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OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
teardrop on the fire
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Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
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Last seen: 8 months, 19 days
The science of social interaction.
    #1212738 - 01/12/03 07:51 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I hope this will be an ok subject here.
I imagine I would receive less than helpful responses elsewhere. If it must be moved please move it to the chill-out room. thanks.


I made a post a week or to ago about friendship. if any of you remember that, this sort of ties in to it.

This is not an "everybody cry for larry" kinda post. I don't regret my past. It hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been the worst. I just want to grow as a person and I need some help.

I can't interact with people. Seriously I freak out in a social situations. I don't know how to make friends. anything like that. I never have. I never had friends in high school, only my girlfriend I had for 2 years.

My parents never did things with other people though and I kinda think that maybe that had something to do with it.

I can't even hold a conversation with some one. But in all my communication classes in college I get A's. I have a 3.8 gpa. But I feel so stupid when around other people.

Has anyone ever had a similiar situation?

It's simple shit like small talk I don't get. I can discuss the meaning of life, and god, and right and wrong. But "hows that weather?" I don't get it....

The shroomery is my major source for communication. Other than work or school I am here. People here are so cool and you can talk to most of them about anything on earth.

:frown:


--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


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InvisibleSmack31
Stranger

Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 10,680
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1212852 - 01/12/03 08:34 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I was just going to make a post about something like this. I feel like I'm stuck inside of myself all the time. When ever I'm in a group I'm always the one who doesn't talk much, and (especially in 'fun' settings where everyone is having a good time) I can feel this weight that I add to the room. When I'm one on one I'm usually okay, but if whoever I'm talking to starts going on and on about something I get all weirded out, and the less I speak the harder it is to find words...

In groups I just feel like I never have anything to add, or that I'll disrupt the flow of the conversation... unless it's just some short remark that everyone can pass off real quick.

i dunno...
/me's head spins.


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OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
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Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
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Last seen: 8 months, 19 days
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Smack31]
    #1212872 - 01/12/03 08:42 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Just to get by I have to build myself up in my mind to believing I am better than those around me, that I don't NEED them.

Maybe I am mildly retard and nobody told me.


--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


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OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
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Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
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Last seen: 8 months, 19 days
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1212884 - 01/12/03 08:48 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

alot of people live in this fantasy world... they need other people to help them keep the fantasy alive...

I TRY to live with truth. I think that upsets some people.


--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


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Invisibledee_N_ae
\/\/¡†¢h |-|øµ§³ ¢å†
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Registered: 08/16/02
Posts: 2,473
Loc: The Shadow of Neptune
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Smack31]
    #1212909 - 01/12/03 09:05 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

the less I speak the harder it is to find words...




I get this too...
I think maybe if I just stop caring about responding to everything someone says, it will go away.  It could be that it partly comes from wanting to say "the right thing" to someone, you know?
You were saying how it happens to you when someone is just talking at you, or "going on and on"...
People tend to talk themselves into an emotional hole sometimes. At those times maybe it's best just not to tell them what they're expecting (or wanting) to hear, and instead remain silent, just listening.  Interjecting something just for the sake of conversation might not always be the best thing to do.
I've realised that sometimes (unknowingly) people spill their guts to you not to hear your answers to their problems, but just to have someone who will listen so that they feel justified in whatever it is that their going through. 
I'm just thinking out loud here...hope that made sense  :crazy:  :wink:   


Edited by dee_N_ae (01/12/03 09:07 PM)


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InvisibleJoshua
Holoman
Male

Registered: 10/27/98
Posts: 5,389
Loc: The Matrix
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1213014 - 01/12/03 11:24 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I understand where you are coming from. I have problems in social situations as well. I think it is merely a difference in interests for the most part. I am not interested in clothing styles, who did what to who and said what, how others aren't as good as me, and all of the other meaningless ramble that occurs in most social situations. I blame it on my parents. They kept me very sheltered and prevented me from developing my social skills when I was young. When you miss out on a certain developmental period in your life, it is hard to catch up. Unfortunately, the only fix I have found is in alcohol. Studies show that alcohol relaxes inhibitions. I suppose then that I have too many inhibitions, I have a blame for this too, but it matters not.

Joshua


--------------------
The Shroomery Bookstore

Great books for inquiring minds!

"Life After Death is Saprophytic!"


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InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1213042 - 01/13/03 12:00 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

{no hierarchy of progression implied}

I know exactly what you're going through.  However, my experience is slightly different than yours.

In the past, my "social functioning button" would be on or off at random intervals.  I'd be quiet and shy one minute and BAM! it was if I were shot out of a cannon.  I'd ramble off about things no one else understood or saw... so I got that "weirdo..." label alot.  Whatever...  I couldn't control either side for shit (not manic-depressive).  It wasn't until I learned to use that quiet, introspective side that I began to understand what the hell was going on.  It seems like you have this end taken care of.

So now you're looking for a prescription, right?

Well, what do you want?  You want to learn how to communicate with the "pinks"?  It doesn't really matter what you say to them... so you might as well have fun with 'em.  Hell, I try to screw with them as much as possible.  Sure, I start out with the small talk... but I work in the insanity whenever possible.
Think Dr. Hunter S. Thompson LITE.

Sure, talk about the weather... but toss in the crazy:

Pink: How about that weather, eh?
YOU: No kiddin'... hot one day, cold the next...
P: Yep.  I just don't understand it.
Y: I do. [/confidence]
P: *Pause... quizzical look*  What do you mean?
Y: *quick side to side scan... lowered volume* well, I'm not supposed to talk about it... but you seem like a good person, so I'll let you in on the inside scoop.
P: *ears perk up* Yeah? What's that?
Y: I'm an aerospace engineer... I work for the military.  We've been working on it for years, and last year we had a breakthrough when the boys at MIT cracked the anti-quark alpha emission problem...
P: *in awe*
Y: ...it's allowed us to manipulate certain meteorological patterns, if you will... and the military has been testing out these theorems with much success...
P: What are you saying, exactly?
Y: *another side to side scan* I'm talking about a WEATHER CONTROL DEVICE!!
P: Noooo?! [/shocked]
Y: *nodding head* Yes.... I wouldn't doubt that they've thought of using it in Iraq this summer... but I'm not certain on that... it's all hush-hush, you know?
P: Yeah... geez...
Y: Anyways... I guess it's better than nuking them, right?
P: Right. *still dumbfounded*
Y: *checks time* Whoa, I gotta go... I have a meeting to get to... nice talking to ya.
P: Nice talking to y...
Y: *interrupts* Oh, you'll make sure not to mention this to anyone, won't you?
P: Oh... sure sure... no problem, my lips are sealed.
Y: Great. Have a good one! *walks away*

You don't have to be that drastic, but you know what I'm saying... small talk is boring.  Liven things up a bit. :wink: 


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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Offlinesolidox
sir

Registered: 07/25/02
Posts: 54
Loc: Romania
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1213247 - 01/13/03 03:53 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

The shroomery is my major source for communication. Other than work or school I am here. People here are so cool and you can talk to most of them about anything on earth.
:frown: 




Yeah, I thought most of the people are stupid too. And they are. But you can still talk to them about what you want. I know I do, because I am interested in their opinion. You wouldn't belive the things taxi drivers are willing to chat about ...


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Anonymous

Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1213273 - 01/13/03 04:11 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hey hey, haven?t you heard "simple things please simple minds"

We are living on the planet full of different people.

Quality is reversly proportional to quantity my friend.

Here is another quote.

"Small minds discuss people, good minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas"

Don't feel bad because other don?t get you. That is due to another rule.
"Communication and mutual understanding can only exists between equals"


(Waw, 4 metaphors/quotes in one post)



Edited by Anonymous (01/13/03 04:17 AM)


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OfflineRemy
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Registered: 06/04/02
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1213415 - 01/13/03 05:56 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I, in the past, have had similar situations, where I get in a mood of thinking rather than talking. The worst is when others are talking about things relative to their group, that have nothing to do with you. There are a few things I have learned about people. Many are assholes. They will take advantage of you, because it's the only way for them to look good. Therefore, you must take advantage of them, before they take advantage of you. The majority of the time they will end up speechless, and will learn to respect what you have to say. Once you have earned respect of foolish souls, you can work intelligent thought/ideas into the small talk. Conversation is an excellent thing. Sadly, good conversations get rarer each day. One of the best virtues I have learned is talking to strangers. Approaching random people in an elevator, or anywhere, and starting up conversations about anything. Its the fastest way to overcome any fear of social interaction.


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Anonymous

Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Sclorch]
    #1214551 - 01/13/03 01:36 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Sound advice.

Cheers


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Offlinetrippinlizard
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Registered: 12/29/02
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1215038 - 01/13/03 04:37 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

although i am both a self-proclaimed, and frequently labeled "unique/strange/odd/wierd" person, and am actually kind of popular. i have never had any problems with dealing with people, well, any big ones. i can jump from the meaning of life to DMT to how much the cold sucks to that damn perpetual calc assisignment like stepping stones. no prob. but sometimes the message gets garbled.
in fact just today i was told three times about how my conservation skills were odd. i was told i "spoke in  eight  dimensions", and some people tune me out on the deeper disscussion and talk about baseball instead.
lol.
good for them.
then they ask me a question *evil grin* and i'm once again the "kid with the strange/cool/deep ideas"
well i guess the moral of the story is that ya just gotta let em talk, they have the first amendment too ya know :wink:
peace.love.psychedelics.communication.
i'm reminded of a lyric from the best(opinion) band of all time-"cold silence has the tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion"
well all live together, and, perhaps, we are linked together in even more intimate ways.
love each other. :smirk:life is good


--------------------
fine. do what you want, but i'm drinking the water.


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OfflineGrav
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: trippinlizard]
    #1215080 - 01/13/03 05:04 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

... perhaps... *said in Hunter S. Thompson voice with cig holder in mouth*

I know where you are comin from Larry, I want to write a big post but I am too damn tired, I will tomorrow. I feel I've made alot of progress in this department. I used to hate people and now i love people. (but not in the crazy born-again christian way).


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OfflineAdamist
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1215112 - 01/13/03 05:16 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Communication with pre-larval stage humans requires extreme caution and patience, and must be handled with care.

The sage is silent.
Do not be caught in a web of words.
Let your actions be a wordless teaching.

"He does not show himself, and therefore is apparent.
He does not affirm himself, and therefore is acknowledged.
He does not boast and therefore has merit.
He does not strive and is therefore successful.
It is exactly because he does not contend, that nobody can contend with him."
-Tao Te Ching


--------------------
:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:


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OfflineGoBlue!
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Registered: 10/27/02
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1215114 - 01/13/03 05:16 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hey, look at the bright side: at least you're good at written communication.  I suck at social skills (which explains why I'm on the computer a lot), AND I suck at written communication.  :wink: 


--------------------
:smile:  Just stating my thoughts, not trying to offend  :smile:


Edited by GoBlue! (01/13/03 05:25 PM)


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Offline3eyedgod
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Smack31]
    #1218178 - 01/14/03 03:28 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I was just going to make a post about something like this. I feel like I'm stuck inside of myself all the time. When ever I'm in a group I'm always the one who doesn't talk much, and (especially in 'fun' settings where everyone is having a good time) I can feel this weight that I add to the room. When I'm one on one I'm usually okay, but if whoever I'm talking to starts going on and on about something I get all weirded out, and the less I speak the harder it is to find words...

In groups I just feel like I never have anything to add, or that I'll disrupt the flow of the conversation... unless it's just some short remark that everyone can pass off real quick.

i dunno...
/me's head spins.





I can relate.


--------------------
Without everything wouldn't nothing be everything and without nothing wouldn't everything be nothing.I am the beginning and the end,the source and the void, the light and the darkness,i am but a small drop of the ocean yet i am an ocean unto myself


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InvisibleDazedSol
old hand

Registered: 08/01/01
Posts: 1,230
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1218313 - 01/14/03 04:37 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

yes i get the same thing as you....well kind of.... i suppose i can be social when i 'want' to be...match the pointless dribble that most will talk about.... but i cant seem to get myself out of my head...know what i mean? i like to sit and take it all in....people-watch, kinda, if you will... its like when i was young, someone told me to 'stop and smell the roses'....well i stopped and im still sniffing them :smile: 
doesnt really bother me all that much........sounds petty, but my only complaint with the quiet 'withdrawn' lifestyle i lead is that i dont get laid nearly as much as i would like to....but thats a different issue i suppose....lol 


--------------------
Peace,
Adam


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Invisiblechodamunky
Cheers!

Registered: 02/28/02
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: dee_N_ae]
    #1220184 - 01/15/03 07:50 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I've realised that sometimes (unknowingly) people spill their guts to you not to hear your answers to their problems, but just to have someone who will listen so that they feel justified in whatever it is that their going through.

This reminds me of the movie Fight Club where he is in that meeting where all the men have their testacles removed and he is talking to that girl. Here is what I remember of a good quote from that scene "People don't really listen to you, they just wait for their turn to speak"



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OfflinefollowingApath
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Registered: 01/15/03
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Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1220220 - 01/15/03 08:12 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Larry i feel for you, i was once in that position all the time.  The hardest thing about it is you individually lack of control over social interactions.  However you do have individual control over social interactions even though it may not be in the way your used to thinking.  When someone is talking look em right in the face and listen to them as hard as you can.  If you put all your energy into listing, you would be surprised how easy it is to figure things out about the person and what they are saying.  Then right their you got some knowledge about that person and therefore some commonality with them and a gateway to a conversation. 

At all cost don't let an ego get in the way.  If you sit their and think "these guys arn't as smart as me so thats why i have nothing to say to them"  it will only increase your detachment from the group.  Remember their is much good as evil in everything and everyone, and although the conversations may seem simple the joy it can bring to the people involved in the conversations can be as subjectively valuable as the most heated philosophical/spiritual debate. 

I myself started out as a recluse/reader  transitioned to  social/ party animal  and now although i still drink with my friends as a release consider my path to be far more spiritual/naturalist these days. 

Hope i could shed some light :tongue:


Hope i could shed some light :tongue: 


--------------------
Passion vs. Detachment
What a conflict eh?


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Offlinesirreal
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Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: The science of social interaction. [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #1220228 - 01/15/03 08:15 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Considering the fact that you find communicating through nonpersonal means such as writing and the internet to be easy,Maybe you just have a hard time understanding and interpreting the visual elements of communication.Some people get confused when trying to look into the eyes of someone else.It is a mindset.You can overcome that.


--------------------
I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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