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OfflinejivJaN
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Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 4,245
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
What is the ball ?
    #11237718 - 10/13/09 05:44 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Inspired by EternalCowabunga's  "Fear of Failure" thread


Everything i try doing.. i experience some failure at the beginning. This usually makes me ... well kinda angry, if i have enough of an interest in it.
I start learning and getting better.. and when i overcome those faggots that were making me angry by their 'im good' attitude.. i stop.
This happens very fast.. the whole thing.

I have picked up activities and became better than people that have done it for years >> in a matter of months f.e. ..
I just.. kinda  'figure out' the core of it.. and the rest is just repetition , or practice if you will.

I usually lack the will to repeat .. but the times that i did , i was good.. and ended up giving up on it.

So.. i guess you can say i never fail.. but i really never do succeed at anything either


-I have avoided a couple things though..

I avoided taking a double dose of ayahuasca , or taking it at all for a good while after a negative experience i had.
Ive done it again.. but a weaker brew.
Still haven't gone all the way with it.

But now i dont see at as a bad experience.. because it took me a long time to figure out what it actually meant.
Now.. i dont feel a big urge to do it.. but i dont think i would fail either.
Because i figured out that you cant really fail :smile:

At anything actually..
you always end up doing exactly what you were supposed to.

You always succeed.. and you only feel like your failing if you're afraid.

And we're all afraid of something. WE all want to make changes.. we're constantly doing something.

Fear is IMO a direct effect of desire.
To be fearless.. is to not have desire.
Without the will to exercise your will ,everything is perceived as perfect.
hehe..
but it takes practice for that too


i think id just rather let the ball bounce around.. watch while it bounces , and study what happens if i fuck with it .
It turns out.. that the ball isnt moving at all.
So it doesnt really matter if you touch it while its bouncing.
But.. the more you just watch it bounce.. and not touch it.. the closer you get to seeing its stillness.

Its when we touch each other.. that we can see this.
Ever feel like time has stopped when your in love with someone thats in love with you ?
Feel like.. you dont want many things ?
like.. everything is perfect ?

"I was alone
I never knew
What good love could do
Ooh, then we touched
Then we sang
About the lovin things"



So what is the ball ?

:rofl:


--------------------



---------------------

All my posts in this forum are strictly fictional.
They are derived from an acute mental illness , from which i am forced to lie compulsively.
I have never induced any kind of mind altering substance in my life  and i have no intentions whatsoever of doing anything illegal.
If I have ever suggested such a thing it would have most likely been , due to my personality disorder and i probably do not remember it at all..


Edited by jivJaN (10/14/09 03:04 PM)


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Invisiblec0sm0nauttM
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Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,297
Loc: NY
Re: What is the ball ? [Re: jivJaN]
    #11238711 - 10/13/09 12:46 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Fear is IMO a direct effect of desire.
To be fearless.. is to not have desire.
Without the will to exercise your will ,everything is perceived as perfect.
hehe..
but it takes practice for that too


I feel yea there... but how do we rid the desire to no desire? I wish I could just say Fuck It and breathe, and feel the Universe, the moment. But at times your so caught up in it all, there seems no way out...

To me, the fear of failure is the fear of inaction. I have to touch the ball because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't. Or I'm afraid to touch the ball, because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. I spend too much time in my own head and not looking at the sun.


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OfflinejivJaN
yes
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Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 4,245
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: What is the ball ? [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #11240472 - 10/13/09 06:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

I feel yea there... but how do we rid the desire to no desire?




:smile:

"Anyway you want it
thats the way you need it."

When you find out what the ball is.. you will appreciate its stillness and the beauty of how it dances.


--------------------



---------------------

All my posts in this forum are strictly fictional.
They are derived from an acute mental illness , from which i am forced to lie compulsively.
I have never induced any kind of mind altering substance in my life  and i have no intentions whatsoever of doing anything illegal.
If I have ever suggested such a thing it would have most likely been , due to my personality disorder and i probably do not remember it at all..


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Offlineivander
Paragon of Animal
Male


Registered: 11/01/08
Posts: 1,514
Last seen: 2 months, 10 days
Re: What is the ball ? [Re: jivJaN]
    #11242192 - 10/13/09 10:15 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

...Swirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience....


--------------------
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche

I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.


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