control of this. It is just what you are doing. It is always what you do, but what you actually need to do, is just cultivate focus.

So first, follow your instinct toward introspection. Then refer to the sources or texts, or even find a guru who will teach you to focus. If you have done the introspective work, when it comes time to do what you need to, you can just do it.




Note:
1. It is not not (-,-) intellectual or analytical perspective. To cultivate single pointed focus, you don't try to clear your mind or otherwise negate your thoughts. Practicing focus is a positive faculty, or just what you do


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Mufungo]
    #12794586 - 06/24/10 02:59 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mufungo said:
Quote:

Frinkz said:
Don't judge, asshole.




:ilold: really leading by example eh? :thumbup:




A little irony doesn't hurt :borat:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #12794915 - 06/24/10 05:09 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I feel like too much eye contact is inappropriate, and it makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time. I think asian cultures have it right, they don't really look at each other that much, they understand. Only in America to people stare each other down for seconds at a time like it's  normal, no other animal on the planet does this. Fuckin wierdos.




Simple. Just stare at the spot on their forehead, right between the eyes.
Or if you're feeling adventurous, stare at one eye at a time. Keep switching from one to the other. It will make you look cool and mysterious in their eyes.
Of course, if you have OCD like me, be sure to look at each eye an equal number of times. Never end on an odd number. Bad juju.
Good luck, soldier.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12795670 - 06/24/10 11:53 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Eye contact is a cultural thing, and even in a given country it changes depending on where you are.  People who grow up in tougher, urban areas tend to not stare each other in the eyes when talking because it's taken as aggression.  Especially if they don't know each other well.

In most settings, eye contact is expected and makes people more comfortable and trusting of you.  If you find it excessively uncomfortable then you have either spent a great deal of time in relative social isolation or there is some underlying factor making it difficult for you to make eye contact.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: PowerTrip] * 1
    #12795891 - 06/24/10 12:47 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I have dwelled on the subjected of eye contact for a while now and feel like its a very interesting and mysterious act.

They say the eyes are a gateway to the soul...I feel like people who can't make eye contact, people who are afraid of making eye contact, or who feel anxious while making eye contact are scared of showing their whole selves to others and thus live with shame.  I believe that if you resist eye contact you have something to hide from others.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: NastyDHL]
    #12795915 - 06/24/10 12:54 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

NastyDHL said:
I have dwelled on the subjected of eye contact for a while now and feel like its a very interesting and mysterious act.

They say the eyes are a gateway to the soul...I feel like people who can't make eye contact, people who are afraid of making eye contact, or who feel anxious while making eye contact are scared of showing their whole selves to others and thus live with shame.  I believe that if you resist eye contact you have something to hide from others.




Agreed. Well said.


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Anonymous #2

Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: NastyDHL]
    #12795923 - 06/24/10 12:58 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

NastyDHL said:
I have dwelled on the subjected of eye contact for a while now and feel like its a very interesting and mysterious act.

They say the eyes are a gateway to the soul...I feel like people who can't make eye contact, people who are afraid of making eye contact, or who feel anxious while making eye contact are scared of showing their whole selves to others and thus live with shame.  I believe that if you resist eye contact you have something to hide from others.




i agree, some people just cant stop staring at the ground, defiantly self-esteem/image issues


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #12796882 - 06/24/10 03:49 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I would like to propose a counter-argument.

I don't think the only possibility for this person is one that demands egotism. I think perceiving the situation as one of self-esteem, or self assertion, is limiting the possibilities of addressing this poster's issue. In fact, it seems pretty clear that the issue itself is the OP's perceiving a situation that demands individual self assertion. I suspect that he has recognized the imposition and perhaps outright violence of making the individual will out to be a necessary commodity.

There is no doubt that the American way of "just doing it" can work. I certainly wouldn't deny this.

But I would raise the possibility of understanding the situation - the need to focus awareness on some point - as a basic sense faculty without social aura. It is possible to focus, without being pulled into self-perspective or relative social perspective. Even in this case, focusing does not need to be described in terms of social imaginings.

It is possible to just do it, but not necessarily as an imperative connotative of nihilism, as it has been made out to be in Nike brand culture. It is possible to understand what you are just doing; what you are only doing, in terms of sense faculty.

So before this situation is constructed as one between an individual self and society, I would argue that just doing it can be addressed as basic sense faculty.

What this person needs to practice is not egotism or self-confidence of the ascribed power of will, but just to understand and be meditatively aware of what he is doing.

The concept of individual is a social construct, from "soul" to "self".

This particularly American ideal of "being open with yourself", or "being open" as tantamount to "self-actualization" is just a blunt application of will. That will is described as a faculty too, but it is based on the illusionary self construct: It works from a slate of self or self structure to begin with, and describes that we must impose it on the world.

But this is clearly a social illusion. Its ideal attitude of conformity is directed towards a situation where it is impossible to truly conform in the manner that these so called freedoms are laid out. Society is not built for the openness it maintains as an ideal. Do we walk around naked? Are we even allowed to?

No, we don't yet the same contemporary society maintains an illusion of absolute openness. As it is in any society, the absolute referent, or the static conception of openness as being, is pointed out as this supposed self.

In short the self is the illusion that a person has realized the possibilities and actualized his "individual rights" somehow in a positive manner. But rights were only written to delimit the activities of mankind. Thus, one either runs into the barriers and limitations of being, or is forced to plow through them, when the social ideals are considered to be real. In no sense are they actually manifested. 

Since here the focus seems to be on someone oppressed by cultural illusions, rather than on some social deviant who needs to be delimited, I think it would suffice to say that one doesn't have to fall into limitations of self construction.

Clearly, we are open and closed, and it is simply a matter of survival to be closed off at times. People should not be ashamed to maintain introspection whenever their natural instinct tells them this.  This isn't necessarily an indication that this person is some kind of maniac, or that he himself is untrustworthy. Understanding that society isn't close to perfect, this relative absolute of individual doesn't necessarily follow.

This person's instinct is reasonable in my opinion. Many people who have this turn, are not maniacs, but artists or intellectuals, activities that require introspective turn.

I would raise the possibility that whatever is going on is beyond words, and does not need to be imagined as "self", "soul", or anything else along those lines.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: daytripper23] * 1
    #12796883 - 06/24/10 03:49 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)



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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12806276 - 06/26/10 05:32 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I feel like too much eye contact is inappropriate, and it makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time. I think asian cultures have it right, they don't really look at each other that much, they understand. Only in America to people stare each other down for seconds at a time like it's  normal, no other animal on the planet does this. Fuckin wierdos.




I know what you mean, it is weird.

But there is something you can do about it. I changed the way I make eye contact, and it's totally different now, there's nothing uncomfortable about it.

I don't stare at their eyes. I mean, I still look in their eyes, but I'm kind of just looking at the whole scene -- the person and their background, like it's a little stage they're on, and I'm letting them say their piece.

The difference is that I don't think about myself at all -- what my eyes are doing, where I'm looking, because I'm only concerned with them and what they do and say.

It's almost like I'm not there at all, and they're just speaking into a camera. My whole world becomes the person I'm talking to, and I forget myself. Hard to explain but you'll know it when you experience it.

I learned that all of the problems of weirdness with eye contact stem from what I'm thinking about myself while the other person is speaking. So I kind of remove myself from the picture. It's easier than it sounds, because when you're talking to somebody else, you literally can't see yourself at all -- you're absent from the scene. So it's like the other person is speaking into a void, and suddenly there's no awkwardness or discomfort.

It's the ego that causes all tension and awkwardness between people, and if you can regard the speaker like I describe, your ego fucks off for a minute or two, and discomfort and weirdness become impossible.

The (easy) experiments on this page might help you understand what I mean: http://headless.org


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #12816468 - 06/28/10 06:40 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Making eye contact is nothing more than a social program...who says that this is the way it has to be?? Just because you don't look someone in the eye dosent mean your not paying attention or trying to be rude to them. If you have to look someone in the eye just to read them than you know very little of the space we live in.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: rezen]
    #12816648 - 06/28/10 08:51 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

rezen said:
Making eye contact is nothing more than a social program...who says that this is the way it has to be?? Just because you don't look someone in the eye dosent mean your not paying attention or trying to be rude to them. If you have to look someone in the eye just to read them than you know very little of the space we live in.




who says it has to be a bad thing, you? because if no one made eye contact that would such a shame.

"Just because you don't look someone in the eye dosent mean your not paying attention or trying to be rude to them."

Obviously, but when you make eye contact you are both giving a mutual sign of respect and letting the other know you are listening. Why avoid their eyes? DO you not feel the connection that eye contact brings? Man.. I can communicate thought eye contact with friends, once you have eye contact you are both looking at each other's face and the face can express many things even making words are not needed... It's not a social program, it's something that clearly works with our capabilities to make social contact fuller.

I don't get it.. really, even when I avoided most eye contact because of anxiety I didn't pretend the whole thing was useless.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: golden1]
    #12817188 - 06/28/10 12:32 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Ok, my earlier post was pretty much just for lulz... Here's what I really think about this:

I believe the eyes are truly the windows to our souls, and as such, eye contact is a rather intimate thing.  I tend to avoid eye contact with strangers out of respect for our mutual privacy.

While there are some situations that warrant making eye contact with strangers in order to display confidence or interest (i.e. during a job interview), I generally try to look a person in the face rather than straight in the eyes.


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Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: sun_spots]
    #12820638 - 06/28/10 11:59 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

If feel the same way....for the most part. You are in the minority if you don't make eye contact with people so yes I would say its a social standard.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: rezen]
    #12825522 - 06/29/10 09:28 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

I love looking people in the eyes... I find it interesting how some people's eyes seem to have more of a sparkle to them.  I wonder if it's certain connections that share a synergy with my own eyes or if everyone else would also notice.  Maybe it's our souls dancing in hyperspace!!  :thumbup:


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: sirdonut]
    #12825770 - 06/29/10 10:18 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

I feel like a lot of people are way too heavy on eye contact, which is weird. I mean, if I'm just having a regular chit-chat why the fuck do I need to gazing hypnotically into their eyes?

When I'm actually have a conversation that demands eye contact, then I will give it.

Most of the time though I look occasionally at them otherwise I look off into the distance behind them. The other day someone actually looked behind them when I was talking to them because they thought there was someone behind them lol ... so that was unintentional, I don't normally zone out that much but still, I feel like it makes it casual. I stare off into the distance when I'm talking, then when I make a point, I look into their eyes.

I think this is actually how it's supposed to be, because while the speaker is speaking, the "audience" looks at them, then the speaker changes and so does the eye contact. It would be weird if when you talked to people they looked away; to me that would indicate disinterest in what I am saying.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: fazdazzle]
    #12829110 - 06/30/10 04:25 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

you can just wear sunglasses from time to time, seriously alot of people do it in public.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: akira_akuma] * 1
    #12829722 - 06/30/10 06:13 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

akira_akuma said:
"everytime i look in your eyes, i see your face and i cry; and will for all the days until i die."




What is that Dr. Seuss?


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: fung_us_among_us] * 1
    #12830080 - 06/30/10 07:26 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

IMO eye contact is about self confidence and feeling equal with your fellow man.

I used to have issues with it but then I realized everyone is human, has the good and bad traits, their ups and downs in their past, but we're all just people living life in this exact moment.

Also eye contact is a ice breaker or a way to work through resistances people have. It helps you to connect and makes people feel comfortable around you. If you don't like feeling awkward around people you don't know well, a handshake with a warm smile and eye contact does wonders.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Nova] * 1
    #12834537 - 07/01/10 03:16 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

My thoughts on it...

Some say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and if two people doesnt matter what gender, are comfortable enough you can actually make a connection to that persons soul and connect on a deeper level, see the inner beauty that everyone has. But most people too caught up in their fears or w/e else, are too afraid to make that connection, also because they think they are separate.

Also what could be said is that when you look into someones eyes and you see fear or discomfort for example, that could merely be a mirror of how you are feeling. Like in Pink Floyd- Echoes. strangers walking in the street, by chance two separate glances meet, and i am you and what i see is me.

But i myself find it hard to determine how much eye contact is appropriate with each person i encounter, and has brought much anxiety in the past. but i just let it be what it is.


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I wish to become enlightened, to know bliss, to be a pure expression of joy, to slake my insatiable thirst.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: LustfulLinsanity] * 1
    #12844463 - 07/03/10 01:06 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

it takes more energy to make contact than not to.
that energy has to come from someplace.

I propose that cultures that make tons of eye contact (middle east) are missing some other energy indulgences while immersing in something surprisingly interpersonal to those of us who do not spend our energy that way.

When we do it it becomes exhausting as we don't also stop our other habits right away, and we run out of energy just being ourselves, struggling with this new extra dimension of behavior.

but if you move there (say to Israel) then after a while it will be part of your habit as well, it will seem normal, and it will be an adjustment to drop it.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: redgreenvines] * 1
    #13031609 - 08/10/10 03:12 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

This thread is over a month old, but that isn't so old and I wanted to add something.

I live in the inner-city, and just recently I moved to the area of the city where there may be 40-50 people outside on a  street block at a time; people just milling around, mostly selling and taking drugs and being a part of that scene. (this is a city of 75k; in the most congested downtown/work areas you might have 15-20 people walking around on a LONG block together).

In this area, I've noticed that 80% of people will look you (and assumedly and anyone else that they pass) 100% directly in the eye and will NOT break eye contact until they pass by you.  This is so consistent as to almost be a given.

I am a male.  If you are a female, I imagine that ratio goes WAY closer to 99%.  For what it's worth, it is the summer time and a lot of ladies are out and walking around looking really nice.

That said, I've never lived anywhere before where eye contact is this expected and intense.  At the mall, eye contact is closer to like 20-30%, a lot of times lower than that.

It's a very interesting phenomenon.  The look is a very interesting look too.  There are definite overtones of malice at times.  Almost never is there any kind of positive or beneficent look on anyone's face (when they look you in the eye that is).  Most of the time it's just a strongly considering stare, not quite dead-eye but damn close.


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Re: I don't really like makin eye contact with people [Re: Humility] * 1
    #13035290 - 08/11/10 07:50 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Children will naturally look you directly in the eyes when talking to you...just something I noticed int the past few days.


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Re: I don't really like making eye contact with people [Re: blewmeanie] * 1
    #13035949 - 08/11/10 01:18 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

im the same way bro. i dont really do it either. i like the whole asian culture thing how they dont unless its necessary. i knew there was something i liked about Asians. but yeah its not a big deal. i do sometimes and dont others. pends on my mood, situation, and whats going on at the time.


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