Home | Community | Message Board


Phytoextractum
Please support our sponsors.

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Original Seeds Store Shop: Buy CBD, Cannabis Seeds, Compare CBD

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
My current situation
    #1186976 - 01/03/03 09:04 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Here is an email I sent to my girlfriend tihs morning. If you has been, or are, in a similar situation, I would like to hear what you have to say.

If you haven't or aren't, I could still use some comments/advice.

I don't know if this is the best forum. Mabye this belongs in OTD. But I want to hear what the people HERE have to say, so please don't move this unless you really have no choice.

To give you a general idea of what's going on in my mind, I can tell you that I am constantly analyzing myself, others and the world we live in. Nothing escapes it. Everything I see, hear and perceive goes through this process of questionning. "Why?"...

What I come up with makes sense to me; I know some of it is wrong, because there is so much, but I'm sure some of it is real...

I'm always trying to understand life. "Life" is a very big word, but I think it pretty much includes everything I'm trying to say... People, relations between people and the world, the human mind, the universe... everything!

----------


Yesterday, when you left, I walked back home, and I started feeling sick. I didn't really have any symptoms, just a general "sick" feeling. I ate a bit, and went straight to bed. I was really weak, even walking was a challenge.

I woke up at 11:30 this morning. That's about 14:30 hours of sleep... I still feel drained now, but I'm not sick, and it's not quite as bad as it was last night.

I feel bad. I don't know why, something is wrong, but I can't tell what it is. I have all of the reasons in the world to be happy, but I'm not. I feel very strange...

You know me; I always have to try and understand everything. I'm like that, and I know that I can't stop it. However, I realized that the more I try to clear things up, the more I try to piece things down, the more I feel alienated. I feel that I have a good
understanding of the world I live in, but I don't feel like I'm part of it. I'm just looking at everything, taking notes in my head...

I don't know where this it taking me, really. Will I still be like that in, let's say, twenty years? Can I live with all of this for such a long time? I think it's very possible that this weight I'm carrying around with me could end up ruining my mental health, or
something like that. I don't feel confused, it's the opposite.

I feel *too* lucid, too activly questionning and understanding everything. I'm not saying I have some kind of gift; it's not a gift, it's a wound, a pain. This feeling of general understanding could even be an illusion... I'm starting to think it is.

I don't know what kind of a person I'd be if it all went away. I mean, those thoughts I'm having have are pretty much all that occupy my mind... what would take over if I stopped being that way?

I was thinking about something you said; you told me that you found the concept of television to be a weird one, because, in a way, it's all about watching copies, reproductions of ourselves. I think it has become a normal thing, because people
(including myself, I think) seem to enjoy watching things take place, but rare are the ones who have the courage to act on them... of course, whatever we do has an impact on something, but people who do things to deliberatly change life and the
views we have on it are very uncommon.

I'm going to try to gradually get into a more normal sleeping pattern. I might even take a nap today, but I don't know if it will help or make me even more tired.

I think I'm also going to take a break from drugs until I feel better. I don't think they're the cause of my problems, but I know that giving my mind and body a little pause from them can't do any harm...

I know you're there for me, and I'm very, very greatful. Even when you're not talking to me, even when you're not around me, you help me when things go bad.

I'll take a shower, and eat, I'm sure it's going to help a little.

I'll hopefully get to talk to you later.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 6 days
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1186988 - 01/03/03 09:09 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

its not going to "go away."

you have to learn to actually DO SOMETHING with this knowledge you're obtaining.

Basically, my advice is the following: Get off your ass :wink: I was stuck in the same rut for a long time


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Strumpling]
    #1186993 - 01/03/03 09:13 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

How could I get off my ass? I share all of those things I think about with my friends and the people I love, so I have to be influencing them in some way... people have told me often that I had changed them.

What is it that you mean, exactly?


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 6 days
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187018 - 01/03/03 09:22 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I mean do something with yourself FOR yourself. Get a career in psychology or something if you're interested in that stuff.... get to work on your life, not your friends' lives. Maybe I've got the wrong idea or something, but it sounds like you're spending ALL of your time processing information instead of actually DOING SOMETHING. You can have the most organized brain in the world, but that won't do a thing for you unless you actually stand up and DO SOMETHING with it.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Strumpling]
    #1187030 - 01/03/03 09:25 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

You're right, in a way.

I'm passive physically, but mentally, I'm productive, because I can come up with concrete things that I can express and share.

One can be active even if they're lying down and not moving. That's just my point of view, mabye yours differs, though...

I write quite a lot, mostly to people. In the things I write, I mosty just let some of it out. I wish I could share it all though - but that's impossible, I'd be writing constantly...


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineCurious_George
You want abaloon?

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 1,065
Loc: La La Land
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187061 - 01/03/03 09:32 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

become a writer!!

cg


--------------------
************************************.>>>>>
Here Johny,, have a joint.. all your friends are doing it!!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Curious_George]
    #1187159 - 01/03/03 10:06 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

become a writer!!

cg




I think about this often. But the people who understand and are able to elaborate on what I write are rare...

For example, I sent some texts to a girl I know. I asked her what she thought, and she just said "It made me think". I asked her "About what?"

"It made me think about life."

It's easy to say that... She's not a very open minded person, very normal girl, sticks to her routine, etc... but what she told me made me realize that the people who are actually able to give opinions and discuss the subjects I write on are rare, and that I should be careful not to lose them.

My new girlfriend is one of them. I email her very often, sometimes many times a day. She says she likes my emails; I very rarely talk about the "movie that came out yesterday" or the usual stuff. I share my views on life with her, and she is very comfortable when it comes to telling me what she thinks and feels.

If I did indeed become a writer, I know that many "Mr. Everybody" would end up reading my books and texts. They'd understand the words and the sentences, and they'd think to themselves, "I know exactly what he means!"

But no, they wouldn't.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187162 - 01/03/03 10:07 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

i think of your post is also simmilar to what i have experienced. Maybe you are on the dawn of realizing your true self and you have to explore this new found understanding of your life. play around with it and see what it really is , try to distinguish certain emotions from others certain ideas and situations to others, maybe you will start to feel a more common ground for all your data and find out whats really going on to make headway through hard times. I dont know if youve seen the matrix but morpheus says "you dont know what it is but youve felt it your entire life like a splenter in your mind" . yove always had this curiosity but maybe now you are on the verge of discovering what it is you were really questioning and you are about to embark on that reality.


--------------------
What?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Zero7a1]
    #1187167 - 01/03/03 10:08 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I like that idea, Zero7a1. Mabye I am indeed about to break through something.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offline3eyedgod
trippinkid

Registered: 11/24/02
Posts: 684
Loc: Far away and very near
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187177 - 01/03/03 10:13 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Your writing makes sense to me. Sure there are people who won't understand(we like to call them idiots). Don't let that stop you. There are plenty of people who would be capable of understanding what you are trying to say. I'm sure almost everyone who posts in this forum would.


--------------------
Without everything wouldn't nothing be everything and without nothing wouldn't everything be nothing.I am the beginning and the end,the source and the void, the light and the darkness,i am but a small drop of the ocean yet i am an ocean unto myself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: 3eyedgod]
    #1187282 - 01/03/03 10:43 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

I'm sure almost everyone who posts in this forum would.




That's why I like to post my texts here once in a while...

I feel better already. It hasn't stopped, I think I'm just starting to accept it.

I think I should add that two days ago, my girlfriend came to sleep over. We were in bed, talking, and we were both really tired. I had done meth on new year's eve, and I hadn't slept in about forty hours; some of the things I'd say made no sense at all. When I say that, I mean it... I can't really remember what I said, but I remember very well the "going mad" feeling... once, for example, I started talking to her in French, even though I never do. I think I said something about a shovel or some kind of gardening tool. She thought it was really funny. I did too, but it kind of worried me at the same time... It's the first time it ever happenned, even though I had went without sleep for a long time before...

I also felt a presence from the moment I started spacing out, until I went to sleep. It was like there was a third person in the room with us. I asked her about it, and she said that she had no idea what I was talking about.

When I'd look at her, her face would look very familiar, but very distant at the same time. She didn't look or feel like "her", but more like a copy of herself or something. Very weird.

The worst part is that I would say things that made PERFECT SENSE to me. Then, when I'd realize that I was just being delusionnal, I'd start feeling ashamed. I'd try to elaborate on those delusions, I'd try to explain them, so she'd understand, and she wouldn't think I was going mad. But it was impossible...

I also had a few hallucinations, in my field of vision. Things dissapearing and morphing into walls and stuff... very scary.

I was scared that I had gone mad permenantly. I was praying to God that I would be back to normal after a few hours of sleep... I seem to be okay now.

I don't know if it's linked with my overactive thought process... mabye some of you can help me understand?


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offline3eyedgod
trippinkid

Registered: 11/24/02
Posts: 684
Loc: Far away and very near
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187344 - 01/03/03 10:56 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

By "meth" you mean methamphetamine right. This drug has been known to induce or play a role in inducing psychotic episodes. Also your irregular sleep pattern you hinted at earlier is most likely exacerbated by speed.

Personally I don't enjoy amphetamines that much. My body dosen't like them(it especially hates them the day after a large dose)


--------------------
Without everything wouldn't nothing be everything and without nothing wouldn't everything be nothing.I am the beginning and the end,the source and the void, the light and the darkness,i am but a small drop of the ocean yet i am an ocean unto myself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: 3eyedgod]
    #1187361 - 01/03/03 11:02 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Yes, I mean methamphetamines, in crystal form.

I don't like them that much either. Once in a while, it's enjoyable. A low dose, to keep me awake and alert...

But I had done some before, once also not sleeping for 41 hours, and I never had a psychotic reaction...

Oh well, I guess it's very possible. I'll just have to be careful next time.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMAIA
World-BridgerKartikeya (DftS)
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 7,275
Loc: Erra - 20 Tauri - M45 Sta...
Last seen: 11 months, 23 days
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187563 - 01/03/03 12:19 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

This time of your life is very important. Try to be objective in your analysis, you're becoming aware of many things, so try to understand them instead of asking "why ?", you can't resolve an existential problem by making an existential question because there are things that just are behond our understanding, they just are, you are the one supposed to answer and validate the question "why ?"
Look, i'm also a very analitical person and there was a times when i was tormented by many questions, then i realized i didn't have to answer them all at the same time. Don't try to analyse everything at once, concentrate on few analysis at the time, if some don't have an answer try to see if it's so important they have an answer, everything is relative, try to be a carpe diem living with the wisdom of the past.
....and please don't do drugs so often if you feel weak or you could develop some neurosis.

MAIA


--------------------
Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala



Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire


Edited by MAIA (01/03/03 12:21 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: MAIA]
    #1187670 - 01/03/03 12:58 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

This time of your life is very important. Try to be objective in your analysis, you're becoming aware of many things, so try to understand them instead of asking "why ?", you can't resolve an existential problem by making an existential question because there are things that just are behond our understanding, they just are, you are the one supposed to answer and validate the question "why ?"
Look, i'm also a very analitical person and there was a times when i was tormented by many questions, then i realized i didn't have to answer them all at the same time. Don't try to analyse everything at once, concentrate on few analysis at the time, if some don't have an answer try to see if it's so important they have an answer, everything is relative, try to be a carpe diem living with the wisdom of the past.
....and please don't do drugs so often if you feel weak or you could develop some neurosis.

MAIA




While I appreciate the advice, it does not really apply to me.

"Why" is just an example of a question that you can apply to anything, giving me lots of information to process, if you want.

I know some questions are beyond our reach - but that doesn't make them uninteresting or boring to think of...

I'm not tormented by questions, not at all. Questions, even the most puzzling and weird ones, do not bother me at all...

I can try and explain what's going on in my head, most of the time, to clear things up:

I'll start thinking of something (I won't give examples to narrow out what I'm trying to say), and come up with a good, satysfying understanding of it. Then, I'll realize that what I've just understood fits in perfectly with the rest. I start peicing down what I already know, and I realize that I can apply everything to anything. And then, I get an extremly overwhelming feeling of "this is it"; sometimes, I find myself zoning out or dropping things when it happens. If I'm walking, somtimes, I'll just stop suddenly, and almost lose my balance. This is not just once in a while; it's everyday, many, many times a day... mostly when I'm left to my own thoughts. I hate TV, for example, because it shuts my thinking down. So I never watch TV. I don't like being distracted from what I do in my mind.

It's all concrete thoughts that I could write down and show people. It's not just emotions that I can't put into words...

It's like my brain is this machine that constantly makes links between the things it discovers. This could be good, but I'm starting to think it's doing it *too much*; it doesn't bother me or anything, I'm just wondering why I'm doing this. I just have to accept it.

This has also caused me to feel extremly uncomfortable around some people, to the point that I will avoid talking to them at all. Those people are usually the ones who are stuck in their routine, in their work, in their gossips. As soon as I realize that somebody can't have a profound conversation with me, I lose hope, and I start feeling akward around them.

I wish it wasn't like that though. I don't think I'm "better" (if there is such a thing) than anybody, and I don't have a very big ego. I respect everybody, even the ones I can't discuss with. I guess that's the important part.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineShroomStrider
Wanderer

Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 96
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1187856 - 01/03/03 02:44 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Lately, I have been experiencing almost exactly the same thing. It seems as though it gets worse and worse because those thoughts fill my mind at all times and they are very difficult to express to other people. I have also given up TV becuase it seems so useless, and it just wastes away time.


--------------------
'It's a complete realization of the aims of psychedelia. But if you take LSD what you experience depends entirely on who you are. Our music may give you the screaming horrors or throw you into screaming ecstasy. Mostly it's the latter.' Roger Waters


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: ShroomStrider]
    #1187887 - 01/03/03 03:06 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Lately, I have been experiencing almost exactly the same thing. It seems as though it gets worse and worse because those thoughts fill my mind at all times and they are very difficult to express to other people. I have also given up TV becuase it seems so useless, and it just wastes away time. 




The difference with me is that I have no problem expressing them... mabye you should write about some of them? I'd be very interested to read that.

And I've given up TV not because it's useless, but because it keeps me from thinking about what I want to think. Anyways, now, when I watch TV, I don't get absorbed in it anymore. I just zone out, and get distracted by my own thoughts.

"Distracted" might not be the best word to use here though  :smirk:


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineShroomStrider
Wanderer

Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 96
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1188012 - 01/03/03 04:00 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I have been writing some things here and there, but I can never find the right words for my thoughts. It is almost a mix of feeling and thought. I am going to keep try to write my thoughts down, and hopefully the words will start to come to me.


--------------------
'It's a complete realization of the aims of psychedelia. But if you take LSD what you experience depends entirely on who you are. Our music may give you the screaming horrors or throw you into screaming ecstasy. Mostly it's the latter.' Roger Waters


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMurex
Reality Hacker

Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Meph]
    #1188265 - 01/03/03 06:00 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I used to feel like you do about two years ago. I was questioning everything, especially myself. I did a lot of acid and wrote long kinda story-like things. Then, I did mushrooms for the first time and everything was answered. Now I don't have any bad feelings, stress or anger......I just live in the moment. Let's just put it this way- 2 years ago, If I was here in the shroomery, I'd be posting about 5 times more. But now I have little need to because the journey is over (questioning).

I have smoked meth for a whole day (very addictive) once and stayed up for 3 days. I was going insane, slowly....first it was like the stupid things you say while drunk and you kinda start to act silly. I started to babble all day and just acting silly and I couldn't stop (I'm usually quiet). I suppose it was kinda fun, but I felt that 'I'm not myself' feeling. Ater that, I started to see trails and visuals from being sleep deprived. I finally went to sleep. I never wanted to do smit again after that.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



Edited by Murex (01/03/03 06:02 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: My current situation [Re: Murex]
    #1200845 - 01/08/03 01:53 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Well, mabye two days after I wrote the original post, my ways of thinking completly changed.

It's all gone... I can't think as I used to be able to. I block, totally... sometimes I get glimpses of it again, but I don't seem to be able to embark the thought flow.

I've been thinking about some very artificial things, that would otherwise have had no impact on me...

I want it to come back!

I think it's just because when I started being scared, I pushed it all away, I denied it...

I want to know what you guys think! Please! Does anyone know what could be happenning?


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

Original Seeds Store Shop: Buy CBD, Cannabis Seeds, Compare CBD

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* We wear masks in social situations- Would you have it any other way?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
skatealex2 4,163 73 04/05/09 02:28 PM
by skatealex2
* The Life and Death of the current Me
( 1 2 all )
Cub_Mycologist 1,782 20 06/13/07 07:53 PM
by Cub_Mycologist
* Truth or Trash>
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Sensismoker 4,446 75 01/28/05 12:58 AM
by incubaby_421
* My current all-encompassing idea:
( 1 2 all )
jonathanseagull 2,290 35 08/28/08 12:44 AM
by deranger
* The current CHANGING WORLD, couple questions.
( 1 2 all )
ob1kinsmokey 2,492 23 02/17/06 04:41 PM
by ob1kinsmokey
* My life situation is halting my spiritual develop LarrythescaryrexS 1,387 18 10/07/02 05:39 PM
by postalboy
* "How Life Began" - History Channel Special OrgoneConclusion 2,867 14 06/17/08 11:46 AM
by Epigallo
* A situation involving my father and clinical depression...
( 1 2 all )
JacquesCousteau 1,620 20 04/14/04 06:33 PM
by MarkostheGnostic

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, CosmicJoke, Jokeshopbeard, DividedQuantum
1,530 topic views. 2 members, 2 guests and 5 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
FreeSpores.com
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.032 seconds spending 0.003 seconds on 18 queries.