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I don't know

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 67
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
~10 grams of dried cubensis.
    #11327798 - 10/26/09 11:11 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

I write this mostly for myself; I hope that writing down my experience will help me come to terms with it, because it was perhaps the most disorienting of my life.
I concede, however, that there is a modicum of a chance that others might find my experience even slightly interesting. Most of all, though, I hope it serves
as a warning to other inexperienced users: don't underestimate the power of psychoactives!

To preface my experience, I think it's important to first provide some relevant background info. I am by no means an experienced
psychedelic user; I have had 3 previous encounters with magic mushrooms. Weed is the only other drug I have experienced prior to my shroom trips - I don't
drink alcohol.

NOTE: All of my trips except my most recent experience were done at home after my parents went to bed. The dosages are not exact, as I
was equipped with only a very rudimentary homemade scale (made with a coathanger and some string).

My first dose of p cubensis was approximtely 4 grams. The trip went smoothly for the first 3 hours, but it ended with a 4 hour panic attack brought on
by existential quandries. This fit of extreme anxiety was so intense that I almost vomited (which was not at all related to nausea from the shrooms).
I had convinced myself that I was stuck in a "time loop" where I would remain for the rest of my existence. As terrifying as that was, I wasn't scared off.
My second trip was the next week, on a similar dose to my first trip. My second trip was far less intense due to, I assume, tolerance from the previous week.
This trip was much more stable and peaceful. My third trip was only two days before the experience that is to follow and was.. botched.. I suppose. Previously,
I had just sucked it up and taken the shrooms orally even though I couldn't stand the taste (I chewed 'em up good and kept them in my mouth for a minute or
two). For my third attempt, since my bag was almost entirely powder and very tiny mushrooms, I tried mixing reoughly 4 grams of it with a glass of juice.
This was, for some reason, impossible for me to stomach, and I was only able to down about half the glass before I got incredibly nauseous and even the
thought of that glass of juice made me want to throw up. I had a very light trip - I noticed I was much more lucid than I am usually; the visuals
were very subtle and practically non-existent unless I really concentrated.

So, while my first trip was.. succesful, so to speak, I'm hesitant to even acknowledge the second and third, since they were very light trips.

I share my previous experiences only to highlight how inexperienced I was at the time of my fourth and most intense trip. I had
approximately 10 grams left of the ounce I had bought - 4 grams were, as I mentioned, essentially wasted in the juice. I had planned to split the 10 with a
friend who had recently moved out west. Realising that it was unlikely that he would visit in the near future, I decided on a whim that I
would take the 10 grams myself. Looking back, I KNEW the experience would be an uncomfortable one, but I suspect that I wanted an experience of that nature.
This was EXTREMELY irresponsible and stupid on my part. Walk before you can run, as they say.

There is much I'm unable to write about simply because I can't remember it - here's what I do remember:

I got queasy at the thought of eating the shrooms, but I manned up and just shovelled the powder and tiny little mushrooms into my mouth with a spoon and
chased it with some water. This grossed me out much less than my previous methods of ingestion, although I mixed the last few spoonfuls with some peanut
butter which elimiated the taste of the shrooms almost completely. I started eating the shrooms at around 5:30 PM, and finished at about 10 to 6:00. I had no
nausea at all during or after the trip.

I should mention that I was not alone in my house. My dad was downstairs, and my mom and uncle (who was visiting from Europe) were
at a family gathering which I deicded not to attend because my stomach was bothering me prior to them leaving. This wasn't a real source of
anxiety for me, however, because I was not particularly worried about my parents finding me tripping - they're both very liberal and
my dad has regaled me many times with stories of his own drug use. Still, I had no intention of actively involving them in my trip.

I sat in my room and fucked around on the Internet for about an hour before the shrooms started to kick in. I first noticed small visual
distortions on my blanket and on the show I was watching online. At this point I got up to check my pupils (which were gigantic) in the bathroom.
I decided that I was about to trip, and how right I was - I was about to trip very, very hard. I spent an unknown amount of time in the washroom staring
at myself in the mirror. The duration of most of my activities is unknown, because time ceased to have meaning for me while I was tripping. I sat on my
counter and was thus completely visible in both a large mirror to my left and a smaller one on the medicine cabinet directly infront of me. I was able
to make it appear as if there was no actual mirror to my left, but simply a clone of myself sitting beside me. A wave of fear shot through my
body when I noticed the mirror was gone and that I was mere feet away from my doppelgänger, but this subsided quickly and I began to laugh
as I realised I could pretty much control it. As I stared into my reflection I noticed how much I looked like an old friend of mine. My face didn't change
in the reflection, but I perceived myself as looking almost identical to my friend from years back. Only a few moments later, I noticed
that the face in the mirror staring back at me also looked almost exactly like my mom's. I imitated her and acted out what I imagined she would do if she found me at
that moment, pupils dilated, sitting cross-legged on my bathroom counter staring into the mirror.

At this point I was tripping VERY hard - my thought patterns were very chaotic and absurd: ie; when I was staring in the mirror I imagined myself
being the reflection, and my reflection being the sentient being that existed in reality. I'm sure many of us have thought of this in jest whenever
we look in a mirror (an old Rugrats cartoon comes to mind) but my mind wouldn't allow me to see the implausibility of this. I was not completely
disconnected from reality yet, though.

Soon after I left my bathroom and lay down in my hallway. My dog came upstairs and lay beside me for a few minutes while I pet him. He left and I returned
to my room where I sat listening to music. My dad came upstairs around this time and told me he was going to get a pizza; he asked if I wanted any, and, of
course, not being in the mood for any kind of food, I told him that I was fine. He returned downstairs (and remained there for, essentially, the rest of my trip)
and I continued listening to music. While not important, I should mention - only because it's slightly amusing -  that when he walked in on me, I was
sitting cross-legged on my bed with my headphones on, swaying back and forth, in top tripping form. I just sat and watched as the walls in my room changed
colours to the sounds of Modest Mouse. Soon, however, the song that started to play (Alone Down There) gave me a very uneasy feeling
so I took off my headphones and just lay, sprawled diagonally, across my bed. My depth perception was really off and my bed seemed twice as large as it
really was. I lay in that position for a while feeling slightly anxious, just thinking about what, I don't remember. My anxiousness began to subside and I
again got up and left my room to find my cat in the hallway. I followed him into another room and played with him for a while. This calmed me down as I'm
sure most people's pets do when they're tripping. It's amazing how sensitive animals are to our moods - he was super affectionate and purring like crazy.

I began to hear sounds coming form downstairs, but I was unable to process what could possibly be making them. I assumed it was my dad, but it was impossible
to comprehend what he was doing. This happened two or three more times later on, as well. I also began to associate certain colours with certain smells and tastes,
although I believe this was of course, just association.

I, again, returned to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a little while. I played around with my reflection for maybe half an hour
before I returned to the room where I was playing with my cat (who was gone at this point) and watched some T.V. I believe I peaked around this point
because my thoughts became VERY disturbing and nonsensical. I lost my entire conception of self - there was no 'me', only 'All'. God, the universe,
my family, my girlfriend.. we were all the same.. we were all one. There was no individual or self, there was simply I (who was everything) - nothing, in my
mind, could exist without me to perceive it. My solipsistic thoughts were only amplified when I began to draw paralells between a number of things.
I had a dream a few days prior where my girlfriend had sex with Snoop Doog (lol) and I, so astutely noted, that "Dogg" backwards was "God" ("Ggod" if you want
to be anal). To me, this was proof that nothing was separate from anything else. I made numerous other connections, most of which
I am not able to remember. This realisation was perhaps my most terrifying, as I began to pace back and forth. I heard my dad laughing downstairs, and
because "I" no longer existed as in individual, my dad and myself were the same. I was, in my mind, God - I was all.

As I paced, I again heard my dad downstairs. I believed that since "we" were the same entity.. since my ego was
COMPLETELY gone by this point.. that he had gone through the same experience as I had.. but again, he was I. I had relived this experience infinitely
through other people, all of whom were, of course, the same - I. I find it incredibly difficult to properly articulate this concept, and I doubt I'll
ever be satisfied with any explication I'm able to come up with, so I concede that the above is the best I can do.

I thought to myself that God was all-powerful - I concluded that I too must be, since, afterall, I AM God. Whereas God could, for instance, turn off a
television simply by willing it, the means through which I turned off my television (going and picking up my remote) were exactly the same (in my mind)
simply.. different. Willing my body to do something and willing something were, to me, the same. Again, I'm not sure if I can properly articulate this
thought, so I apologise for seeming consistently incoherent.

Around 9:30 or so my mom and uncle returned home. I went back to my room and tried to browse the Internet while my mind raced from one thought to the next.
While I was slightly anxious, I managed to keep my cool while my mom came and talked to me; she left, oblivious to my near-psychotic state. I was beginning to
come down at this point, but my thought pattern was still fairly chaotic. I began to notice specific patterns, and noted that all numbers on my alarm clock
were made of the same parts.. again, this is a very mundane thing to notice, but at the time, it was something that seemed incredible to me. I talked
my girlfriend on MSN and again, handled myself incredibly well, all things considered. Time was passing very slowly at this point. While I was tripping, time
lost all meaning, and while I could see its passage, it held no significance for me.

The next hour or so involved me fucking around on the Internet. I logged on to Facebook and saw that somebody had wrote "Can't stop thinking" as
their status, and I'm sure you can imagine how profound this was to me at the time. At some point my mom needed my help setting up the pull-out
couch for my uncle, and since I was still tripping, turning the couch into a bed was really confusiing and disorienting for me, but I imanged to do it
while my mom just stood back and watched, still oblivious.

It had now been about 6 hours since I ingested the shrooms. I went back into my room and tried to go to sleep. I had to pee, though, so I got up and went to
the washroom. I was having a really hard time peeing, however, as I would essentially convince myself that I was incapable of peeing. I should note that I
have shy-bladder, and peeing in public is pretty much impossible for me (actually, peeing under pressure is what really does me in) so I started to believe
that forever after this trip I would have difficulty peeing, and this was really distressing, lol. I managed to take a really satisfying piss though after
which I crawled back into bed and fell asleep in 30 minutes or so.

I woke up at 7:00, back to normal.

While the trip was terrifying at points, it was one of the more important experiences of my life. Even at points of hysteria, I was pregnant with an unshakeable
sense of peacefulness - I thought about death, but it didn't scare me - only the thought of existing forever in a loop of repeating occurences terrified me -
I thought about that at least once during the trip (after I noted that I kept returning to the bathroom).

I should note that while I make reference to God several times throughout this trip report, I am by no means religious. I don't believe in any typical conception of God, although I certainly do believe in something greater than myself.

I actually feel much better after writing this out. Sorry if this wasn't at all interesting for others!

Good vibes all :smile:

Edited by FuckImAwesome (10/27/09 11:19 AM)

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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11328057 - 10/26/09 11:48 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

As hard as it is to explain the feeling of oneness I know exactly that feeling and how hard it is to explain that. You sound like the type of person that trips like I do and the type of person that would be fun to trip with.

I had the oneness complex as well but at some point I had the feeling that because we were all one that meant that there was really nothing unique and for some reason I came to the conclusion that there was nothing. I had an image of humans and animals and everything merging or almost desolving into each one mass and then it all goes white and I just kept repeating over and over... "There is nothing". I am not sure what it meant but it for some reason let me give up my fear of death.

Anyways really good detailed trip report.

You can check mine out if you want to.
my trip report

Also thanks for writing it up. I know the feeling of needing to write down what happened to get some closure on the issue but it is really cool to read other people's experiences as well.



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Master Baiter

Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 43
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: audiophoenix]
    #11329582 - 10/27/09 04:53 AM (8 years, 8 months ago)

10 grams is a pretty heroic dose there fella. I have never eaten more than a quarter (which I have found is my perfect trip the fuck out dose) and those times usually put me in a spot where the *last* thing I would ever want to do is be within 10 mile of my parents. But then again, the first time I took MDMA I was at a state park my mom showed up looking for some god damn butterfly exhibit and drove by me while I was climbing out of a pond in my boxers with a girl in her underwear.......what a fucking coincidence huh?

I order the club sandwich all the time, and man, i don't know how I get away with it, I'm not even a member.

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OfflineLazy Smurf

Registered: 10/02/09
Posts: 209
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: shoottomaim]
    #11356119 - 10/31/09 09:09 AM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Very good read, I enjoyed it.

10 grams  :bowdown:

you got balls man!  :thumbup:

the "oneness complex" huh? I have yet to experience it.

"If that guy knew half the shit that I know, his fuzzy little head would explode" Matt Farrell

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The Illusionist

Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 328
Loc: Out there
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: Lazy Smurf]
    #11358361 - 10/31/09 05:39 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Last time i dosed alone at my house (4g), i was a little past the peak when my mom came home. As well, my mom surely knew (being from the flower generation) that I was bugging on something. She was pretty chill about it and left me alone in the backyard. 10grams is fucking nuts, I've did up to 6, have yet to go anymore.

Should I trust the government?

                                                                                                                :peace:Peace & Love:heart:

Edited by jared11 (10/31/09 05:40 PM)

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Registered: 06/19/08
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Loc: Kent, South East, England...
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: jared11]
    #11359533 - 10/31/09 09:20 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

really enjoyed reading that
thanks man

:rasta: Na Nat Naaai                :mushroom2::mushroom2:

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I don't know

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 67
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: Trikidy]
    #11364299 - 11/01/09 07:55 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Well, I'm glad that even a single person enjoyed reading it.

Cool, dudes - makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Also, I'm already being quoted in a signature. The cream rises to the top once again :wink:

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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11378489 - 11/03/09 07:03 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

nice. i just don't get how you managed to browse the internet, watch tv, fix the couch, or even understand english on 10 grams..

are you sure your scale was right?

[quote]Oweyervishice said:
[quote]Icelander said:
What is at the bottom of it?[/quote]

Death anxiety? :flirt:[/quote]

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I don't know

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 67
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: nootropic]
    #11378595 - 11/03/09 07:16 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

No, because as I mentioned it was really rudimentary, made from a coathanger, some string, and a few coins used for counter-weights, lol. 10 grams is just an approximation, since I had a half oz. and took 4g (again, approximately) the night before and was only able to ingest about half of that (again, an estimate). This left me with - about - 10g. I'm quite sure I had some tolerance from two nights prior, even though it was a relatively low dose and as such, a light trip.

Since I had tripped so recently and thus had tolerance built up, it was probably more akin to a 4 or 5g trip.

I'd actually say that my first trip ever on 4 grams of cubes (from the same source) was more intense.

Edited by FuckImAwesome (11/03/09 07:18 PM)

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lib lover
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11378702 - 11/03/09 07:31 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

WOW i can relate to sooo..  much of that story i have been in the same situation b4.
Respect to you man, i know EXACTLY what you went through!

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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11378806 - 11/03/09 07:49 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

ah ok. that makes sense. thanks for the report.

[quote]Oweyervishice said:
[quote]Icelander said:
What is at the bottom of it?[/quote]

Death anxiety? :flirt:[/quote]

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I don't know

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 67
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: nootropic]
    #11379150 - 11/03/09 08:48 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Just going to mention that I'm in my Intro to Existentialism right now and we're actually discussing the concept of "the One".

-The One – the source of all being – beyond being (that which is) and yet is the ground of being
-ascent to union with “the One”

I kind of get it.

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Because, ShockValue.

Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 5,097
Loc: Tipping at windmills.
Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11383254 - 11/04/09 01:53 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

"I was pregnant with an unshakeable sense of peacefulness"

You come up with this phrase?  I like it.

  • When we built temples to view the stars, we knew about all 2000 of them.

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I don't know

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 67
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: ShockValue]
    #11386302 - 11/04/09 08:16 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)


ShockValue said:
"I was pregnant with an unshakeable sense of peacefulness"

You come up with this phrase?  I like it.


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while(1) me->eat(shrooms);

Registered: 11/26/09
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Re: ~10 grams of dried cubensis. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #11584482 - 12/04/09 05:18 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

sex with snoop dogg -> god
awesome trip. as someone said, you really got balls!

learn that everything you learn is just, in fact, learned,and not necessarily the truth.
the same goes for what you just read.

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