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Offlinephylum sinter
prophet ofzoroaster and/ormarduk

Registered: 01/03/03
Posts: 18
Loc: Detroit, MI, USA
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
a message for the young of mind.
    #1189021 - 01/04/03 12:36 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Beware of those that wish to take advantage of your frailties, for they are many.  Your naivet? spans a large ocean now and soon you will encounter the vast wonder world of shyster bastards that can detect greenhorn scent from miles away.

They can come by phone, to your booth at your favorite restaurant, bump into you at concerts, or even show up at your doorstep.  Not much can be said for their methods as we?ve been unable to draw little conclusion to how they work exactly.  It is known that the process is very gradual, they come in like snakes between your feet.  Here are some known scenarios.

1) The lost tourist: this scenario involves someone asking for directions on foot to a place miles away.  Not knowing any better, the mark (you) gives them directions and upon hearing they?re not within walking distance, they go into a crying fit or a fit of rage, tearing their maps and hats up in hopes that you?ll give them a ride.  The next thing you know they?re squatting in your home, eating peanut butter by the fistful and giving meat to all your pets.

2) The shunned lover.  An ex falls into town, saying how she?s been booted out of her previous home via current lover or because lack of rent.  She usually shows up, unaware of whether or not you still live there.  Soon enough she?s asking to stay the night and if successful, she asks you for a loan to get a place.  You agree on grounds that it?s too difficult to say no to someone who?s just given you booty.  She never returns the loan and you?re out two grand.

3) The divorced family member.  Your favorite uncle/aunt/cousin [even if you didn?t think you had one] asks you out to dinner.  You agree because it?s Sunday, and there?s nothing else to do.  After getting your choice of restaurant and they footing the bill, they tell you of an impending divorce.  On the way out they ask you to sign papers allegedly to be a witness of their chastity during the now near snafu?d marriage.  What you didn?t know is the papers you just john hancock'd were giving the dirty bastard power of attorney, and they soon sell your house for nude backrub parlor visits and huge crack rocks.

4) The bar buddy.  You meet an extremely well off looking individual at your favorite bar.  They get you a drink knowing what you normally order.  After a few more, they ask you to a game of pool.  You missed it, but they weren?t drinking anything the whole time, while you put at least 6 back in the short 40 minute timeframe.  You lose the game of pool, so they offer you a chloroform cigarette.  Next thing you know you?re in the bathroom stall, pants around your ankles, getting banged by the dirtiest truckers in town while your new ?friend? is collecting $70 a hit right outside.  No wonder he looked so wealthy.

5) The priest.  You go in for confession after being prompted by the calendar date:  the last day of lent and you?ve been pressured to let some of your sins fall away.  Upon entering the booth, a goblin drops from the ceiling with a baseball bat in hand, you getting knocked with it until totally unconscious.  You awake in a terrifying cellar with a few other people.  You don?t notice right away but you?re all tied together at the waists and the last person is connected to the wall, which is electrified.  The priest comes down completely nude and oiled up.  He then commands you to sodomize each other while he cuts himself with a dagger he?s fashioned out of a rusty crucifix.  If you don?t he steps on a button electrocuting the bunch of you, and does it once just to call your bluff.

These are only a few of the possible scam scenarios that turn innocent minds into deranged derelicts of society.  In the past four years alone an estimated 2 million young people were scammed by one of these, turning them into foaming wack-jobs unable to cope with regular life anymore.  Because most of our psychological imprinting takes place in two distinct timeframes (the toddler stage and adolescence) it is imperative that you remain unscarred until you?ve exited the final stage.  Unless you are cautious and aware of the dangers inherent in the world at large, you will fall victim.

Here?s what you can do to prevent getting scammed.  Carry a large weapon, a sword or better at all times.  Take sword fighting lessons.  Don?t trust anyone until you?ve known them for a year.  Drink your own urine.  Get dreadlocks and/or jerry curls.  Doubt the validity of a stranger?s problems.  Pray for your own mortal soul as well as those you come into contact with.  Punch yourself in the mouth right when you wake up every morning.  Send yourself love letters from famous people, putting them up on the walls of your studio apartment.  Play hopscotch while drinking scotch.  Buy a rottweiler, being sure to walk it in the most dangerous parts of town.  Don?t let them emmanetize the eschaton that is your innocence.  You are holy.


...zing?

this story is also posted here - feel free to post comments/criticisms.

don't be afraid to be honest :grin:


does this appeal to you?
yes, it had me off guard at first though.. .and were you serious about the examples?
good but too damn long, shorten it and it'll be much better
there is something seriously disturbed about this and i am offended, and now i'm going to starbucks.
it's just not my thing
where am i?




 


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--------------------
?[ph?l?m]_si?t?r.
"life is a series of tangents, punctuated by rapturous moments of revelation and sadness"
phylumsinter@commiecast.net - SPAM GUARD: remove the 'mie' to reach me.


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OfflineAcursedRedDragon
Legacy ofBrutality
Registered: 07/01/02
Posts: 719
Loc: Opium Den
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189034 - 01/04/03 12:47 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

gah?


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Offlinephylum sinter
prophet ofzoroaster and/ormarduk

Registered: 01/03/03
Posts: 18
Loc: Detroit, MI, USA
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: AcursedRedDragon]
    #1189038 - 01/04/03 12:50 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

meh?


--------------------
?[ph?l?m]_si?t?r.
"life is a series of tangents, punctuated by rapturous moments of revelation and sadness"
phylumsinter@commiecast.net - SPAM GUARD: remove the 'mie' to reach me.


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Anonymous

Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189050 - 01/04/03 01:03 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

I was looking for the choice that asked if I had read the "Be Nice" policy thread yet.


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Offlinephylum sinter
prophet ofzoroaster and/ormarduk

Registered: 01/03/03
Posts: 18
Loc: Detroit, MI, USA
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: ]
    #1189067 - 01/04/03 01:21 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

d'oh!

well yep, i did... are you suggesting it was too 'sharp/mean'?

i didn't mean it that way, honest.


--------------------
?[ph?l?m]_si?t?r.
"life is a series of tangents, punctuated by rapturous moments of revelation and sadness"
phylumsinter@commiecast.net - SPAM GUARD: remove the 'mie' to reach me.


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InvisibleSmack31
Stranger

Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 10,680
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189296 - 01/04/03 05:17 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

:grin:


nice post... funny, and it really does make you think about all the wolves out there. /me slips back into my sheep's clothing.


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Invisibledee_N_ae
\/\/¡†¢h |-|øµ§³ ¢å†
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/16/02
Posts: 2,473
Loc: The Shadow of Neptune
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189314 - 01/04/03 05:30 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Great post!!!


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
PNW
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/27/01
Posts: 9,817
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: Smack31]
    #1189325 - 01/04/03 05:39 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Deleted by admin


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InvisibleSmack31
Stranger

Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 10,680
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: World Spirit]
    #1189339 - 01/04/03 05:48 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

:blush:


baah baah blackmail
(more sheep humor) :grin:


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OfflineAdamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/24/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189359 - 01/04/03 06:09 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Hahahaha, I like your humor.  :crazy: 


--------------------
:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:


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Anonymous

Re: a message for the young of mind. [Re: phylum sinter]
    #1189368 - 01/04/03 06:14 AM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

d'oh!

well yep, i did... are you suggesting it was too 'sharp/mean'?

i didn't mean it that way, honest. 




No, it was fine.  I was just replying before I read the other thread where you had said you read it.

Every once in a while we get someone in here who hasn't read it, especially on a weekend, and they go nuts.

Then we have to beat them about the head and shoulders with a club.

I hate that. :mad:

---------------------------------




















:grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

j/k 


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