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Anonymous #1

Freaking Out
    #11367279 - 11/02/09 06:41 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

I think I have a problem.

Potentially need HELP!

The most wicked, cruel, evil, malevolent, sickening shit keeps playing over and over in my mind and don't know why? I have been seeing this crap for about 6 months now and I'm scared shit-less! I can't sleep and have loss of appetite because of it.
In general I am a depressed person and as of late although not even realizing it have been pushing people  that care about me away including family members.

What is happening to me?


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Offlineneuro
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11367296 - 11/02/09 06:53 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

Could you describe what is going on? Can you tell us about the day it started? The day before you were unwell, the day you became "sick" and what has happened over the past week or so?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Freaking Out [Re: neuro]
    #11367385 - 11/02/09 08:07 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

Well I will try to get this out best I can.

I am alone a lot (majority of the day) and don't have any "real" friends. I live with my girlfriend who I love (together 3yrs) in a very small apartment. I do not currently have a job which has put a real damper on things including my self esteem but my girlfriend thankfully does have a job and in turn brings me down even more because I can't help with the rent, bills, food and I believe the man should provide for his household, not the woman(way I was brought up). We have two kids which we don't see much of because we do not have the means to really take care of them at the moment, they stay with my mother and are happy and healthy thank god.
I guess it started when I lost my job about 6 months ago. Like I said I am home a lot and just sit on the couch and get lost in my head and that's when these terrible thoughts start occurring. I do not do drugs of any kind, just smoke cigarettes and do not drink. I am averaging 3 packs a day. Its like a demon is inside of me putting all this stuff inside of my head. I start shaking and feel pointlessness in my existence. No I am not a violent person, at least I don't think I am. I do get angry sometimes and have the occasional argument over the usual pointlessness whatever with my girlfriend but who doesn't you know? As I don't know what my problem is maybe I just need to put my best foot forward and try something new? I am sick and tired of felling/being this way! My best bet is I'm experiencing grave depression. An endless cycle of hurt and pain.

One other thing I might point out that I have been to way more funerals than weddings bay far or any happy occasion for that matter, my dads being the most memorable. I was 14 years old at the time, he died December 25th 00'. I miss him a lot and always will but I don't think that all of this stems from that point in time? Do you? I don't know. I never got any closure from that fateful incident. And don't want any because If I don't keep him in my thoughts or bring his name up from time to time his memory will die with me and I will have to relive that all over again.

Sorry to spew my life story to you be I needed to get it out to someone. I tell my girlfriend and she is really no help at all although I value her opinion she is more of the type of person looking for the quick fix take a pill type.

Again thank you all who reply positively to this.


Edited by Anonymous (11/02/09 08:17 AM)


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Invisiblememes
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11367474 - 11/02/09 09:00 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

You're at home a lot - so here's what you should be doing:
-Work out!
-Look for jobs
-Clean!
-Learn to cook
-Read some books relevant to your career path
-Think of ways to surprise your wife & make her day better
-Go visit your kids/pick them up from school


Essentially what I'm saying is become more active.  Isolation breeds depression - anybody can tell you that.  The key to combating it is activity.


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11367521 - 11/02/09 09:21 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

maybe ur going through some kind of self realization process. ur eyes are probably much more open now, ur noticing things that u never noticed before. the closet has been reopened and is somewhat messy. maybe its time to clean it out. im no psychiatrist, but just like everyone else, i also have shit that makes me feel shitty. but it is these things that make me realize the root of the problem. maybe next time u should let the thoughts flow through u, try not fighting them. let them show u the problem, just let go, set urself free. take deep breaths and relax. reeeeelaaaaaaax.

idk man but only u can help urself. i didn't post here to give advice, im here cuz posts like these get my attention because i care and want to help. and im sure everyone else feels the same.


--------------------
Jesus Is Love
:sleep:(:leaf:)
"best quote of all time" - best philosopher ever


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Anonymous #1

Re: Freaking Out [Re: zZZz]
    #11368075 - 11/02/09 12:10 PM (8 years, 18 days ago)

I do appreciate your comments and concern thank you. 
I know I am the only one who can help myself.
"Work out!" :smile: I could use it! Not fat but not in shape either.
Things take time.

I just need to be positive! I will see where that gets me.


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11368370 - 11/02/09 01:08 PM (8 years, 18 days ago)

If i were u i would cut down on cigs ..... like really

Dont smoke more than 10 - 15 cigs a day man, 3 packs u not gonna last long in ur situation


--------------------


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Invisiblelqdtrance
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: desant]
    #11369547 - 11/02/09 03:59 PM (8 years, 18 days ago)

Yes, quit the cigs or cut down drastically. I lost my job as well after 10 years in my field. I am home a lot too but I try to find things to do. My children go on mushroom hunts with me all the time. We also take trips to the library and just go out and do stuff. Being with your kids even if you don't have them all the time will help. Whenever I get down all I have to do is look at my son and he instantly brings a smile to my face. Hope this helps and hang in there. We're here for you if you need us :grin:


--------------------
Pandha Piranha.


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InvisibleAlteredAgain
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11370155 - 11/02/09 05:20 PM (8 years, 18 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
just sit on the couch and get lost in my head and that's when these terrible thoughts start occurring.




There's a cause of your problem right there.

The solution has already been put on the table.

Deep inside you already know what you need to do to improve your situation.

"When you know exactly what you want, there is no choice. Choice is only there when we are in a confusion about what we truly want."

Shine on! :shineon:

..oh, and quit the cigs. run more :wink:


--------------------


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OfflineOzekat
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Registered: 11/21/07
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: AlteredAgain]
    #11373363 - 11/03/09 12:20 AM (8 years, 18 days ago)

lots of excellent advice on here.

Really you gotta get out more. Its as simple as that.

Create discipline in your life.  I've been going on walks anytime I feel the powerful blow of "sittingathomedoingjackshit" hit me in the gut.

Its as simple as that. Also where do you live?  SGI is everywhere man.  Those people really care about everyone who walks in the door to their beautiful and non-religious chanting.

Make a wind of activity sweep into your life and get you moving.


--------------------
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
- Chinese Proverb

:teleport:

:yinyang: Beauty & Simplicity


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OfflineSomnivore7
Psychonaut


Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 190
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Ozekat]
    #11373511 - 11/03/09 12:37 AM (8 years, 18 days ago)

its anxiety.


--------------------
No one ever becomes what others thought they should have been.


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Invisiblelqdtrance
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Somnivore7]
    #11374784 - 11/03/09 07:29 AM (8 years, 18 days ago)

excuse my ignorance but what is SGI??


--------------------
Pandha Piranha.


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OfflineViveka
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11400376 - 11/06/09 08:56 PM (8 years, 14 days ago)

This may sound wacky but I smoke a couple cigarettes a day and sometimes toward the end of a smoke I'll have weird thoughts about falling off the balcony or tumbling down from a high ledge, getting hit by a bus, or otherwise being maimed or injured somehow. 

I'm definitely not suicidal or wantonly self-destructive and I've only noticed this in the past 6 months or so and only when smoking.

And seriously dude, three packs a day?  When do you have time to breathe?


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OfflineOzekat
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Viveka]
    #11402363 - 11/07/09 04:22 AM (8 years, 14 days ago)

SGI is Soka Gakkai International.

http://www.sgi.org/


--------------------
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
- Chinese Proverb

:teleport:

:yinyang: Beauty & Simplicity


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InvisibleCameron
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11402505 - 11/07/09 05:33 AM (8 years, 14 days ago)

You have good reason to freak out!

WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!

:runaway:


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InvisibleAdden
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Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 38,323
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11404087 - 11/07/09 01:25 PM (8 years, 13 days ago)



--------------------


Outdoor Mushroom Cultivation
"He who seeks revenge best dig two graves.."
The Official Woodlovers Thread


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Invisiblelqdtrance
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: Adden]
    #11404734 - 11/07/09 02:51 PM (8 years, 13 days ago)

Those are awesome shrooms in your sig.


--------------------
Pandha Piranha.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Freaking Out [Re: lqdtrance]
    #11404746 - 11/07/09 02:54 PM (8 years, 13 days ago)

Thanks.

I forget what they are.

They were posted years ago in Mush ID, I think.

I get a lot of PM's wondering what they are. I've long since forgotten.

:shrug:

Wish I knew the photographer, tho.


--------------------


Outdoor Mushroom Cultivation
"He who seeks revenge best dig two graves.."
The Official Woodlovers Thread


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