THIS is a good read, and I would like some feedback, PLEASE PLEASE help me out people!
I think it was the first time I ever tried acid.
I went to a party (rave/party, whatever man, my friends throw parties as far as the cops know) with my gf (now ex gf, you'll know why in a bit) and some close friends. Other than it being the first party in our towns history where someone died, it was a fucking AWESOME party (RIP: the girl who was the beginning of the end). I candy flipped with a tab of Alien Head acid (amazing stuff), and a beige CU (mostly MDMA). The overall feeling when they hit me (damned near the same time, although the acid had a headstart of about 15 minutes on the MDMA) was that the entire universe was pulsating through my vains. The most intense thing that I could ever fathom. Not many visuals for most of the trip, until the archetypal world started to break through into ours. It was like snapshots where every person in the place turned into the archetype that they best represented. Then amongst the chaos of the dance floor, a pattern of people dancing in a ring that spanned from the DJ back to where I was began to emerge. This was after the realization that if a person were to conciously erase their current memories and replace them with new ones, that they would now have lived that "new" life and not ever have known about the previous one. The people in the circle dancing in front of me seemed to be there for me to choose one of them. Once one was chosen, I would be able to erase the memories of my current life and replace them with a new and improved one where instead of meeting my current girlfriend I would have met them, and have come to the party with THEM instead (get my drift???). Male, female, it didn't much matter since it was the archetype that I would have been choosing anyways.
Anyhoo, I turned my head to the left because I felt this incredible surge of energy. I then saw a girl that had come with some of my friends. It was her first time rolling and she was having a pretty damn good time by the looks of it. She was surrounded with a powerful white aura of seeming purity or something, and her archetype was that of a princess or some kind of royalty. Probably transdimensional royalty since the entire place was flashing in and out of being some kind of bablyon 5 of archetypes who had all come there in human skins. The feeling of awe and joy that I got from looking at her was almost too much. I was nearly all over her. HOWEVER, I had my girlfriend (first love of my life) on my right and would NEVER do such a thing. So I turned to my gf for attention instead.
This is where the shit hits the fan. She had an aura too. It however, was NOT white and pure, but instead it was dark, black, cold and nasty. Like a black hole of energy. At the center of this energy was her.
The love of my life (a few months previous to this party our relationship had gotten rocky due to numerous reasons and she had ended up having sex with my close friend/dealer at the time who I knew to be a womanizing asshole cokehead (good dealer though). Hearing his stories about pity fucking fat chicks while his friend cheered from the doorway never got to me as much as when she told me that they had had sex. He was a player, and she was crying, and so I took this as a sign that she regretted what she had done very much, and I forgave her (everyone is forgiven before they even do anything bad in my mind. shit happens). The relationship started back up again from a friendship and we built it up from there instead of starting off with infatuation as we did previously.
Here she was in the center of this god damned emotional black hole of energy. The woman that I would die for (the woman I dropped everything in my life to be with when she lived in a different town). Then the archetypal world flashed again. I was stunned. What I saw was a baby dragon curled up in the fetal position with an umbilical cord coming out of her which was draining my life force energy. I found out AFTER the party, that she didn't even fucking KNOW I was on acid. I'd told everyone I was gonna take the tab, guess she was rolling too hard to pay attention at the time.
A couple weeks later, I found out that the chick with the white aura was a MAJOR slut! In the 3 weeks after that party she managed to have sex with 4 people that I KNEW! So I concluded that what I saw of her that night was an illusion that she put out there for guys to latch onto. Meaning that what I saw was false. So I decided to look at the hallucination of my gf as an energy draining soul sucking dragon fetus in the same light. I made up a nice story that I liked that went like this: "Her spirit is that of a dragon, and she was only 18 so she still had a LOT of growing up to do, and as such came across as a baby dragon who fed off me emotionally. One day she would be grown enough to perch on my shoulder like a familiar, no longer feeding of me so much, later growing into a dragon who could walk beside me and share all the experiences that life has to offer, and MUCH later, maybe even become a large enough dragon that she could carry ME on her back." Great interpretation which helped me enjoy her company as well as fall in love with what the future could hold.
We ended up moving in together again, and the relationship got rocky again (I was trying to be a student again kuz that cheating thing fucked my thoughts up BAD the year before, and she was trying to find a job.) One day I got the gut feeling that something was wrong, and so I rushed home from University only to find a guy's car (raver friend of ours) parked in front of my house. I went inside all panicky to find them in relatively close proximity, and so I asked the obvious question: "Is this what I think it is..." She said "Yeah, no, sortof... I want you out, it's over." WHOOSH. The life left my body and I hit the floor in shock. She was moved out by the next day. Since then I talked to her once when I went to take some stuff she left at the house, and once on the phone right before christmas. She at SOME point through all this shit told me that she had slept with that guy when she stayed at his house the night after we broke up!!!!!! They both seperately said they didn't do anything before that, but some mutual friends of ours don't have much to say on the topic which makes me suspect that something was going on before even if they hadn't slept with each other.
It gets wierder yet though. She told me that "it's not you, it's me". Which I just laughed at and said "Well what's wrong, I don't want to see you unhappy, what can I do?!" Which elicited pretty much no good answer until she told me something that CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.
"I'm a chronic liar."
Then she began to explain how when she was little she would hide money with her diary in it's hiding place to see if anyone was reading it. Also that she had on NUMEROUS occasions put foods that I was allergic to in meals that she cooked for me because she didn't believe that I was allergic to them! (I smacked her for that one. It's not right to hit a girl, but jesus H christ man, you don't fucking poison the person you 'love'. Someone had to show her that shit's not acceptable. I just hope that got through to her.)
The last time she called me right before christmas she told me she would call me "in the new year" since she was busy with Christmas. I can't call her because her family hates me (the womens telephone game turned me into some kind of evil asshole or something which is really unfair since I don't have a nasty bone in my body. Every time the memory of slapping her when she told me she had poisoned me comes up in my mind, I get nauseous and start to cry.) I did call once, but her cousin basically told me to fuck myself. When I went to drop off more stuff she left that I found after I moved her aunt wouldn't even open the door for me. I felt like a criminal.
It is now Febuary 5th and I haven't talked to the woman I love (fell in love and thought about her every day for 2 years before we got together and spent 2 years together.) in over a month, and I don't know if I will ever get to talk to her again.
The thing that hurts the most is not being without her, but thinking that she is unhappy and that I have the ability to help her SO much if she would just give me the chance. Losing the first person I ever loved, first person I ever had sex with, first best friend that was female, etc... was bad enough. But at the same time I lost the one thing that I needed most. A shoulder to cry on.........
Great, now I'm fucking crying my eyes out again. All I want is an explanation and my friend back...
:''(
Without somebody to hold me I have been trying to understand why things like this can happen and how they can be avoided, or if they even SHOULD be avoided -- through the use of drugs. Since I broke up with her I have tried meth, coke (both of which are geh btw...), binged on E until there was no more to be had, and become a chronic pot smoker.
Doing mushrooms again a few days ago (4 grams) was just what I needed to put the fire back in my belly.  Since then sadness and depression hasn't ruled my thoughts, but I have instead been pretty darn happy. The things I learned on that trip about myself and the universe will stay with me forever and always help me to crack a smile no matter how low I am feeling.
I just want to be loved 
Wanna come over Acid_Sloth??? 
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