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Offlineaudiophoenix
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Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. * 1
    #11309284 - 10/24/09 01:14 AM (8 years, 27 days ago)

I have been poking around online in regards to mushrooms for months now. About 8 weeks ago I started a batch because I finally decided that I wanted to experience what everyone has been describing for so long. I waited with great patience and anticipation for the fruits of my labor to be harvested and eventually the time came.

Something I thought was pretty interesting was that I work about 75 hrs a week and usually don't have a full day off at all on any given week. However somehow the week that my mushrooms came into maturity seemed to be the perfect week to be able to try them out. It was close to winter time and the last nice day where you could go outside was approaching and lo and behold it was my first full day off in weeks. Seeing that the stars had aligned and the events basically obligated me to take advantage of the impeccable timing I jumped at the opportunity.

My wife and I were hanging out and watching some TV in the early afternoon. I believe it was around 2pm. She was forewarned of my plans and I had told her that it was very important for her not to be judgmental of how I act or make weird faces at me because it will probably make me feel very uncomfortable. I also told her that if I start to freak out and get scared of shit to assure me that it will be over soon and that there is nothing to worry about. I was pretty confident that I would not have a bad trip and that was mostly because I knew what to expect and I had no troubling issues in my life that I had not been dealing with.

When I pulled the first shroom out of the bag I was considerably nervous about eating it. Mostly I was concerned with my confidence in my own abilities in growing and wondering if maybe I had not noticed some weird contamination but eventually I popped it down with relative ease. I took 3 at first and because I had no scale to weigh anything out I planned on just waiting it out for a while to see what effect that much would have.

As I sat in my chair and watched television a half hour passed by without much of anything happening. It didn't take long before that changed. I noticed that the TV was playing and I was watching the show and hearing the words but not really paying attention to anything that was being said. It was not really like anything I had ever experienced. I can't quite say it was an "out of body experience" but something to that nature. It was not as if I was drifting away from the realm of reality but I just could not follow what was being said or maybe I just did not care to understand. This feeling was pretty mellow and lasted for a while.

I realized that I really wanted to go outside and take my dogs down to the river that ran below the house we live in. At this point the sensation was close to that which I feel after a few hits of a joint, Nothing to write home about but I did feel very peaceful. My wife came down and joined me by the river and we talked about how interesting it was that if it was not for the invention of glasses and other things that helped some slightly impaired people function normally they would just either die or have to be fed and clothed by someone else. We both found it fascinating that we have really overcome the survival of the fittest rule.

We sat and talked for almost an hour and I could not help but just soak in all the beauty of the river. I could feel the sensation getting slightly stronger but not overwhelming. I saw the ripples in the water moving in what seemed to be an orchestrated symphony and everything seemed to be chiming with harmony. It was one of the coolest feelings that I have ever felt.

After some time had passed we went back inside and sat in the living room again. At this point the effect was very noticeable and things on tv were becoming odd. Peoples faces were looking very strange, not scary, just strange. When I would see an image that I thought was strange it would almost echo through my mind and with each echo become something slightly more distorted than the last.

I was really enjoying this feeling and I wanted to experience more so I decided to try a few more shrooms. I do not remember how many more I ate I think something like 4 which maybe was not smart of me but the mushrooms actually started to taste delicious and I almost could not stop. I realized at some point I had to and was able to halt my eating.

After my second helping I started to get a little nauseated and just had to sit back and relax. I don't know what I was thinking and I now question my wife's judgment a little bit but we decided to run down to the store really quick to pick up some ice cream (she drove of course). I was truly feeling alright and felt very in control of my actions. I was however a little bit giggly. We got to the store and we were looking around at ice cream for a while and I just for no reason felt the urge to laugh. I tried to hold it in but I knew it was only a matter of time before I started making an idiot of myself so I went up to my wife and said in my most forceful, serious voice I could muster up "WE NEED TO GO NOW!". She laughed at me and I started laughing but managed to still keep it together (at least that's how I remember it from my perception). We went up to the cashier and as we paid I just started giggling again. I don't know if it was noticeable that I was on something or not probably just looked like I had remembered a joke but I will definitely not be leaving the house again under the influence, lesson learned.

By the time we got home I was full of joy and seeing the world very vividly. Time as well had no meaning. it is 3 blocks from the store to my house but it felt like we drove to Mexico. I ate my ice cream and told my wife that I was going to go upstairs to lay down and listen to music. When I went upstairs I seemingly involuntarily broke into spoken word rhyming. I just recall at some point noticing myself talking and realizing I have been saying stuff for a few minutes and not even realizing it. What an odd feeling to catch  yourself talking and realize you were not aware of it. I don't remember what I was saying to myself but it seemed to make perfect sense to me even though it was probably complete non-sense. As I spoke my voice became deeper and slower like when you slow a tape down although I don't think it was actually my voice doing the slowing but instead my perception of my voice.

I managed to find my ipod, turn on some radiohead, turned it up full blast and began to sing along with my favorite songs. The feeling was more amazing than anything that I have ever experienced before. I closed my eyes and saw a kaleidoscope full of blue and Grey and red and in the midst of the image was an eye lid opening and it was so vivid it actually surprised me. The eye seemed so real and meaningful as it opened as if it was a signal that my mind was about to be opened to a whole new world.

I saw many things while laying there and felt myself letting go and surrendering to the trip. One of the most amazing things I experienced was what I can only describe as "seeing the whole universe". I have heard that when you are under the influence you have the feeling of becoming one with everything or nature but found it hard to imagine what that was like. I understood completely when at this moment I had no fear of death no sense of loss or sadness. I saw everything at it's basic form. We are all a collection of the same things. I had a vision of everything being broken down into atoms or and then the particles that make up atoms and then the particles that make up those particles, not that anyone knows wether or not those truly exists. Either way it was something so spectacular that I started to cry just thinking about it. when we break it all down we are the same... everything is the same. I came to this sense that when we die nothing is lost. These bodies are nothing more than molecules and atoms and other smaller things. When we die our body just continues to be all of that. I don't know that I could ever explain the sensation I had but it is at that moment that I saw the universe in its entirety. I saw it all spread out around me in a flat plain and I could see for endless miles but no part was too distant for me to not see it. I was able to see every part in its detail but at the same time see the whole thing in one whole part. It is said that humans can not understand the concept of eternity but I feel that at that moment I did.

After this great moment I realized that I did not know who I was. As they say, I lost my ego. This is another aspect of tripping I would have never understood without experiencing it. It was not that I forgot completely about my life or my past experiences but it felt as if me was not me anymore and that I was experiencing what I was experiencing not from someone else's point of view but from the point of view of no one. My conciseness was simply floating in free space and I had nothing to attach it to. It was scary to think about and the thought crossed my mind that I may never come back to reality but I had to just let go and tell myself I will soon be back.

If I am being honest I think the ego loss started when I caught myself talking and didn't realize it because at that moment my 'self' was continuing to operate in reality while my mind was drifting away and perceiving it from a far off view point. A very very strange phenomenon that, I imagine, can be horrible but extremely eye opening if experienced correctly.

At this moment I sat up in my bed and glanced over at my dresser. The drawers were opened slightly and it made the image in my head of a face so I said hello. And the dresser said hello back, although I think I was actually making the voice for the dresser. (a deep grizzly voice) We had a conversation about how I must find my purpose in life and that I need to do more to be the person I want to be. There was some part of me that knew what I was doing was crazy but I really wanted to hear what the dresser was telling me so I ignored logic. I am sure this would have been super funny to video tape for later analysis.

I felt so good and so alive and I grabbed one of my drums and began to play and dance around my room and I was amazed at how awesome this felt. I sat for a while after and just played the drum on my bed. Every time I beat the drum the room would shake and vibrate with the vibration of the music. I knew that I had experienced something amazing and I almost could not wait to come back to reality to reflect on my journey with a clear mind.

Later that evening at about 11pm I came around and my mind cleared enough to recount what I had experienced. I can truly say that what happened that night was amazingly unique and that I will never forget it.


Edited by audiophoenix (04/13/14 04:34 PM)


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Offlinebazza
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: audiophoenix]
    #11309974 - 10/24/09 04:56 AM (8 years, 26 days ago)

Excellent trip report, I was laughing and in awe just reading through your magnificent experience.
I cant wait! I cant wait! I cant wait!


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Offlineaudiophoenix
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: bazza]
    #11315085 - 10/24/09 11:45 PM (8 years, 26 days ago)

I am excited for you, I really want my wife to do it too. She says she will probably do it next time I grow some more. I am thinking of geting some like minded people together and go camping and make a good experience.

Thank you for the feedback,

Dave


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Edited by audiophoenix (10/27/09 12:28 AM)


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OfflineGutteralRetch
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: audiophoenix]
    #11325797 - 10/26/09 06:53 PM (8 years, 24 days ago)

Hahah thats so awesome!! I laughed right along with you in the story. Hopefully I'll be able to have those experiences too!


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GuTTErAL rETCH ~ PRYING OPEN MY THiRD EYE


Has anyone else felt like this?


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OfflineLazy Smurf
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: GutteralRetch]
    #11356165 - 10/31/09 09:28 AM (8 years, 19 days ago)

That was beautiful, thank you for sharing you experience with us all!

I really liked the part about you having a conversation with the dresser, very funny.

"I really wanted to hear what the dresser was telling me"


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"If that guy knew half the shit that I know, his fuzzy little head would explode" Matt Farrell


Edited by Lazy Smurf (10/31/09 09:30 AM)


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OfflineTrikidy
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: Lazy Smurf]
    #11359638 - 10/31/09 09:36 PM (8 years, 19 days ago)

wow if my first trip is anything like that...wow


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:rasta: Na Nat Naaai                :mushroom2::mushroom2:


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OfflineFuckImAwesome
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: Trikidy]
    #11365916 - 11/02/09 12:01 AM (8 years, 18 days ago)

Your description of "oneness" at the same time encapsulates almost all of what I felt on my trip, but is also wholly different.

I don't think it's meant to be put into words.

Good read.


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Offlinepk0312
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #16055781 - 04/07/12 07:12 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Wow, what a good experience. It sounded really cool. I will try them in short time too so this was educational for me too.


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Offlineaudiophoenix
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: pk0312]
    #16055808 - 04/07/12 07:49 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks mang, now figure out you're minecraft issues! :tongue:


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Offlinepk0312
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: audiophoenix]
    #16055878 - 04/07/12 08:40 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Ah lol, you're the one from that thread :smile:
Yes, I hope I'll join soon. I hope there is still a small chunk of land unoccupied for me to make a little house :smile:


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Offlineaudiophoenix
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: pk0312]
    #16055882 - 04/07/12 08:43 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Si, there is moocho land sir, a whole world to be exact :P


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OfflineMas505
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: FuckImAwesome]
    #16075278 - 04/11/12 02:38 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

FuckImAwesome said:
Your description of "oneness" at the same time encapsulates almost all of what I felt on my trip, but is also wholly different.

I don't think it's meant to be put into words.

Good read.



I think I know what you mean. The great part about this type of realization on psychedelics is you actually feel the oneness your describing.


--------------------



Live Light Laugh


Yeah, everything I wrote is false and fiction.


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OfflineCynosure
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: Mas505]
    #16077361 - 04/11/12 10:23 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Awesome report!

The tidbits about your wife, especially in the store, made me smile!  That's love! :heart:

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :thumbup:


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"You can peel it [language] off the ceiling and make it dance in front of you" - McKenna

<3 .


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Offlinesky
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: Cynosure]
    #16085092 - 04/13/12 03:44 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Woah, woah, are you telling me there's a Shroomerite Minecraft colony happening? Where's it atttttt


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Offlineaudiophoenix
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Re: Ego Loss, Seeing the whole Universe and talking to my dresser. [Re: sky]
    #16085196 - 04/13/12 04:01 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

hah yes sir there is. http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/14274642

It's always cool to look back at this trip report, now years later with several trips under my belt.


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