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Invisiblepraecox
Stranger
Female

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 2
100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips
    #11375577 - 11/03/09 11:34 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

[this is going to be lengthy. I'm sorry, but it's really hard to describe and I want to be as detailed as possible.]

ok, I'm not sure where to start or how to explain this, so I figure the concrete stuff is easiest.

I am not a very frequent tripper, usually spacing 2-6 months in between each trip.
At this point, I haven't tripped in about 7 months.
I have done acid only twice, both at higher doses (5 & 3 hits), have done shrooms maybe 2-3 dozen times over the last 12 years at moderate doses (2-3.5 grams), and rolled on X once, years ago.
I don't smoke weed except a -very- small amount, -very- rarely, for anxiety (maybe once every two months, tops).
I don't take pills (even advil) or do any other drugs.
I smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol, but always in moderation.
I don't even eat chocolate or drink sodas because I'm allergic to caffeine.
I have no history of mental illness (that I know of - I'm adopted but there are some records); I DO have a disposition for brain tumors, from my paternal grandfather.
I am considered to be of above average intelligence (I hear there's a suggested correlation) and study math and quantum physics, religion and anthropology, and I like to cook. :smile:

Ok. there's the summary of me. Nothing crazy, nothing that bizarre.

So here's what's been happening. In the past, when I was tripping, it didn't seem to make a difference the quantity or type of psychedelic I took after my first acid trip (5 hits) on the effect. That was my first, full-blown, zero-ego "level 5" trip. Since then, if I take 2 grams of shrooms, I end up in the same place. It also seems (from about 7 trips since that first acid trip) that those who trip with me also have incredibly intense trips, more intense than the dose would suggest.

Now, that can be chalked up to potency. I get it, but in my experience 2 grams of shrooms should NOT feel like 5 hits of acid. The majority of my tripping was on shrooms before I took acid for the first time so I'm familiar with the doses and effects on my body.

This is what's weird though... for the last, I'd say, one and a half - two years, I've been tripping sober. Completely sober. I can't describe the feeling, but it isn't visual. I rarely have full on visual hallucinations. A cup will still look like a cup, but it will generally just be more significant, different, have more layers to it's being. The feeling, when I would be tripping, is more like (and bear with me here) being in a nexus point on the twisting edges of existence, a point that is firmly planted in the middle of my brain. I don't know how else to say it.

And it's been happening sober. For some time it gave me severe panic attacks. I thought I was going crazy (and I'm still not sure if I am or not). Every time there is a feeling of panic, of "oh no, not this. It can't be happening now." I usually leave wherever I am as quickly as possible, and (most of the time) that stops it.

It feels like fate, like I'm a puppet who's looking at the strings, but in my life here, in this perception of reality, where we aren't supposed to ever see the strings.

It's usually short lived, and any number of things will trigger it. It's impossible to predict... and the frequency is increasing. I get so scared when it happens, especially if I'm around people. I mean, who wants to be the girl tripping out of nowhere at a dinner party?

Has anyone else had experiences like this? does anyone know what I'm talking about? I wonder if it's possible that my neuropathways could have forged new territory, new tunnels so-to-speak, since that first intense acid trip and it's just a firing of electricity in my brain, triggered by something reminiscent of when I was tripping... or if it's really real. If something came back with me... not a demon or anything like that, nothing metaphysical, but that some part of my brain held onto that tripping consciousness.

Maybe I'm going mad. I think it's a good possibility. But then I start to wonder if there is any difference between the madman and the sage? is this insanity? or are my eyes just being opened? or is it the same thing?

sorry for rambling... if you made it this far, thank you for your time.

Regards,
Frankie


--------------------
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Einstein


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OfflineListening
scaler of mountains

Registered: 02/11/09
Posts: 107
Loc: Montreal
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: praecox]
    #11386212 - 11/04/09 08:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

There are many many people who say that they have never been the same after high dose acid trip. Some describe it as tripping (at some level) pretty much continuously and what you're describing seems to fit with that.

The good news is that most people are able to roll with it and consider it a good thing.

It sounds like you're still unsure of yourself though. I would highly suggest that you do not do any more psychedelics, at the very least until you come to terms with this and fully understand your state.


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Offlineshroomguyali
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Registered: 06/10/09
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Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: Listening]
    #11388785 - 11/05/09 03:26 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

I'd say smoke some weed alone and take a good look at your life, try to get things into perspective . Relaxation is the best way to get thoughts flowing and the weed should help chill you out.

Good luck with your trips hope it works out for you!


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: praecox]
    #11389206 - 11/05/09 07:29 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

being able to see the world as a child is what constitutes a coveted degree of "poetic" mastery.

with fresh eyes, you will see what is between the moments that trained behavior skips.

since you are still able to do ordinary things that you have learned (i.e. no brain damage, no loss of coordination or memory) and since you are not having full on hallucination (sticky persistence of afterimages blending with dream images) i would not worry too much about this "gift".

Maybe your mind's "eye" opened up and only partially closed when you came down.
I have found watching what is happening between expected moments very useful.


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Offlinenootropic
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻


Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 616
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Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: redgreenvines]
    #11393394 - 11/05/09 09:26 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

sounds like you've just been feeling a little off, getting panic attacks, and noticing minor visual distortions here and there. that's pretty normal after intense trips. there's nothing wrong with you.

as for the insanity part, no one is sane. those that say they are sane are insane.


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[quote]Oweyervishice said:
[quote]Icelander said:
What is at the bottom of it?[/quote]

Death anxiety? :flirt:[/quote]


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OfflineFreedom
Will swim for food
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Registered: 05/26/05
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Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: nootropic]
    #11407471 - 11/07/09 10:01 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I rarely have full on visual hallucinations. A cup will still look like a cup, but it will generally just be more significant, different, have more layers to it's being. The feeling, when I would be tripping, is more like (and bear with me here) being in a nexus point on the twisting edges of existence, a point that is firmly planted in the middle of my brain. I don't know how else to say it.

And it's been happening sober. For some time it gave me severe panic attacks. I thought I was going crazy (and I'm still not sure if I am or not). Every time there is a feeling of panic, of "oh no, not this. It can't be happening now." I usually leave wherever I am as quickly as possible, and (most of the time) that stops it.

It feels like fate, like I'm a puppet who's looking at the strings, but in my life here, in this perception of reality, where we aren't supposed to ever see the strings.




Please try to explain more. The cup for instance, can you describe any of the different layers?

You say the twisting edges of existence - I don't know what that means - Are you somehow experiencing things that don't exist? Experiencing things that you don't experience?

When you look at the strings, do you actually see them, or is it more that you feel that you are a puppet, feel that there is something behind reality which you can't see?

All through my life I've experienced strange moments that may be similar to what you describe - it started when I was 5 years old. When it occurs it feels very important, but when I look at my life in the big picture these experiences seem to have had little to no influence on me.

If the frequency, length or intensity becomes more than you can handle or understand, you might find this website about spiritual emergencies helpful:

Spiritual Emergency

Not that it's likely, but just incase :wink:


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Invisible99BOOMERMAN
The Professional
Male


Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 539
Loc: USA Flag
Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: Freedom]
    #11454059 - 11/14/09 03:59 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like anxiety attacks,or even social anxiety,and agreed to have been like  "Listening" said, about never being the same after a significant dose.


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Anything posted in this thread is just some well thought out bull-shit,which is completely for entertainment purposes only.
                                     
                                      AMU      "Q&A's  Thread"


INGENIOUS MONO TUB LINER


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Invisiblejoemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: 99BOOMERMAN]
    #11454226 - 11/14/09 04:27 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

It's fucking strange what this shit does to us.  It is not that we take a molecule, have an experience, and then go on with our everyday lives.  You see, it shows you new ways of interpreting the world, of perceiving reality and some of us have minds that are able apply the lessons learned in trips to regular life - whether we like it or not.  So now normal events or objects take on broader significance and that apple is much more because you are thinking about it philosophically.


--------------------
Don't PM me with bullshit.  I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.


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Offlinedeeslebones
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Registered: 10/25/09
Posts: 34
Loc: Arkansas
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: joemolloy]
    #11454405 - 11/14/09 05:00 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

ive heard that LSD's active chemicals are stored in spinal fluid, and for years after a trip, anytime you pop your back, or bend your back in an interesting way, the fluid is released and you feel minor effects of the LSD. it could just be a rumor tho.
however the one time i did trip, i popped my back 2 days later and was in another place for a few minutes.
if it was me, i'd embrace it as a positive thing. never be afraid of it, its not like it can kill you, and even if it does... if you've had a level 5 trip, you know there is nothing about death to be afraid of.
Good vibes!


--------------------
Thanks for the inspiration, Mr. Mushroom


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OfflineFreedom
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Registered: 05/26/05
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Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: deeslebones]
    #11458650 - 11/15/09 10:15 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Sorry, this has been debunked 1001 times! See Erowid, the link has references to real scientific papers even.


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Invisiblepraecox
Stranger
Female

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 2
Re: 100% Sober, Purely-Cognitive Trips [Re: Freedom]
    #11461103 - 11/15/09 06:06 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

First off, thank you so much, everyone, for responding. I didn't really expect anything, so it was a pleasant surprise.

Some of you have said that it's probably anxiety. Let me assure you, as someone who did have anxiety attacks, this is completely different. I haven't had a full on panic attack in over a year, since my life/romantic/everything situation got much better and far less stressful. I'm a fairly social person, comfortable meeting new people and rarely meet people (or situations) that intimidate me. It's not a panic attack that causes this... this (whatever it may be) is what makes me feel panicky.

Freedom, you have some good questions that I will try very hard to answer... I can't guarantee that I have the words for it, but I'll try.

Ok, the cup example: None of the layers I'm talking about are visual. When I'm tripping (sober or not), it's like I see/know/feel the weight of time in everything, stretching backwards and forwards, the resonance of time and life in everything. A cup is still a cup, still looks like a cup, but all that happened, in the course of existence (evolution, the use of tools, the making of the first cup, all the generations of artistry and craftsmanship that evolved how a cup is made, and all the lives that touched all of those processes) that led to this ceramic cup with a cat painted on it sitting on my table. Its a feeling like that cup isn't there by accident - there couldn't be any other cup, in any other moment of space and time - that could exist in my perception of reality except that cup. It feels that way with everything though: something on tv, something someone says, the way the wind will move leaves around on the ground, my own life and thoughts... everything.

Needless to say, it can be a little dauntingly heavy.

It's what I'm talking about when I say that I feel more aware of the "strings" that control us: it's not that I see strings, but I feel as though I am aware of the invisibly vibrating strands of destiny all around us, that there is nothing that is by accident, ever. Even now, posting this here after feeling this way for so long, it couldn't have been at any other time, or with any other people but you.

As far as the "twisting edges of reality"... whew. I'm not sure if I can really describe it. It's not that I feel like I'm experiencing things that aren't real... it's like I'm experiencing reality for the first time; that none of this is real and I'm finally waking up a little. It would be the same, I think, if a literary character in a book suddenly realized that they were just type on pages, all their actions predetermined by the author, and even beyond their story, there was a whole other world beyond them that is so impossibly different from what they are that it's terrifying to consider.

and joemolly, amen. lol. I remember when I first started tripping I said that I wanted to take it out with me, to have a tripping consciousness rather than just an occasional good time.

I have (at this point) no intention of tripping again in the near future, but I think that one day I'll have to, to make peace with whatever this is, whether its just in my mind or if what I'm feeling is really real. I'm trying to do it through my health and mental clarity now, but I think one day some strong medicine might be in order.

Thanks again... I'm glad all of you were here. :smile:


--------------------
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Einstein


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