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Is the action of listening and dialoguing with our inner child effective? When we start asking ourself what we feel, are we happier, less alone, more connected? If not so then maybe our inner child needs more time and attention from ourself. Or conversely, the inner child may need more time having fun with others.
Questions we as a loving adult may ask our inner child are:
- Are you being loved? - Do you feel secure with me rather than act addictively? - Do you feel i can set good limits with others, or will i give in to them? - Are you feeling safe inside, or still alone and afraid? - Am i defining you worth and lovability, or are others defining you? - Do you feel a deep sense of worth, or can others disapproval still shake you?
Evaluate a longer period of time, not just in the moment.
Usually when we take loving action and stop an addictive behaviour, we will feel worst then before. Our wounded self feels at a loss and doubts.
When we take a loving action such as not acting out an addiction, we feel awful. Our wounded self feels frightened and deprived. Addictions worked to make us feel better for the moment. When they cease we feel much worse for a while.
The loving action doesn't always feel good in the moment. But if it is in our highest good then is will feel right. Eventually a sense of lightness and freedom appears because of taking good care for ourself.
Be sure to talk to the core self when evaluating. The wounded self will keep telling us we make a mistake. When the withdrawal symptoms appear, the wounded self will start to scream:
- Life is too short too give up these pleasures! - Oh this is not working now. Maybe tomorrow! - Life is not worth it without cigarettes! - Not giving in to my partner makes me feel guilty, i can't do it!
If we fall for these rationalizations and give in to the wounded self, we will be giving our inner child a pacifier, not the real thing. We will force our inner child to be content with an illusion of nurturing rather than a true sense of joy and well-being.
If after all this dialoguing we still feel depressed, hurt, lost, frightened, then we have to see what else we can do. What loving action towards ourself really works?