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God, please, please, can you help me remove these emotional demons and blockages of energy forever.
I will treat people the right way I just want the ability to feel safe around others. Please take this hatred in me away forever. If I deserved it then so be it, I forgive myself for whatever I did to deserve it in this life or in the past. Please forgive me.
Free my soul of this torment. I want to get better, I want to reach out to others and be there for them. I want to stop being a girl, I want to stop being a bitch, I want to stop these gay thoughts, I want a pure soul free from these fucking pitchforks.
Please remove my apprehension, please remove my fear, please remove my defects of character, please remove this pain, please remove my hesitation, please help me at the least help myself or show me what to do on how to get rid of this shit that has built up and won't seem to leave me. I am weak, I am afraid, I am scared, I am powerless over the alcholoic in my life and all people for that matter.
I want just once to be able to genuinely, safely connect with another living human being. Please free me from this isolation and torment
This is emotion talking: I really hate the personality I pretend is me because this personality isn’t actually me. I exist through other people and I fucking hate it. Going backwards and emotionally folding is insecurity and it seems impossible for me just to go forward and act on my own emotional intuition because I put every other fucking person in front of me and I emotionally disconnect with myself again and again and again.
My sense of self-direction, self-expression, emotional security, and personal feelings all get backed up and repressed because I place nearly everybody I come in contact with in front of my emotional needs. The result from this is that I feel like killing every person I come in contact with but the truth is its not their fault its my own.
I have been caring about everyone else’s opinion and reaction for so long in front of my own that I no longer care about how anyone feels. I’ve done nothing but think for 10-15 years about how other people feel and how those people will react and my conclusion is that other people are fucking stupid and tie in no rationality to their emotions. It seems like the world can act on impulse by I can’t.
please let my true self to come out. Please set me free. Lets get free.