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OfflineLicHmicrO
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Registered: 05/26/09
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Loc: Ky, USA
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anxiety and intimacy:
    #12655966 - 05/30/10 01:53 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i am a healthy, slightly overweight 22 year old male.  I am very active sexually, but in an inconsistent manner.  On most normal days I would masturbate or have sex at least once a day, sometimes I would be so fired up I could go for a week straight; but its been nearly a year and a half since i had been intimately involved with anyone.

That changed about 3 weeks ago.  I met a girl that is by leaps and bounds the most attractive and mentally stimulating girl i have ever been involved with, and we have been just fooling around until a few days ago.  We were making out and she made it clear she wanted to have sex.  I recognized this, but at the time I had neglected to tell her that I was never circumcised as an infant and I have had some absolutely terrible intimacy failures because the girls i had been with in my past thought it was weird that I was uncut.  This led to widespread public humiliation in my school, and ultimately factored into shaping me into the anxious wreck I am right now.

I was ready for her, until she began to undress me.  I became so crippled with fear my hard-on died within a minute and I just sat there.. speechless.. frozen.. I was so scared i began to have trouble breathing and had to leave the room for about five minutes, after which the night had ended.  What was supposed to be a sleepover without sleep turned into me taking her home at 4 in the morning.

I have since then talked to her in painful depth about the problems I have had in the past relating to my uncut penis.  She says she does not care, and she approves of the size.. but if you asked me what i thought of this girl 2 months ago, i would have said she was out of my league.  Earlier in the day we had gone to a field party, and she was the center of the attention the whole time she was there.  I suppose im just really scared that I am not good enough for her

It is absolutely crushing me right now to think that I am running the risk of subconsciously ruining a relationship with a girl I have never felt like this about.  Has anyone had to deal with anxiety attacks like these before?


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Offlinejim617
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656007 - 05/30/10 02:03 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i have never had THAT problem , but everyone has something about themselves that they dont like 100%. some guys are balding , some guys are short, some guys have it much worse and have missing limbs or something. you have an uncut shlong, big deal. get over it or  if it really bothers you so much just have it cut. your "problem" isn't really much of a problem at all , besides i heard if its uncut it grows larger? kind of weird to think about..
but anyhow, you thinking your not good enough for your gf is whats gonna make you not good enough for your gf. I'm sure your perfectly fine and that you are what she is looking for but girls run faster from insecurity than they do from uncut penises.


--------------------
MrFunGuy: "I figured if I put a 15lb cinder block on top of the pot lid that it would cook @15 psi."[]


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Offlinemigraineur
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656051 - 05/30/10 02:14 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Man, anxiety sucks. Read the articles on askmen.com for some advice.

Heaps of guys I know are uncut including myself. I know it was more common with the older generation than with the younger. My eldest brother married an American girl and he's uncut. She made a comment about how American guys tend to be circumsized or someting but he does not give a shit and she married him. It's there for a reason and I've never had an issue with any women.

Don't let your fear ruin you. Just think that out of all the guys she's chosen you and you're the lucky one who gets to take her home. Try not to let your inner wuss show and let you cocky funny side come out.

You could always hit the gym. It's not only good for your health but exercise releases happy chemicals in your brain and losing the weight will do wonders for your self esteem.


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OfflineLicHmicrO
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Registered: 05/26/09
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: migraineur]
    #12656078 - 05/30/10 02:19 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I have recently begun HIIT for that very purpose.

my appearance is a huge factor in my anxiety, so it only makes sense


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InvisibleAstral-child
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Registered: 03/09/10
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656174 - 05/30/10 02:44 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

hey man their is nothing to fear if you emit those thoughts in your mind it will surround you man even affect the people around you just relax and feel it as if when you are by yourself in front of the mirror focus on qualities you admire about yourself then that positive energy will expand and engulf your love one, things are all in the mind do not let it overcome you... another tip man its a vantage point and thats if you want too look up kegle and jelq trust me study these teks and you will see what im talking about.. :smile:


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Offlinemigraineur
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656207 - 05/30/10 02:51 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah, I used to be overweight for a while when I was younger. I got teased for it which did little for my self esteem. However, I started eating better and doing more sport which did wonders. It's harder to change the way you think about yourself though even after you've lost the weight.

Check out the bodybuilding.com website for tips on nutrition and exercises.

Cutting out softdrinks/soda like coke etc and limiting your alcohol intake makes a massive difference too. You'll also start to feel better for it as well.

Also remember that if you can get one hottie then you can get another.


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OfflineSynesthetic
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: migraineur]
    #12656252 - 05/30/10 03:01 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I have bipolar disorder, which also makes me anxious 24/7 so I can help you out man.

First of all, great job not letting that panic attack you had ruin the relationship altogether. A lot of people, when they freak out like that, don't see the person who saw them so vulnerable again. And this is a hell of a woman not to run away from you.

Second, you need to understand that this girl likes you. Enough for to give you access to her most intimate of areas, which says a lot. Even if you seem unattractive or out of her league, there's something she must really, really like about you. And, to be honest, it's great that she's looking past your difference in looks and liking you for your personality.

Just keep focused on the fact that just because you're not as attractive as she is doesn't mean you have nothing to offer. The panic attack, though, is a beast. It's very possible that it was a one-time thing. It does happen to people. So, next time you're in that situation, just try to keep yourself relaxed and focused. If you feel it start again, tell her right away so she can (hopefully) help calm you down.

See how all that works out. Good luck, man.


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OfflineLicHmicrO
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: Synesthetic]
    #12656479 - 05/30/10 03:43 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

my base problem seems to be my focus.  the following thoughts consume me in these situations:

What if she does not like the foreskin?
what if she is repulsed by my stomach fat?
Why wont she let me get her off with my hands? I have superior dexterity in bed and she knows it
What if my penis is not big enough for her liking?
What if she... tells  her friends about it?
What will happen if having sex makes our relationship awkward?
What if she stops talking to me.. even as a friend?
What does she even see in a trainwreck like me?

i know alot of these thoughts are irrational, but in the heat of the moment, when it transitions from making out to sex, i retreat into my shell; which i find odd because ive never opened myself up to anyone as quickly as i did for her

I want to invite her to hang out with me again tonight.  but im afraid to right now


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InvisibleBuckthorn
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656685 - 05/30/10 04:26 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I feel for you man and in fact your post is actually inspiring to me. I also have horrible crippling anxiety when it comes to making moves with women I have feelings for due to being self conscious and feelings of inadequacy. I've even been told the girls I used to date were out of my league but in the end my anxiety and me being a coward still fucked everything up.

I'm actually taking a break from females for a while until I can overcome my anxiety and all things I fear.

There is no instant relief for your anxiety. You either have to slowly overcome it or just go for it. Maybe xanax or another benzo could help?

Good luck


Edited by Buckthorn (05/30/10 04:27 PM)


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OfflineSynesthetic
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: Buckthorn]
    #12656777 - 05/30/10 04:45 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Meditation could help teach you to focus. I had to learn it for my anxiety so it'd probably help you too.


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OfflineLicHmicrO
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Registered: 05/26/09
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: Synesthetic]
    #12656907 - 05/30/10 05:09 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

meditation is something i have certainly looked into.  but i cant say i really understand meditation, in the sense that i have trouble keeping a clear mind for extended periods of time


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OfflineSynesthetic
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Registered: 12/11/08
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12656931 - 05/30/10 05:13 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

It just takes lots of practice. I can't hold on to it for too long but I can enter a meditative state really quickly so I don't end up going :kingcrankey:


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Anonymous #1

Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12658167 - 05/30/10 09:42 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

It could be worse. Uncut? So what. Stomach fat? Big deal.

I'm short, fat, balding, skin condition, the works. You got it good, man.

Count your blessings, man up, get that woman.


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Offlinemigraineur
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12659455 - 05/31/10 05:10 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I know what you mean by the what if situations. A guy said something to me that made me think differently though. He said something along the lines of "in life most things don't matter and after you're dead the things you did aren't going to really matter and nobody will care". It was at that point I thought 'Yeah, he's right. I'm going to stop worrying and live my life'.

If we keep on worrying like that then we'll never be happy. We set up negative thought patterns and convince ourselves that once something changes or we achieve a certain thing then we'll be happy. However, once we have done one thing we replace it with another and that point of being happy never arrives.

If you have another date then maybe you could do something casual that involves having a few alcoholic drinks. It'll give you a bit of dutch courage and it acts as a social lubricant. Don't go overboard and get too wasted though.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: anxiety and intimacy: [Re: LicHmicrO]
    #12659748 - 05/31/10 07:39 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

One thing not mentioned yet:

Wait to have sex with her for chrissakes. She's clearly cool enough to understand the reasoning, don't rush it!

Make out. Feel sexy. Leave your dick out of it until you're ready.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


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