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OfflineAsanteA
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My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom
    #1260292 - 01/30/03 02:40 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Okay guys, been away for some time now...

The week before x-mass i felt alot of strange things. Like I got the flu or something, touching my skin sometimes was painful, flashes of goosebumbs... Visit a doctor? Don't be silly. On the 2nd day of x-mass I turned white as a ghost & felt cold...

That evening I was very mad at "God" for alot of stuff that goes wrong in my life as well as in the lives of others. Sort of a Spiritual Crisis, really. I found myself thinking: What sh#tty thing God will dish up next? What will the next challenge be?
(it got uglier than that, but that's just between Him/Her & Me)

That morning I woke up thinking: "MAN: what a severe attack of stomach acid! Milk of Magnesia! NOW!!!" I got outta bed & downstairs to my medicine cabinet. Suddenly my chest locked shut. I still could breathe but the pressure was immense. I rammed myself into a chair and then it crept into my left arm. Okay: that's likely to be a heart-attack of some kind, then...

What does one do? Sitting paralysed in your chair, praying, pleading, begging to live and denying something could happen to a healthy 30 yo like me. A heart-attack at 30? Gimme a break! Should hurt alot more, nay? er.. Nay?


At the hospital I was rushed to the Intensive Care unit & hooked up to a monitor. They took some blood for immediate analysis.
Troponin-positive.
I was undergoing a heart-infarction; my coronary arteries had let too little blood trough to supply my heart with life-sustaining oxygen and part of my heartmuscle was dying, or already dead. It was to last about 24 hours before the Troponins declined. The nurse at the emergency room was right when she said:
"From now on you're a heart-patient for life"

In short: some 3 times there-after (been on the ICU until Jan. 1 2003) I came close to death. Not only does all hell break loose on the monitor: you KNOW it's for real when it's happening.

First you feel something surging up. Faith (I Believe) kicks in and assures you everything will be allright. Yeah. But th?n your pre-human brainparts kick in, no reasoning, all emotions, and your Inner Ape screams and fights, fights for survival. SCREW Benzo's and tranquilizers. The Inner Ape will not be caged once it's sure survival is at stake. After the Inner Ape calms, Faith comes back stronger then before. And you're stronger than ever.

Lying there in the dark of night, reviewing your life, trying to make peace with it All should Death suddenly strike. prayers, self re-assuring, comforting thoughts, trying to make peace with the cycle of Life and Death.

I slept only about 12 hours in that first week. Delirium (sleep deprivation) set in, walls dripping, being in mid-dream when closing your eyes briefly yet wide awake.


Currently I'm on 5 "heart drugs" & have quit any and al experimenting until regaining my health. Surgery or just pills, time will decide. It wasn't the drugs or lifestyle: It turns out my coronary arteries were wrongly wired from birth. This HAD to happen eventually...


People: Shrooms are FOR REAL. I can't emphasize this enough. The GENUINE fear of death-process whilst in actual peril was identical to the one observed in some of my bad Trips. Exactly the same in nature and intensity, minus the visuals and other extras shrooms provide. Having been There trough Shrooming has actually HELPED me through these difficulties. In retrospect the Shroom has warned me time and time again in word & symbolics something was wrong with my heart.
"Yeah right: just drug-induced anxiety" uh-huh...

I experienced several moments in this crisis I had experienced before in my Mushroom experiences. These were Clairvoyant, not just my brain glitching into deja-vu mode. Some of these I've described years ago in session-reports, ink on paper, REAL.

The Mushroom Experience is FOR REAL, people.
I agree with the Aztecs etc. etc. that these MUSHROOMS are SACRED


Thanx for reading all this & hope you want to share something too. I won't be on the Internet alot of the time & sometimes Angina Pectoris forces me offline. Hope you found this an interesting read and by the way I now believe more strongly then ever that EVERYTHING IS 100% AS IT SHOULD BE!
Blessed Be, people!




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Invisiblewhiterasta
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1260699 - 01/30/03 06:32 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

When I have time I will relate my similar experience.......I will PM you soon with important info on the drugs they have you on. Peace to you bro.PS do not believe everything the Dr's have told you about your condition and stay away from the benzos if you can,I'll be in touch  :wink:WR


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InvisibleUlysees
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1260894 - 01/30/03 07:51 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Thanks. :laugh:


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Edited by Ulysees (01/30/03 07:52 AM)


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: whiterasta]
    #1263657 - 01/31/03 12:02 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

These would be organic nitrates, a calcium channel-blocker, good ole Bayer Aspirin and one of those shitty cholesterol-lowering statines that's sure to dry up your CoQ10 synthesis. As far as they know now the arteries are OK, just badly wired. NMR/MRI results will be in soon, then I'll know more.

Funny how your priorities shift in situations like this. First it's "gotta do this, gotta do that", now I just wanna lie down and daydream, reflect upon my life, relive the nice stuff and trying to find peace with the rougher stuff I've been trough. Kind of a "granddad state of mind" eerie...

First it's Hard Drugs, then it's Heart Drugs.
Life is full of surprises :mad:

Thanx a bunch & looking forward to your PM.


 


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1266008 - 01/31/03 03:45 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I've never rated a post before - until now. 5 stars. Besides that (howsoever insignificant gesture), I'll tell you that I felt sympathetic chest pains while reading your account. I am not a 'feeling type,' but your description was extremely potent for a 'thinking type' like myself to be able to somaticize pressure and tracheal constriction.

If you want to talk to a psychotherapist with Gnostic Judao-Christian beliefs, feel free to PM me.

Peace and Wholeness.
Markos



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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1267009 - 01/31/03 11:31 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Thanx for the offer, Markos!

Since all this went down I get "anxiety attacks" quite alien to me. It is to be expected. It was so very shocking to go trough all this, and then that frequently recurring Angina Pectoris... Quite frightening and I think my "immortality feeling" wil never recover.

Should my health troubles cease and recovery be complete I'd recommend an encounter with Death to anyone  :shocked: since it really puts things into perspective. I mean, ask yourself this: what's REALLY important in your life?
But this lingering threat...
Hope to be out & about in one month, on drugs in two  :grin:


 


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1267298 - 02/01/03 06:53 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I've seen heart attacks, with collapsed lung, mini-strokes, major stroke, and finally, cardiac arrest. I called off the code blue for my Mother whose heart after all these vascular incidents was irreparably damaged, and held her hand when she died, talking to her to allay fear if she could hear me, and while the monitor went to flat-line. Only a couple of months earlier, I had developed malignant melanoma and had my back operated on. I have been introduced to Death from within and without, and we shall of course meet again - personally.

This week one of our middle school student's mother suicided. She was very attractive, they tell me, with a bod of a 25 year old at age 50. She used to work at the school, so people got to know her. I stayed after work on a Friday for an hour and a half, because a couple of teachers were seeking counseling, and ways to share with students. Last night I received a call at home from yet another teacher whom I hardly know. Death has these teachers - all men - rattled to their cores. It is like they never think about dying, and I'm certain that psychedelic ego death has no meaning for them whatsoever, so they will never be able to treat their own Death as another trip - laying down, getting focused, and getting into the experience. Those who have used psychedelics/entheogens in the way that is most valuable have been able to put Death into the framework that I just described. Yeah, I used to shake like a leaf after the acid began to come on, yet there always seemed to be the sense that 'I' was a calm center or an 'eye' in the middle of the hallucinogenic hurricane that tore around my nervous system. I once told my friend Gary, "It's really OK - it's just my body that's shaking - I'm fine."
It's more than fine, it's OK to die. I'm trusting God that it gets better 'after,' rather than experiencing the living Hell of fear, loss, regret, the unknown, metaphysical terror, apprehension of rebirth, etc.

I used to be ready to drop a tab of acid at any time of the day or night when I was in my 20's, no matter how inconvenient it was gonna be with regard to plans, people, classes, work, etc. It seemed selfish to be that way at the time but I did it anyway. In those cases, the time to trip was 'my' choice. Death is the thing I was inadvertantly training for. It comes "like a thief in the night" and like the Boy Scout motto, I must "Be Prepared." You too. We'll join on the other side of this veil, and we'll be grinning ear-to-ear :smile:        Peace.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineViBrAnT
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1269022 - 02/01/03 06:54 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

" there are those that know and know that they know "



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Offlinejustthiz
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1274057 - 02/03/03 12:14 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hope you're doing fine now wiccan!!



Edited by justthiz (02/03/03 12:15 PM)


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1276071 - 02/04/03 12:52 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Death.. Can't say I'm really prepared for it.

On the night that the going got rough I managed to come at peace with it, and cognitively+Spiritually I know it's All Good, yet at this point I'm scared shitless at the prospect of leaving this life behind. I really felt/feel that there's more to do for me here...

But I DO believe death to be OK. What had me thinking several years ago was:
100 years ago I was just as dead as a 100 years from now: It's returning to the same place I came from. In all ratios and dualities, what's 100%? Well: the journey between Existance and Non-Existance, ofcourse. If literally EVERYBODY does it, it can't be bad...

But yes, there's the Inner Ape. It broke loose when things got rough, and I was flooded with emotions like fear, panic and all those things. This quieted down and after that Faith returned, but simply accepting it... Nope: haven't got that much control over my Primal Self, yet. But: I believe that 100% of everything is 100% OK and as it Should Be.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my cardiologist about the NMR/MRI scan. I'll see how it goes from there. Hope that it won't come to cutting & slicing...


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1276095 - 02/04/03 01:25 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I'm working on not leaving this plane in the manner I entered it - kicking and screaming. Ideally, I'd like to sit upright in my own home, looking out the window while in lotus posture, like I used to do before trying a new, exotic, unknown psychedelic like DMT or DET. A union of Heart and Head Centers becomes the model, and I'm off. Hopefully, the technical preparation (given the opportunity) will push the fear factor back down to the Root Center whence it arises. Perhaps ''a pinch of psychedelic'' at the right time will, like Hixley, help me to "soar angelic."


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1276096 - 02/04/03 01:25 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I'm working on not leaving this plane in the manner I entered it - kicking and screaming. Ideally, I'd like to sit upright in my own home, looking out the window while in lotus posture, like I used to do before trying a new, exotic, unknown psychedelic like DMT or DET. A union of Heart and Head Centers becomes the model, and I'm off. Hopefully, the technical preparation (given the opportunity) will push the fear factor back down to the Root Center whence it arises. Perhaps ''a pinch of psychedelic'' at the right time will, like Hixley, help me to "soar angelic."


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1283321 - 02/06/03 12:22 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

A pinch of Psychedelic... Hmm, does not seem like a good idea to me, to interfere with the process with psychoactives. But: to each his own.

Turns out I might get a couple more spins on this world after all.
Got the results of the NMR/MRI scan yesterday, and they seem to be good. I've got wrongly wired coronary arteries, but not the worst kind (that they prepared me for) but actually the most favorable kind. For the time being, surgery will not be required, just pharms, physical revalidation therapy and the prospect of having to live calmly and without excess stimuli. Nitroglycerin spray will remain my constant companion.

I'm not prepared to give up my LOLs,  :mad:s and Shrooms tho. Bland living doesn't seem attractive. When my cardiologist said: "avoid intense emotions and workouts" I went for it and inquired: "How about Pharmacological workouts" "?" "well, things like grass, mushrooms..."
Dutch docs really take confidentiality serious. Bless 'em :grin:
"Well, I'd have to advise against that, but we won't check you on it or something :wink:, just don't do cocaine because we've lost ALOT of patients to that stuff."

Ah well... Seems all in all I'm relatively safe and my prognosis is good. The heart infarction didn't do much damage to the heart muscle, thank Gods! I really think I might quit grass (it's on the "Angina Pectoris/Heart infarction risk list" I've read) but I probably will continue my lowdose "shielded" Mushroom experiments within some months.

"First get in shape, then get on drugs!"
I hope my brush with Death was just that & not an ominous omen that the Reaper is nigh. I need some time for living and hope to achieve, as Markos puts it, not to leave this world kicking and screaming.
Again:  THESE MUSHROOMS ARE SACRED! They are NOT toys or means to get f#cked up.

 


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Invisiblewhiterasta
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1283461 - 02/06/03 03:24 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I lost almost half of my heart muscle due to an infarction caused by an over zealous angiogram.I developed atrial fibrillation due to the triple bypass the gave me under emergency conditions post angiofuckup.One of my first post here was a goodbye as I was not given a positive prognosis.Well one night I was feeling quite fatal and was ready to welcome the end as Huxley did so I took 5g of excellent semis and Lo and Behold the A/F was GONE the next day.Now I use semis,azures,or baeos in low dose once a month and I am VERY healthy again(not an athlete but no invalid and able to run our small plant nursery!)I do not recomend this for every heart problem,but it has been the ONLY treatment for this condition for me.Good luck WR


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: whiterasta]
    #1283569 - 02/06/03 05:01 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Oh MAN, thats medical science for you :shocked:

It must've been quite shocking... "Feeling fatal".. yup, can relate, but to go out with a 5gr Semis bang... You are a True Hero, WR, nothing less!
And then to be free of AF the next day...
Awe... 


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Invisiblewhiterasta
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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: Asante]
    #1285136 - 02/06/03 12:59 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

You are a True Hero, WR, nothing less! 



No.......I am the father of three of the most wonderful people I have ever met and I owe it to them to be here for their raising,and to the wonderful woman who's love and tolerance have allowed me to be stronger than I am.Other than that I am somewhat of a hyperactive trip for most folks :grin:WR
.........But I am honored by your words........Congrats on the much more positive prognosis and remember YOU control your health not some poor deluded M.D......Bon Chance WR 


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Re: My heart infarction, God and the True Mushroom [Re: whiterasta]
    #1295008 - 02/10/03 03:41 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

:smile: 


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