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OfflineDoe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha
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Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Squidface]
    #12285112 - 03/27/10 08:45 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

i wrote this one about my boyfriend:

The sense of danger
Pushing down the tongue
To keep the herbs
From escaping
From their rightful place
Past forbidden
Loss of days
Mutual losses
Opposite ways
Claims to my soul
Before I could know
I knew you
For you
Through you
Into you
Under you
Lost amongst your pleasures
My sins
No regrets
I thirst
Pounding blood
Our veins expand
Clairvoyant eyes
A 3rd we’ve acquired
Through passionate quanders
Loosing ouselves
Skin 2 skin
Raw
With your key
Come open your Eve
On the eve of our arrival
Such penetrating blue eyes
Overflowing over the rim
Dripping down
Following the bead
As if tracing your lines
Falls to the floor
I fall to my knees
Dedication
Appreciation
Fornication
Etched in flesh
Lined in ink
Another talent those hands know well
Laced with traces of myself


--------------------
:egyptian:
"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."


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OfflineDoe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha
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Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Hajnal]
    #12314469 - 04/01/10 08:28 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

i really like your poem hajnal


--------------------
:egyptian:
"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."


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OfflineDoe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha
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Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: Hajnal]
    #12337393 - 04/05/10 06:09 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

hajnal-this is the poem that i really liked:

Blindside Warning Bell

A mistress lay broken, next to the soul that was left behind; the self destructive metaphor sung truth, though your ears were too clouded by your own beautiful, yet detrimental actions, that ultimately brought upon your own downfall. All the songs in the skies couldn’t have saved you, in fact they dug your grave. You cried as well as I; being lost was never ours to share in serenity. Despite warning you continued; graced with despair, burdened with love, though too blindsided by your own empathetic gift did you seek to fill the empty pool of heart and soul with spikes and bones in masquerade.. You are free now, pride and chaos reign within The Temple of The Sacred BrokenHeart.
by hajnal

i love your language in your poem
like here: "though too blindsided by your own empathetic gift did you seek"
you don't stick to complete sentences or standard sentence/gramatical structure
i love the topic of this too-its something i can imagine and feel and even relate to in certain ways
you also started it off really strong: "A mistress lay broken, next to the soul that was left behind"
i think thats beautiful


--------------------
:egyptian:
"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."


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OfflineDoe Eyed
grimR's Urban Geisha
Female User Gallery


Registered: 04/14/09
Posts: 341
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: panscrutiny]
    #12725753 - 06/11/10 11:36 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i like this! good job like the way its constructed


--------------------
:egyptian:
"Now then it is no more I that do it; but the sin that dwelleth in me."


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