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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long)
    #1185043 - 01/02/03 10:33 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

Dear friends,
I will try to describe my last trip on New Year's Eve. It has been my first homegrowing shrooms trip. And the second of my life. You can read about my first one here.
But this second one was totally different. I will try to be short, but I think it needs more than a life to be described entirely.

To let you understand better my set, I need you to tell you something about me. It's some years that I'm studying oriental cultures, meditation, books on conscience, on self search, on perception of reality, on altered states. I've read Castaneda, the tibetan book of dead, the works of Lilly, Gold, Tart, Capra, and many others. Things like Teosophy, Gnosis, OBE are familiar to me. And also I'm opening a floatation center in the next months (sensory deprivation tank, see the movie "Altered States").

Now, let's come to the setting. It was in my home, with 4 other important persons: my girlfriend, my cousin (a kind of double), and two other close girls. Only me and my girlfriend were experienced with shrooms. So I decided to take a 3 dryed grams of GT. It was the same dosage of my cousin, but he is bigger than me, so it worked differently. All the girls took a lower dose (from 2 to 2.5 g) and their trips were almost none.

It started very fast for me about 20 min after the ingestion (my stomach was empty since 7 hours before). But differently from the first time, I felt the drug very strong flowing into my body, very phisically. And my stomach had a stone inside as well. I started seeing patterns, and moving things. I laughed a lot, but then a lot of other things happened to others, so the interaction made the things go in a very weird way. My cousin started to feel commotion, and one of the girls started crying. My girlfriend felt her pain and started to get worried about her, and she told me that shrooming with other people it's a bullshit. So I was very sad about her feeling of the situation. Since I'm very linked to her emotions, this thing probably gave me a bad influence over the rest of the trip.

I've planned to use a lot of trip toys for the experience: a fiber optic lamp, a lava lamp, a christmas tree, a totally empty room with stars on ceiling and walls with black light, an animated fractal computer software running... a lot of things to play with.

But soon I realised that other people influenced me too much, they were constantly distracting me from enjoying the visual part of the trip. And this was making me very confuse. Then I decided to go into the stars room, which was dedicated to silence, but the vision was too overwhelming... those stars were too heavy on my head... it's a nice vision while sober... it was simply too much on high.

After this easy part, things started to be stronger... I was caught in a heavy mind loop... it was the first time for me, I almost enjoyed it, but also gave me some paranoia. I was in the aisle, with 4 doors around me. I couldn't choose anyone of them, I didn't know where I wanted to go, I didn't know what was better. I started opening one, and then I closed it again, try with another one, and then I was confused.

I started to feel a little odd, so I decided to go to my bedroom, try to get some comfort under the blankets (on my first trip it was nice). But when I was in my bed I had the most terrible experience of my life. At first it was like if I was caught into the movie Trainspotting, I felt like I was a drug addict that pushed other friends into drugs, I felt all the evil of being a drug user, I felt that when you enter the altered reality of a drug you are lost into a distorted world and you lost the touch with reality. I've never thought anything like this about mushrooms, I don't consider them as a drug, but only a mind opener. I would never do use of any other drug (I don't smoke neither), so it's very strange this reaction. Maybe it's just that I was starting to lose control of my mind and I was about to panic.

Then I had the most terrible vision of my life. You can se this picture I made to describe it.

Together with this vision I had the total knowledge of how the universe works. I really cannot express it. It's too strong to be remembered. You can figure it as a web that keeps things together from which consciences come from and find a phisical body to express the infinite possibility of the creation. Well, it's not exactly this, but I don't know how to say it also in my mother tongue.

It was an overwhelming understanding that almost made me crazy. I felt what eternity means, and understood that I belong to that eternity and I will never come out of it. Someone may say: cool! It wasn't cool at all indeed. It was a sort of a hell... like if I was trapped in it. I understood that there are laws the rules into this web universe that no one can escape. And I felt like a trap that imprison my consience.

I was feeling so bad about this knowledge that I simply cryed at me: I need to stop this thing. I realised that eating some chocolate would stop this kind of a bad trip (if you can call it bad), so I ran to the living room to grab violently a chocolate bar. When I started eating it, my stomach was totally upset, then I went to the bathroom to drink some water. I stared at the mirror... it was my face but transparent with veins visible under the skin. The surface of the mirror became a three-dimensional space in which my head floated... It was scary and cool at the same time. I drank some water and I saw the drops in the sink that were pink and fluorescent... the vision was nice but I felt completely blasted. I thought "WTF I've done... what a dumbass I am... I want this to stop". I needed to find some comfort and went looking for the others. The were all together. The girls were already back to the base, my cousin was still tripping in his mistical mode.
I wanted to get in touch with my girlfriend, but she was somehow angry with me, and I felt a wall that divided us. So I tryed to find other ways, but no one seemed to work. I was not angry with her, then I tryed to follow a kind of crazy conversation with the others... I had a lot of revelation about human relationships... it's useless now to tell everything... some thing were also so obvious that seems stupid to talk about them. You know when you understand the basical things of life as if they are incredibly interesting?

My trip was more in control then, I had a great contact with my cousin, and with his mistical visions... I understood what he was feeling, even if he constantly was saying that no one could understand him... I think it's quite normal this behaviour.

Things started to calm down, even if I was still seeing their faces with strange moving patterns on, like if some bumps were growing on them.

The trip lasted more or less 6 hours... But with the time going on my mind was clearer and I wanted to speak to everyone. But only my cousin was still awake. We shared our gratitude to exist at each other, and we spoke a little bit about it.

I tryed to sleep for some times, 3 hours, then a thirsty break, and then 2 more hours. We I woke up I was still tired and confused, but all the day after has been full of revelations and strong emotions. I've spoken a lot with my girlfriend. We needed to clear up our relationship. It has been very hard, because my mind was always "looping"... constantly and terribly lost in its circle thoughts... only when I stopped thinking and opened my heart, I starte to cry and liberate my soul from its weight. I was then so full of love for my girlfriend that I could barely bear it.
We've spoken some more, trying to view things on every persective, and at last we made love and it was sublime.
Unfortunately I'm not able to express better everything happened to me, and also I don't want to annoy you anymore. But I really needed to share this trip with you, my shroomates. I think that your support could be very helpful to me to understand what I went through, and how to manage my next trips.

Thank you for having all this patience,

Love,

Andrash


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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OfflineCryptic
WarpedCndn

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 598
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 17 years, 9 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1185145 - 01/02/03 11:18 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

Intense man..



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-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

While the Trees Grow out of your Skin, Can i plant you so a forest will grow?
"When you want it, it goes away to Fast. Times you hate it always seem to last" - Marilyn Manson

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Offlinemikey_
SURFING ON SINEWAVES
Male

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 370
Loc: Liverpool
Last seen: 15 years, 11 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1185151 - 01/02/03 11:18 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

excellent report, and something struck a chord with me:
Quote:

At first it was like if I was caught into the movie Trainspotting, I felt like I was a drug addict that pushed other friends into drugs, I felt all the evil of being a drug user, I felt that when you enter the altered reality of a drug you are lost into a distorted world and you lost the touch with reality. I've never thought anything like this about mushrooms, I don't consider them as a drug, but only a mind opener.




my last two trips have focused on this aspect totally. you just described exactly how i felt. i couldnt put it into words properly though. mushrooms also 'showed me' different drugs and how they all interact with me. my body at that time also felt like it was being taken over by a drug. i knew my body totally, i could feel every muscle moving when i moved my leg and all my throat when i swallowed. i found it useful to write notes when i was like this. i wrote pages and pages of babble for what seemed like hours.


--------------------
The poison is the dose - Paracelsus
Let your food be medicine and your medicine be food - Hippocrates

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OfflineHamurabi
the babylonianleader..

Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 2,421
Loc: Greece
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1185981 - 01/02/03 07:13 PM (21 years, 9 months ago)

ANdrash,y friend, i believe that we had EXACTLY the same trip...! all i read from your trip report were exactly what happenned to me too!!
i was thinking that i would loop forever! in the eternity!!! Also i had fucking paranoia and knowledge for the how the universe works...
But the knowledge was more than the needed! very intense...
i couldn't understand if i has in heaven or hell! hell maybe!

i am not sure if i wanna have the same trip again

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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1186014 - 01/02/03 07:44 PM (21 years, 9 months ago)

"I need to stop this thing."

There's your mistake man :wink: gotta let go and let the knowledge "attack" you - it can be just a blissful as it was terrifying.

Regarding that vision you made a representation of - thats a fantastic image and I've stuck it on my desktop now - well-made.. Do you have others? I've seen things very similar, accompanied by very similar "all-knowing" feelings and wild thoughts..... but I've learned to bring it all back to "It will go away as long as you stop tripping out on it and LET it go away, and will be replaced with something magical."

You can't be afraid to let go of the craziness.. if you sit there thinking "oh my god i can't even move" you won't be able to move :wink:

Sounds like you tripped with quite a crowd - I've gotten the most out of my trips when I trip with the least amount of people possible.... there's simply less to worry about :smile: and you can relax with your own wild thoughts without having to put up with too many OTHER people's wild thoughts :laugh:

its possible that you gained more from this trip than the last, as "bad trips" can often teach you a whole lot about yourself. You can use your past "freak-out" to keep yourself under control in the future. Remember that the psychedelic world of the mushroom metaphorically turns you into a small child, capable of getting very scared due to illogical thinking in unfamiliar territory and contexts. As long as you understand during the whole trip that you're in an altered state and will be "normal" and able to reconstruct your thoughts in several hours, you should be fine :smile: Just enjoy the terror if thats what the shroom decides to toss at you for a while

well this is just turning into a rant now so I'll stop typing, but hey thanks for posting the report man; this one's just as good as the last one - don't refrain from posting your next one.

-=- Matt/Strumpling -=-
Peace man :smile:


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

Edited by Strumpling (01/02/03 08:00 PM)

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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: Strumpling]
    #1186207 - 01/03/03 12:26 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

Thank you all guys, really.

To mickey: probably I went into this Trainspotting phase since my girlfriend sent me some bad sentences about tripping with other persons, my cousin laughed a lot (tough he always does it) to my junkie state, the other girl said "I'm having a new year's eve with 4 junkies"... so I was put into the state to be the "pusher" of them all... I felt bad about this and also I felt as the mushroom were lsd instead, and it was burning my brain... the visions was also very "lsd" even if I never went on acid... but I felt it like this.
I also wrote a lot of babblings at the end of the trip... crazy stuff...

To Hamurabi: yes, I thought the same when I've read your trip... I really don't want to have the same trip... it was terrible. I was also thinking to quit the shrooms experiences, but now I want to take it easier. I need to understand better what really happened.

To Strumpling: I don't think I made a mistake. I really wanted to let it go... but it was cracking my mind... I really couldn't bear it anymore... I think I am a strong person, but not that strong, to bear the complete knowledge of the universe... not in my 2nd trip.
Yes, I have other pictures I've done after my first trip.





If you read my first trip, this is what I thought about conscience... hexagon shaped rooms in which conscience can move at will from one world to another...

I'm not such an expert to make things change at my will... this was only my second trip. I hope I will control my mind better next time. Probably I'm very sensitive to psilocybin. My real one mistake has been to trip with too much people. And probably you are right, I've learned much more from this trip than from a simple funny one.
This is the most important things I've learnt...

Psychedelics are not toys to play with. I don't need any more trip toys such as all the things I've prepared for the last trip...

no lights, no music, only my mind to play with...

Be sure I'll post my next trip report as soon as I'll trip again... in one month.

Thank you all guys... I really appreciate any more comment...

Stay tuned... stay shroomed!

Andrash  :smirk: 


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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OfflineHamurabi
the babylonianleader..

Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 2,421
Loc: Greece
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1186459 - 01/03/03 03:55 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

yeah iw as thinking to quit from shrooms too while i was tripping! but this won't happen;-)
i 'll just stick to level 2-3:-)

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InvisibleAlien
Galactic Shaman
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 1,868
Loc: Jupiter's Moon
Post deleted by Administrator [Re: andrash]
    #1186688 - 01/03/03 05:19 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)



--------------------
-Alien :cool:

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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: Alien]
    #1186879 - 01/03/03 06:26 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

I agree with Alien - you'll learn what your mistakes were.... there ARE mistakes in the psychedelic experience, and it takes time to realize what they are - Don't let a "bad" experience deter you, though :smile: Like you said, you ARE strong, and from your writing I can tell you are perceptive and intelligent - Good luck :smile:


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Offlineiloveraving
Fighting themachine...

Registered: 08/27/02
Posts: 1,965
Loc: ..long road ahead..
Last seen: 18 years, 26 days
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: Alien]
    #1186884 - 01/03/03 06:28 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

That seems like a good shroom trip to me. You just felt bad cause your girl was mad at you. Cool picture though, I might desktop it  :grin: 


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Daisy Wedding Favors

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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: Strumpling]
    #1187043 - 01/03/03 07:28 AM (21 years, 9 months ago)

Thank you very much for your appreciation, I would like to express my ideas better, but since I'm Italian, I have some problems with the translation of my mind...

I will trip again... I'm sure of this, I need to understand what I've been through. Next time it will be only with my girlfriend... she also wants to enjoy the experience, since this one was completely under control... she was afraid to lose control with the other persons that are my friends and not her own. So she didn't trip at all.

Bye,

Andrash


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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Offlinemushieangel
im his imaginaryfriend. no onecan see me buthim

Registered: 01/07/03
Posts: 338
Loc: somewhere fun, i hope
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1213710 - 01/13/03 05:58 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

hey, i just wanted to let you know that the other day when i smoked up, i remembered your trippy ass picture and came on to look at it... my friend came down at like, 3 in the morning and i was still checking it out.. cool picture. just wanted to let you know i thought it was cool and used it.

mushieangel : )


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Offlinemix_up
Dougal

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 107
Loc: Magic Roundabout
Last seen: 21 years, 4 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1213928 - 01/13/03 07:26 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

Like you and the others I have been to that level of intensity. I also seriously considered quitting mushrooms (coz like you say they are no toy). I find that after a week or so you start to rationize it and before you know it your planning your next trip.

A couple of thinks I have learnt. I should also say I'm 34 and not someone just out for a high.

1) music really is your guide and I find it essential when tripping by myself. If you have'nt tried it, go with some of the suggestions in trip tips i.e Infected M, Sphongle etc.

2) I only use projectors, lava lamps off peak. I have a Red light oil pattern projector but it can be too much (Red shift).

3) It takes a serious amount of balls and mental attitude to go through the sort of trip you have described (i do know) - but remember with each trip comes new enlightnment and experience BUT never make the mistake of believing you have it sussed because each time can take you by suprise. Which I guess is a large part of why we do it.

4) With experience comes an ability to recognise an unpleasant trip and change its direction - you would be suprised at how the most subliminal thing can change the way a trip unfolds.

Finally welcome to the universe friend.

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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: mix_up]
    #1216053 - 01/13/03 08:37 PM (21 years, 8 months ago)

Thank you again for your reply...

Well, I've tripped again my friends...
This time it was alone, with only 2 grams. A lower dose to learn how to manage the trip. It was very interesting... I've learned more things on my reaction to shrooms, and on the interaction between music, video or other things...

Yes, music is a guide...
I tried first some Zen music... it was amazing, like if I was located in a remote eastern country... soft and embracing...
Then I shifted to Morcheeba... I definitely like them when I'm not tripping, but in this trip I had fun and pleasure dancing in the colorfoul waves my mind was producing listening to their sweet sounds...

I tryed then two opposite things... a porn video, to study the reaction with sex (I mean pure sex without love): it was sad... everything was fake, the human comedy is so miserable.

Then I shifted to 2001 a space odissey: Marvellous... the music, the landscapes, the birth of man... great. I really suggest you to try it.

In the end of the trip I wrote a lot of thoughts on papar... it was useful to stop the stream of consciousness I had.

I had a feeling of sadness after this trip... like if all the human values are set to zero. And I need to start again finding the truth. But I know that the truth is not in my mind anymore. The truth is in my heart. I have a feeling that everything must go through my heart now.

Nice trips...

Andrash


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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Offlinemix_up
Dougal

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 107
Loc: Magic Roundabout
Last seen: 21 years, 4 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1216974 - 01/14/03 06:24 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

Let me guess... Morcheeba - "Part of the process".  Thats my favourite trip music song.  I guess your gonna be alright now - but don't over do it, its a special gift and should not be abused by over use. :grin: 

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OfflineSnuffelzFurever
Psychonaut

Registered: 09/17/02
Posts: 734
Loc: Miami, florida
Last seen: 20 years, 7 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1217177 - 01/14/03 07:49 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

i dislike tripping with other people hwo dont do it spiritually and whatnot. they bother me a lot. i just generally prefer tripping alone, heh


--------------------
"I think it's time we stop
Children, What's the sound,
Everybody look what's going down"

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OfflineSeussA
Error: divide byzero

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1217673 - 01/14/03 10:23 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

When you get a chance, go back and reread some of your literature.  Anything that you never really understood before, such as Zen koans, can take form in ways that cannot be imagined.

I love your picture.  If you saw those triangles 'spiral' and 'color shift' then your visuals are very close to what I see quite often.  :smile:


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Just another spore in the wind.

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OfflineAcursedRedDragon
Legacy ofBrutality
Registered: 07/01/02
Posts: 719
Loc: Opium Den
Last seen: 20 years, 8 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1218970 - 01/14/03 05:59 PM (21 years, 8 months ago)

Had alot of the same thoughts in one of my bad trips...i freaked out good :grin:...someone had to calm me down...but I noticed after the bad trips are over I have the greatest euphoria(similar to a roll) for a short time afterwards anyone notice this too? 

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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: mix_up]
    #1219538 - 01/14/03 11:44 PM (21 years, 8 months ago)

It was Morcheeba "Big calm" album... the first five tracks... wonderful. Also try their first album "Who can you trust?", is very trippy.
I think I will go on shrooms no more than 1 a month... it takes time to restablish sanity... it's like when you flow your brain with brand new oxigen...
Probably next time I'll trip outside, in nature... but it's so cold now... I should wait for springtime...
I think I need to feed me with beautiful sights and objects, so I don't get that sad feeling about human life...
Probably it's in my nature... too reflective and melancholy...

:smirk:

Andrash


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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OfflineHamurabi
the babylonianleader..

Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 2,421
Loc: Greece
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1219575 - 01/15/03 12:27 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

you are right andrash!! i feel the same things with you! i mean when i trip and i walk in  a town i see the people around me and i feel very sad for them and the humans generally!
the best solution to this is to trip to nature (somewhere wild with no people around, only you and the nature). the trip is very diferent there :wink:
peace

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Offlinecomario2
amateur

Registered: 09/06/02
Posts: 1,352
Loc: between places
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: andrash]
    #1220098 - 01/15/03 05:04 AM (21 years, 8 months ago)

hi andrash, how are things in the eternal city? i sort of miss it! :laugh: 


--------------------
comario


"crusaders against emotional poverty"

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Offlineandrash
The Oceanminder

Registered: 12/11/02
Posts: 86
Loc: Rome, Italy
Last seen: 21 years, 3 months
Re: New Year's Eve Trip: the caleidoscopic hell (very long) [Re: comario2]
    #1222244 - 01/15/03 08:18 PM (21 years, 8 months ago)

hi comario...
Rome is so cold these days... but it's still the most beautiful city in the world!!! I don't think this just because it's my city... it's a fact!
I wish everyone in the shroomery to come here and visit this wonderful place... spring or autumn is the best time to enjoy the weather and the magnificent colours of the Roman capital. The Colosseum and the Forum is something incredible... but Rome is not only this... there's much more to see. On summer nights in Circo Massimo, where everyone is allowed to smoke weed... (it's not legal in Rome, but it's a kind of free area), among the ancient ruins...
I wonder what's like to go shrooming in the ancient forum...!?

Come and visit Rome, You'll have your best time ever!

:smile:

Andrash


--------------------
--- Who am I, where is me, when I' am away from myself? --- F. Battiato

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