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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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MarijuaRandoma
#1175760 - 12/28/02 04:06 PM (21 years, 3 months ago) |
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When I get high, my mind becomes sensitive. Suddenly all my worries become completely unbearable to think about. Thoughts are no longer "ranked". There is no bold cornerstone belief that I am attached too. All of the sudden I realize I don't HAVE to think that way. What will happen if I just stop worrying about this? Absolutely nothing. If I choose to not let this bother me, then it simply won't. And it is feeling more and more natural, like I'm peacefully gliding back to my source, and all these parasitic worries are just processes in my mind, of no more importance than the thoughts that make me happy. There is no certain way a human is supposed to feel. His world is always changing around him, he isn't really even sure what is out of his backyard, yet some unknown force wants him to conform his thoughts to a certain, tired, old formula. Some force wants me to see the world in some way that I don't want to see. I hear voices telling me that I'm 'crazy' for trying to dispel these thoughts that have clung to me for years. Is this the 'darkness of the soul' I always hear about? How I am afraid I will somehow not be myself if I choose to become blissful. Why does a part of me so want me to hurt myself? Why do I want to feel pain?
So I see that violent river, flowing into the unknown. I dive in, I swim. I almost drown, and then I am rather suprised to see how normal and 'right' I feel on the other side. The foundation forged by negativity has dissolved. Still it's essence follows me like a hungry shadow....
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Zero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland
Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
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Re: MarijuaRandoma [Re: Grav]
#1176013 - 12/28/02 07:01 PM (21 years, 3 months ago) |
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i think i felt this too when i got stoned, lately its not been so bad. for a while i felt psychotic, then it just stopped, like it didnt matter anymore. i think when you get those dark vibes, its what you need to confront about yourself. being able to stand in the path of darkness and fear and let it flow through you and past you. and i think if you can hold on to "yourself" keep yourself rooted into your foundation, all those worries and darkness and pain will fly past and you will feel more free about who you are without the confines of the "conforming world".
-------------------- What?
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SnuffelzFurever
Psychonaut
Registered: 09/17/02
Posts: 734
Loc: Miami, florida
Last seen: 20 years, 1 month
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Re: MarijuaRandoma [Re: Grav]
#1176458 - 12/29/02 02:55 AM (21 years, 3 months ago) |
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i think the ego is what is trying to get you hooked onto these thoughts. so long as you do, you cannot escape it. i think the ego is a superconciousness capable of speaking to us as part of our conciousness, one we can ignore or obey. so long as you obey the ego, you follow a strict pattern of behavior, and can never escape it (especially later in life). but if you ignore these evil thoughts, you free yourself, at least partly, from that bastard ego. humans definitely dont have a set standard for the way they should be. people use that as an excuse to justify their own actions... people are very insecure. their ego makes them this way. fuck ego
-------------------- "I think it's time we stop Children, What's the sound, Everybody look what's going down"
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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I used to go through sparadic cycles like this every day. My "spirit" that told me what was right and wrong, was driving me crazy. It felt like I would lose my soul if I just let go of everything I thought I knew. There came a point when I guess I realized "wow, this is not working. I am definately very unhappy with my life." A couple very intense mushroom trips helped with this realization, as well as sending me a message not to trip again for awhile which I havent.
I think it's the weirdest thing how you feel like you've always been the same, but looking back I used to be so addicted to the psychedelic world, now I can't really imagine what it's like to just be living for the next drug trip. All of life is a trip now.
Anyways, these thoughts I have are like lingering demons if you will, they are just like memories of a dark period of my life... I am no longer afraid of them, but I am conscious of them, and how other people are no doubt going through the same struggles.
I don't think happiness is about achieving a state of 'perfection', but a state where you have a grip on your emotions and you consciously realize what makes you feel angry, sad, jealous, incomplete, etc. And instead of bottling these emotions up, you embrace them and seek out why you feel that way, and why you don't have to feel that way.
I like to think of myself as constantly fluctuating and changing as I learn more about other people and how my world works. I am no longer defensive of myself, because I am not defending anything, I no longer have this shimmering temple of the 'ego' that I can't bear to see crumble. All that I am is right out in the open for everyone to see. I deal with my problems as they find their way to me. No more pretending.
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Adamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 9 years, 29 days
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Re: MarijuaRandoma [Re: Grav]
#1179197 - 12/30/02 06:58 AM (21 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think you did a very, very good job of explaining what marijuana does to me.
Unfortunately I couldn't read past the first paragraph because I couldn't focus enough.
/lights up a joint.
-------------------- { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } }
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