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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: aghorrorag]
#12138826 - 03/03/10 11:03 PM (13 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
ive tried to let some of my guards down as of lately. I cried myself to sleep last night, but it wasnt out of sympathy. I truly want to change and move on with life. Make a new life with some friends that will actually care about me and my problems. Just atleast one friend that will always be calling me from states away , writing a stupid letter about their favorite cartoon, or just the smallest thing to make me believe im alive.
just the other day i was out with an old friend I havent seen in years. Things were awkward yet so comfortable. He knew me and I knew him. We just knew each other. You're Ben from highschool. We met in driving ed class! THan he would just have the same memories and thoughts/. None of that fake and obvious acknowledgment of a time in our shitty life's. I dont need your hand outs to feel alright with my self,,I hope you know I do have some diginity held away for the times its really needed.
Ben turned out to be one of my best friends ill ever make. Before moving to this city, I had a few really good friends, but i just visited them. But everyone started moving. My best friend ever moved and he turned more into a old memory. and so on. I stuck around though with the same group of friends. they sold weed. took extacy and shrooms, snorted coke . swallowed pills of every color,,, and I wasn't in that whole loop myself as of yet atleast .drugs was a big part of our pass time. "hey I just got some extacy, im rolling my ass off tonight"
and I always be tripping my ass either off cough syrup or a handful of pills and beer with weed.
but we separated slowly and I never really knew who to call a friend anymore.And So I Watch You From A far ... Boredom took over days.its on those off days where the anxiety levels are off the charts, and start treating my self to klonopins and ativans like Mn Ms. Pacing around the halls and pretty much all and any place im at. Its as if I just cant get comfortable with my skin, That one person that I should be comfortable and confidant with. There are times when its just me. The guys are at the bar , im drinking my drink and conversing like nothing in the world will happen. Time fly's by like it never existed and well being is just radiating the area over our fogged intoxicated brains. Smokey and foggy skulls, just listening to the jukebox.
We always would find some women that would be nice to talk to for the night. Some hot dark haired girl will walk in with a man and two other girls. Now you never know which girl is with the guy or if any is! So I guess thats where the fun comes from and we go for any girl we can regardless of the cock block 4 inches to my left.
Most nights wed get a few numbers, but we would be so drunk and stumbling just to find our keys, the last thing on our minds (atleast short term memory could remember) was women. We always made it home drinking and abiding in any other illicit substance lying around our eye sight. Cannabis smoke was the theme of the night, as every other minute passed someone exhaled a exhilarating puff of magical mesmerizing smoke out their mouths. As our red eyed twirling heads lean back with tvs on, showing some stupid obscure documentary, whatever, and some good ass tunes would accompany.
Beer after beer and smoke after smoke. led to snort and snort, find, find, smoke..ect...but for the most part we all were good friends. No one got out of hands in front of our eyes. What they did in their own private area in their own time, well wasnt a fucking concern. Not that there wasnt times we knew things were up and and we generally just hoped they didnt get too carried away.
Ben moved away after highschool. I always told myself that I should have just moved right out, but for some reason I stayed. Staying in a small town like this can either propell your ass out as fast as possible or just get your ass stuck in the depressing mud and you just cant seem to get the fuck out. Friend after friend would move away, as I stayed around and fucked around smoking weed and getting fucked up every weekened. I shouldn't care right??? I can do it next semester , was the thoughts I always had..
was called My Stoned Thoughts....(this is a made up story...) sorry for bad grammer! was using notepad.
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Calvin]
#12386552 - 04/13/10 04:52 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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ha...do not keep a lot of your poems and writings on computer ....
theyll crash and lose it allha.
i learned..pen and paper always ha
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: aghorrorag] 1
#13078288 - 08/20/10 12:00 PM (13 years, 5 months ago) |
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I age so badly
today the dead rose from their sleeping graves. empty pill bottles and half full whiskey.. I stayed up all week, just swallow those pills.
Its 4:30and you’re fast asleep. minds falling apart at all ends. I can stay away and alone just need to be strong.
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: imCKmush] 1
#13239444 - 09/24/10 05:40 AM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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was gonna be lyrics to a song im working on...hence to 2 chorusy like parts...
is it wrong to want someone in a pretty dress. someone to look at when my eyes need a rest? i think that person was you. youre gone and im stil here feeling so fucking blue. i wrote a song for you. you werent meant to hear it. its was too soon. i cried last night when i saw the pictures. i knew that it was all me and not her.
and the winter will be here after your next blink. just another fucked up summer romance, that never really had _that second _chance another time that youll spend curled up in bed trying to think..
and i knew how to spell your name from the start. no h just an a and thats where well part. im feeling alone all over..my head and heart. i wish we never even had a finish and a start oh god i can feel it so much inside this overworked heart. grey takes over your soul. you all remember my mistakes, but when i do something right it just slips right by.
and the winter will be here after your next blink. just another fucked up summer romance, that never had a second chance. another time that youll spend curled up in bed trying to think..
maybe my chemical inbalance keeps all souls at bay? was it the timing? or did I just act like a mess? was it something I said or didnt say? i smelt your book. old pages of pages where your fingers and eyes took a close look. i cant say this is for the best but my god im feeling like im such a fucking mess. i know well make it in time but were here now. unless we can really digest the mess we made for our little isolated worlds well never change.
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: nowwhoutthink] 1
#13239448 - 09/24/10 05:45 AM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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i just thought the list made it look coolhaha
- you wish i could sing better.
- and I wish you were more artistic.
- but there isnt much wecan do now.
- the ceiling is moving like an ocean.
- while im lying on the floor mockin a log floating ignorantly through the sea. your smile was all i had. youre gone and the cold wind is all thats left flowing around my ears and hair. we can sit alone all night just thinking about the past. you were crowded by friends that loved you. an acoustic guitar/ and an empty bag of drugs...its all ive got left. clocks are ticking and flowers are blooming while youre slowly dying.
we fly right on by through and through. watch the sky. wave goodbye. through and through...
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: nowwhoutthink] 1
#13239456 - 09/24/10 05:50 AM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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and it can only be love to leave such a sour taste in the mouth. Id do anything to pack it all up and move out south.
so far away from the city lights and all the stupid lies. they spew from your mouth like vomit from a drunken frat boy.
and it wont be a thing to me to call you a whore now. youre always on the other side leaving me alone thinking how?
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Enjoywho]
#14953059 - 08/20/11 03:57 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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(written on a fungi trip....unfinished and not sure its even sensible hha...forgive the grammar errors and such..will finish on next adventure )
So I stepped outside on an amorphous morning.Clouds covered the sun. mist and dew blanketed the flowers and grass lightly like a moist kiss on young lovers lips. It was very humid and felt as if steam was encompassing my entire body. leaching into my pores , cells, brain,and heart.the humidity grew over the hours while time was spent gazing around at nature that begun to envelop me. I ,and "we" ,as in the entire family of animals, flowers, nature in general felt the love run through our veins straight to the heart and mind. leaves swayed as if they were waving hello to each other. mushrooms in groups looked like mini colonies just thriving to be apart of it all. Nature was ahold of me tightly yet i was anywhere but close to myself. as the obscured sky cleared slowly a smile of haze spread through the misty clouds. warmth grew inside my naturally drugged body. we were apart of it all. The tree was my friend. He understood me. His knowlege that people rarely get to comprehend gave a nudge to my serotonin recepters. Full appreciation was given for only a few could ever understand the great beauty of this. imaginary photos arose and mirages glew and spread along my third eye. all while my vision was greeted with miraculois colors, images, thoughts of love, empathy, a rebirth of happiness. I threw on my headphones after debating if I really wanted to drown out the beauitful sound of nature that became the soundtrack of the morning. But after doing so, the tones, melodies, and the rhythmic bliss that went in the ear canal and circled my brain made it seem as if i was in another, yet just as majestic location. Sounds became colours and colors turned into taste. I was floating in a familiar yet seemingly new world. Spicy like india, exotic like Nepal, yet all so familiar. As if it was a nostalgic dream forggotton many years ago and am now reliving. night grows like a subtle reminder note. The sunrise has become a past. light leaks from doors and passing cars. reality hits you once the realization of it all binds to your mind.
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nowwhoutthink
maybe im dreaming



Registered: 07/09/09
Posts: 6,048
Loc: 805 Saint Cloud Road Mars
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: mikeisapro]
#20752403 - 10/25/14 04:51 PM (9 years, 3 months ago) |
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i foudnd 2 guitar picks on the carpet, the carpet representative for more then just that.... the hunger of missed loved....
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