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InvisiblePoid
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The Psychology of Revenge * 1
    #12220472 - 03/17/10 07:24 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

Sometimes I find myself wishing to exact revenge on others who have done me wrong--but really, what good does this do, and why do people feel the need to do this? What is it that they gain from somebody else's loss? Does the thought that somebody else is suffering really make us feel good about ourselves inside? Here's an interesting article on the topic:


From The Psychology of Anger and Anger Management - Insult, Revenge, and Forgiveness:
Quote:

Why do we have such a hard time recognizing our feelings of vulnerability and hurt when we are insulted?

Well, go back to that image of that car cutting in front of you. Your heart will be pounding, but, if you’re like most persons, you won’t be consciously aware of it. Your first conscious reaction will probably be to mutter—or yell—a curse.

And then what?

Well, it all sinks down into the unconscious where fantasies (that is, fleeting mental images, often only subliminally perceived) wage their private wars of revenge.
 


I once had to sit through a Rambo movie with some family members. There he was with those half-asleep Italian eyes, his muscles twitching, taking the insults. “Oh, oh!” they said. “He’s getting angry. Don’t make Rambo get angry!” they all gloated. And then they were slapping themselves and cheering as he hefted his huge machine gun and took aim.

And this is what our culture teaches us—through ready-made fantasies in movies, television, music, popular literature, and advertising, and acted out in politics, sports, and even in our legal system—about responding to insult.

 

Revenge permeates our culture because it permeates the human unconscious. Revenge, therefore, is what we most commonly experience in our unconscious fantasies when we become frustrated.

It could be the intellectual frustration of knowing that others are missing the point. It could be the social irritation of having to tolerate rude behavior. It could be the humiliating insult of not having our expectations fulfilled. It could be the traumatic insult of childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. But insult it is, and we feel the urge to pick up weapons—whether physical (i.e., guns and bombs) or verbal (i.e., sarcasm and curses)—and turn them on others.

Often, these urges to get revenge break out of the unconscious into the real world and become real events such as terrorism, school violence, or suicide.

Or, in our deepest hurt and frustration, we will turn those weapons on ourselves as a form of masochistic self-sabotage. This self-sabotage brings with it the unconscious satisfaction of inflicting guilt on those around us—that is, we secretly hope that our self-inflicted suffering will “say” to others, “Look what you made me do to myself!” In this case, our frustrations can stay within us as silent guilt-inducing fantasies lurking behind our social injuries.
 


Many persons have such deep anger at their parents that they unconsciously desire to keep themselves dysfunctional as a way to get back at their parents. Thus they can have the satisfaction of hurting their parents by saying, under their breath, “Look what a mess I am! It’s all your fault!”


 
Therefore, regardless of whether it’s expressed as overt social aggression or silent self-sabotage, the “popular” response to insult is revenge. Thus all anger is, at its core, a dark and cruel wish for harm to come upon the person who hurt you.

 

Yes, we can even direct our anger at things. If a tool breaks right in the middle of an important task, leaving us feeling frustrated and helpless, we will smash the tool onto the floor and curse it. We “know” that damaging the tool won’t fix anything, so why do we act with such aggression? Well, in “hurting” the tool—whether symbolically (with curses) or physically—we receive the satisfaction of feeling more powerful than something else. It’s as if we are thinking, in our unconscious logic, “My plans have been frustrated, and my pride has been injured, but if I can damage something—anything—then look how powerful I am!”

 

This explains why there is so much actual violence in the world. Despite our common sentimental claims about the value of peace, our culture teaches us by daily example that insult merits immediate revenge.

Thus, many persons blindly follow the path of violence—and in so doing, they “get angry” to avoid feeling the hurt that holds the acknowledgment of their own vulnerability.

This also explains why many persons are so afraid to acknowledge any awareness of their own anger. They have a good sense of where their unconscious wants to take them, and they can’t bear the thought of “killing” someone close to them when they feel hurt. So they will stifle everything, right from the beginning; the hurt leads to anger, all right, but they just deny they feel anything, and so they drive the anger deep into the unconscious. They present themselves to the world as calm and level-headed persons who would never even hurt a fly.
 


Have you ever seen a child, hurt by something said or done, blurt out, “I hate you! I wish you were dead!” and then run to her room and throw herself, sobbing, on her bed? And then, when the tears dry, nothing is ever said again about the words of her outburst. Maybe her mother or her father will come in and comfort her, or maybe her sister or brother will just start playing with her again, but those words—“I hate you, I wish you were dead”—just get swept off into some dark corner of forgotten memories to collect cobwebs of guilt.

Well, this is the sort of thing I’m talking about when I mention wanting to “kill” someone. It’s a subtle thing—not the plot of an egregious crime. It’s the confused experience of childlike hurt and anger.



So remember that just as wanting to “kill” someone is not necessarily a desire to commit an actual crime, a fantasy of revenge is not necessarily a desire to inflict actual hostility. Sometimes it is just a silent mental wish to see someone get paid back, a wish to feel the satisfaction of knowing that the one who causes hurt will get hurt in the end. And sometimes revenge is just a desire to keep your mouth shut when you might be able to redress a wrong. Again, it’s all very subtle with roots deep in childhood insecurity.

 

In fact, the proof of all this can be found in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder where a person who feels overwhelmingly ashamed of these fantasies of revenge will construct elaborate rituals to neutralize—or undo—these “bad” thoughts.

It’s similar to Lady Macbeth, in Shakespeare’s play Macbeth, crying, “Out, damned spot!”as she tries compulsively to rub the stain of Duncan’s murder from her hands.




--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Offlinekikthecan
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12220485 - 03/17/10 07:27 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

umad?


--------------------

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.
   

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: kikthecan] * 1
    #12220495 - 03/17/10 07:30 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

No, but I have been in the past. :grin:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12220701 - 03/17/10 08:15 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

Frock you.  :mad2:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12220712 - 03/17/10 08:17 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

I'll get my xFrockingx revenge on you one of these days, just you wait! :shakefist:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12220715 - 03/17/10 08:18 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

Oh, I know.  I'll be waiting.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12220760 - 03/17/10 08:25 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

It'll come when ya least expect it. :evil2:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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OfflinexFrockx
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid] * 1
    #12221182 - 03/17/10 09:36 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

Wow you guys are talking about me in threads now, that's weird.  Although I like my name being a slur.

Edited by xFrockx (03/17/10 09:37 PM)

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OfflinexFrockx
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: xFrockx] * 1
    #12221195 - 03/17/10 09:39 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

To respond to the OP, I don't know why people feel like revenge does them good.  I've told myself over and over again that I don't want to think like that, yet at times I still do, and it pains me to continue to have these thoughts, because they are entirely useless and counter-productive to anything I decide to do.

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Offlinekikthecan
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: xFrockx] * 1
    #12221382 - 03/17/10 10:10 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

because it isn't fair!


--------------------

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.
   

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: kikthecan]
    #12221390 - 03/17/10 10:11 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

life ain't fair :satansmoking:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflineBreadnbutterfly86
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12221514 - 03/17/10 10:31 PM (14 years, 15 days ago)

frock no it aint


--------------------
"Don't just do something, stand there!" -Mr. Rabbit-

              Breadnbutterfly

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: xFrockx] * 1
    #12221666 - 03/17/10 11:03 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

xFrockx said:
I've told myself over and over again that I don't want to think like that, yet at times I still do...


Same here--I'm baffeled by the fact that I sometimes find pleasure at the thought of others' suffering.


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12221670 - 03/17/10 11:03 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

:haha:

:blush:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12221680 - 03/17/10 11:05 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Mr. Cypher said:
:blush:


Oh don't be shy...:uptosomething:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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OfflineBreadnbutterfly86
Religion limits human potential

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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher]
    #12221689 - 03/17/10 11:07 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

dogs turn on their owners, especially brutal ones... people think more complex than a dog, but not much more than a monkey


--------------------
"Don't just do something, stand there!" -Mr. Rabbit-

              Breadnbutterfly

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Breadnbutterfly86]
    #12221690 - 03/17/10 11:07 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Breadnbutterfly86 said:
dogs turn on their owners, especially brutal ones... people think more complex than a dog, but not much more than a monkey




--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflineBreadnbutterfly86
Religion limits human potential

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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Breadnbutterfly86]
    #12221725 - 03/17/10 11:14 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

we're all shown how to act. when someone dies, you're supposed to cry. birthdays are meant to be happy. when you're happy you smile, sad you frown. people are told to treat others equally, somehow i think it gets flipped...or mis-programmed, to where we do just that... the fact that people think they need to earn something is where it begins, the revenge comes from the equality in a way.


--------------------
"Don't just do something, stand there!" -Mr. Rabbit-

              Breadnbutterfly

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Breadnbutterfly86] * 1
    #12221750 - 03/17/10 11:18 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Breadnbutterfly86 said:
dogs turn on their owners, especially brutal ones...


I think it's sort of funny when that happens. :lol:

:angrydog:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12221752 - 03/17/10 11:19 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

:beercat:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflineBreadnbutterfly86
Religion limits human potential

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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12221755 - 03/17/10 11:20 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

karma, if you believe in it


--------------------
"Don't just do something, stand there!" -Mr. Rabbit-

              Breadnbutterfly

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Breadnbutterfly86]
    #12221756 - 03/17/10 11:20 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

I don't.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflineBreadnbutterfly86
Religion limits human potential

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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12221770 - 03/17/10 11:22 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

me either, its all a matter of time... especially w/ people always plotting revenge haha


--------------------
"Don't just do something, stand there!" -Mr. Rabbit-

              Breadnbutterfly

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12221825 - 03/17/10 11:32 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)



--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: Poid]
    #12221827 - 03/17/10 11:33 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

:eek:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisiblePoid
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Re: The Psychology of Revenge [Re: deCypher] * 1
    #12221841 - 03/17/10 11:37 PM (14 years, 14 days ago)

Cat getting his revenge:



--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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