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OfflineRealized
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Registered: 12/16/08
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My mind has been fucked
    #11284358 - 10/20/09 03:46 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

By something rather simple. Here is how

I basically concluded that I was god, well not god, but I am god to myself and my consciousness, as everyone else is god to their own consciousness weather it be part of a metaphysical whole or purely biological, it doesn't matter. I basically relized that belief in anything was a delusion and everyone was in some sort of delusion. I chose to make delusions that served me and live life how I wanted to. belief in anything is simply irrelevant, If it exists let it and move on, belief in it is not possible.

Anyways while being comfortably in the abyss or whatever you want to call it where I was finally establishing a firm anchor to reality I realized how many insane beliefs are in the world, including theist gods, demons, angels, anti-Christs, right and wrong dichotomy's, good and evil and whatever else you can think of and started wondering what if these things actually exist objectively as if they were outside of me, outside of the abyss. These thoughts instantly made me distraught. On top of this I had school where we learning about ancient cultures and their beliefs. Every belief we talked about felt like it was being piled on top of me. Every last mythical god or law they believed in, was all being piled on top of my consciousness. This made it impossible for me to think.

Everything I see feels like it is being piled on top of my awareness as if it actually exists objectively. Every person I talk to piles more on. The concept of right and wrongs makes no sense and makes me feel insane when I think about it. What if these actually exist objectively. I know they don't but what if! that's how my mind has been working. What if its all a lie and there is one truth, what if all these gods are really out there in little nests or something outside of the universe. If they did they would be irrelevant but just the thought of it makes no damn sense, as small as the probability of anything objectively existing other than nothingness I am living in a reality where it exists outside of the nothingness.

As small as the probability just imagine it and go to that reality. Its terrifying, then to think that so many people live enslaved to these creations in their own mind is depressing. Seriously, every last thing is on top of me. I'm being smashed by every belief I hear.

What if this is true, or that, or this or that or this or that or this, what if creationists are right and everything is really an evil plot against them. I know its not but imagine how horrible that reality must be.

Instead of transcending all beliefs and myself i feel like all beliefs and myself are now over top of me, holding me down. I can't stop it either, no matter how hard i try, can't even get out of fucking bed, I actually miss the emptiness. I was finally starting to recover. Sigh.. This never ends. I feel so out of touch and hostile towards everything.

This ever happen to anyone else?


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."


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OfflineAhimsa
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Realized]
    #11284391 - 10/20/09 03:51 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

No never felt like that. Perhaps you could balance and weigh them out against each other...
Like Sherlock Holmes, exclude everything that is possible, and whatever remains, however unlikely, is the truth.

But no really, sounds like anything is possible. :undecided:

And maybe you should just take it easy, remind yourself you are you and everything else isn't.

Oh man, say something!


Edited by Ahimsa (10/20/09 04:06 PM)


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OfflineAhimsa
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Realized]
    #11284528 - 10/20/09 04:10 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Say something! :waits:


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InvisibleNlightNd1
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Realized]
    #11284787 - 10/20/09 04:48 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Did this realization come to you while tripping? I had a similar thought one time on a high dose of LSD. I felt like I was God and had created this universe and life to hide my own identity from myself. I quickly realized that this thought could not possibly be true. I believe I misinterpreted what I felt was being revealed to me. I believe that all beings are part of God, along with everything else in existence. I believe we are constructed from His soul/consciousness but at the same time we have free will and are independent, making us separate individuals.


--------------------
Turn off your mind, relax and floatdown stream. It is not dying. Lay down all thought, surrender to the void. It is shining.

:darkside: Pink Floyd :darkside:


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Offlineandrewss
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11284831 - 10/20/09 04:54 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Appreciate the necessity of your outcome, fixate not on the goodness or evilness of your mental condition but stand back and have a laugh, emotions are funny things that can be endured and I suspect youll get over it soon enough - existential angst is a part of life!


--------------------
Jesus loves you.


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OfflineJasonVira
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11285055 - 10/20/09 05:22 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

NlightNd1 said:
Did this realization come to you while tripping? I had a similar thought one time on a high dose of LSD. I felt like I was God and had created this universe and life to hide my own identity from myself. I quickly realized that this thought could not possibly be true.




And why exactly could it not be true?


--------------------
If you have any commentary about my posts that may break the rules. Bring it to my thread in the OTD forum

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=11524605&page=0&vc=1#11524605


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InvisibleNlightNd1
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: JasonVira]
    #11285117 - 10/20/09 05:30 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

JasonVira said:
Quote:

NlightNd1 said:
Did this realization come to you while tripping? I had a similar thought one time on a high dose of LSD. I felt like I was God and had created this universe and life to hide my own identity from myself. I quickly realized that this thought could not possibly be true.




And why exactly could it not be true?




I reasoned that it couldn't be true because there are so many things occurring within the universe that I apparently have no control over. I think Someone else other than me must be behind the universe's operations.


--------------------
Turn off your mind, relax and floatdown stream. It is not dying. Lay down all thought, surrender to the void. It is shining.

:darkside: Pink Floyd :darkside:


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OfflinexFrockx
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11285153 - 10/20/09 05:36 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

If everything is a lie then nothing changes unless you decide it does.  They're only words.


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OfflineMindGorilla
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: xFrockx]
    #11285388 - 10/20/09 06:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

I believe in God, and I beleive that GOD is the ultimate infinite "being", and that our universe exist solely because of this purpose. (I.E The universe is potentially going to grow forever, for infinity, into the infinite that god is.) I don't need to tell you about ethics and say if you kill someone in the street your a murder, if you kill them in war, your a hero. But you have to think about god from an objective view, which is why I'm talking because shrooms have done that.

Think about how Viruses exist in a objective reality, only through another being though. So the question is the Flu objective, or subjective, does it know? Is it Evil? Science says that it exists due to whatever they have come to "know" through scientific experiments on an objective world. You say, sickness isn't evil, its just the Flu. But why is it there, what is it's purpose. Ultimately the question comes about, just because we know why something exists scientifically, doesn't mean we know why it exists in my subjective reality.

So full circle back to people, we are evil. Like the flu we exist to consume, and try and carry on our own purpose that we think has meaning. We kill and consume all forms of life. Its funny when you look at science , it has so many answers about god, yet man has come to think he is smarter than the creator. Think about not eating from the tree of knowledge, a lot of lessons that I thought were stupid was just something so much deeper then I could understand. And yet I don't beleive in religion.  Now as for God, he is pure good. Since I can never be God, I can never be ultimately good. Therefor, I'm Evil, which is really just less good than what god is.



The next biggest illusion is that god exists in ways that I do. God is outside the realm of existing, outside the realm of time. Which made some people like the Manchurians say that time is evil. Which is a whole different argument.  science tells us that at the smallest molecular levels we are all just atoms bouncing around and clumping together. So obviously the very first potential of life exists in these atoms. The whole universe is made up of these atoms, the whole universe is exists and living. The universe is God, or maybe just a whole smaller piece in a bigger puzzle created by god .


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OfflineJasonVira
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11285816 - 10/20/09 07:10 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

NlightNd1 said:
Quote:

JasonVira said:
Quote:

NlightNd1 said:
Did this realization come to you while tripping? I had a similar thought one time on a high dose of LSD. I felt like I was God and had created this universe and life to hide my own identity from myself. I quickly realized that this thought could not possibly be true.




And why exactly could it not be true?




I reasoned that it couldn't be true because there are so many things occurring within the universe that I apparently have no control over. I think Someone else other than me must be behind the universe's operations.




That's the whole point of hiding your identity from yourself; to create the illusion that there are things in this universe you apparently have no control over. Why? For the sake of creating...adventures. Without a sense of limitation and the feeling there are things you have no control over there could be no...adventures or challenges; which are one and the same. There are no adventures without challenges and there are no challenges if you fully remember that you always were and are the Supreme Personality of Godhead. You are God, I am God and everything else is Sentient and is God as well.

An existence without challenges has no adventures

An existence with no adventures is too boring to endure

Since you have no choice except to endure because...you cannot die

There is no choice except to create various situations where you can successfully pretend to forget who you really are...for at least a while

And so here you are; God; equal to me; equal to everything everywhere. What you do with YOUR life is YOUR business and no one else’s.

May you choose your adventures wisely, for the purpose of YOUR particular life is the purpose YOU choose to give it; and that purpose is indeed real…as “real” as you are certain it is; and that is more than real enough

The secret to having the most fun with life is to remember just enough of who you really are in order to have fun without canceling out all the adventures that come from a sense of being limited. Remember too much of who you really are and suddenly…all challenges are gone and all that is left is that ferocious, nagging boredom that caused you to create this confusing mess in the first place

Then again…everything in this post may be incorrect


--------------------
If you have any commentary about my posts that may break the rules. Bring it to my thread in the OTD forum

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=11524605&page=0&vc=1#11524605


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Offlinelines
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: JasonVira]
    #11286767 - 10/20/09 09:21 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Thinking your god is having a bit of an inflated ego. Deflate your ego a bit and the world will be less of a burden on you


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OfflineRealized
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11287002 - 10/20/09 09:49 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

NlightNd1 said:
Did this realization come to you while tripping? I had a similar thought one time on a high dose of LSD. I felt like I was God and had created this universe and life to hide my own identity from myself. I quickly realized that this thought could not possibly be true. I believe I misinterpreted what I felt was being revealed to me. I believe that all beings are part of God, along with everything else in existence. I believe we are constructed from His soul/consciousness but at the same time we have free will and are independent, making us separate individuals.





I felt that pretty distinctly while tripping on salvia before. It felt like I was viewing how the souls enter the body and how we are all connected to god, I might have been delusional at the time though, that was a few years back but I have depersonalization so I am mildly tripping all of the time and none of this is influenced by any drug. I still leave that theory very open to possibility. It actually seems to be true, its liberating but also scary at times. To think that you are the only one, forever. That experience however doesn't actually prove anything since it could be only an interpretation of your own consciousness. Thats why our subjective experience cannot be neglected. Thinking about this stuff is so damaging because it becomes all I think about. If I don't have full control over my mind it flips out. Reality is just a jumbled up mess right now. Everything is so odd. It is as i am viewing reality though a terrifying lens. I can only imagine how many people live like this daily, unaware of what they are doing. Full of fear and projection.

Hell, I usually live in the state in touch with the godhead but I am also aware that it might just be an altered state of consciousness and that it proves nothing. I had it under control for awhile. I was in touch with the nothing and also had a stable mind only focusing on life. Chopin wood and carrying water. I'm still there but I am seeing some odd ways to view reality from it. Its like I am still aware of everything but it is being covered by everything at the same time while also thinking about the possibility that there is something outside of me... Maybe this picture could make sense of it.



Please excuse the poor drawing


This really set in when I was at wal-mart actually. Looking at books. Wal-mart sells several christian books and I mentioned to my friend that, that has to be a horrible reality to live in. He agreed and said that he bets 90% of people in the store were christian and if they aren't christian they are Muslim. When I realized that I was surrounded by it their mythic worldview instantly took over my mind. I started to realize it more. How many people that are enslaved to their religion(I am not condemning it, just saying). A few min later a christian went over to a Muslim lady who was wearing a headdress and asked her why she wore it. She said it was her choice. The guy said that she chose wrong and that god didn't want us to cover our face. He was just being a complete dick... It really just hit me that I am surrounded by insanity. I always knew it but I felt as if I became part of the insanity. Now I realize it everywhere and like I said, it gets on top of me.

If anything I have realized the two different types of religious thought. One that transcends all and one that falls under all. The words can be interpreted either way. As a mythic, symbolic nature or directly from the nothingness. For instance. Judge not least ye be judged could be taken 2 ways. Do not judge or a god is going to judge you or when you judge others you are essentially judging yourself. The judgment you make is taking place inside of you so you are judging yourself.

I am just focusing on the insane way to much and can't stop it. Me and my friend bought weed of of someone the other day and he tried to sell us a fucking bomb. No joke, A FUCKING BOMB. He said it could blow up every car in the parking lot. I went to my friends house about 2 weeks ago and there was a guy with 3 swastika tattoos on him. His girlfriend was trying to prostitute herself in his house. She tried to get a 16 year old girl to help her. WHAT THE FUCK. Why is this going on in my friends house. Do they not see what the fuck is going on. I was finally healing and decided to become part of the normal world again and as soon as I do I realize it is more insane than I originally thought and I want no part in it.

Keep in mind, I am not condemning these people, just sharing what I have realized. I go to school and there are like 6 christian clubs that compete to get more members. They spy on each other. The school literally was playing a song though the radio that was saying god is watching everything.. I thought to myself, what the fuck that is insane, what if I am being watched, what if what if what if! Then to see people supporting it everywhere just freaks me the fuck out. How someone can live with that mindset is beyond me. Just experiencing this makes me want to shot myself in the face. I do not fear it, just the concept of it is terrifying. What if the are right and everything I think is a LIE! I just keep doing it even though I know all beliefs are delusions ill think what if there is an exception. As improbable as it is, ill obsess over it.

Every time I explain my views to someone other than my close friends I am seen as a monster. i can tell by the look on their face. It is if I am taking their projection and turning it into myself. Viewing myself as what they project me to be. I feel like my views are getting to complex for anyone other than a few people to understand. Maybe I am wrong and being ignorant but it feels like that.

On top of this, knowing that the Gnostic teachings were removed from the bible, making it a tool of political control. Every time I see a religios person I just want to tell them that they have been tricked but i know I can't. not that it matters but I just can't help thinking about it when I see it. I feel so dumb right now. Paralyzed with fear.

Maybe I have just realized the absurdity of the world even more. Living in a very conservative town doesn't help. My county had the highest number of people that voted for bush in all of America. Sorry if this post makes little sense. Its hard for me to tell right now.


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."


Edited by Realized (10/20/09 09:50 PM)


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: NlightNd1]
    #11287053 - 10/20/09 09:55 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I think Someone else other than me must be behind the universe's operations.




I think we all know who that someone is. :wink:


--------------------


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OfflineRealized
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: lines]
    #11287079 - 10/20/09 09:58 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

lines said:
Thinking your god is having a bit of an inflated ego. Deflate your ego a bit and the world will be less of a burden on you





Yeah I know that as well. I know I brought up some unhealthy ego and that annoys me even more. Especially since I feel so hostile towards things. I don't want to be like that and it is hard to stop it since there is fear in it. Seeing how the hostile ego is encouraged by almost all systems of popular thought also doesnt help. I was trying to build a reality based, functional, healthy ego


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."


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OfflineJasonVira
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: lines]
    #11287129 - 10/20/09 10:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

lines said:
Thinking your god is having a bit of an inflated ego. Deflate your ego a bit and the world will be less of a burden on you




To say everyone and everything is God equally is true universal sanity whether you believe it or not.


--------------------
If you have any commentary about my posts that may break the rules. Bring it to my thread in the OTD forum

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=11524605&page=0&vc=1#11524605


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Offlineskippyluvs
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: JasonVira]
    #11288674 - 10/21/09 12:38 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

JasonVira said:
Quote:

lines said:
Thinking your god is having a bit of an inflated ego. Deflate your ego a bit and the world will be less of a burden on you




To say everyone and everything is God equally is true universal sanity whether you believe it or not.





Prove it.


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OnlineKonyap
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: skippyluvs]
    #11288798 - 10/21/09 12:52 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

fight club, a sin against god is destruction of god your body is constructed of god your body is god(ed)

but i feel what the poster is sayin tho you can generalize who your town votes for is nothing, we are all in this together yea its weird feeling like you live on another planet but you jsut have to argue and when you don't just rest you dont have to speak your mind all the time the aliens are coming


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OfflineDiaboleros
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Konyap]
    #11290140 - 10/21/09 05:26 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Wow really cool topic, you might want to read Plato and the allegory of the cave, he talks about how we are in a cave, our mind, and how you can break out the cave to see "the world of ideas". I'm guessing what happened to you was simiar to what happened to plato. And what is happening to many people, they start seeing through "the veil, the wall, the glass ceiling". Something (probably our own mind) is keeping us stupid on purpose, we are being chained into a cave somehow, and somehow you can break out of this cave. Mushrooms and weed are like the devils fruit that let you see through this veil, exit the cave.


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InvisibleMiddlemanM
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Diaboleros]
    #11290169 - 10/21/09 05:39 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Mushrooms and mysticism do not get you out of the cave.
They only allow you to turn around and see the light directly.

Leaving the cave is actual awakening - non-dual awareness.


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OfflineDiaboleros
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Re: My mind has been fucked [Re: Middleman]
    #11290331 - 10/21/09 07:14 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

So you think you left the cave? Tell me what does it look like outside? Or is it just a different mindset?


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