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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: MedulaOblangata]
    #11293678 -

I was in court-ordered rehab with a dude who was in there because of a hair sample test from custody court.

Shit sucks.


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If you build it they will shrug.
:shrug:

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11293758 -

Morican said:

I guess I'm just like a guy holding his breath in the gas chamber and just trying to stretch out the last moment of my life before the inevitable.

N-n-n-n-nope, you're that guy who just stepped outside and hasn't yet take the first breath of the rest of his life.

Won't be easy, but it'll be worth it for your dignity and your son's future. A "saved marriage" doesn't necessarily offer the best circumstances for growing up.

I wish you all the best.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #11293799 -

Thank for the great advice guys.

I am a product of a home with a father and mother that didn't get along a lot. He (my Dad) would get home from hanging out with his friends beat my Mom and me when I tried to jump in the middle. A Mom that had to lie every day to avoid problems with my Dad.

Now they are the cutest most loving old couple that still hold hands and act jealous with each other jokingly of coarse. My Mom just told me last night that my Dad treats her like a prices now and tells her how much she means to him and everything.

My Wife's brother comes from a happy single parent home since the Mom and Dad divorced when he was very young, probably the same age as my son is now, and he now has resentment for his mother leaving him without a father and he hates his father for not making more of an effort to stay in the home.

So you see that divorce isn't necessarily the best thing for the children, it's what's best for the selfish parents that can't get past their own wants and needs and just deal with the fact that it's all about the children once you decide to have them.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11293919 -

Divorce is not good for children, but it beats them being in an emotionally toxic house hold. If it comes to that its best for the kids to end it... but if you have a shot at making it work by all means try your best. Just sounds unlikely from your description of your spouse.


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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11293932 -

Morican said:
Thank for the great advice guys.

I am a product of a home with a father and mother that didn't get along a lot. He (my Dad) would get home from hanging out with his friends beat my Mom and me when I tried to jump in the middle. A Mom that had to lie every day to avoid problems with my Dad.

Now they are the cutest most loving old couple that still hold hands and act jealous with each other jokingly of coarse. My Mom just told me last night that my Dad treats her like a prices now and tells her how much she means to him and everything.

My Wife's brother comes from a happy single parent home since the Mom and Dad divorced when he was very young, probably the same age as my son is now, and he now has resentment for his mother leaving him without a father and he hates his father for not making more of an effort to stay in the home.

So you see that divorce isn't necessarily the best thing for the children, it's what's best for the selfish parents that can't get past their own wants and needs and just deal with the fact that it's all about the children once you decide to have them.


Yes. You should tell your analytical thought process to your wife. She needs to understand your side of the story since it's evident that she doesn't.

She reminds me a lot of one of my ex-gf's. She was a whore, and ended up cheating on me. But the similarities are apparent. She liked to control the situation at hand, and if she couldn't, she would either manipulate the situation or start voicing threats. I, being a man, wouldn't stand for it. A relationship isn't a tug-of-war between two polar opposites. Rather, it's a compliance between two separate entities whom are willing to reconcile differences in order for the beneficial progression and wellbeing of the collective unit. So, in a sense, if she's not willing to work with you, she doesn't truly see your relationship with her as a healthy relationship; either due to ignorance, naivety, or pure disposition. Think of your relationship as a government of the household. You are all citizens, including your son, that all deserve equal rights. But you and your wife are the executive, judicial, and legislative bodies, alternately. Thus, a natural process of checks and balances must exist. She must understand that. And you must understand that. Voice your opinions. Verbalize yourself.


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大开眼界

:awegroove:
:fbsnugs::fbsnugs::fbsnugs:
Hasta siempre, comandante.
:mattz:

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11293977 -

Dude: get a copy of the police report. Also - your wife is crazy, she has been thinking about this for a long time, sounds like she isn't happy about being married, maybe she just did it so she could have a kid. With two others to go back to (grandma, mom) she is probably like a lot of women I hear about nowadays, where they would rather run from their problems and live with them than work things out with their boyfriend or husband.

Saying it's over for that comment....trust me, it's something that's been going on in her head for a long, long time. I just feel bad because you have a son. However - if you can get a copy of the report and also testimony from the person who said the mom and grandma are crazy (that's going really far) if she tries to make it so you can't see him - then you  have to do that. He's your son.

Also I would get a really good lawyer. You shouldn't be the one without your son if you get a divorce. You're trying to make it work. Just because you're the dad, why does that always mean that you don't get full custody? The courts are truly fucked.

Good luck. I would say fix it, but IMO there's really nothing that can be fixed, unless she agrees to maybe go to some counseling for her problems. There's obviously something really wrong in her mind about the relationship that she's not telling you. If she can agree to go to counseling with you for a few months maybe that would help. You could stay together for the kid....

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: truekimbo2]
    #11294040 -

dude...n00b here, I get it but damn...my wife withheld sex from me for 6 months because she thought it was a weapon...turns out she was a cheater, and didnt have the guts to tell me. Just sayin, that sex is a two lane road man, if she aint gettin it from you, then where is she gettin it?

Get out, man.


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To be old and wise, one must first be young and stupid.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: voodoomaster]
    #11295416 -

My Wife has been coming home late every night for the past couple of nights, having dinner at her Mom's as I sit at home wondering when she will bring my son home.
This pisses me off because I know that she's just trying to get to me by not letting me have time with my son, but on a different note, she's been more calm and not as bitchy.
Either she is legitimately at her Mom's having dinner and talking things out and so calming down or she is nicer because she has some time to her self away from me and so is not feeling smothered and so is calming down or she if fucking someone else already after work and is using "having dinner at her Mom's" as an alibi and she's calm because she's tired.
Whatever the case she has been less of a bitch the past couple of days but I still hate her guts.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11296433 -

She probably found someone else to latch her poisonous talons into, sorry man shit sucks. But that's how most females seem to work, they already have a new man before they even break up with their old one.
You need to set the score though and put her in her place. Don't just roll over. She has diabolical plans. You need counters.
Then GTFO while the getting is good.


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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Shroomism]
    #11298076 -

Shroomism said:
She probably found someone else to latch her poisonous talons into, sorry man shit sucks. But that's how most females seem to work, they already have a new man before they even break up with their old one.
You need to set the score though and put her in her place. Don't just roll over. She has diabolical plans. You need counters.
Then GTFO while the getting is good.


Thank you Shroomism...
This is so true, everything, about the latching on to someone else before jumping ship, the diabolical plans thing, and the fact that I need to counter and the fact that I need to get out while the getting is good or first before she is finally ready to do the dumping.

She did that with her ex, she had me before dumping him, in fact there was almost a year of overlap where she was doing both of us.
Her office holds classes for the field offices at her location and I just found out that there all a bunch of new guys in her office right now that don't know her and don't know that she's married and coincidentally she has not been wearing her ring all week.
Hhhhhmmmm, Curious isn't it?
May she have planed it that way to try and hook up with one of these guys that she only sees a couple of times a year, who knows, but it does smell a little fishy.
I have been countering in subtle ways, only because I am the one that stands to loose from playing this game, you can never out cheat a female cheater and plus I am trying to keep my family together as long as possible.
I have however taken of my ring too, I'm still gorilla (secretly) smoking my pot, I'm staying either at work late or going over to my best friends house and kicking it after work to kill time so as to not be alone at home just waiting for her to come home when she feels like it, all these things has helped me a little, psychologically at least.
I am also planning on being the one that starts the divorce papers so as to try and get that credibility and bias that the person that opens the case gets from the courts by default.

Trust me, yesterday I told her that I will not be working Over Time because she has been doing it, so I made her tell me how many hour she is planning on working so that I may know how much I don't have to work, she tried to argue "why" and I told her that if she is working later then I don't have to because her OT will cover our bills and there is no reason for both of us to be doing that.
I know she hated that because she put a high importance to money and knows that the reason I am doing it is because if she doesn't work her OT and I don't either I will be able to notice that she didn't simple by the money in our account not being what it should, if she really was working. I can be diabolical myself and she knows it.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11298228 -

Slim chance she'd go to the trouble of trading a mommy-body for a "supermodel"-figure and not fuck somebody.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11298370 -

OK bro, first off, mad props to bitch slapping your bro's friend.  I hate people who try to get in business like that where they have no clue whats going on and you're doing nothing wrong.

Secondly, I'm sorry she's treating you like that, it's obvious you love her and you're a good guy.  I'm totally on your side, sex punishment is the worst and 4-5 months?  Hell to the no.  No man deserves that especially a married one.  She flipped out over very minute problems, I'm no psychologist but she sounds like a bi-polar woman to me.  Get her to a psychiatrist and have her evaluated, if you can.  Mood stabilizers are god's gift to earth to men who have girlfriends who are bi-polar... My girlfriend of 7 mos. is diagnosed bi-polar and because of my persistence in seeing a doctor she was diagnosed.  It may not answer all your problems but at least she'll be sane.

I'm truly sorry she's being like that, I hope you get to keep your son :heart:

Good luck

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Incompl]
    #11298471 -

Your wife wants out. She is likely cheating on you. Are you a legal pot smoker? If so then dont quit  goto court and get your kid. Hell  she might not even fight you over it.


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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.


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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: truekimbo2]
    #11298473 -

Well bro I know just how you feel I just went though a very bad divorce after 13 years my self the best advice I can give you is this get away from her don't look back fight for what is yours get a lawyer and do not look back EVER!! I made the mistake of trying to save a marriage that wasn't worth it. made myself look like a fool and it only made things worse. 6 months later I'm happier doing things i have never been able to do like growing shrooms and listing to the music i want the list goes on and on . i also have a new better looking girlfriend that thinks i walk on water its great. your life isn't over you don't have a death date on your toe do you . so get it behind you and move on...its not easy but things will get better,i promise

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: mountainman01]
    #11298662 -

Me_Roy
I know that girls who loss weight and feel better about themselves will seek out validation by getting guys to look at their new sexy body and that can and probably has in my Wife's case lead to something worst and she might be either cheating on me or suffering against her urges of wanting to cheat and hating me because I am simply in the way of that because we are married and she don't want to straight up be labeled a whore.
I hate to admit it but I think my suspicions and what you just stated may be true.

Incompl
No, I strive to be a good person and that's why I offered my house for those boys to keep partying in, but I'm also an OG that grew up in some harsh parts of town and I know the code of the street and you don't snitch and you don't get between a man and his bitch.
Especially since they where my guests, he's lucky I just slapped him and that he was smart enough to back down.
Bi-polar disorder runs in her family a couple of uncles and her grandpa were diagnosed with it and when I first met her, I was pulled aside by her Mom and Grandma and they warned me that she is unstable and that they had suspected for some time that she may be bi-polar but she won't seek help on her own because she doesn't think she has a problem. Trust me son, I've been seriously considering getting some bi-polar meds from an on-line pharmacy and crushing it in her food to see if it helps but that's a little shady and I have been avoiding it getting to that.
Thank you for your good wishes and kind words, lord knows it has helped me feel good and even if we don't work out I will fight to keep my son for sure.

trekie
I do have that feeling like my Wife just wants out and I'm just delaying the inevitable but I have to at least try and save my family because I want to keep my son with me as long as possible.
Yeah, I live in California and have a medical reason, a few actually, back pain from a motorcycle accident, migraine headaches, insomnia and now thanks to my crazy Wife you could add depression to that list so I am not worried about drug test or the courts not allowing me to see my son because I'm just a pot head. My Wife however doesn't care if I have a medical condition and the only thing that helps in MJ she only cares about what she wants in this matter not what I need.

mountainman01
Sorry to hear about your 13year relationship but it sounds like you truly are better of now.
I look forward to growing shrooms and smoking in my living room and hopefully finding a girl that treats me like I treat her at least.

Much thanks to all of you guys for all the help that you have given me with your advice and stories, I was just telling one of my friends how I feel like I'm healing so much faster than I ever could on my own because of all the great people on my Shroomery forum.

You guys are the best and I will never be able to thank you enough for being there.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11298879 -

I read through the whole thread. I am really sorry to hear that you are having all of these problems. There's some good advice in here, heed it.

Oh and here's a tidbit that I picked up from my brother/his ex's custody fight. Make sure to settle custody issues in state! She moved out of state, and made it nearly impossible for him to get anything done(ie custody of his son).

Watch your step, and good luck.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: MisterPink]
    #11299621 -

Clearly its over don't fight it ...try to end if with grace b/c you have your son together and you will have to see each other, hopefully,  for many more years.

California is a No Fault Divorce state - you can't game it. He said she said doesn't matter for shit.. She could be fucking the entire Green Bay Packers and it wouldn't make a lick of difference.  You need to work with her to get an easy exit from this situation.  The more graceful you are with this the better it will turn out for everyone.


Finally "code of the street" ???  That's about the gayest thing I have ever heard  - THAT is what will fuck you up in court.  Getting violent - who would want to let a guy spouting off about "code of the street" have contact with a child???  You may have hit him - but by walking away he kicked your ass.  Code of the street!  Niiiiiiiice. Stop with that.  Didnt you say you were 40?


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We have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us — the labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #11299799 -

Swyfty Swyf said:
There are plenty of seriously chill people who don't smoke.  :shrug:


Definitely true. I think it's pretty irrelevant whether or not a person smokes so long as they don't judge me or anyone else for doing it.

Anyway, to the OP- your kid seriously deserves better than to grow up with someone so obviously abusive as a mother. My girlfriend's mother is bipolar, she is an abusive nutcase and growing up with her has caused my gf some serious problems.

Edited by NetDiver (10/22/09 01:53 PM)

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: NetDiver]
    #11300918 -

Samurai Drifter said:
Swyfty Swyf said:
There are plenty of seriously chill people who don't smoke.  :shrug:


Definitely true. I think it's pretty irrelevant whether or not a person smokes so long as they don't judge me or anyone else for doing it.

Anyway, to the OP- your kid seriously deserves better than to grow up with someone so obviously abusive as a mother. My girlfriend's mother is bipolar, she is an abusive nutcase and growing up with her has caused my gf some serious problems.


Yeah Samurai Drifter the whole bi-polar thing sucks balls.
I had never had any experience with this kind of person before, at first I thought it was things I was doing until I realized that she was getting "overly" angry for the circumstances. Then after the first two years or so that we were together I knew she was nuts and that I would be fighting an uphill battle if I were to try and have a life with this person but by then it was too late for me because we already had our child.

Radar you obviously missed the part where dude put his hands on me first, right.
I realize that I'm a little ghetto but seriously, where I'm from there are certain things that you just don't do.
Like trying to manhandle a grown ass man in his own home, no matter if your 14 or 40 years old
That's what I meant by my comment.

I am not actually violent man, but I am trained and will handle my own when I need to. I just had a momentary laps in judgment assisted by 12 shots of rum and I lost my cool and almost killed a b_tch but I still had the presence of mind not to touch her or kill the young guy. That's gotta count for something, right. j/k

No worries if this relationship is dead I'm sure we will break up eventually, until then I will enjoy what I have with my little boy now and when the times comes that I have to fight for every minute I want to spend with him, I will deal with that then.

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Re: Trying to save my marriage [Re: Morican]
    #11301118 -

tell the court about the bi-polar shit. they may use medication as a stipulation for seeing her child.


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