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i can no longer tell racist jokes
    #11188692 -

Hello pub, I have been lurking on the shroomery for  a while and I have come here now to tell of my sad day.

I work at Dunkin Donuts and it's the worst thing that has happened to me since my belly button got infected. 

Today at work  an African American pulled up, and ordered a medium coffee, which cost 1.95 USD. I whispered to my friend "If this guy tips us, I'll never tell a racist joke again"" he paid with 2.00 USD and he tipped us 5 cents. Since I am a man of my word this means I can no longer tell great jokes like the Polish national bird is the housefly.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11188699 -

Haha, a housefly.

You know some more good ones?


--------------------
If you build it they will shrug.
:shrug:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11188710 -

Hell yeah!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: MikeShroomz]
    #11188735 -

I have many more I can never tell.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11188755 -

How do you know when all the polocks are in Atlantic city?

They're all outside playing the parking meters.


--------------------
My cultivation guide.  How anyone can grow mushrooms. 

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11188760 -

Why should someone tip you for doing your job?

Also...Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips


--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: blewmeanie]
    #11188792 -

blewmeanie said:
Why should someone tip you for doing your job?

Also...Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips


nice joke.

A priest and a rabbi are walking past a playground with children playing.  The priest says to the rabbi "Hey, let's fuck these kids!" the rabbi replies: "Out of what?"

what do you call one million black people sky diving?
NIGHT

what do michael jackson and caviar have in common?
they both come on little white crackers.


--------------------
My cultivation guide.  How anyone can grow mushrooms. 

Edited by PreparationH (10/05/09 05:45 PM)

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: PreparationH]
    #11188912 -

Having worked in restaurants I can say black men are not the problem.

But I can honestly say w/o exaggeration that I have NEVER seen a black woman tip.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CosmicFool]
    #11188957 -

Whut's the difference between a black man and a park bench?

The bench can support a family.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Subconscious]
    #11188973 -

:rofl2:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Subconscious]
    #11188977 -

Polish Coke Spoons


--------------------
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CosmicFool]
    #11188996 -

CosmicFool said:
I can honestly say w/o exaggeration that I have NEVER seen a black woman tip.


I have... could be the way they feel they're treated


--------------------
California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Mchaggis]
    #11188997 -

Why do Indians paint their canoe's black?


SO they won't tip!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: memes]
    #11189026 -

meams said:
Why do Indians paint their canoe's black?


SO they won't tip!

:lol:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Subconscious]
    #11189132 -

Subconscious said:
Whut's the difference between a black man and a park bench?

The bench can support a family.


ROFL


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: PreparationH]
    #11189159 -

PreparationH said:
How do you know when all the polocks are in Atlantic city?

They're all outside playing the parking meters.

 

haha I'm a sucker for Polish jokes.



All these great jokes have made me decide to tell one last racist joke.

What did the black kid get on his IQ yest?

BBQ sauce


this is a great joke becuse it does not say if the kid performed well or poorly, If you assumed he performed poorly because he is black, well jokes on you!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11189173 -

Why don't you throw rocks at an Aborigine on a bike?


..... because it's probably your bike.

What do you call an Aborigine in a suit?


..... the defendant.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Chubba]
    #11189193 -

McHaggis, is that Dock Boggs in yer signature?

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Chubba]
    #11189195 -

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

Because he's black.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Silversoul]
    #11189208 -

hahah thanks for that one!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Silversoul]
    #11189285 -

blewmeanie said:
Why should someone tip you for doing your job?



I should'nt be tipped for doing my job, I should be tipped because the customer should feel bad for me becasue I am a NY Mets fan. I wear the Mets hat on the job. I don't understand how anyone tips at a job like that but they do. I can't bring myself to spend what little money I have there.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CosmicFool]
    #11189334 -

CosmicFool said:
Having worked in restaurants I can say black men are not the problem.

But I can honestly say w/o exaggeration that I have NEVER seen a black woman tip.


Same with driving.

Black men drive poorly, but it's nothing compared to the women.

Black female drivers are the worst evar.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #11189380 -

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?

24

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 20 in the ashtray.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11189385 -

Did you hear of the new Japanese/Jewish restaurant?
















It is called SO SUE MEE'S










There is also a new Jewish car,not only does it have superior ability to stop on a dime,it also picks it up.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #11189396 -

Madtowntripper said:
CosmicFool said:
Having worked in restaurants I can say black men are not the problem.

But I can honestly say w/o exaggeration that I have NEVER seen a black woman tip.


Same with driving.

Black men drive poorly, but it's nothing compared to the women.

Black female drivers are the worst evar.


I do have to agree. They seem to have no care for other drivers at all. Some have tried to fight me.


--------------------
With Allure I Look to the Sky With Awakened Eyes

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #11189417 -

MTT, you are incorrect. Old, female, out-of-state asian women are the worst drivers ever.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Gumby]
    #11189619 -

Gumby said:
MTT, you are incorrect. Old, female, out-of-state asian women are the worst drivers ever.


QFT

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11189688 -

What do you call a black man having sex?









RAPE


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Knifey Mcstab]
    #11189698 -

My favorite:

What's the difference between a white jew and a black jew?

The black jew sits in the back of the oven.


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!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11189722 -

whats the difference between a black baby and a bucket of shit?


The bucket


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: jewunit]
    #11189760 -

what's 12 inches long on a white man?
nothing


Whats the definition of White Power?
Four White boys pushing a Dodge Dart up a hill

Whats Orange White and Very Beautiful
A WHITE BOY ON FIRE!


Why did white people own slaves?
they was not strong enough to pick cotton


Why do white women have no ass?
becuase they sat on there, while the black people did all the work

Why do white girls have big breast?
becuase theys fucking the doctor


How do u spot a white guy?
shine a black light on them



Why cant white men jump?
to busy making racist jokes then any thing else


--------------------
California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11189771 -

That failed Prisoner :mad2:

Surely there's better white jokes because they were lame and non-offensive.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Chubba]
    #11189782 -

Chubba said:
That failed Prisoner :mad2:

Surely there's better white jokes because they were lame and non-offensive.


It's probably because I'm white, but white jokes are never as funny.

Actually, it's not because I'm white, they just aren't as funny.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Knifey Mcstab]
    #11189805 -

It's hard to make fun of perfection.


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!

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Chubba]
    #11189815 -

Chubba said:
That failed Prisoner :mad2:

Surely there's better white jokes because they were lame and non-offensive.



and you guys think the others are funny?

they're all dumb


--------------------
California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11189821 -

I'm so ignorant I saw a chinaman and I could'nt tell him apart.  I could not tell that individual human being apart.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Knifey Mcstab]
    #11189826 -

What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
Boyscouts come back from their camps!


What's the difference between black people and tires?

Tires don't start singing when you throw chains on them.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: jewunit]
    #11189835 -

jewunit said:
It's hard to make fun of perfection.


lol, I like that stuffwhitepeople like.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11189893 -

Quote:
and you guys think the others are funny?

they're all dumb


What's long, black and smelly?





...the welfare line.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11190393 -

DiamondJoe said:
Hello pub, I have been lurking on the shroomery for  a while and I have come here now to tell of my sad day.

I work at Dunkin Donuts and it's the worst thing that has happened to me since my belly button got infected. 

Today at work  an African American pulled up, and ordered a medium coffee, which cost 1.95 USD. I whispered to my friend "If this guy tips us, I'll never tell a racist joke again"" he paid with 2.00 USD and he tipped us 5 cents. Since I am a man of my word this means I can no longer tell great jokes like the Polish national bird is the housefly.


am i supposed to be tipping fast food workers?


--------------------
Kick is seeing things from a special angle. Kick is momentary freedom from the claims of the aging, cautious, nagging, frightened flesh. Maybe I will find in yage what I was looking for in junk and weed and coke. Yage may be the final fix.
                         
                                              ~William S. Burroughs

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Knifey Mcstab]
    #11190471 -

Prisoner#1 said:
Why do white women have no ass?
becuase they sat on there, while the black people did all the work


That was the only remotely funny joke you had.  The rest just aren't funny at all.


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11190564 -

hehe, I'll contribute for laughs :tongue:.

Whats sad about a Cadillac with 5 black people driving off a cliff?
it seats 6.

Whats faster than a black guy running from the cops with a TV?
his brother with the VCR.

Wheres the best place to hide a mexicans welfare cheque?
under his work shoes.

Why do jews have such big noses?
because air is free.

How do you blind a chinese person?
Put a windshield in front of them.


--------------------

:print:  Free Spore Ring Canada  :print:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Chubba]
    #11191509 -

Chubba said:
That failed Prisoner :mad2:

Surely there's better white jokes because they were lame and non-offensive.


Yeah Ive heard some pretty damn funny white jokes but those werent that good. I only liked the black light one.


It seems like most white jokes are white trash too and those do not offend a lot of white people cause even they think they are funny cause they aren't poor themselves. Minorities need to think of some better white jokes for sure. Even the playing field a little.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11191652 -

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he has a girlfriend!


--------------------

"I'm looking at you looking at it"

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion



Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DeathCompany]
    #11191656 -

I did a little searching, and found a few white jokes that I liked. 

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
Th PGA tour
(Love that one)

and this one is more of a black joke I think, but it was listed as a white joke.
Jim Cracker is so white!!
How white is he?
Hes so white, that during the L.A. riots, he went out and bought a TV.

Redneck, but white jokes nonetheless...

What do you call a white man with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.

What do rednecks do on Halloween?
Pump-kin


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: jewunit]
    #11191673 -

jewunit said:
It's hard to make fun of perfection.


ftw

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: HaRo On KoRn]
    #11191685 -

HaRo On KoRn said:
jewunit said:
It's hard to make fun of perfection.


ftw


Indeed, best joke on this thread


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Benci]
    #11191701 -

Benci said:
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
Th PGA tour
(Love that one)

What do rednecks do on Halloween?
Pump-kin




Those too are pretty damn good.



How do you keep three gays guys entertained at a bar



Turn a bar stool upside down.

How do you know your at a gay bar





The hot dogs taste like shit.

Teehee.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DeathCompany]
    #11191706 -

Lolz, the bar stool one is pretty good.


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11191717 -

T.I.P.S come first. Its an acronym for TO INSURE PROPT SERVICE. So actually you can still say racist jokes because he did not tip you he just left 5cents. If he would have gave you money first then ordered then payed separately then he would have tipped you. but he ordered first then payed you so not a tip.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191722 -

Q. What do you call a Mexican flying a plain?








A. A Pilot you racist bastard.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191734 -

He got his service first, so it was just a 5 cent gift. if he would have pulled up to the window and just put money in a jar for free before ordering then it would be a tips. You said if the guy tips you and that would mean before you said anything to him he gave you money in your tips jar. if using the Word TIPS  he did not tips you. You cant tips someone after you received service. People say it is but its not because it means "to insure prompt service". How can you give someone something to insure prompt service if you have already received the service?

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191736 -

this one is horrible;

whats the dif between an apple and a black man?



you dont have to cut a rope to get the apple down from a tree.


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191791 -

CapHat said:
He got his service first, so it was just a 5 cent gift. if he would have pulled up to the window and just put money in a jar for free before ordering then it would be a tips. You said if the guy tips you and that would mean before you said anything to him he gave you money in your tips jar. if using the Word TIPS  he did not tips you. You cant tips someone after you received service. People say it is but its not because it means "to insure prompt service". How can you give someone something to insure prompt service if you have already received the service?



:stars:


Lol what are you talking about, that makes no sense.  Maybe I read it wrong but who gives a tip before receiving service.That almost never happens to my knowledge and Ive never seen it happen myself. According to you when you add an extra 15% on the table after a meal its not a tip.


I don't know where you are from but a tip is given for how well a service is performed. If a waiter/waitress does a good job then they receive a better tip and if they bug you and perform poorly they get a bad tip, if any at all. If you tip someone before they bring your food then whats stopping them from not be courteous and quick if they already have their extra money and will not receive anymore and do not care how well they treat you after that because to them it makes no difference. You sir do not have an understanding on how this all works(In my opinion) but I don't think anyone else will agree with your logic.


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Edited by DeathCompany (10/06/09 04:34 AM)

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DeathCompany]
    #11191823 -

Well you have a good point as a follower. Just because you dont see people tipping first doesn't change the meaning.
T.I.P.S. an acronym for To Insure Prompt Service. In the beginning you would put a piece of gold in the can and you would be seated first and get a good table next to a fire and by the king with quick service. Silver you might wait a little get a moderate seat. bronze youd wait longer and slow service. No tip would mean you might wait 5 hours before being seated and get cold food. Just because "everyone gives money at the end doesnt make it a tips. Answer me a question MR Intelligent. How can you give someone something to insure prompt service if you already have received service?  The Black man had already received service then left him 5 cents. For it to be a tips the black man would have had to drop the 5 cent in the tips jar before ordering. You said you dont understand may be you should check out the effects of drugs on your brain so you will have a chance to understand. Again just because you dont see people tipsing first doest change the meaning. Hell google what does tips mean. Note to everyone check out the logic why DEATHCOMPANY (sounds like his brain) doesnt agree. Its because everyone he sees doent do it hahahaha sound like hes a total salve.  Yea TIPS mean To Insure Prompt Service? How could the black man have tipsd him after he already received service, when tips = To Insure Prompt Service?

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191829 -

Nicely explained.  i get it.


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191835 -

Places dont allow tipsing first because it makes way for favoritism so the they have changed it to after the meal but its not a tips then but a gratuity. The man started this topic had a bad mood because he said if the black man tips them. Well I found a way for him to be happy again. He said hes a man of his word. The word was tips not give or show gratitude.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191838 -

apologies for being rude but its 4 am and you were kind of trying to clown me so i retaliated.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191851 -

Wasnt me, man.  I was just stating that you did a nice job of explaining your point.


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Benci]
    #11191888 -

No i was talking to deathcompany, thank you for your comment

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CosmicFool]
    #11191931 -

CosmicFool said:
Having worked in restaurants I can say black men are not the problem.

But I can honestly say w/o exaggeration that I have NEVER seen a black woman tip.


When I was a server I never got stiffed.

I had groups of black ladies come in and ask for me and they'd buy me drinks.

I'm a white boy with soul though.

They probably knew you were a white devil.


--------------------
If you build it they will shrug.
:shrug:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #11191938 -

Hello its gratuity after service. And to say 'get stiffed' means you require some one giving you extra for doing you job when its there choice. Its not getting stiffed if the person chooses not to give you gratitude for doing your job. Tips was a way to bribe for cutting in line and getting the seat you want. Tips are not for thanking someone for the service but to bribe them to serve you now and let you cut in line.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11191952 -

Prisoner#1 said:
what's 12 inches long on a white man?
nothing


Whats the definition of White Power?
Four White boys pushing a Dodge Dart up a hill

Whats Orange White and Very Beautiful
A WHITE BOY ON FIRE!


Why did white people own slaves?
they was not strong enough to pick cotton


Why do white women have no ass?
becuase they sat on there, while the black people did all the work

Why do white girls have big breast?
becuase theys fucking the doctor


How do u spot a white guy?
shine a black light on them



Why cant white men jump?
to busy making racist jokes then any thing else




:thumbup::awesome:


i was seriously thinking this thread is seriously lacking in the honkey lulz, then you come out of nowhere and BAM. :lol:


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11191956 -

you dont tips some one for doing there job. Your paying for food you dont tips someone for bringing the food with a smile. You tips them to put you ahead in the line. now days it goes by greasing there hand with money. Oh here one for DETHCOMPANY, Try getting into a famous club in LA when the line has 100 people in it. This is where tips come into the factor. walk up ahead of the line and give the man some money in his had. If he accepts it and lets you in then you just gave a tips.

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11191958 -

Prisoner#1 said:
Chubba said:
That failed Prisoner :mad2:

Surely there's better white jokes because they were lame and non-offensive.



and you guys think the others are funny?

they're all dumb


I thought they were all bad yours were just worse.  :shrug:


--------------------



"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack"

Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine

GOD of the hologram earth

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: sui]
    #11191960 -

Whats Orange White and Very Beautiful
A WHITE BOY ON FIRE!

:lmafo:


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: sui]
    #11191967 -

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: sui]
    #11191975 -

Yea, I liked that one and the pga tour one.


--------------------

We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Benci]
    #11191995 -

Benci said:
Prisoner#1 said:
Why do white women have no ass?
becuase they sat on there, while the black people did all the work


That was the only remotely funny joke you had.  The rest just aren't funny at all.



none of the racial jokes is funny... except BBQ sauce on the IQ test, it warranted a little chuckle


--------------------
California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11191998 -

Ehh, A jokes a joke.  Meant to be taken lightly.


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We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: sui]
    #11192015 -

suimush said:
Prisoner#1 said:
what's 12 inches long on a white man?
nothing


:thumbup::awesome:

i was seriously thinking this thread is seriously lacking in the honkey lulz, then you come out of nowhere and BAM. :lol:


me and one of my neighbors,  used to swap racial jokes, he started with
that one, one of the funniest things ever was when I came home from work
one day and this chick I was seeing was there most of the day, she was
like "some black guy just walked into your house and stole one of your
beers"... trying to explain that it was his beer and that I gave him a
key left her even more shocked an confused


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #11192027 -

lol, stupid ass people


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We Dream Because It Is Far Better Than Reality

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: CapHat]
    #11192087 -

CapHat said:
Hello its gratuity after service. And to say 'get stiffed' means you require some one giving you extra for doing you job when its there choice. Its not getting stiffed if the person chooses not to give you gratitude for doing your job. Tips was a way to bribe for cutting in line and getting the seat you want. Tips are not for thanking someone for the service but to bribe them to serve you now and let you cut in line.


Tell that to the federal government who allow for servers to be paid $2.13 an hour.  :rolleyes:


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If you build it they will shrug.
:shrug:

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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #11192115 -

arent we sposed to be not racist in the pub? or is there an exception for racist jokes?


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: Lucas89]
    #11192131 -

no, youre right, other mods had posted in it so i didnt lock it, but it is against the rules.


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"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: i can no longer tell racist jokes [Re: DiamondJoe]
    #11192133 -

This thread has been closed.

Reason:
fuck whitey.

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