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OfflineOzekat
Cosmic Observer
Male


Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 186
Loc: Kentucky
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
I want some opinions on my prose/poetry....
    #11334702 - 10/27/09 10:51 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Whats  up?  I've been neck deep in some hardcore spontaneous writings this month, and I want more feedback in regards to such.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendId=9727180

That is the link to my blog, if you want a real good taste of my stuff I would recommend reading all of the posts I've made this month, at least.  And there is some heavy stuff (especially recently) in there, hopefully you are not easily offended. There is also a lot of really inspirational and positive posts as well.

Peace.


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Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
- Chinese Proverb

:teleport:

:yinyang: Beauty & Simplicity


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OfflinejivJaN
yes
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 4,245
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Ozekat]
    #11335677 - 10/28/09 01:22 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

What's her name ? :smile:

also.. i would suggest using more dots or not transferring to the next line before you finish a thought.


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All my posts in this forum are strictly fictional.
They are derived from an acute mental illness , from which i am forced to lie compulsively.
I have never induced any kind of mind altering substance in my life  and i have no intentions whatsoever of doing anything illegal.
If I have ever suggested such a thing it would have most likely been , due to my personality disorder and i probably do not remember it at all..


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OfflineMchaggis
cawbstawmper
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/28/09
Posts: 5,307
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Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Ozekat]
    #11335696 - 10/28/09 01:25 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

as a rule

"darkness"

"blood/bleed"

"heart"

all cliches

remember to write what has not been written before!

Never stop!

Rainier Maria Rilke said something to the effect of "The only true writer is the man who would die if he could not."


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I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body


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Invisiblec0sm0nauttM
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,297
Loc: NY
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Ozekat]
    #11337404 - 10/28/09 12:27 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

I liked the first couple. :thumbup:


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Offlineandrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 8,721
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 18 hours, 16 minutes
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #11341027 - 10/28/09 09:11 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

some of its not bad, keep it up mang


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Jesus loves you.


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OfflineBuben
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Registered: 07/25/08
Posts: 433
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: andrewss]
    #11352636 - 10/30/09 05:26 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Well sorry man but here comes some harsh critique, but it is my opinion and I know many will not agree with me.

What the fuck is poetry without rime, I hate fucks I see on TV coming on stage claiming to read poetry but instead whine about something in fast tempo with bad wording and questionable content, no rime, and it simply doesn't "flow".

Having said that I see you are doing much better in some of your writings then those "professionals", I see signs of rime. If you want to write poetry I recommend you spending more time on fine tuning your writings, find synonyms, make it rime, make it flow, simply put a little more time to fine tune.

If you don't want to put in the effort, just write as someone above already said in sentences one thought at a time as short stories or thoughts.

Whichever way you take, looks like there is potential, just finish what you started, writing down something is just half the work, making it art is the other half.

Good Luck
Have Fun


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My blog with thoughts I get.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.



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Invisiblec0sm0nauttM
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Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,297
Loc: NY
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Buben]
    #11353196 - 10/30/09 06:48 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Poetry without rhyme is the majority of poetry :smile:


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OfflineBuben
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Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #11353735 - 10/30/09 08:24 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:
Poetry without rhyme is the majority of poetry :smile:




Unfortunately, and it drives me mad every time I encounter it :tongue:


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My blog with thoughts I get.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.



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OfflineSpiralout112
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Registered: 05/21/09
Posts: 472
Loc: Calgary
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Buben]
    #11353796 - 10/30/09 08:39 PM (7 years, 11 months ago)

ME, MY and I appear constantly, maybe try taking more ego out of it. (and some of the anger, its a very ugly emotion) But other than that part pretty good. :smile:


Edited by Spiralout112 (10/30/09 08:41 PM)


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OfflineBuben
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Registered: 07/25/08
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Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Spiralout112]
    #11355843 - 10/31/09 06:18 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Spiralout112 said:
ME, MY and I appear constantly, maybe try taking more ego out of it. (and some of the anger, its a very ugly emotion) But other than that part pretty good. :smile:




Well I am expressing my opinion, not writing lots of I and MY would be crazy, since that would mean that I am expressing some universal truth about poetry, which I am obviously not doing since many "professional" poets don't agree with me. :laugh:

Anger well yes not too good, especially regarding something like that, but I can't help it when I see people go on stage doing crap any kid could do but well nuff whining I think I made my point (repeatedly), make it flow, and if you can, make it rime. :laugh:

And Buuu on you all (or whatever scary things say, its Halloween!)


--------------------
My blog with thoughts I get.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.



Edited by Buben (10/31/09 06:34 AM)


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OfflineOzekat
Cosmic Observer
Male


Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 186
Loc: Kentucky
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
Re: I want some opinions on my prose/poetry.... [Re: Buben]
    #11402370 - 11/07/09 04:25 AM (7 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for the feedback. :sun:


--------------------
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
- Chinese Proverb

:teleport:

:yinyang: Beauty & Simplicity


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