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 flow
outlaw immortal
Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 496
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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 I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) *DELETED* 
#11229186 - 10/11/09 08:07 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Post deleted by flowReason for deletion: i want to
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PsychoPsilocin
Playboy
Registered: 11/25/07
Posts: 425
Last seen: 12 years, 11 days
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: flow]
#11229485 - 10/11/09 08:59 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Tough times, man.
It seems as though you are taking the right steps to help your situation.
I'm sorry about your relationship with your daughter's mother.
I have a 5 year old son and I am not with his mom. I've really tried to makes things work, but there are factors that are beyond my will that prevent it from happening. It sucks, as I am reduced to being a "weekend dad", as his mother has called me. He and I love each other dearly, though. And that's the important thing. Just make sure that you are there for your daughter. I think you just need to spend some more time with her. Try to see her as soon as possible. Things will be good again.
Things may even recover between you and her mother. Just take care of yourself and your daughter for the time being. Healing takes time. You guys all have issues, mother-in-law included. At least this experience has brought your feelings to the forefront. Something has not been right for a while, and it's time for it to change.
You'll be alright. You have a good education and beautiful daughter. Do your thing.
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CaptainTrips
What better time than now?
Registered: 09/14/08
Posts: 324
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: flow]
#11229493 - 10/11/09 09:01 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Great story man, really well written.
I feel for you, I had DXM trip once where I hit sigma (didn't want too) on extended release. I tripped for four days and scared the shit out of my family and especially my sister, which is what I'm most sad about. Through time though, even if it feels hopeless, there is always a chance for repairs. If you keep hitting a rock, even if it takes years, it will eventually break.
This is where YOU come in.
They are just reacting to the situation as it's probably a shock (rightfully so) but now it's in YOUR hands to make the effort. Being her Dad there is no way you'll lose contact forever, and you have to prove what you're worth, because they probably can't see it right now.
Even though tripping while you're alone taking care of your daughter is ridiculously irresponsible, people who have done worse have changed the world. It's all about perseverance and determination.
Use this trip as motivation to become a better person. Not as a negative experience.
Hope that helps  good luck man
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|| All that is now, all that is gone, all that's to come, and everything under the sun is in tune; the sun is eclipsed by the moon ||
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pkplayer524
Stranger
Registered: 04/17/08
Posts: 163
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: flow]
#11229501 - 10/11/09 09:01 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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That's a crazy story man, read all of it. Its terrible things happened the way they did, really sorry to hear it. The only advice I can give is: Give her space for a while, try your best to get your life in order, and when you think the time is right tell your her your feelings on the situation. Tell her you never meant for anything bad to ever happen to them and you only wanted things to get better for you and your family.
Let her know that she and your daughter are the only things in life you really care for, start slow and just be honest and yourself.
I really don't know what to say, but I hope you the best of luck forever man. 
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Thisfire
Chiller
Registered: 09/02/09
Posts: 1,536
Loc: Texas 
Last seen: 8 years, 5 days
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: pkplayer524]
#11229603 - 10/11/09 09:18 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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I cannot even imagine the stress and fear of having to deal with such a situation while inebriated in any way.
That was a tough time for anyone, you should not blame yourself too heavily.
Conversation is tough while on a trip, and on a bad trip im sure it becomes a mess.
You wish people could read your mind just so they could understand what you are trying to say.
I dont know how best to deal with the situation.
Give it a few days rest, try to chill out and relax.
And have a really good conversation with your girl about what happened.
Although I feel the fact that she told EVERYONE is rather cruel.
Some things should remain personal, and not be the cause of rumor and ridicule by others.
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Let your imagination fill in the blanks.
Weed, Salvia, DXM, MDMA, Speed, Azures, Cubes, Nitrous, DMT, LSD /, Peyote, Ayahuasca
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flow
outlaw immortal
Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 496
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) *DELETED* [Re: Thisfire]
#11229896 - 10/11/09 10:02 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Post deleted by flowReason for deletion: i want to
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porcupine
Stranger
Registered: 01/09/05
Posts: 1,289
Loc: MI
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: flow]
#11231037 - 10/12/09 01:22 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Have faith that time will fix this situation, in one way or another.
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psilocybica
Robotripper
Registered: 10/06/09
Posts: 62
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: porcupine]
#11231084 - 10/12/09 01:32 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Holy shit.
Epic read.
But yeah dude, as others have previously said, all I can do is wish you the best man,
I'e had some pretty intense trips, but I can't say that they've resulted like this.
All the best.
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Have 500mg of DXM before you go to sleep one night.
* * * * *
Your dreams will be life changing.
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lines
Stranger
Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 1,409
Loc: USA
Last seen: 4 years, 5 days
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: psilocybica]
#11231395 - 10/12/09 03:59 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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First of all if people are not going to fully understand or accept what you went through than you dont have to be honest with them. You should just say whatever makes the situation calm and refrain from saying stuff that would cause instability.
Scond of all the mushrooms caused you to be open to what others were experiencing and this was not good for you because you became aware of bad emotioins. Its better not to be able to feel the feelings of others because to feel their feelings can often be an over load.
Lay off the shrooms, if you do plan on taking tem again(which I dont advise) wait a very long time. Do not meditate for at least 2 months and avoid meditation so that your mind can close up a little in order to prevent awareness of horrible things.
Focus on superfiocial things and comedy movies. Do not have deep discussions.
Just relax and act calm even if you dont feel calm. Dont try to solve any emotional type stuff. Just ignore emotional stuff.
It sux your wife is on psyche meds. She should try to ween herself off those if she cant quit them all at once. Those things might have something to do with all the negativity you felt... those things hurt people and screw up their minds.
Avoid listening to music that is aggressive or that has depressing lyrics or sounds.
GEt lots of sleep
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StaleShrooms
human after all
Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 2,342
Loc: Detroit
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: porcupine]
#11231775 - 10/12/09 08:05 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
porcupine said:
Have faith that time will fix this situation, in one way or another.
this.
man i'm really sorry this happened to you. sounds like a terrible experience  all I can say is that i KNOW things will get better. one way or another. the mind is an incredibly adaptive thing, and will find a way to resolve this.
i hope all goes well. try not to get down on yourself too much. whats done is done.
best of luck to you.
Edited by StaleShrooms (10/12/09 08:20 AM)
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13.step
cynical bastard
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 2,210
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: StaleShrooms]
#11232141 - 10/12/09 10:05 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sorry to hear that man,best of luck to you,and as the others said,take it from where it's at now,you'll figure it out,now more then ever you have the motivation,you've seen hell...
@lines:you have some good advice and some really crappy advice,ignoring a thing won't make it go away,wtf dude?and you say that antidepressants are bad,can you see the irony?
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Not to be taken seriously by any means!
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StaleShrooms
human after all
Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 2,342
Loc: Detroit
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: 13.step]
#11232169 - 10/12/09 10:11 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
13.step said:
Sorry to hear that man,best of luck to you,and as the others said,take it from where it's at now,you'll figure it out,now more then ever you have the motivation,you've seen hell...
@lines:you have some good advice and some really crappy advice,ignoring a thing won't make it go away,wtf dude?and you say that antidepressants are bad,can you see the irony?
i dont think he meant ignore it, i think he meant just dont do anything emotionally charged, as he's dealing with enough already. even if you arent thinking about something directly, subconscious processes are at work resolving a conflict at all times. slowly but surely the subconscious sorts shit out. sometimes you do more harm than good by consciously dwelling on a problem, as you are making it more difficult for said subconscious processes to work their magic in methodically compartmentalizing and assimilating what happened.
just my two cents
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Kick is seeing things from a special angle. Kick is momentary freedom from the claims of the aging, cautious, nagging, frightened flesh. Maybe I will find in yage what I was looking for in junk and weed and coke. Yage may be the final fix.
~William S. Burroughs
Edited by StaleShrooms (10/12/09 10:12 AM)
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ManyAk
Not A Shitgiver
Registered: 01/21/09
Posts: 1,081
Loc: Somewhere but not here
Last seen: 2 days, 17 hours
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: StaleShrooms]
#11232246 - 10/12/09 10:30 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sadly, I can't give you any advice, because the situation you're in is way beyond me.
Although, I feel for you man, and hope things get better. Seriously. Just do your absolute best to make sure that your girlfriend and your daughter have everything they need for a good life, even though you're not directly in the same house as them. That doesn't stop you from loving them with all your heart, so show them.
Good luck man.
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we are all luminous beings
why then do we not appear before each other radiant in our illumination
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13.step
cynical bastard
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 2,210
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: StaleShrooms]
#11232489 - 10/12/09 11:16 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Oh,might be,sorry if i misunderstood it and yeah you've got a point...flow shouldn't think to much about it and just act the way he feels...it was an emotional experience after all,anyway...i'm just saying that ignoring what happened,not even having deep conversations(about anything really),or not listening to "aggressive music" will just make you forget by pretending everything is alright...and then you'll end up in the place you where before you took the shrooms and saw the pain.
I dunno...i've been trough something like this,reading the report actually made me have a minor flashback.Luckily for me it was a relatively low dose of oral DMT and it didn't have any dramatic social effects,but it changed something in me...and i embraced the change and went from there...and i am glad i did.
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Not to be taken seriously by any means!
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 Society
Mmmm... pizza
Registered: 07/03/04
Posts: 14,303
Loc:
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: 13.step]
#11232603 - 10/12/09 11:34 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Epic miscommunication. She doesn't understand tripping and doesn't understand the benevolent thought processes behind every action that you did. Not that it's entirely her fault; there's no way for her, your daughter, or anyone else to really get what happened with your. But yeah, you make poor decisions with the best of intentions. She has to reach this conclusion, but you can't force her to. SO.....
My suggestion: Print off the entire story you just typed and mail it to her. Then leave her alone for a while, only to voluntarily reconnect to see your daughter.
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Delicious Pizza
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ManyAk
Not A Shitgiver
Registered: 01/21/09
Posts: 1,081
Loc: Somewhere but not here
Last seen: 2 days, 17 hours
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: Society]
#11232636 - 10/12/09 11:42 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Society said:
My suggestion: Print off the entire story you just typed and mail it to her. Then leave her alone for a while, only to voluntarily reconnect to see your daughter.
This is actually a very good suggestion.
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we are all luminous beings
why then do we not appear before each other radiant in our illumination
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batheinthefountain
ॐ ॐ ॐ
Registered: 08/29/09
Posts: 1,273
Loc: Germany
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: 13.step]
#11232653 - 10/12/09 11:45 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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holy... sh*t
this text almost brought tears to my eyes 
hope everything turns well soon! much love!
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S4mm1ch
CLIT commander
Registered: 06/25/06
Posts: 307
Loc: Blue Light District
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: batheinthefountain]
#11232859 - 10/12/09 12:22 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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atleast you have the balls to admit how you fucked up... If you really want her to know how you feel. Email her what you posted on here, they seem like words from the heart and are composed quite well.
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“What is evil? Killing is evil, lying is evil, slandering is evil, abuse is evil, gossip is evil: envy is evil, hatred is evil, to cling to false doctrine is evil; all these things are evil. And what is the root of evil? Desire is the root of evil, illusion is the root of evil.”
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Anthony917
why dont we do it in the road
Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 3,243
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: S4mm1ch]
#11233042 - 10/12/09 12:55 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hey man, it sounds to me like you have a bit of growing up to do.
Check it out. You have a daughter, which is without a doubt the biggest responsibility you'll ever face, and you knowingly took shrooms while watching after her. Did you somehow think that your daughter would sleep soundly the entire night and you wouldn't have to face your responsibility as a father?
Look, you seem smart enough, going to grad school and getting (what sounds like) a pretty good job. I wouldn't concern yourself so much with your girlfriend, but focus more on yourself. Seems to me like you have some self-worth issues "She is such a better person than me sometimes...". If you feel this way...well, fix it. Seems like you've got a lot of good shit going your way, I wouldn't worry about it too much (the girlfriend issue). Take care of your daughter when you can, finish school, get a kick ass job and make a shitload of money. Maybe once you have your shit together your girlfriend will want to come back. If all my spouse did was sit around playing online poker and trippin' balls, I wouldn't want to be with them either.
Why didn't you guys get married once you learned she was pregnant? Now your daughter has to grow up bouncing back and forth between households (possibly) and that's unhealthy for a child. Not only that, but if you and your girlfriend don't end up getting back together, she's gonna find some other man to, essentially, replace you as a father, then you have to explain to her that YOU'RE her REAL dad, and that's not what you want.
My advice - get your shit together.
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Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17
Trippin? Click Me
What is life? I'm tired of life...
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housecat
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Registered: 05/24/09
Posts: 554
Loc: British Columbia
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: I need help recovering from the worst trip of my life (LONG) [Re: flow]
#11233389 - 10/12/09 02:01 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well, I'm a teenager and still living at home, you might not think my advice is worth anything because of my age. I used to be quite social, quite funny, quite animated. I relate my loss to yours although yours is even worse. During my last mushroom trip which was bout 6 months ago, my entire family came home on me and my friend whilst we were having a bad trip. We didn't know what to do so we went upstairs into my room. My little 3 year old sister followed me in and talked to me. While I was looking at her I began to cry because I realized I'm betraying her right to a good childhood and a nice, happy older brother by doing these shrooms. She was, of course, profoundly confused.
I realized that me and my siblings had given her so much attention during her early years of life but when giving her as much attention as she was used to became a burden, we stopped. Example, I would sit on my computer for hours and she would come in and ask me to play with her and I would tell her to go away time and time again.
My mom was, at the time, pregnant with one more kid (who is now alive and well) and I thought that this might be devastating to my little sister because she was used to being the little girl of the family. When I came down from the shrooms I wasn't the same person I was before I took them. I was no longer a contributor to the family. I was anti-social whereas prior to the trip I had been the life of the family. I became a bad brother because I didn't know how to talk to my little sister anymore. I was basically socially retarded. I've recovered, but not entirely, leaving me in quite a miserable state.
I'm thinking of doing shrooms again and hoping this recovers me, however I don't want to push my soul into an even darker place. Sorry for rambling. But listen: Things are getting better all the time. One thing that helped me in my hours of fucked-up-ness was gardening, which I went into full time and even managed to make a small profit at the farmers market, selling pints of strawberries for 5 bucks a piece. You might want to try it, it'll make you feel worth something.
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My beautiful hookah
"in the 60's people took acid to make the world seem weird. Now the world is weird, and people take prozac to make it seem normal."
Edited by housecat (10/12/09 02:02 PM)
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