Home | Community | Message Board


Marijuana Demystified
Please support our sponsors.

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
How Prayer & Miracles Work
    #1184133 - 01/02/03 06:21 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Problem: Pile of wood needs to be chopped to keep warm for the winter.

Religious nut: "Dear God, Almighty Father, Creator and Destroyer of Worlds, in all your magnificence, splintering a few pieces of wood is as nothing to you. In Jesus name, I ask that this daunting task be accomplished." *Waits indefinitely repeating the same petition daily. Finally an agnostic neighbor spots the poor guy shivering in his cabin week after week. Drops by the house and says, "Look, you can borrow my chainsaw if you need to cut your wood." RN does nothing because he believes in the power of prayer. Finally, the disgusted neighbor says, For Chrissakes, I will do it for you." RN gives thanks for the miracle that the Lord has performed for him!*

Middle-of-the-Road Religious Person: "The Lord helps those that help themselves." *Says prayer for protection from dangerous accident, then proceeds to chop wood. Ax slips and he cuts his leg, but not too badly. When the task is over, he once more prays. "Thank you Lord for the accident not being very serious and for giving me the strength to accomplish this herculean task which I never could have accomplished alone. Amen."

Pragmatist: *Just chops the damn wood, returns to cabin and pops a beer.*


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (01/02/03 07:04 AM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblewhiterasta
Day careobserver
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/09/02
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Oregon
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184183 - 01/02/03 06:52 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Spiritual pragmatist
chops wood,drinks beer,thanks god for the tree,warms arse by the fire. :grin:


--------------------
To old for this place


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184197 - 01/02/03 06:58 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Heteroabsolutist: *Chops wood, downs some beers, thinks of a prank... chops all the Religious Nut's wood in the middle of the night and uses it to form a religious symbol and to spell out "Fuck Yourself".... then wakes up early the next day and waits for the Nut's reaction....*


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Sclorch]
    #1184204 - 01/02/03 07:02 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Heh heh! You were the model that I used for the Pragmatist. Forgot about the Prankster part of you.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineribbit
up till dawn

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 290
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184249 - 01/02/03 07:29 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

American: pays neighbor 10 bux to chop wood while he is warm inside watching the tube with feet up


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: ribbit]
    #1184258 - 01/02/03 07:33 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Got 10 bux by selling spore print to ribbit.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (01/02/03 07:36 AM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,990
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 20 minutes, 19 seconds
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184265 - 01/02/03 07:35 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Mystic : Picks up the ax with a secondary verbal prayer for safety [perhaps, or, not], begins to chop wood with a particular form of concentration that facilitates a concommitant ease so that the labor becomes a labor of love. Simultaneously, the mystic seems to be situated in the Heart Center of the body who is chopping, like an operator in the glass cab of a giant crane - the operator, but also the Witness Who watches the operating ego control the movements of the eye-hand action. To enhance the labor of love even further, the 'mind' that is producing thoughts, and generated by the interplay of Witness and ego, sees the logs in a rapid time-lapse photographic way such that the seed falling upon the Earth, the seedling, the young-mature-old tree is imagined, then seen cut down, brought to the present moment, cut into kindling, burned in a fireplace that is part of a house that is similarly imagined from its inception to its eventual demolition in the future. [*sigh*] Thank you LORD - I've always rather liked chopping wood...Oh yes...and carrying water.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1184274 - 01/02/03 07:42 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, that's cool... sometimes the Heteroabsolutist will do the whole mindfulness thing, too. It all depends...


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblewhiterasta
Day careobserver
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/09/02
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Oregon
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Sclorch]
    #1184281 - 01/02/03 07:44 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

spiritual realist:
Watches heteroabsolutists prank, drinks more beer,prays religious nut doesn't come out with a gun and spoil the prank.Laughs hystericaly at either outcome :grin: WR


--------------------
To old for this place


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1184287 - 01/02/03 07:48 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I've always rather liked chopping wood...

The pragmatist neither likes nor dislikes. He sees it needs to be done and does it with no negative or positive residue.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,990
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 20 minutes, 19 seconds
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184292 - 01/02/03 07:50 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

That's too bad. I rather take joy, in joy.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblewhiterasta
Day careobserver
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/09/02
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Oregon
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184384 - 01/02/03 08:38 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

A man is awakened by the crash of a battering ram on his door and awakens to see himself surrounded by men in black masks and guns.In fear he tremulously asks why they are there.
The leader removes his mask and states there has been an anonymous report that he is hiding a large amount of drugs in his wood pile and that they were there to serve the seach warrant to find it.
The team of drug warriors then procede to hack and chop his wood pile to bits seaching for the alleged stash.
After several hrs all the wood is splintered and no drugs are found.In anger the narcs leave.
15 minutes after they leave the phone rings......he answers...."Hi Bob" "Hi Joe,did the cops come?" "yup they came" "Did they chop your wood for ya? "Yup thanks for calling 'em Bob"  :wink:WR 


--------------------
To old for this place


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: whiterasta]
    #1184389 - 01/02/03 08:41 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, but what about your door? Pretty hard to sue those guys.

(Have we ever had one thread that didn't go tangential inside of 10 posts? LOL!)


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184491 - 01/02/03 09:14 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

The idea that reality is a function of the mind is incorrect.  That notion infected western thought starting with Kant and proceeding downhill to the present day.

Kant, was an asshole.

That better? :wink:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineTannis
ZoneTrooper
Registered: 12/13/01
Posts: 508
Loc: MD.USA
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184550 - 01/02/03 09:35 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Non-religious Tannis.......heats the house with natural gas, drinks grain alcohol and seltzer and pisses on the wood pile while cranking the CD player! Proclaims: "Its a miracle I can still stand, let alone walk to the wood pile!" (And I have a toilet in the bathroom!)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Tannis]
    #1184580 - 01/02/03 09:44 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Eats beans and heats the house with natural gas?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblewhiterasta
Day careobserver
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/09/02
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Oregon
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184693 - 01/02/03 10:13 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Ahhh...... one who thinks too linear has danger of going straight,even when road curves....... :grin: WR


--------------------
To old for this place


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflinePhred
Fred's son
Male

Registered: 10/19/00
Posts: 12,949
Loc: Dominican Republic
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: ]
    #1185186 - 01/02/03 01:28 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Mr Mushrooms writes:

Kant was an asshole.

Yep. The man who, in trying to "save fair Faith from cold Reason", single handedly did more than any other individual in history to undo the progress of millennia.

He was an uber-asshole.

pinky


--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflinePhluck
Carpal Tunnel
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/11/99
Posts: 11,393
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1185301 - 01/02/03 02:28 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Me:Buys a damn space heater.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* "Miracle Spring Water." MOTH 1,265 10 08/03/05 11:44 AM
by Icelander
* Prayer Study Fails Miserably
( 1 2 all )
Temptress 2,246 37 04/15/06 02:15 AM
by Shroomerious
* Homer Simpson's contribution to S&P silversoul7 1,095 14 02/17/04 10:00 AM
by fireworks_god
* Our prayers are with you...
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 all )
OrgoneConclusion 4,728 111 08/14/07 05:05 AM
by shakercee
* The War Prayer by Mark Twain MushmanTheManic 1,011 10 03/04/06 04:03 AM
by Help on the Way
* The War Prayer Anonymous 578 1 09/12/02 09:58 PM
by gnrm23
* Prayer and living the Prayer Life
( 1 2 all )
Fucknuckle 2,150 21 12/05/04 12:37 PM
by FreakQlibrium
* Prayer and Free Will Swami 671 12 04/19/04 08:58 PM
by Swami

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, CosmicJoke, Diploid, DividedQuantum
1,006 topic views. 0 members, 5 guests and 6 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Shroom Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.068 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 14 queries.