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How Prayer & Miracles Work
    #1184133 -

Problem: Pile of wood needs to be chopped to keep warm for the winter.

Religious nut: "Dear God, Almighty Father, Creator and Destroyer of Worlds, in all your magnificence, splintering a few pieces of wood is as nothing to you. In Jesus name, I ask that this daunting task be accomplished." *Waits indefinitely repeating the same petition daily. Finally an agnostic neighbor spots the poor guy shivering in his cabin week after week. Drops by the house and says, "Look, you can borrow my chainsaw if you need to cut your wood." RN does nothing because he believes in the power of prayer. Finally, the disgusted neighbor says, For Chrissakes, I will do it for you." RN gives thanks for the miracle that the Lord has performed for him!*

Middle-of-the-Road Religious Person: "The Lord helps those that help themselves." *Says prayer for protection from dangerous accident, then proceeds to chop wood. Ax slips and he cuts his leg, but not too badly. When the task is over, he once more prays. "Thank you Lord for the accident not being very serious and for giving me the strength to accomplish this herculean task which I never could have accomplished alone. Amen."

Pragmatist: *Just chops the damn wood, returns to cabin and pops a beer.*


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The proof is in the pudding.

Edited by Swami (01/02/03 05:04 AM)

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184183 -

Spiritual pragmatist
chops wood,drinks beer,thanks god for the tree,warms arse by the fire. :grin:


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To old for this place

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184197 -

Heteroabsolutist: *Chops wood, downs some beers, thinks of a prank... chops all the Religious Nut's wood in the middle of the night and uses it to form a religious symbol and to spell out "Fuck Yourself".... then wakes up early the next day and waits for the Nut's reaction....*


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Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Sclorch]
    #1184204 -

Heh heh! You were the model that I used for the Pragmatist. Forgot about the Prankster part of you.


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184249 -

American: pays neighbor 10 bux to chop wood while he is warm inside watching the tube with feet up

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: ribbit]
    #1184258 -

Got 10 bux by selling spore print to ribbit.


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The proof is in the pudding.

Edited by Swami (01/02/03 05:36 AM)

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184265 -

Mystic : Picks up the ax with a secondary verbal prayer for safety [perhaps, or, not], begins to chop wood with a particular form of concentration that facilitates a concommitant ease so that the labor becomes a labor of love. Simultaneously, the mystic seems to be situated in the Heart Center of the body who is chopping, like an operator in the glass cab of a giant crane - the operator, but also the Witness Who watches the operating ego control the movements of the eye-hand action. To enhance the labor of love even further, the 'mind' that is producing thoughts, and generated by the interplay of Witness and ego, sees the logs in a rapid time-lapse photographic way such that the seed falling upon the Earth, the seedling, the young-mature-old tree is imagined, then seen cut down, brought to the present moment, cut into kindling, burned in a fireplace that is part of a house that is similarly imagined from its inception to its eventual demolition in the future. [*sigh*] Thank you LORD - I've always rather liked chopping wood...Oh yes...and carrying water.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1184274 -

Yeah, that's cool... sometimes the Heteroabsolutist will do the whole mindfulness thing, too. It all depends...


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Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Sclorch]
    #1184281 -

spiritual realist:
Watches heteroabsolutists prank, drinks more beer,prays religious nut doesn't come out with a gun and spoil the prank.Laughs hystericaly at either outcome :grin: WR


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To old for this place

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1184287 -

I've always rather liked chopping wood...

The pragmatist neither likes nor dislikes. He sees it needs to be done and does it with no negative or positive residue.


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184292 -

That's too bad. I rather take joy, in joy.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184384 -

A man is awakened by the crash of a battering ram on his door and awakens to see himself surrounded by men in black masks and guns.In fear he tremulously asks why they are there.
The leader removes his mask and states there has been an anonymous report that he is hiding a large amount of drugs in his wood pile and that they were there to serve the seach warrant to find it.
The team of drug warriors then procede to hack and chop his wood pile to bits seaching for the alleged stash.
After several hrs all the wood is splintered and no drugs are found.In anger the narcs leave.
15 minutes after they leave the phone rings......he answers...."Hi Bob" "Hi Joe,did the cops come?" "yup they came" "Did they chop your wood for ya? "Yup thanks for calling 'em Bob"  :wink:WR 


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To old for this place

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: whiterasta]
    #1184389 -

Yeah, but what about your door? Pretty hard to sue those guys.

(Have we ever had one thread that didn't go tangential inside of 10 posts? LOL!)


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184491 -

The idea that reality is a function of the mind is incorrect.  That notion infected western thought starting with Kant and proceeding downhill to the present day.

Kant, was an asshole.

That better? :wink:

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184550 -

Non-religious Tannis.......heats the house with natural gas, drinks grain alcohol and seltzer and pisses on the wood pile while cranking the CD player! Proclaims: "Its a miracle I can still stand, let alone walk to the wood pile!" (And I have a toilet in the bathroom!)

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Tannis]
    #1184580 -

Eats beans and heats the house with natural gas?


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1184693 -

Ahhh...... one who thinks too linear has danger of going straight,even when road curves....... :grin: WR


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To old for this place

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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: ]
    #1185186 -

Mr Mushrooms writes:

Kant was an asshole.

Yep. The man who, in trying to "save fair Faith from cold Reason", single handedly did more than any other individual in history to undo the progress of millennia.

He was an uber-asshole.

pinky


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Re: How Prayer & Miracles Work [Re: Swami]
    #1185301 -

Me:Buys a damn space heater.


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"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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