Home | Community | Message Board

NorthSpore.com BOOMR Bag!
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: North Spore Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out
    #12042886 - 02/16/10 08:25 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I have to write 5 bullshit business letters for my business writing course and can anyone help me out with this one by giving me pointers or anything:

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

We have recently received your medical bills totaling $12,464.  I have read your message about how using our gym equipment you have suffered a terrible rotator cuff tear and feel that our company is at fault and should cover your fee.

I understand the physical pain, loss of wages, and frustration this has caused you and your family.  The damage done to your shoulder though was the effect of improper weight training.  We have excellent fitness trainers here at Mark's Gym and they have stated that they had approached you numerous times about swinging weights around vigorously with your arms both for your safety, and the safety of other gym members.

When you come into Mark's Gym, we provide you with experts on whatever you need.  You did not take advantage and we cannot accept responsibility for your bill due to our current policy.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSprezzatura
Virtuoso
Male

Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12043300 - 02/16/10 09:16 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

PreparationH said:
I have to write 5 bullshit business letters for my business writing course and can anyone help me out with this one by giving me pointers or anything:

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

We have recently received your medical bills totaling $12,464.  I have read your message about how using our gym equipment you have suffered a terrible rotator cuff tear and feel that our company is at fault and should cover your fee.

I understand the physical pain, loss of wages, and frustration this has caused you and your family.  The damage done to your shoulder though was the effect of improper weight training.  We have excellent fitness trainers here at Mark's Gym and they have stated that they had approached you numerous times about swinging weights around vigorously with your arms both for your safety, and the safety of other gym members.

When you come into Mark's Gym, we provide you with experts on whatever you need.  You did not take advantage and we cannot accept responsibility for your bill due to our current policy.






First of all, never say "I" in the letter.  Stick with 'We' or 'our company'.
Second, avoid anything confrontational, "The damage done to your shoulder was from improper training..."... this doesn't appease anything and is unprofessional... stick to referencing  policies and hard facts.
I would also avoid using the term 'I understand' in any business letter of this sort and reminding the person of the affects of their injury... it empowers them, not you.
Embellishing the point about confrontation, I would also refrain from any kind of lecture as you've done here... "We have trainers" [You did it wrong etc.]

I'm not sure how many characters/words they expect you to write for this paper... but a denial of a claim, or a rejection of this sort, shouldn't be more than a few sentences.

This would be an example of a 'hard business' letter... and trust me, I've written plenty.


Dear Mr. Sinclair,

We've carefully reviewed your complaint regarding an injury sustained at one of our facilities on [insert date].
Our policy indicates that Mark's Gym members use equipment at their own risk and is aforementioned in conditions, regulations and rules cited under contractual Company-Patron documents signed upon enrollment.
We value your patronage as a member of our facility, unfortunately, your request for Mark's Gym to cover your medical expenses has been denied.

*Add cordial salutations & signature*


Done.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12043446 - 02/16/10 09:34 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

THANK YOU

+5

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12043482 - 02/16/10 09:39 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

You have inoperable pancreatic cancer.

Sincerely,

PreparationH


--------------------
Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #12043696 - 02/16/10 10:08 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Dear Mr. Sinclair,
You have been thrusting me too far into your sphincter and are not doing it right.

Please read our terms of use.

-Preparation H

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12043732 - 02/16/10 10:16 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I come from an insurance claims background:

be sure to state something like: to date, you have not provided us any of your relevant or past medical records. Therefor, we are unable to determine if your injury is due to a pre-existing condition, or if your injury in fact occurred on our premises.

Sprezzatura's letter is good, but I wouldnt even admit liability or that the injury happened at your gym.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Edited by MrBump (02/16/10 10:22 PM)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSprezzatura
Virtuoso
Male

Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12043814 - 02/16/10 10:32 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

MrBump said:
I come from an insurance claims background:

be sure to state something like: to date, you have not provided us any of your relevant or past medical records. Therefor, we are unable to determine if your injury is due to a pre-existing condition, or if your injury in fact occurred on our premises.




You could put that in, but it's not necessary in the first letter response.  Insurance companies, when denying a claim, initially are very simplistic... this would likely be, if at all, a second letter response if the claimant is persistent and the case is being forwarded to the courts; which is known as submitting 'Issues', directed by an attorney, where a hearing by either a commission (i.e. Worker's Compensation) or claims court would ensue.

Either way, I'm sure it couldn't hurt if it's just a school paper.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSprezzatura
Virtuoso
Male

Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12043881 - 02/16/10 10:43 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

MrBump said:

Sprezzatura's letter is good, but I wouldnt even admit liability or that the injury happened at your gym.




Thanks.  The letter doesn't admit the injury happened at the Gym, merely stating if it did happen at the Gym, there is no liability because a contract was signed ; which every Gym I've ever heard of has... they definitely cover their own ass.
Now if the Injury was caused by a defective piece of equipment, then you're looking at a different situation which would surely be handled by Attorneys rather than the Business itself, which is implied in the letter:

"We have excellent fitness trainers here at Mark's Gym"

So really, if the Company is writing a courtesy letter or a letter informing the member that their insurance isn't covering it, it shouldn't be verbose, or overly detailed.... that is a matter for Insurance companies and Insurance Company Attorneys.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12043911 - 02/16/10 10:48 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

One of my goals IS to open my own gym eventually somewhere down the line, this exercise actually did teach me some stuff, for that I'm grateful.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12043940 - 02/16/10 10:55 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

well, if I were the owner of a gym and received this type of letter from a patron I would immediately turn it over to my liability insurance carrier for evaluation and initial denial.

chances are, if the gym patron truly felt he was injured by the gym's negligence, he would have already hired a Plaintiff's atty to offer up the initial demand letter.

In any event, we are both talking way beyond the needs of Prep H's school assignment. :lol:

you in law school?


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12043958 - 02/16/10 10:59 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

No sir, just 4th semester at college. 

I'm a fitness major and am the only non-business major in this business-writing class lol

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSprezzatura
Virtuoso
Male

Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12044074 - 02/16/10 11:19 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Haha, true.

No, I was actually going to go to Law School, but I decided I wanted to go to Med School for Psychotherapy and Medicine, which never happened because I finally made my mind up to go to School for Journalism and Writing. Of course that didn't happen because I started making money in real estate... so I actually have no formal Education to speak of. :smile:

Since I do have a plethora of interests, however, and I've worked with many of people, independent projects, Universities (not enrolled) and different companies (Ranging from 10$ an hour jobs to $80K a year jobs) I've befriended a wide array of people or at least maintain them as associates or acquaintances;
Lawyers, Real Estate Agents, Brokers, Day Traders, Venture-Capitalists, Psychologists/psychotherapists, mycologists, astrophysicists, Medical research scientists, Restaurant Owners, Club Owners (I co-owned a small time Club at one time), Promoters, Musicians, State and County Politicians, High Ranking Teamster Representatives.....  So I dabble in a little of everything.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12044129 - 02/16/10 11:28 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

lol his question was to you I'm a dope. 

You're in real estate though? How do you go about making money, buy houses, fixem up then sell really quick?

My plan is to graduate, join the military and hand all the money I make to my friend who is a banker and one of the most intelligent people I know, from there I hope he doesnt fuck everything up(I doubt he will) and have him play with my money until I come home to a shit load more money.  From there, keep playing the real estate game, open a gym, live happily ever after.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12044160 - 02/16/10 11:34 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

PreparationH said:
lol his question was to you I'm a dope. 






yeahhh. I didnt wanna say anything but it wasnt you I assumed had some legal training.  :hehehe:


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12044189 - 02/16/10 11:41 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

:omgz: :orly:



lol I just love usin them smileys

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleelementswrath
Finger' trippin good
Male User Gallery


Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,276
Loc: suiciety Flag
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12044194 - 02/16/10 11:43 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

We've carefully reviewed your complaint regarding an injury sustained at one of our facilities on [insert date].
Our policy indicates that Mark's Gym members use equipment at their own risk and is aforementioned in conditions, regulations and rules cited under contractual Company-Patron documents signed upon enrollment.
We value your patronage as a member of our facility, unfortunately, your request for Mark's Gym to cover your medical expenses has been denied.

*Add cordial salutations & signature*





i like this one, very professional.
sets out the point in a very straightforward throw it your face way that i usually get from companies.

10/10 :trophy:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12044219 - 02/16/10 11:47 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

PreparationH said:
:omgz: :orly:



lol I just love usin them smileys




:lol: sorry

in any event, good luck w/ your endeavors. I currently work out at a gym that doesnt have a large clientele.
the staff seems to think that the place has about a year before it goes under.

I love it though b/c it's NEVER busy, except during lunch time hours (it's in a downtown locale)


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: MrBump]
    #12044267 - 02/16/10 11:56 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

MrBump said:
Quote:

PreparationH said:
:omgz: :orly:



lol I just love usin them smileys




:lol: sorry

in any event, good luck w/ your endeavors. I currently work out at a gym that doesnt have a large clientele.
the staff seems to think that the place has about a year before it goes under.

I love it though b/c it's NEVER busy, except during lunch time hours (it's in a downtown locale)



eesh when the staff thinks shit's gone soon, shit's gone soon lol.

Eh, not so much even a gym as much as anything dealing in fitness.
And thank you.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSprezzatura
Virtuoso
Male

Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: PreparationH]
    #12044326 - 02/17/10 12:09 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I bought my first house when I was 22, didn't live there long, fixed it up and sold it... after I paid off the Loan, I had about 20grand left, so I invested some money in Liquor Companies and went back to Work as a Supervisor at a big company.  Invested in Diageo (They own Smirnoff, Guinness, Bailey's, Captain Morgans etc.) I read about them in Forbes Magazine a few years ago when they published an article about conservative stock inclines.. and it made sense to invest in Liquor because their stock never stays down... it gradually goes up.  I moved back to my Mother's house for a while until I bought another house, this time a nice, 4-bed room, 1 1/2 bath, single family detached (meaning not a row house) with only a couple months and a few grand to fix up because I did 90% of the labor myself.  Luckily, before I lost my job, I bought another house, and ended up renting it for a while to help pay my PITI (Mortgage, Principle, Interest, Taxes and Insurance) and then sold it later, made about 33 grand on it.

I decided to get out of the real estate game for a while, and try to concentrate on writing business plans to establish some kind of business (I'd rather not share the idea).
I've been bouncing around for the past 4 or 5 years doing all sorts of different things... and I'm thinking it's time to focus and get serious about something and take full control over my life.

If you're interested in getting into Flipping houses or real estate... First thing you need to do is get your Credit Score as close to perfect as possible and have a job that's paying over 30k a year, have collateral (like a car or boat that's paid off) and down payment money (around 20k) otherwise you'll be a ghost at any bank, and they don't give FHA (First-Time Homeowners Association) loans to houses that need fixing up.
To buy a HUD, or 'As is' property, you either have to have sturdy 'Buying power' (which is a little more than credit score) or a lot of money for down payments.
And if you're looking to eventually start up a Gym, not only will you need a lot of paper-work, licenses etc. that cost a lot, you'll need to have that strong buying power because commercial properties are harder to buy... even sometimes hard to lease.  I know people who own Commercial property and they typically own more than 1 residential property.
It's definitely a good market for that type of ambition right now.. property value in the U.S. has plummeted and interest rates on mortgages are quite low.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05 Happy 19th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 18,345
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 8 hours, 46 minutes
Re: Business Letter negative letter help. Help a shroomer out [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #12044393 - 02/17/10 12:26 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks a lot man I appreciate this big time.

I have two more years of college but have recently been really trying to piece my future together and so far it's looking pretty nice.  The money thing and banking jargon, my best friend is a loan officer, he knows the ins and outs of all that business and I would trust him with every penny in my account.  Now getting that initial money however is where I keep looking into the military because ofm y college degree I'll be able to join the marines as an officer and an o-1 base pay is like 2,700.

I'm about to get a lot of people bashing me saying I won't make that much but it comes down to who you ask and how they were with the pay.  so $2,700 a month but I dont pay for a place to live or eat so I wouldnt even touch the money, just get it home to the friend so he can start doing things with it(buy a house, fixer up sell it and move on).  This idea we've kicked around in our heads since we were in high school together.  He's a tiny fellow and I'm a jock(military wants my ass lol), best friends since second grade and we've always wanted to be in business together and this I feel will make the dream come true, or me exploded and have my family get 400k whatever works

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: North Spore Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* sports injuries, pulled muscles eligal 1,036 7 12/08/05 01:30 PM
by eligal
* a letter from david cross
( 1 2 all )
JonnyOnTheSpot 2,815 26 12/07/05 01:45 PM
by fathertracy
* New year shroomers? Shroomehlouah 428 4 01/01/05 09:31 AM
by Penguarky Tunguin
* "The Letter D"...long, detailed, beautiful poem...read it :) MiRrOr 1,213 4 12/09/05 12:15 AM
by MiRrOr
* College related injury TODAY 564 5 02/22/05 04:27 AM
by 40oz
* an open letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush 40oz 1,049 12 09/03/05 02:32 AM
by MagicalMystery
* WHAT MUSIC DO OUR FELLOW SHROOMERS ROCK TO ?
( 1 2 3 all )
TYL3R 4,420 57 06/30/06 10:36 PM
by king_cobra
* Shroomer Posers
( 1 2 all )
K4Lic0 2,854 29 01/16/05 09:32 PM
by Burke Dennings

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
700 topic views. 4 members, 46 guests and 70 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.032 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 14 queries.