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euphoricpoison
Expand your Mind


Registered: 10/10/06
Posts: 3,270
Loc: NewYork
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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Stand up Comedy Criticism
#12332845 - 04/04/10 11:40 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Whats up, I never posted in this forum but figured this was the appropriate place to post this. It's been a while since I've been on the shroomery, been pretty busy with shit. Living in the ghetto of Jamaica Queens now, shits rough, I just got serious with my stand up comedy, and Im trying to get my name out there, so I wanted to post this shit. I got lucky with the club Im working at, it's one of the best in NYC, but I'm working all the shitty nights like mondays. Tell me what you liked or didn't like, anything to help me improve. I know I got a lot to work on, I cursed a little to much out of nervous habit, and lost my place at one point, I was sick so my voice was a little off, but I hope you guys enjoy. If you like my stuff please spread the word and comment on my youtube video. And if you live in NYC and wanna come see a show it would mean a lot to me, and we can burn one down after lol. I only had 5 minutes of stand up, but have a lot more jokes, can't wait to have more time. I didn't put any of my pot/shrooms/acid jokes in this act, but do have em. Alright well hope you guys like, and be honest with what I need to work on, or what you didn't like. Every little bit helps and it means a lot to me. Thanks Shroomerites!
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Dutchbrewed
Metaphysical



Registered: 06/29/09
Posts: 289
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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You're just starting out, so it would be easy for me to be a dick about alot of shit, but instead I'd like to pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses.
Your charisma is super strong, which is a good style...so you should use that to berate the audience. You'd get away with a lot of those "This guy knows what I'm talking about" and with your knowledge of drugs you might be able to find a way to portray that uncomfortably funny feeling to bring the audience out of their comfort zone.
things that you could work on though.. vocal dynamics... it seemed like you were fairly strung out and loud all the time and when the audience laughed it got you louder and crazier. Try and time that craziness to unexpectedly get them laughing. This could be achieved by being extremely quiet and calm
I also think that maybe you need to work on layered writing and capture that element of the different layers existing in a conversation. For example, you do a joke on some embarrassing interest you have and some people will relate, which will make them more comfortable and more related. At which point you have gained somewhat of a bond, while also having an eager listener because you related to them, although you will never actually know if it hits home unless you are good at reading their facial expression. It really is all about relation whether my example was awful or not.
Finally, I think you make a lot of points at face value of a joke. you should attempt to make your audience think and dig deeper to figure it out.
My favorite sketch was the part where you explained coming home.. that was original, but you lost me at the hissy fit part. If you're serious about this man, you have a run at it, but you need to put a lot of practice and research into how people operate and what's relate-able to them. If you want my critique and advice, just hit me up whenever. I'm a person that has dreams to...
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Met


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 1,376
Loc: Normandie, France
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: Stand up Comedy Criticism [Re: Dutchbrewed]
#12333471 - 04/05/10 01:56 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm no comic genius, but I think what you need to work on is transition between too different subjects, it seemed a little disjointed if you know what I mean.
I also didn't really like the last bit, just seemed to go nowhere.
Pretty good overall though, pleasantly surprised.
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euphoricpoison
Expand your Mind


Registered: 10/10/06
Posts: 3,270
Loc: NewYork
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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Re: Stand up Comedy Criticism [Re: Met]
#12334248 - 04/05/10 09:13 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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hey guys, thanks for the criticism, and detail, I really do appreciate it, I want to do the best I can with this and will really work hard on the areas you guys have brought to my attention, thanks for taking the time to read and for the help
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ChicagoMorel
Stranger


Registered: 04/05/10
Posts: 164
Loc: NW Chicago Burbs
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Dude,That was good shit! Transitions could be smoother, but overall it was excellent.
-------------------- "Evolution is the slow conquest of dimensions, and music has always been the way."-Terrance McKenna "Sounds like funny machines!" -My 7 year old daughter Makayla, while listening to Shpongle.
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frith
God

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 7,512
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
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carolines is a pretty cool spot. as said previously, work on transitions, too much unnecessary cursing (one Bob Sagat is enough)...
you should post this on the Keith and the Girl forums (link in my sig).
they do a comedy radio show out of their house in Queens. have comics on all the time. some im sure youve probably seen. they are at Caronline's, Comedy Cellar, Comix, etc pretty regularly. Jesse Joyce, Pat Dixon, Ray DeVito, Marc Meron, Ben Lerman.. lots more. youd probably like it.
the shows with Marc Meron are really awesome cause they talk about joke construction, segues, and just the overall philosophy of comedy itself.
heres all the guests. click on where it says (XX Shows) to see what episodes that person has been on. http://www.keithandthegirl.com/Guests/
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Lakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
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Re: Stand up Comedy Criticism [Re: frith]
#12340210 - 04/06/10 02:14 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Seems to me your act is all malicious anecdotes put into the comedic setting, which gives you a few laughs about the most stupid neuroses and repressions from an angry middle class. Looks like a therapy session to me. ...guess that's funny.
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Stand up Comedy Criticism [Re: Lakefingers]
#12340272 - 04/06/10 02:35 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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didn't watch the video, but props for getting up. stand up comedy is THE HARDEST form of entertainment. I have zero stage fright, but it takes laying yourself out there completely bare to do stand up because you are forcefully trying to make people laugh, people who have heightened expectations of laughing, who all think they could do a better job. nothing hurts worse than the sting of joke no one laughs at. that shit can eat at you and fuck up your entire week.
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Lakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
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Quote:
SneezingPenis said: didn't watch the video, but props for getting up.
That was definitely impressive.
Quote:
SneezingPenis said:stand up comedy is THE HARDEST form of entertainment.
Maybe for some people.
Quote:
SneezingPenis said: I have zero stage fright, but it takes laying yourself out there completely bare to do stand up because you are forcefully trying to make people laugh, people who have heightened expectations of laughing, who all think they could do a better job. nothing hurts worse than the sting of joke no one laughs at. that shit can eat at you and fuck up your entire week.
Applies to any performance, or anything that 'put's you out there'.
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