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InvisibleShockValue
Because, ShockValue.


Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 5,097
Loc: Tipping at windmills.
I'm at a loss...
    #11209645 - 10/08/09 07:52 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Before I tell my little story, let me tell you that I am 35 years old.  My mother is 59.  We're both "adults", at least in the legal sense of the word...


So about 6 months ago my mother finds out that her husband has been cheating on her.  He's been "going out gambling" almost every friday night for almost a year (aka, meeting up with some chick.)  They fought, screamed, cried, the whole bit. 

All of her friends and her children say "get rid of the guy."  But she decides to give him another chance.  Fine, ok, she's forgiving.  And in all honesty, except for the cheating thing, he is (was) a nice guy, and treated her well.  I'll get over it, although I still think he's a total prick for what he did.

Now, It's a little more complicated than that because the woman he was sleeping with is his employee.  So over the last 6 months my mom has demanded that the woman be fired, all ties severed, etc etc.  Her husband is dragging his feet.  They yell, cry, scream, etc etc etc.  Finally the woman is fired.

Ok, so her husband is being MrNice guy.  Flowers, dates, romace, etc. The usual "I'm sorry I fucked up" stuff.  I still think he's a prick, but hey, my mother is an adult.  She forgives him, so there you go.

fast forward to present day.

Monday night he's off to a conference and the accountant calls my mom and verifies that they purchased "2 tickets to vegas."  WTF my mom says of course?  Husband is on a plane with this other woman, headed to vegas.  3 days he doesn't return her phone calls.

OK, so for those 3 days. I'm at her house comforting her.  "You don't need him, you're a strong woman," etc etc etc.  Crying, planning revenge, dealing with things. The usual bullshit.

He comes home today and I expect a call to help get his shit out of the house.  But instead I get a call, and she explains that he's really sorry.  That he had promised her this trip so he couldn't back out of it.  He still only loves my mom.  So she's decided to give him "one last chance."

God damn it.  I WANT to be supportive.  I WANT to help.  But how can you help in a situation like that?  I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her really hard and say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU MORON?!!?!"


I already know she contacted a lawyer 6 months ago when she first found out.  If she got a divorce she would be VERY well taken care of financially.  So it's not like she has to worry about being left with nothing.  I've offered her a room in my house for as long as she wants it.  I've offered to "take care of getting him out" if it made her nervous.


I'm at a loss...


--------------------
  • When we built temples to view the stars, we knew about all 2000 of them.


Edited by ShockValue (10/08/09 07:56 PM)


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OfflineWasteland
Elektromeister!
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 4,768
Loc: A pathetic small town in ...
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11209667 - 10/08/09 07:55 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Is the employee married?

Swinging is always a good solution.


--------------------
CLICKY!!!
!
The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:
http://superftmn.deviantart.com/gallery/


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InvisibleP-O
#AnyoneButHarper
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 13,636
Loc: Flag
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11209672 - 10/08/09 07:56 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

smash his jaw when he gets back, for hurting your mom!.... its what Jesus would do....


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OfflineChubba
Vape hungry

Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 6,785
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11209684 - 10/08/09 07:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Go shit on the dudes car or something.

Nothing you can really do except be supportive and wait till your mum drops him.


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OfflineCoaster
BaĘżal
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: P-O]
    #11209694 - 10/08/09 07:58 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

dam i hate people like that
why cant ppl just break up instead of cheat
so tragic


--------------------


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InvisibleShockValue
Because, ShockValue.


Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 5,097
Loc: Tipping at windmills.
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: Wasteland]
    #11209697 - 10/08/09 07:58 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Wasteland said:
Is the employee married?

Swinging is always a good solution.




No, the employee is a minimum wage single mom with 2 kids.  Dating the wealthy boss.  Hmmmmmmmm.


--------------------
  • When we built temples to view the stars, we knew about all 2000 of them.


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InvisibleP-O
#AnyoneButHarper
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 13,636
Loc: Flag
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11209712 - 10/08/09 08:00 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

1. beat him
2. Tell your mom to burn his shit
3. ??????
4 Profit?


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OfflineNeuron
Tek Savant
Male


Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 5,778
Loc: @meriKa
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: P-O]
    #11209799 - 10/08/09 08:11 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Your mom doesn't know what's good for her....

she probably thinks she won't be able to find another man.....

I'd keep fighting for her, she's your mom. You love her. Don't let this bastard hurt her again.


--------------------


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InvisibleShockValue
Because, ShockValue.


Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 5,097
Loc: Tipping at windmills.
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: Neuron]
    #11210440 - 10/08/09 09:51 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

I agree Neuron that she's afraid that she won't find anyone else...  I'm stuck on what "fighting for her" really means anymore though. 

It seems like if I keep saying "everything will turn out OK" I'm making things worse at this point .  Tough love time maybe... :shrug:


--------------------
  • When we built temples to view the stars, we knew about all 2000 of them.


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InvisibleSet
candy colored clown
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/03/08
Posts: 6,383
Loc: right near da beach Flag
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11210471 - 10/08/09 09:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

only thing you can do is be supportive of her


at least they know their marriage is a sham


--------------------
    classic LOVELINE


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Offlinetokingnome
Stranger


Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 1,174
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 months, 25 days
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11210474 - 10/08/09 09:57 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

That's really shitty to hear dude. If I ever found out about something like that, there would be no holding me back from beating that guys ass.

Be supportive, but if you're being supportive of her being with a shit head and setting herself up for more heartbreak, then it's kind of pointless.

Tell her how you really feel. Remind her that she may be afraid of never finding anyone else, but she doesn't really have anyone at the moment anyways. He's a lying sack of shit.

Good luck to you on helping your mom through this. That must be hard to deal with. I dunno how you haven't confronted him about it yet.


--------------------
Confucius say, "Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger." :strokebeard2:


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11210558 - 10/08/09 10:06 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

ShockValue said:
  I'm stuck on what "fighting for her" really means anymore though.




it's obvious to me what it means, get her out of the house so she can get laid too


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OfflineNeuron
Tek Savant
Male


Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 5,778
Loc: @meriKa
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11210591 - 10/08/09 10:10 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

ShockValue said:
I agree Neuron that she's afraid that she won't find anyone else...  I'm stuck on what "fighting for her" really means anymore though. 

It seems like if I keep saying "everything will turn out OK" I'm making things worse at this point .  Tough love time maybe... :shrug:




Either use tough love or devise a creative plot to destroy him.


--------------------


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Offlinegeorgiamind
Stranger
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/04/09
Posts: 14
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: Neuron]
    #11210859 - 10/08/09 10:47 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

ask her why she loves him still (assuming she does, & is not just afraid of being alone). reality is, he makes her feel needed, and tells her what she is so desperate to hear ...in other words, he lies to her. if you can, help her realize that his words and actions don't mesh; he says he doesn't want to divorce/lose her/he only loves her, but he sure doesn't mean it if he's running around with someone else. it could be that she won't actually accept losing him until she sees him with another woman in the act...but here's the best advice you will get here: become his BEST FRIEND  at least until you bring the hammer down. (could be something as simple as hearing him make fun of her to someone else that flips that defective switch in her brain)


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Invisibleferrel_human
stone eater
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 14,705
Loc: Texas Flag
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ShockValue]
    #11210970 - 10/08/09 11:00 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

ShockValue said:
Before I tell my little story, let me tell you that I am 35 years old.  My mother is 59.  We're both "adults", at least in the legal sense of the word...


So about 6 months ago my mother finds out that her husband has been cheating on her.  He's been "going out gambling" almost every friday night for almost a year (aka, meeting up with some chick.)  They fought, screamed, cried, the whole bit. 

All of her friends and her children say "get rid of the guy."  But she decides to give him another chance.  Fine, ok, she's forgiving.  And in all honesty, except for the cheating thing, he is (was) a nice guy, and treated her well.  I'll get over it, although I still think he's a total prick for what he did.

Now, It's a little more complicated than that because the woman he was sleeping with is his employee.  So over the last 6 months my mom has demanded that the woman be fired, all ties severed, etc etc.  Her husband is dragging his feet.  They yell, cry, scream, etc etc etc.  Finally the woman is fired.

Ok, so her husband is being MrNice guy.  Flowers, dates, romace, etc. The usual "I'm sorry I fucked up" stuff.  I still think he's a prick, but hey, my mother is an adult.  She forgives him, so there you go.

fast forward to present day.

Monday night he's off to a conference and the accountant calls my mom and verifies that they purchased "2 tickets to vegas."  WTF my mom says of course?  Husband is on a plane with this other woman, headed to vegas.  3 days he doesn't return her phone calls.

OK, so for those 3 days. I'm at her house comforting her.  "You don't need him, you're a strong woman," etc etc etc.  Crying, planning revenge, dealing with things. The usual bullshit.

He comes home today and I expect a call to help get his shit out of the house.  But instead I get a call, and she explains that he's really sorry.  That he had promised her this trip so he couldn't back out of it.  He still only loves my mom.  So she's decided to give him "one last chance."

God damn it.  I WANT to be supportive.  I WANT to help.  But how can you help in a situation like that?  I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her really hard and say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU MORON?!!?!"


I already know she contacted a lawyer 6 months ago when she first found out.  If she got a divorce she would be VERY well taken care of financially.  So it's not like she has to worry about being left with nothing.  I've offered her a room in my house for as long as she wants it.  I've offered to "take care of getting him out" if it made her nervous.


I'm at a loss...




your mom needs to hit the gym and retire his ass. there is some women in their 60's who look hella nice and she does not need that shit.


--------------------
Nature is my church and walking through it is gospel. It tells no lies and reveals all to those who look, and listen, closely.
-Karode


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Invisibleferrel_human
stone eater
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 14,705
Loc: Texas Flag
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: Neuron]
    #11210978 - 10/08/09 11:01 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Neuron said:
Quote:

ShockValue said:
I agree Neuron that she's afraid that she won't find anyone else...  I'm stuck on what "fighting for her" really means anymore though. 

It seems like if I keep saying "everything will turn out OK" I'm making things worse at this point .  Tough love time maybe... :shrug:




Either use tough love or devise a creative plot to destroy him.




psycologicaly infiltrate his mind. then proceed to DESTROY.:minigun:


--------------------
Nature is my church and walking through it is gospel. It tells no lies and reveals all to those who look, and listen, closely.
-Karode


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OfflineNeuron
Tek Savant
Male


Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 5,778
Loc: @meriKa
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: georgiamind]
    #11210990 - 10/08/09 11:02 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

georgiamind said:
ask her why she loves him still (assuming she does, & is not just afraid of being alone). reality is, he makes her feel needed, and tells her what she is so desperate to hear ...in other words, he lies to her. if you can, help her realize that his words and actions don't mesh; he says he doesn't want to divorce/lose her/he only loves her, but he sure doesn't mean it if he's running around with someone else. it could be that she won't actually accept losing him until she sees him with another woman in the act...but here's the best advice you will get here: become his BEST FRIEND  at least until you bring the hammer down. (could be something as simple as hearing him make fun of her to someone else that flips that defective switch in her brain)




this might work, in hopes this guy is an idiot.


--------------------


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InvisibleKrishnaDreamer
I bleed nicotine...
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/23/07
Posts: 4,119
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: ferrel_human]
    #11211017 - 10/08/09 11:07 PM (8 years, 2 months ago)

dude sounds like a pimp. fuck monogomy.

:pimphat:

:mjdance:


--------------------
Everybody's a ninja...


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Offlinegeorgiamind
Stranger
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/04/09
Posts: 14
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: KrishnaDreamer]
    #11219600 - 10/10/09 09:45 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

nah, krishnadreamer, dude's not a pimp...a wanna be maybe, really he's just a liar, even to himself. he's damaged goods: somebody fucked him up but good, maybe his parents, an ex g/f, or whatever. i'm sure he's so used to lying to his partners that he prob'ly believes himself when he tells this mommy in question that he loves her...but it's clear he doesn't.
  a true pimp wouldn't have to lie about seeing another woman & sneak around; he'd have the gals so wrapped, warped & twisted that they wouldn't care about being jealous.  let's be real here, all of em are at least a little bit crazy, poor irrational beings ruled by emotion, not grounded in reality at all...of course i generalize.
  mommy should probably catch wanna be pimp in the act, preferably with pictures AND sound, and hold it over his head (i'd bet my left nut that if she did this, he'd fly the coop)...or talk to this woman and ask her why she's doing it when she knows that he's married, tell the other woman that she's thinking about leaving this wanna be pimp, and let that trickle back to the guy in pillow talk...and that'll be the end of the whole situation.
  fuck lying, this guys a liar; too weak in spirit to be straight up. i'll tell ya, a few years ago in the college town i live in, i spoon fed a couple of chippees my tubesteak; then went out on the town and chilled with both of em sitting on my lap, french-kissin' in public: man it was fun to watch all the straight-laced ass-holes flip out on it...that's pimpin. straight up.


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Offlinefalcon
In the green


Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 6,998
Last seen: 3 hours, 39 minutes
Re: I'm at a loss... [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11219646 - 10/10/09 09:59 AM (8 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

ShockValue said:
  I'm stuck on what "fighting for her" really means anymore though.




it's obvious to me what it means, get her out of the house so she can get laid too




Yep.


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