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OfflineJackofSpades
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Registered: 03/01/09
Posts: 2,897
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Selfishness v. Selflessness
    #11363279 - 11/01/09 03:01 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Ever since tripping I've been in the process of creating a new personality.

I'm trying to find a balance between caring for others and caring for myself.

What do you all think about this?

Its kind of annoying because I never really know when or how to carry this personal philosophy out (in terms of getting emotionally involved with other people)

my old personality cared about nothing but being accepted and loved by others (due to family abuse shit) and im finding that I'm really angry at the world and kind of hate how other people cause/caused me to sacrifice myself for their bullshit needs and social comfort...This is mainly directed at family but it carries out into all interpersonal relations one way or another.

however, in the long run (assuming I get over my internal strife, which i think i will) i would like to live a balanced social existence


but fuck. this is such a bitch knowing when to care for others when all you want to do is put yourself forward...specifically feelings which ive been forced to repress...lots of anger and rage.



any suggestions beyond talking to a therapist?


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If you're frightened of dying and  you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.


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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11363313 - 11/01/09 03:07 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

i have lots of anger and rage too. a therapist is likely not going to help much. what we both need is to humble ourselves and recognize how unimportant we are. don't act out on your anger and rage - that will mostly lead to bad situations and violence - the anger and rage will go away when it is replaced by gratitude and patience

but first things first is you have to be very selfish at first to recover. you can't go helping other people until you are centered enough in yourself and know who you are.

It's not a new personality you are looking for, but a higher power to serve


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OfflineSmitington
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Registered: 08/10/09
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11363340 - 11/01/09 03:12 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

We are experts at our own experiences.  What you have gone through in your life gives you a unique understanding of certain problems in the world, and you will become an expert and fixing them if you devote yourself to it.  Try to identify when people might be going through certain things that you have experienced, share your experience and give them hope.  Helping people this way will also help you.


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OfflineJackofSpades
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #11363401 - 11/01/09 03:22 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

yes.


I want a path and direction to follow in life. In the past, I was merely concerned with fitting in, being accepted, and I suppose just having a good time (getting drunk or stoned). There is nothing entirely wrong with that persay, its just, there needs to be something more than repetitive ego games.

I don't know, since getting to college, tripping a lot, converting to Buddhism from Atheism, meditating daily for over a year, and then uncovering all these deep personal abuse issues from living with an alcoholic father that I had been repressing my life has changed drastically.


Its just a pain in the ass changing behavior.


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If you're frightened of dying and  you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11363455 - 11/01/09 03:32 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Very well stated. I found much I could identify with here.

Nothing wrong with putting yourself forward. It's part of being an individual entity among many. It's part of survival and you can't totally get away from it.

IMO the trick is to find out what really satisfies your needs. I believe if you do it will also be a benefit to others. This doesn't mean that they will always see it that way.

Balance is good but it's not a static thing. The idea is to get close to it and as you go into it and out of it you don't swing to far either way.

Best of luck to you. Great post.:thumbup:


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Edited by Icelander (11/01/09 03:32 PM)


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OfflineNoteworthy
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: Icelander]
    #11366516 - 11/02/09 12:15 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

My suggestion is to work out which other people you actually want to help. It is easy to get the notion that everybody is equal and evenly deserving of your love. But If you want to start respecting yourself, you will have to work out who you want to give your love to. Once you have acheived a more secure state of mind, then you can open your love to more people.

One of the biggest insights that I have had over the last few years is that Selflessness is not really a matter of ignoring yourself and caring for others. It is a matter of actually accepting others as PART of yourself. When you realise that the way your life unfolded was largely the product of other people's choices (parents, family, ancestors, friends, society, leaders, writers, etc), you can begin to see what affect you could possibly have on other people's lives.


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: Noteworthy]
    #11367613 - 11/02/09 08:10 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)


One of the biggest insights that I have had over the last few years is that Selflessness is not really a matter of ignoring yourself and caring for others. It is a matter of actually accepting others as PART of yourself. When you realise that the way your life unfolded was largely the product of other people's choices (parents, family, ancestors, friends, society, leaders, writers, etc), you can begin to see what affect you could possibly have on other people's lives.


Very interesting. I take it to mean when you say others are PART of ourselves you mean we all share the same emotional framework and we are basically similar.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11368446 - 11/02/09 11:19 AM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

JackofSpades said:
I'm trying to find a balance between caring for others and caring for myself.



There's nothing to balance.  The one requires the other.  To be compassionate to others, you need to be compassionate to yourself, and vice-versa.


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InvisibleChronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11368894 - 11/02/09 12:34 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

JackofSpades said:

I'm trying to find a balance between caring for others and caring for myself.






You can only truly care for others if you first truly care for yourself

When you find patience & compassion for yourself, then it will effortlessly flow to 'others'...

Or, realize there are no 'others'
Realize that only one Self ever exists
Then how can you not have love for everything?

:peace:


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OfflineJackofSpades
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Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: Silversoul]
    #11370169 - 11/02/09 03:24 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

ah. good call.

I see what your talking about.


Ram Dass always says when it came to helping other people all he can do is  work on himself.

Lead by example and improve yourself and it rubs off...cosmic wisdom:awetrippie:


--------------------
If you're frightened of dying and  you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.


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Invisibleexplosiveoxygen
Prophet of TGMM


Registered: 07/10/09
Posts: 1,255
Re: Selfishness v. Selflessness [Re: JackofSpades]
    #11370520 - 11/02/09 04:07 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

The balance is that at all times you care for yourself. You desire to care for others, selflessness is a paradox.


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The Great Mycelium (TGMM) is more than you and me, we are all part of One.


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