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Invisibleparadox_
Life as Shaun
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Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 349
Loc: BC
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: aghorrorag] * 3
    #12051193 - 02/17/10 11:14 PM (13 years, 11 months ago)

Okay here is something I wrote. I like criticism so don't hold back if you have something useful to say about it. Though this is the first poem I have written without much of a rhyme scheme so yeah.



We are coming.

We are coming from our warrens
and we bring you hate and filth.
We are coming from our barrows
to throw you to your graves

We are coming with our gore
borne of fist and fury.
We are coming with our sickness
evolved from death and rage.

We are coming to your homes
and to the ground they'll raze.
We are coming to your weakness
your bones, your flesh, our plague.

We are coming for your children
to make of them our slaves.
We are coming for your women
who within we distill a fear

We are coming, us malefaceres
We are here.


Edited by paradox_ (02/18/10 07:51 PM)


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Invisibleparadox_
Life as Shaun
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Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 349
Loc: BC
Re: The Official Post Your Own Poetry Thread. [Re: aghorrorag] * 1
    #12051317 - 02/17/10 11:38 PM (13 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

aghorrorag said:
"who within we will distill fear" doesn't sound right, try rewording it,

  what are "warrens" , "malefaceres" ? never heard those words.




It is strange, I had this notion than a warren was place some sort of animal would live. Like a den or something like that. It doesn't look like this is the case now that I have checked into it a bit.

Malefacere is one who does evil, or at least that is my understanding of it.

I edited that line.


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