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Offlinedesiretoheal
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So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page?
    #11211967 - 10/09/09 01:10 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)
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I have practically no self-willed experience in writing out stories involving plots. I am hoping to grab readers attentions who can relate to my character, "Owen". It will be a fairly personal story and I want to take my time developing my writing material.

I started this about 3 hours ago..no title. I want it to be about the physical and mental journey of a young man who became lost in deep thoughts and over analyzing, which is consuming his life.

I need advice though from you experienced writers. Am I starting off in the right direction? Does it start off as boring?


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.


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OfflinejustAdream
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: desiretoheal]
    #11212035 - 10/09/09 01:21 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

copy and paste so i dun have to download it


--------------------
cloning tek

:cubie: :cubie::cubie: :getstoned: :cubie::cubie: :cubie:


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Offlinedesiretoheal
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: justAdream]
    #11212060 - 10/09/09 01:23 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

haha, okay


          -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Untitled Writing


Sit and stare.. that is what I know most. Walking in a world of grey where the dogs roam. Where have all the children gone? Where have my childhood intentions gone? Where do I stand in this big cosmic joke? I see these questions making my world spin, but I can’t help but feel this is necessary. I would like to one day return, if it’s not too much to ask..

“Well today is another day, and it is a good day!” proclaims Thomas, or as we like to refer to as “Mr. Sunshine”.

You see, Mr. Sunshine never seems to have a bad day, or at least he hides it damn well. I won’t hide the fact that envy has been seeping through the pores of my skin, but never will I intend to treat a good friend in a disrespectful fashion, or blow away the high cloud in which he rests happily upon. Never. No, because karma is watching our every step, our every thought, our every indistinguishable breath! Who is to say my patience won’t pay off soon enough? I will just remain patient.

The light of the bedroom lamp comes to exist no more, simply by the twist of anxious finger tips. Now the final challenge of the night.. An attempt to sleep! God, I remember this to be so much easier not long ago.

“Ouch! You should really watch your elbows when I am trying to sleep, Owen!”, shouted Sadie in an odd, hazy tone. “This is the second time this week. Now please, try and remain still babe. I need to wake up early.”

“Well, how unfortunate, and I apologize. Something about these nights just won’t let me have a comfortable sleep, Sade. C’mon scratch my back at least.”

Every night for months it seems, I have been stuck in this strange loop, or better yet, an omnidirectional spiral, passing by very replicable emotions, constantly, feeling trapped in mental charades. A charade?.. or is this a place in which my psyche is just exploring without my known consent? I am rather tired of exploring. I get lost fairly easily, and maybe next time I will miss my train, which happens to chase what I had previously perceived to be my very own sanity. I am running in the playground of delirium, and the kids are absent. Others would probably think of this as a case of psychopathic behavior, but I disagree. Lethargic is a word that suits me better. I need answers. Answers to the questions that won’t slip from my head. The questions which unfortunately seem to have no possible answer. I see nothing short of a long journey from here. That, or an early grave. It’s natural to have thoughts of death. This doesn’t make me insane. I am rather allowing my thoughts roam freely. After all, muscles shouldn’t be the only possessions to be exercised. I have come to the understanding that death brings life. It is a bitter suite moment, depending on how you choose to look at it.


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.


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Offlinedesiretoheal
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: desiretoheal]
    #11212228 - 10/09/09 01:54 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

no advice for a beginner?


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.


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Offlineiamu
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Registered: 04/12/09
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: desiretoheal]
    #11212297 - 10/09/09 02:07 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

I can tell you that Id definitely get tired reading about those thoughts. meaning, if you make this a full story definitely give your character a physical path type of journey and include details about the physical world, but throw in some deep thought stuff along the way. people like reading about minute micro details because it gives insight. it was probably your intention to start it off showing the reader how owen over analyzes everything. just dont write too much of that kind of stuff. put interesting little scenes in there u know maybe a physical occurance where it causes owen to enjoy his life more even if its for a moment. remember its your world you create with every word. hope this helped a bit.


--------------------


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Offlineiamu
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: iamu]
    #11212356 - 10/09/09 02:19 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

oh and dont "push it"

"the light of the lamp exists no more"

its a simple task, but dont add whats not there

"so and so rolls over to switch off the lamp, feeling most anxious as he notices his fingers shaking at the extent of his reach"

with detail u dont need to "push it"


--------------------


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Offlinedesiretoheal
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: iamu]
    #11212384 - 10/09/09 02:25 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

iamu said:
I can tell you that Id definitely get tired reading about those thoughts. meaning, if you make this a full story definitely give your character a physical path type of journey and include details about the physical world, but throw in some deep thought stuff along the way. people like reading about minute micro details because it gives insight. it was probably your intention to start it off showing the reader how owen over analyzes everything. just dont write too much of that kind of stuff. put interesting little scenes in there u know maybe a physical occurance where it causes owen to enjoy his life more even if its for a moment. remember its your world you create with every word. hope this helped a bit.





yeah i totally hear ya. I was definitely trying to smash up the whole idea in the first page, and from here I will attempt to sail with a balance of physical actions and thoughts. I will definitely be cautious to not go overboard on the thought process mainly.

thanks for advice:thumbup:


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.


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Offlineiamu
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Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 2,412
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: desiretoheal]
    #11212452 - 10/09/09 02:38 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

id like to read more later when you finish, or anytime you want to share. iss it gna be a book or like a short story? = )


--------------------


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Offlinedesiretoheal
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: iamu]
    #11212469 - 10/09/09 02:41 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

just going with it right now. I would hope my imagination extends it past 100 pages, but I won't force anything.

I intend to share the material as well


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineiamu
Sall Growman
Male


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 2,412
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: iamu]
    #11212487 - 10/09/09 02:44 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

k good luck:smile:


--------------------


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Offlinemeatcakeman
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Re: So I started typing out a story..anybody care to read my first page? [Re: desiretoheal]
    #11212537 - 10/09/09 02:55 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

Besides a few grammar errors and a word-use error, it is a decent read.



I don't really see any direction in it, though. But it's way too soon to truly tell.

The story is fluid, but it is also aimless; so to speak.


Those are my thoughts.


--------------------
大开眼界

:awegroove:
:fbsnugs::fbsnugs::fbsnugs:
Hasta siempre, comandante.
:mattz:


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