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InvisiblePoid
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Good Mourning?
    #11265055 - 10/17/09 01:20 PM (8 years, 7 days ago)

:goodmorning:

My maternal grandmother is dying of pancreatic cancer; her late husband (my maternal grandfather) died a little over a decade ago from (I believe it was bone) cancer). Neither of them know/knew a lick of English, they only spoke/understood Spanish.

I don't remember my grandfather too well, but I do recall interacting and having a genuine /friendship/relationship with him; I was sort of sad when he died, and I missed him for a few weeks, but I quickly got over my sorrow.

I can honestly say that I've never had any sort of genuine relationship with my grandmother, we're just worlds apart; I say "Hola!" ('hi' in English) and "Andale, pues!" ('goodbye, then' in English), but that's literally it.

Right now, I don't feel that sad about the fact that my grandmother is going to die, the only thing that saddens me is thinking about how much she must be suffering in the present moment; I don't see that her death will negatively affect me one bit.

Most people I know believe that this sort of reaction to the death of a close relative is "inappropriate", even if it's completely natural.



Why do people deem certain natural reactions that individuals experience as a result of being exposed to certain stimuli inappropriate? Why would one have to pretend to react a certain way to certain things in a way that is not natural to them? :strokebeard:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.


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InvisibleLakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,439
Loc: mumuland
Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Poid]
    #11265489 - 10/17/09 02:41 PM (8 years, 7 days ago)

Sometimes when older family members die, even those we love, we can be joyed that they're out of the way, out of this ferocious mess called life that we're busy making room for ourselves in.

Why others have to suppress this and defend their suppression by calling your behavior deviant is not something to worry about, unless the worry results in upholding your social dominance (or independence) over them.


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Lakefingers]
    #11267440 - 10/17/09 09:03 PM (8 years, 7 days ago)

Why others have to suppress this and defend their suppression by calling your behavior deviant is not something to worry about,

:thumbup:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisiblePoid
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Lakefingers]
    #11271553 - 10/18/09 04:06 PM (8 years, 6 days ago)

Quote:

Lakefingers said:
Why others have to suppress this and defend their suppression by calling your behavior deviant is not something to worry about, unless the worry results in upholding your social dominance (or independence) over them.


I'm not worried at all about what people think, I just want to understand this phenomenon in terms of the underlying psychological processes that cause some individuals to think about peoples' reactions to the death of close relatives this way.


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.


Edited by Poid (01/11/10 06:08 PM)


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InvisiblePoid
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Poid]
    #11809264 - 01/11/10 06:09 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I just got a message that my maternal grandmother died yesterday, and I actually think that I'm going to miss her...


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.


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Offlinedill705
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Poid]
    #11809298 - 01/11/10 06:15 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that. Best wishes my friend.


--------------------
My advice is to find those things that give pleasure and do them often without too much attachment and relax and wait for the show to end.

-Icelander-

I like free markets and all. Truly I do, at least in general, but there needs to be some kind of oversight in recognition of sustainability. Life works the same way, on a bunch of sustainable systems. Why not honor what made us what we are and take some lessons? Nature FTW!

~dill705~


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InvisiblePoid
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: dill705]
    #11809318 - 01/11/10 06:18 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I wish I had the chance to forge a better connection with her, but the fact is that we came from two completely different worlds; I'm just glad I got to hold her hand while taking a walk with her before she died...


Really, though, her death hasn't ruined my day; the reason I made this thread is because it seems to me that most people would think it wrong of me to not be rolling on the floor crying due to this, but I honestly think that there's no such thing as "good mourning". :shrug:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.


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Offlinedill705
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Re: Good Mourning? [Re: Poid]
    #11809456 - 01/11/10 06:39 PM (7 years, 9 months ago)

I agree. It's just a part of life. It ends. Nuff said.


--------------------
My advice is to find those things that give pleasure and do them often without too much attachment and relax and wait for the show to end.

-Icelander-

I like free markets and all. Truly I do, at least in general, but there needs to be some kind of oversight in recognition of sustainability. Life works the same way, on a bunch of sustainable systems. Why not honor what made us what we are and take some lessons? Nature FTW!

~dill705~


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