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Doe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha



Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Squidface]
#12285112 - 03/27/10 08:45 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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i wrote this one about my boyfriend:
The sense of danger Pushing down the tongue To keep the herbs From escaping From their rightful place Past forbidden Loss of days Mutual losses Opposite ways Claims to my soul Before I could know I knew you For you Through you Into you Under you Lost amongst your pleasures My sins No regrets I thirst Pounding blood Our veins expand Clairvoyant eyes A 3rd we’ve acquired Through passionate quanders Loosing ouselves Skin 2 skin Raw With your key Come open your Eve On the eve of our arrival Such penetrating blue eyes Overflowing over the rim Dripping down Following the bead As if tracing your lines Falls to the floor I fall to my knees Dedication Appreciation Fornication Etched in flesh Lined in ink Another talent those hands know well Laced with traces of myself
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"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."
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Doe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha



Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Hajnal]
#12314469 - 04/01/10 08:28 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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i really like your poem hajnal
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"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."
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Doe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha



Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Hajnal]
#12337393 - 04/05/10 06:09 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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hajnal-this is the poem that i really liked:
Blindside Warning Bell
A mistress lay broken, next to the soul that was left behind; the self destructive metaphor sung truth, though your ears were too clouded by your own beautiful, yet detrimental actions, that ultimately brought upon your own downfall. All the songs in the skies couldn’t have saved you, in fact they dug your grave. You cried as well as I; being lost was never ours to share in serenity. Despite warning you continued; graced with despair, burdened with love, though too blindsided by your own empathetic gift did you seek to fill the empty pool of heart and soul with spikes and bones in masquerade.. You are free now, pride and chaos reign within The Temple of The Sacred BrokenHeart. by hajnal
i love your language in your poem like here: "though too blindsided by your own empathetic gift did you seek" you don't stick to complete sentences or standard sentence/gramatical structure i love the topic of this too-its something i can imagine and feel and even relate to in certain ways you also started it off really strong: "A mistress lay broken, next to the soul that was left behind" i think thats beautiful
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"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."
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Doe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha



Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: panscrutiny]
#12725753 - 06/11/10 11:36 AM (13 years, 7 months ago) |
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i like this! good job like the way its constructed
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"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."
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