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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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suicide is painless?
    #11336086 - 10/28/09 03:00 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

My stepdad killed himself a few years ago.  He lost his job, was diabetic, obese, and in pain a lot.  He was probably in debt too. Don't remember that part.  A few days after Christmas he swallowed a bunch of Xanax and died alone.  He and my mom didn't live together (financial reasons) and when she found him he had been dead for a few days.  There was puke and blood all over the floor when she found him.  She was heart broken and fell into a long funk.  I myself didn't take it too well either.  I was super pissed at him for it.  I was also angry at myself for not noticing, for not realizing, for not being there to talk to him, to let him know that I loved him.

I watched this documentary called "The Bridge."  It's about people who take their lives by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco.  According to the film makers, it's the landmark most likely to be chosen in the US to kill oneself at.  Most die on impact.  The film makers trained their cameras at the bridge and waited for the splash.  You'd be sitting there watching the bridge via a long, wide angle shot, la-de-da, and then all of a sudden this huge silent splash would rise out of the water.  And you knew that you just witnessed someone taking their life.

More recently I went to an event on campus featuring the guy who is behind postsecret.  I didn't know much about it before I walked in.  He gets 200 postcards a day from anonymous strangers with a secret written on them.  A lot of the secrets are funny and whimsical, but many are seriously gut wrenching secrets that people keep to themselves.  Frank Warren, the conceptualizer of this communal art project says that one disturbing trend (of several) that he notices is that many of his collaborators write of suicide.  He used to spend some time volunteering for suicide call lines and still contributes in small ways to suicide awareness.  Through me, he has even reached out to you.

Check out postsecret.com

Anyway, to make this a proper thread, do you know anybody who has committed suicide?  What was it like for you the survivor?  What was it like for their family?  Do you like talking about it?  Do you initiate conversations about it?  Do you survivors talk openly about it?

Anybody want to talk about this?  If not, this thread can die a quiet death.  I don't mind.


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InvisiblesuiM
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336107 - 10/28/09 03:07 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

i had a friend kill himself with alcohol over a few years but by that point you can see it coming. How can you save someone from themselves man? you cant.


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it."
Jimi Hendrix


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InvisiblesuiM
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: sui]
    #11336113 - 10/28/09 03:09 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

dont blame yourself just know that.


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"There is never a wrong note, bend it."
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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: sui]
    #11336117 - 10/28/09 03:11 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

oh...I don't think we can either.  It really isn't my fault.  I was just going through the gamut of emotions that the whole thing brought on for me.

I mainly wanted to bring this up because suicide seems to be one of those minor cultural taboos we have.  You're not supposed to do it, and you suppress the urge to talk about the people who have.  Ya kin?


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Offlinebreakfast
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336123 - 10/28/09 03:14 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

my ex wouldn't leave me alone, I kept telling her I didn't want to be friends but she kept calling. When she called on new years I was drunk and bitched her ass out. She downed a bottle of her pain meds the next day. I felt like shit for quite awhile.. but like you guys say, you can't blame yourself for someone elses problem. I was not the only person to go off on her.


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InvisiblesuiM
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336125 - 10/28/09 03:15 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

i dig, i dig.

did that guy write a book recently?


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"There is never a wrong note, bend it."
Jimi Hendrix


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Offlinepmb
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: sui]
    #11336176 - 10/28/09 03:37 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

A person who is depressed enough to commit suicide has horrible decision making skills, they become disillusioned by the world around them and it leads to the ultimate bad decision.

Thats at least my view on suicide.


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Don't smell the flowers, They're an evil drug to make you lose your mind


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Invisiblebumpn
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: sui]
    #11336179 - 10/28/09 03:39 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

on a side note to ur postsecret.com
i like
http://confessions.grouphug.us/
u get suicide thought there too alone with a lot of other stuff


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OfflineDeeGee
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: bumpn]
    #11336198 - 10/28/09 03:49 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

If you ever see suicide statistics the rule of thumb is at least double that.

A fucking shitload of "accidental deaths" are actual suicides but it is usually a disgrace to the family, or family honestly believes it was just an accident or a cry for help but not an actual suicide attempt gone right (that way the person who committed suicide can still go to the heaven as defined by those still living). Complete bullshit which makes it even less realistic of a real problem.


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336201 - 10/28/09 03:51 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Suicide is a sad thing. I'm glad you are able to write/ talk about it though.

I don't think he just took a bunch of xanax because the L.D. 50 for alprazolam is something like 1020 mg/kg with mice. That could be wrong but I know its close. That means a 100 pound person would need to take about 45900 mgs of xanax which is quite  hard amount to get a hold of considering the biggest pill only has 2mgs in it. He probably combined it with opiates or maybe alcohol.

Regardless I'm very sorry for your loss and the psychological trauma that followed even if it was a long time ago. I'm sending some good vibes your way. Keep your head up always.


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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: DeathCompany]
    #11336227 - 10/28/09 04:08 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

suimush said:
i dig, i dig.

did that guy write a book recently?



Yeah.  I'm pretty sure that's why he's out giving talks.  The newest one is entitled:  Confessions on Life, Death, and God.  If you've never flipped through one before, I suggest going down to the bookstore and thumbing through it.  They're fun reads.  Sometimes sobering and sometimes whimsical.  People send in the damnedest postcards.

Quote:

DeeGee said:
If you ever see suicide statistics the rule of thumb is at least double that.

A fucking shitload of accidental deaths are actual suicides but it is usually a disgrace to the family, or family honestly believes it was just an accident or a cry for help but not an actual suicide attempt gone right (that way the person who committed suicide can still go to the heaven as defined by those still living). Complete bullshit which makes it even less realistic of a real problem.




Oh, yeah.  My mom told his mom and she wouldn't hear of it.  Didn't want anything to do with the idea that her son might have offed himself.  Really offended my mom in the process.

The disgrace thing is part of what I mean when I say it's a cultural taboo.  It's just one of those things that people don't like to talk about.  And a large part of it, is that for whatever reason, it brings shame upon the family.
Quote:

DeathCompany said:
Suicide is a sad thing. I'm glad you are able to write/ talk about it though.

I don't think he just took a bunch of xanax because the L.D. 50 for alprazolam is something like 1020 mg/kg with mice. That could be wrong but I know its close. That means a 100 pound person would need to take about 45900 mgs of xanax which is quite  hard amount to get a hold of considering the biggest pill only has 2mgs in it. He probably combined it with opiates or maybe alcohol.




:strokebeard: well...I'm buggered what it might have been.  There was no autopsy done.  My mom hid all evidence from the authorities that it was a suicide.  Which....I'm not really happy with.  Nobody at his funeral even knew beyond my mom.  I didn't find out until after the fact.  I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about that.  I think it's insulting to hide the fact that a person committed suicide.  It takes all the integrity out of the action of taking one's own life.
Quote:


Regardless I'm very sorry for your loss and the psychological trauma that followed even if it was a long time ago. I'm sending some good vibes your way. Keep your head up always.




Thanks for the kindness :thumbup:  Happy birthday!! :birthday:


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OfflineLife Upon Death
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: DeathCompany]
    #11336238 - 10/28/09 04:11 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

I told my ex off really bad one night

she had recently been raped(for the second time) and was pregnant with twins from the rape(but didn't know that until the hospital)

anyways she lashed out at me one night and said it was over or something(I don't remember exactly) but she didn't mean it, she was just upset

she apologized a couple days later but I was still pissed and I told her off really bad

I was woken up from a phone call the next morning and found out she had tried to kill herself

she downed a shitload of booze, pills and slit her wrists and locked herself in her room(her step dad had to break down the door)

she stopped breathing in the ambulance and upon revival attempted to stop the doctors from trying to save her

even after all of this she still loved me and still wanted to be with me

and I didn't even deserve that...counselors tried to tell me it was all on her but deep down I knew better

I knew what could happen from what I said...I knew it and I said it anyways

it was wreckless, careless and hate filled and I know even to this day that I share some of the blame for what happened

I'm still in love with her but shes very lost within herself, I can barely get a word out...but I know the girl I love is still there


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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: Life Upon Death]
    #11336247 - 10/28/09 04:16 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

that sounds rough man.  Sorry to hear about that.  I know this thread was my idea and all, but I don't really know what to say.  You have my empathy, but, please, it's not your responsibility to shoulder blame for the rest of your days because of one bad episode.


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336257 - 10/28/09 04:24 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Thats wild, I wonder why she would do such a thing?!?!?! I mean the risk of getting in trouble with the cops would scare most people away. Humans are strange creatures. Our ego can get us to do some very odd things. Perhaps she wanted people to think he was happy and your family life was/is as perfect as that of your average american household.


Quote:

youbreakyoubuy said:


Thanks for the kindness :thumbup:  Happy birthday!! :birthday:




Thanks man! I am officially 22. Life just keeps getting shittier the older you get but at least today I will be fucked up.:lol:


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OfflineLife Upon Death
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336259 - 10/28/09 04:24 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

youbreakyoubuy said:
that sounds rough man.  Sorry to hear about that.  I know this thread was my idea and all, but I don't really know what to say.  You have my empathy, but, please, it's not your responsibility to shoulder blame for the rest of your days because of one bad episode.




its not that I hate myself for it

I just hate seeing her in pain and I know I'm partially responsible

thats not why I love her

I love her for who she really is

the sweet little girl shes hidden away


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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: Life Upon Death]
    #11336290 - 10/28/09 04:38 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

:sad:  You come off as an alright guy.  Maybe you might be able to find a way to talk about this topic with her?

Quote:

DeathCompany said:
Thats wild, I wonder why she would do such a thing?!?!?! I mean the risk of getting in trouble with the cops would scare most people away. Humans are strange creatures. Our ego can get us to do some very odd things. Perhaps she wanted people to think he was happy and your family life was/is as perfect as that of your average american household.


Quote:

youbreakyoubuy said:


Thanks for the kindness :thumbup:  Happy birthday!! :birthday:




Thanks man! I am officially 22. Life just keeps getting shittier the older you get but at least today I will be fucked up.:lol:




:pirate: yar-har!  I turned 23 this year and I know how you feel.  Once you get past 21....sigh...

I just remembered about my mom and the not telling thing.  In the suicide note, he wanted her to collect his life insurance policy.  If the insurance company found out he killed himself, then she wouldn't have been able to collect.  I guess he felt like that since he lost his job and couldn't contribute financially that way, then at least his life insurance would give her a bit of financial support.  It's pretty measly, like $150 a month or something.  I forgot about that until just now.


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336315 - 10/28/09 04:51 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Ahh now I understand. What a shame. You seem like a very level headed guy especially considering what you went through. Stay strong man.


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OfflineLife Upon Death
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336321 - 10/28/09 04:53 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

youbreakyoubuy said:
:sad:  You come off as an alright guy.  Maybe you might be able to find a way to talk about this topic with her?

Quote:

DeathCompany said:
Thats wild, I wonder why she would do such a thing?!?!?! I mean the risk of getting in trouble with the cops would scare most people away. Humans are strange creatures. Our ego can get us to do some very odd things. Perhaps she wanted people to think he was happy and your family life was/is as perfect as that of your average american household.


Quote:

youbreakyoubuy said:


Thanks for the kindness :thumbup:  Happy birthday!! :birthday:




Thanks man! I am officially 22. Life just keeps getting shittier the older you get but at least today I will be fucked up.:lol:




:pirate: yar-har!  I turned 23 this year and I know how you feel.  Once you get past 21....sigh...

I just remembered about my mom and the not telling thing.  In the suicide note, he wanted her to collect his life insurance policy.  If the insurance company found out he killed himself, then she wouldn't have been able to collect.  I guess he felt like that since he lost his job and couldn't contribute financially that way, then at least his life insurance would give her a bit of financial support.  It's pretty measly, like $150 a month or something.  I forgot about that until just now.




I've been trying for a while now

shes coming around somewhat but still very scared to let down her guard


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Offlineyoubreakyoubuy
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: Life Upon Death]
    #11336331 - 10/28/09 04:58 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Just don't push her, okay?

As we've been implicitly or explicitly saying in this thread, suicide (and rape) both have heavy social stigmas in our society.  It's probably going to take a long time and a lot of patience for her to come around.


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OfflineDeeGee
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Re: suicide is painless? [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11336336 - 10/28/09 05:01 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

And on her own accord.

The problem is how much can you really help some people? You never know if they're going to "come around" tomorrow or never. All you can do is try, sadly. Never 100% sure of the future or other people's actions.


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