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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
a story
    #1258088 - 01/29/03 10:09 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Equilibrium Attained
by RebelSteve33
-----
Jane hung up the phone and stared blankly ahead.  It was strange that she felt such great disappointment, yet at the same time it seemed like her head was empty of all thoughts.  She knew not what she stared at, or for how long she stared at it.

She knew only that for the third time since she had graduated from college, she had just been turned down for a job she had applied for.  With a sigh, she finally gave up her staring contest with nothing and walked back to her bedroom.

It was the same bedroom that she had grown up in as a child.  Nothing in it had changed much, as Jane's parents had left everything exactly as she had when she first left for college.  Even now, though she had been staying at her parents' for almost 2 months since she had graduated, the bedroom was still pretty much the same as it had always been.

Jane lay on her bed and stared up at the ceiling.  There was a mobile hanging above her that her mother had made for her when she was young.  It was a simple thing, made with metal coat hangers, strings, and an array of seashells with all different sizes and colors and shapes.

A sudden burst of anger and frustration caused Jane to sit up in her bed, tear one of the seashells off the mobile, and throw it at the wall on the opposite side of the room.  The shell broke with a horrible noise, and Jane got up and ran out of the room; the mobile on the cieling now wobbling around in a strange sort of dance.

She tried talking to her mother for help, but nothing her mother said could reassure her.  It only served to make her even more upset, and she eventually came to tears over the whole thing.  No one she had applied for a job with seemed to want to hire her, even with the college degree she had worked so hard and spent so much money to get!

Finally, realizing that her mother was not going to help, Jane went back to her bedroom to think.  Once again she lay on her bed and looked at the ceiling.  She saw the mobile again, but her eyes widened in surprise when she noticed something about it.

The shell she had torn off the mobile had caused it to become completely unbalanced.  It had hung from the ceiling, wobbling and spinning around for quite some time.  But now the mobile hung still!  It rested in a different position from what it had used to, but it had found a new balance-- a new equillibrium!

Jane smiled suddenly, feeling very reassured. 

She would find her equilibrium soon, too.  She just knew it! :smile:
-----

That's all!  Sappy and stupid, I know, but hey!  I was bored and wanted to write a story with some sort of meaning... What do you guys think?

-RebelSteve 


--------------------
Namaste.


Edited by RebelSteve33 (01/29/03 10:36 AM)


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OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: a story [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1258125 - 01/29/03 10:22 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

I think it's a very good example of the messages we can find hidden in everyday life. Those messages may or may not be there for us to pick up, but that doesn't matter.

You're a good writer. I like the description of the way the mobile "dances" when the character breaks it.

5 shrooms for you!  :cool:


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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OfflineAzmodeus
Seeker

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 3,392
Loc: Lotus Land!! B.C.
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: a story [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1258133 - 01/29/03 10:24 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Honestly???
Sappy, stupid, and boring...

No offense to the writing, it could have come straight out of the book "chicken soup for the teenage soul", its just not what i like.

Well keep writing, and dont let me put you down!! :grin:


--------------------
"Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.

Lest we forget. "


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Invisiblethe_Landotter
Gnostic Chaoist

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 340
Loc: R'lyeh
Re: a story [Re: Azmodeus]
    #1258173 - 01/29/03 10:35 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

No offense to the writing, it could have come straight out of the book "chicken soup for the teenage soul", its just not what i like.

Well keep writing, and dont let me put you down!! :grin: 




In fact, why not try to sell it to the Chicken Soup publishers?  That'd show 'em... 

:wink: 


--------------------
* * * * * * * * * *
Read the Landotter's Mystical Journey Journal


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OfflineAzmodeus
Seeker

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 3,392
Loc: Lotus Land!! B.C.
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: a story [Re: the_Landotter]
    #1258193 - 01/29/03 10:40 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah!  the quality of writing is there....

No, but it REEAALYY does seems like one of those short stories.....you should try to sell it to them :smile:


--------------------
"Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.

Lest we forget. "


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Invisiblethe_Landotter
Gnostic Chaoist

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 340
Loc: R'lyeh
Re: a story [Re: Azmodeus]
    #1258205 - 01/29/03 10:45 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Right on! It would certainly be an interesting exercise.

Hey! We should all try to write a Chicken Soup story and submit a bunch of manuscripts to 'em. We could spice the soup with mushrooms.

Mmm... smells like anarchy!


--------------------
* * * * * * * * * *
Read the Landotter's Mystical Journey Journal


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: a story [Re: the_Landotter]
    #1258245 - 01/29/03 10:56 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

I think it's a very good example of the messages we can find hidden in everyday life.

Thanks, that's what I was going for!  Thank you as well for your nice compliments! :smile:

Honestly???
Sappy, stupid, and boring...


Hehe, I appreciate your honesty! :smile: 
I agree, as I mentioned in my original post, that the story is pretty sappy and stupid.  That's what comes from being bored at the campus library in the middle of the afternoon I guess!

In fact, why not try to sell it to the Chicken Soup publishers? That'd show 'em...

LOL, I think I will try this!  How do I go about doing that, though?

Thank you for your replies!

-RebelSteve 


--------------------
Namaste.


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