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libertaire
liberator



Registered: 08/06/08
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Having another existential freak out again!
#12291701 - 03/29/10 09:37 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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So I tried finding it, but I was completely unable to find the thread I posted a while back about how I really don't want to become a music educator, even though I'm currently about to do my senior recital this semester. So I'll post a new one.
Right now I am a senior in college going for my music education degree. This semester is the capstone so to speak the past four years, where I will be put before my family and friends and make a complete ass out of myself for an hour. That's what they call a senior recital. However, as the date approaches, I am having more and more second thoughts about this entire thing. I've had doubts in the past, as I mentioned, but these doubts are growing more and more real as the days go by. However, these doubts are not absent of hope. For a while I was convinced that instead of music ed, I should probably switch to jazz studies, because then I wouldn't have to deal with the bureaucratic nonsense that goes along with being a teacher. However, as my studies have continued, and my interests developed, I have realized that I really don't think that music is for me at all. Although it's something I've been doing since fourth grade, and since then, it's really the only thing I've been good at, I feel like I have recently discovered a new, far more meaningful and impactful love: horticulture. I want to create food for the community and myself. That is my one true desire in life right now. Either that or some sort of horticultural planning, so that I can help other communities plan their gardens in a sustainable and eco friendly way. Both of those things are something that would be way more meaningful to me than anything involving music could be, and plus, I feel like both of them are in much greater demand than music educators. And those degrees would be a lot more versatile I feel as well.
So now that I've sort of made up my mind about this whole thing, the hardest part of all of it is going to be telling and convincing my parents that what I'm thinking is dead serious and something I am ready to be truly committed to. Right now the plan is to go to community college for some related courses while I apply to various schools, and hopefully get in in the spring. That seems like a reasonable plan I think, but I still feel like they'll freak out on me for wasting the past 4 years of my life.
So any advice on how I should approach telling them, and also any advice for someone who is considering going into agriculture/horticulture? Or if you think it's a completely shitty idea, that's welcome also.
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libertaire
liberator



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12292509 - 03/29/10 12:11 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Bump. Any advice anyone?
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire] 4
#12292534 - 03/29/10 12:15 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Follow your heart, be what you want to be, do what you want to do, dont sac your free just for someone else. Dont tell your folks what you think they want to hear, tell them what you would like them to hear.
There are people who are molded by the people and things around them and people who mold the people and things around them.
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smack
Observer



Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 5,600
Loc: Land of the Ice and Snow
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#12292557 - 03/29/10 12:19 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MisterMuscaria said: Follow your heart, be what you want to be, do what you want to do, dont sac your free just for someone else. Dont tell your folks what you think they want to hear, tell them what you would like them to hear.
There are people who are molded by the people and things around them and people who mold the people and things around them.
-------------------- 14:31
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noticeofeviction
Roller


Registered: 02/06/10
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12292564 - 03/29/10 12:21 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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I don't see how this relates to existentialism.
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libertaire
liberator



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: noticeofeviction]
#12292659 - 03/29/10 12:40 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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You're right, it doesn't have anything to do with existentialism, for some reason I thought that meant like what you think about yourself, but that's clearly way off.
Thanks for the advice, keep it coming. I'm still not positive this is what I want to do for sure, and people have told me in the past that they chose music ed as a career, and are fairly happy now, even though they had second thoughts while they were getting their degree. It's such a hard decision, but it's one I have to make now, because I don't want to play a b.s. lie of a senior recital.
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noticeofeviction
Roller


Registered: 02/06/10
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#12292855 - 03/29/10 01:10 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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I think Mister offered the best advice... that sums up how I feel pretty well. Just be your own person and make decisions based on what you think is best for you. It's your life, after all.
My girlfriend is having lots of trouble choosing a major
Edited by noticeofeviction (03/29/10 01:10 PM)
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truekimbo2
Cya later, friends.



Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12292874 - 03/29/10 01:13 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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lol, you gonna die, no choices you make are ever going to effect anything. its all chaos.
-------------------- You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.
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libertaire
liberator



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: truekimbo2]
#12293231 - 03/29/10 02:17 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
truekimbo2 said: lol, you gonna die, no choices you make are ever going to effect anything. its all chaos.
It's all chaos eventually, but right now, I have the opportunity to make something out of this chaos, so why not seize that opportunity?
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12293520 - 03/29/10 03:10 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Here's the conclusion I came to on my last mescaline trip...
I'm at a point in my life where I'm questioning what I want to do as a career. I have interests in both Digital Animation and Physics. I am in Digital Animation currently and have been thinking about switching to Physics, which I believe I might be better at.
during my trip, the reality I was experiencing was Fractal.
think of it as a Mandlebrot Set:

what you would call "consensus reality" would be the edge of the fractal. while nothingness (i.e. death) is the black part. this is also where creativity comes from; we'll get into that later.
now the edge of the fractal is this "nothingness", trying to make sense of itself, resulting in the reality which we perceive with our senses. NOW
we are observing reality because we can not make sense of death, or this "nothingness", or we can not come to accept it. this results in us being trapped in this eternal loop. this infinite fractal.
okay what drives us... progression, right. progression. we want to progress, we want to learn things. we want to learn new things about the reality which we percieve. we want to analyze as much data as possible during the time we have here.
what we don't realize is that we have all the time in the world, for if one can not come to grips with this "nothingness", there will be a consciousness.
now we can think of individual consciousness as rips, or tears in the nothingness. remember the mandlebrot fractal is 2-dimensional. so you would need to imagine a fractal with more dimensions as being the reality we perceive.
okay now we get into thie "nothingness". what is this? why it's nothing 
this nothingness is also everything. it's everything that hasn't been thought of, which is literally infinite. it's full of possibilities that can be taken from it and put into the "somethingness", (if you will).
this had me come to the conclusion that I should continue in Digital Animation. because I've come to realize what drives ME as an individual is to create. I realized I wanted to create something from this "nothingness", in lieu of trying to understand what's already here. now I still have a great passion for Knowledge and Understanding and will continue to study Physics nonetheless.
but as a career, (what I want to be "labeled" as, I suppose if that's how you want to put it), is as someone who can create something from nothing. Someone who can take advantage of this infinite pool of creative possibilities and turn it into an object of this reality.
now analyzing thangs is great, and it's great to learn about what's already here. but the ultimate key (the end all be all, if you will) is to combine these two. for there to be a middle ground.
for the more knowledge you have, the more possibilities you're able to see.
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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HuHEN
I am the Owl



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12293598 - 03/29/10 03:24 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Welcome to my world i'm in a state of non-stop existential crisis
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: HuHEN]
#12293605 - 03/29/10 03:25 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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I thrive on chaos and uncertainty.
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Cherk
Fashionable



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12293614 - 03/29/10 03:26 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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you already spent 4 years pursuing this shit might as well finish it and try it out if its not for you you'll find out and can try something else
IT'S HAMMER TIME SON
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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GrimaceTheFrog
Actually Stonehenge



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Posts: 529
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12293624 - 03/29/10 03:28 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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drop out of college!!
-------------------- no
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Squidface
Electroplated lobsterback



Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 122
Loc: Lincolnshire
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12294333 - 03/29/10 05:39 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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It doesn't sound like a shitty idea at all... What makes you think your parents will perceive the change as a waste of 4 years?
Also how long have you got left on the course? If you can bear it you might as well stick it out and get your certification before you move on to greener metaphysical pastures.
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feifen
Registered: 10/18/08
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: Cherk]
#12294363 - 03/29/10 05:45 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
cherokee said: you already spent 4 years pursuing this shit might as well finish it and try it out if its not for you you'll find out and can try something else
IT'S HAMMER TIME SON
Seriously best advice here..
Man, you're literally about to be done. You should just stick through it and at least graduate from it and try out the career. You can always switch to horticulture afterward if you aren't happy with it
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libertaire
liberator



Registered: 08/06/08
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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: feifen]
#12297553 - 03/30/10 06:50 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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The problem is that I'm not literally about to be done. This is my senior year, but the music education program is 5 years, and I'm behind. If I was on schedule, I would be in the education program already and be taking education classes, which would have me finishing everything not this fall, but next spring, spring of 2011. That's my "official" graduation date, but since I'm behind though, I still have till at least next fall (fall 2011), if not the following spring spring 2012). That's another reason I'm thinking about ditching this whole bag and finding a new one. In the time it takes me to finish up this road, I could be half way down a new one. You could be right though, I've come this far, so perhaps I should just complete what I've started. I just don't want to end up like one of those people who regrets their decisions later in life and wishes they had done this instead of that. And I know that once you graduate, it's incredibly difficult to go back to school. It's a hard ass decision, I really don't know what to do.
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The Madman
Three legged cat



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12298031 - 03/30/10 09:42 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well in my opinion finishing the music course would reduce the probability of potential regrets in the future. Also with a degree you could find a decent job which would finance your studies in whatever field you are interested in or support any hobbies that would contribute to your personal fulfillment. On the other hand if you finish in 2012 you may lose the motivation to pursue any other career, however this is for you to decide. I think that it is important to maximize the efficiency of the scarce time you have, so if i were you id rather waste 5-6 years to achieve something which will undoubtedly turn out to be useful in the long term instead of wasting 4 years for nothing. However i wish you success in no matter what you choose to pursue.
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libertaire
liberator



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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: The Madman]
#12298539 - 03/30/10 11:28 AM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks everyone for your responses and well wishes. I think for now I'm going to put off my senior recital till the fall, look into and consider my other options, and if they don't pan out or I can't convince my parents to fund my ludicrous idea, just have my recital in the fall and continue down this road. Either way, I'm definitely too distracted/unmotivated to pull of a good recital by the end of this semester. (That's one of the reasons I'm second doubting the whole thing to begin with!!)
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Aninator
Flashtique


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Re: Having another existential freak out again! [Re: libertaire]
#12306170 - 03/31/10 02:30 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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I would say if you have any idea what you want to study you should totally go for it. I'm jealous of you. At keast you have an idea. I spent five and a half years getting a photo degree and haven't taken a photograph since I graduated. At least you have a passion you can make a viable career out of.
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