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Anonymous #1

depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore.
    #11181057 - 10/04/09 05:29 PM (8 years, 15 days ago)

I have been perscribed adderall and ever since then i cant shut the fuck up about my problems. To add to the matter anyone that takes or has taken this drug know that if you dont have it after you have been taking it or you dont have enough of it, you expirence extremely savere depression. I have struggled with depression a lot of my life but I am a very logical person so i dont usually get stuck in it like i have been recently. I recently read a thread on self reliance and it made me want to write something on my current situation. To love, and feel loved. It never comes together with me, its always one way or the other. And i'm not talking about love, as in uncontional love, im just talking about feeling appriciated, and accepted for who you are. Constantly I am being made to feel that my feelings truely dont matter, and that I am only good for one thing. I feed into it sometimes because I cant fucking stand to be alone for long periods of time. I just cant build off any of these relationships and they all end within a month, or drag on as an open relationship for way to long. In the end I feel like ending like a complete slut. I am not a slut, I dont sleep around. I like to feel loved, even if i know its just gona be a one time thing. I feel like no one gives me the chance to be their lover, just their flavor of the week..and why is it that people who sell drugs are the only ones that are ever interested in me? its not like im overbaring, nieve, crazy or ugly.. im just a normal person! but of course everytime this happends i lose my mind over what i did wrong, like now.

im sorry for the random rant, i didnt get my point across very well but I'm just looking for someone who can relate or some advice.

What makes the difference between a random girl you get with and someone that you would want to be your girlfriend..


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11181200 - 10/04/09 05:51 PM (8 years, 15 days ago)

Oh I'm sorry.
I'm sure that most people have gone through what you have and most have got over it, just don't forget you are still you and who gives a shit about what anyone else thinks about you anyways? If you're blessed with life, best to live it happily, no?
As long as you can still think for yourself, you're good.


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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11184067 - 10/05/09 12:48 AM (8 years, 15 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I have been perscribed adderall and ever since then i cant shut the fuck up about my problems. To add to the matter anyone that takes or has taken this drug know that if you dont have it after you have been taking it or you dont have enough of it, you expirence extremely savere depression. I have struggled with depression a lot of my life but I am a very logical person so i dont usually get stuck in it like i have been recently. I recently read a thread on self reliance and it made me want to write something on my current situation. To love, and feel loved. It never comes together with me, its always one way or the other. And i'm not talking about love, as in uncontional love, im just talking about feeling appriciated, and accepted for who you are. Constantly I am being made to feel that my feelings truely dont matter, and that I am only good for one thing. I feed into it sometimes because I cant fucking stand to be alone for long periods of time. I just cant build off any of these relationships and they all end within a month, or drag on as an open relationship for way to long. In the end I feel like ending like a complete slut. I am not a slut, I dont sleep around. I like to feel loved, even if i know its just gona be a one time thing. I feel like no one gives me the chance to be their lover, just their flavor of the week..and why is it that people who sell drugs are the only ones that are ever interested in me? its not like im overbaring, nieve, crazy or ugly.. im just a normal person! but of course everytime this happends i lose my mind over what i did wrong, like now.

im sorry for the random rant, i didnt get my point across very well but I'm just looking for someone who can relate or some advice.

What makes the difference between a random girl you get with and someone that you would want to be your girlfriend..



Wow are you my ex girlfriend?

Seriously though, it sounds like you have had your share of relationships and they all ended up the same.  Why do you think that is?  Maybe some of it has to do with where and how you are meeting the guys, what kind of people they are etc..  More likely though is that something you are doing is causing you to keep getting the same result.  If you go into a relationship expecting something to happen a certain way then it will likely happen.  People only see what they want and if you are expecting certain things then they will stand out to you over everything else.  Let me explain:

You go in with the mindset that they only want you for sex.  So even if things go slowly and the guy shows some genuine interest for a few weeks, as soon as he starts coming on strong pushing towards sex you say "I knew that's all he wanted."  You already had the preconceived idea that's what he was after so all it took was one indication that he wanted sex for you to forget about every positive thing he has done.

Secondly it sounds like you are getting into relationships for all the wrong reasons.  Not because you really feel something specific for the person, but because you just want to feel a certain way for a while.  "Loved" as you put it.  If you keep getting into relationships just to have someone for a minute then you are going to have many bad experiences before you possibly get lucky and find someone who is good for you.  "I just want to feel good, special, loved.." are not good reasons to start a relationship with someone.

Depression can be good because it causes us to look very hard at ourselves and see what we don't like.  This is a fast catalyst for change so in the end it really benefits us.  I know, I just went through it.  Maybe think about staying single until you can work through these issues and find out what you want and need.  Relationships should come after everything else in your life is sorted out.  A new relationship is euphoric and a major distraction.  Constantly moving from one to the next will leave you little time to focus on yourself and the rest of your life.

You didn't say why you were on the adderal.  I'll assume ADHD.  If you are having some issues with it like dependency then you should probably ask your doctor for something else.  I've heard of ritalin being used effectively for long spans.  I use selegiline for my ADHD but getting that from a doctor would be almost impossible unless you find an open minded one.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: PowerTrip]
    #11184858 - 10/05/09 04:52 AM (8 years, 14 days ago)

Hey, do you hate yourself? I've heard that if you hate yourself then you cannot love. You will only see what you hate about yourself in the people around you. This is how it is for me, so I just exist alone in my self hatred. This way I don't blame other people for my problems and I avoid hurting another woman.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11187129 - 10/05/09 03:40 PM (8 years, 14 days ago)

.


Edited by PJDIDDLE (03/12/12 03:05 PM)


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: PJDIDDLE]
    #11195963 - 10/06/09 08:59 PM (8 years, 13 days ago)

delete



--------------------


Edited by spiralingmind (10/14/09 01:05 AM)


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: spiralingmind]
    #11198358 - 10/07/09 03:37 AM (8 years, 12 days ago)

.


Edited by PJDIDDLE (03/12/12 03:05 PM)


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OfflineHereNowBreathing
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: PJDIDDLE]
    #11201332 - 10/07/09 05:28 PM (8 years, 12 days ago)

Seems like people are recommending head games.
To hell with head games.
My suggestion, and it's not an easy one, is this:
Quit the pharmaceutical drugs.  They are fucking you up, not healing you.
Start seeing a naturopathic doctor.  These kinds of doctors help to sort out undiagnosed food intolerances that wreak havoc on mental & physical health.  Radically alter your diet, eat whole foods.  Cook.  Eat vegetables.  Supplement with essential fatty acids, it will help with the ADHD and hormone imbalances.
Get off the pill/artificial hormones.  Use condomns.
Get to know yourself, what you like, what you're interested in, what your values are, and do things you like and are interested in and feel valuable to you.  You'll meet guys with similar interests.  Volunteer.  You'll feel good about yourself and meet cool guys.
Don't fuck everyone who wants to fuck you.
Find a guy you like and get to know him, and if he wants you as his girlfriend, then ... explore that.
Don't play head games.  EVER.  Be straight up with people.  Treat yourself with dignity and expect others to treat you with dignity.  Don't compromise on that.
Laugh, have fun, get exercise, and spend time in meditation/prayer.
When you reach a state of health, happiness, and comfort in your skin, you won't be able to keep the GOOD guys out of your face!
Keep the assholes out of your face.
I know it's hard to be a girl and relate to guys, and I know it's hard to figure out my true beauty as a girl with all the brainwashing I'm subjected to.  I work hard at it every day!
And it's worth it.  I'm confident, healthy, comfortable in my skin, I have a great guy that I've had for over 3 years, and I've had other long relationships too.  I have healthy friendships with males and females.  I'm here to tell you, it can be done, it's a lot of work but it's worth it and you can do it.  Don't settle for less.  You deserve the best.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: HereNowBreathing]
    #11201352 - 10/07/09 05:31 PM (8 years, 12 days ago)

Oh, and you don't have to hate yourself.  You can love yourself.  It may not come naturally at first.  I started by doing an "I love you" meditation and directing it at myself.  Forcing myself to love myself.  It changed my life!


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: HereNowBreathing]
    #11204633 - 10/08/09 01:21 AM (8 years, 12 days ago)

women  :rolleyes:

no, but seriously. I was on adderall for a long time throughout my years. It made me quieter rather than louder. Maybe you don't have ADD/ADHD? I was always hyper off of medication, the amphetamines always chilled me out. You sound like you're all sped up(which you ARE), and maybe you should find another medication for you.

You have to remember you are a girl, and men that you aren't good friends with, usually just want to get into your pants before they get to know you.

I quit my medication about 4 or 5 years back, and depression did not ensue. I DID start smoking pot heavily though..

You should really look into something else rather than amphetamines. They sound like they are pushing your thoughts all over the place, kinda like giving you ADD rather than curbing it.

And about girlfriends; girls are just a sex object until I get to know them, and if they are cool enough, that's when love takes hold. I don't believe in love at first sight.


--------------------
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: tempingasashaman]
    #11206697 - 10/08/09 11:59 AM (8 years, 11 days ago)

I do, but it's rare indeed.
Most the time the attraction is physical; realizing how amazing the girl is comes next.
A good idea would be to avoid letting men getting into your pants too quickly, they have the tendency to pass on when their short-term goals are reached.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: Kukaracha]
    #11212899 - 10/09/09 04:20 AM (8 years, 10 days ago)

If you want to get serious with your life, you need to get off adderall. I KNOW the withdrawals are a bitch, but it's the only way. You will never be happy as long as you are taking Adderall, PERIOD. Wean off it if you have to.

Adderall. is. fucking. evil.

good luck.


--------------------
Imagination is the organ of meaning.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: spiralingmind]
    #11212939 - 10/09/09 04:30 AM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

spiralingmind said:
Yes i am on adderall for adhd to answer your question. Has anyone here every been on that and can relate to what i mean about never being about to shut the fuck up?






yeah, that is the effect of speed on your brain and ego. you feel like you just have to say something because whatever comes out of your mouth is simply amazing, it has to be. i mean, it's YOUR mouth. the feeling of grandiose off adderall is an extremely unhealthy delusion that can begin to ruin you. no one thinks you are hot shit as you do. your ego becomes so inflated that you begin to take pride in it, and when you crash your low is all-time. not to mention ADDERALL IS THE FUCKING DEVIL. GET OFF IT. SERIOUSLY. Read books like Medication Madness, go to your local book store and read the chapter on ADD medication, with the story of the boy who committed suicide. it is fucking tragic and real how far an obssessive mind will go on imaginary tangents.


if you really think your ADD is making life difficult to live, seek natural remedies. the earth heals. pharmaceuticals don't, they simply cover up. try meditating.


--------------------
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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: showme]
    #11213014 - 10/09/09 04:50 AM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Every time I hear holistic hippie remedies prescribed over proven effective medicine for legitimate diseases with physiological causes I lose a little more faith in humanity.

If you really have ADHD then you are going to need some type of medicine to fix it.  No amount of meditation or yoga or fucking whole foods and "cleanses" or incense from fucking India are going to correct your over expression of serotonin or under expression of dopamine.

Please go to your doctor for medical guidance.  They can be spotted by the "M.D." following their name.  Everyone's physiology and response to drugs differs.  You may need to try different dosages or maybe a different drug altogether.  Psychiatric drugs generally require a period of acclimatization.  It sounds like you are very sensitive to the drug or your dose is too high, or your doctor prescribed you the dose he thought you would need once you gained a tolerance to the drug.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: PowerTrip]
    #11213061 - 10/09/09 05:01 AM (8 years, 10 days ago)

do you really believe that ADHD is a genetic condition one is born with, and that the 'medicine' pharmaceutical companies created for it CURES it???

as to your silly chemical imbalance scenario:
http://www.drugsandyourmind.com/chembal.html

ADHD medicine: a daily dose of amphetamine. what the fuck.
Zen my ass. At least know what you're talking about before you go around "helping" people.

Please, do me a favor and research these marvelous medicinal miracle cures before you go off giving terrible advice.


--------------------
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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: showme]
    #11216065 - 10/09/09 05:06 PM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

showme said:
do you really believe that ADHD is a genetic condition one is born with, and that the 'medicine' pharmaceutical companies created for it CURES it???




Yes, I do believe that ADHD can be attributed to genetic factors relating to altered function of dopamine transporters.  As to the "cure" question..  There is no cure yet, but current medications have been proven effective due to their action on dopamine transporters.
Quote:

showme said:
as to your silly chemical imbalance scenario:
http://www.drugsandyourmind.com/chembal.html




If you wish to debate current theory and treatment in medicine please cite reliable studies from peer reviewed journals rather than simply throwing in a link to some website hosted by some conspiracy theorist pothead who resides in his parent's basement.
Quote:

showme said:
Zen my ass.



The Buddha did say to "be a light unto yourself."  Yet you judge my interpretation and understanding of zen because I don't conform to the typical modern day idea of what a Zen Buddhist is supposed to believe(blindly?) in?  So ironic when non conformists turn into the very thing they believe they are fighting.
Quote:

showme said:
At least know what you're talking about before you go around "helping" people.
Please, do me a favor and research these marvelous medicinal miracle cures before you go off giving terrible advice.




Ah you see, I make it a point to do just that.  Frequently, because I suffered from ADHD for nearly my entire life.  Unfortunately there are no pot leaf backgrounds or incense for sale on the websites where I do my research.  Strangely, they are authored by many people with this funny thing after their name.. I believe it goes "M.D." or something to that effect..

Quote:

Association of attention-deficit disorder and the dopamine transporter gene.
Pubmed

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has been shown to be familial and heritable, in previous studies. As with most psychiatric disorders, examination of pedigrees has not revealed a consistent Mendelian mode of transmission. The response of ADHD patients to medications that inhibit the dopamine transporter, including methylphenidate, amphetamine, pemoline, and bupropion, led us to consider the dopamine transporter as a primary candidate gene for ADHD. To avoid effects of population stratification and to avoid the problem of classification of relatives with other psychiatric disorders as affected or unaffected, we used the haplotype-based haplotype relative risk (HHRR) method to test for association between a VNTR polymorphism at the dopamine transporter locus (DAT1) and DSM-III-R-diagnosed ADHD (N = 49) and undifferentiated attention-deficit disorder (UADD) (N = 8) in trios composed of father, mother, and affected offspring. HHRR analysis revealed significant association between ADHD/UADD and the 480-bp DAT1 allele (chi 2 7.51, 1 df, P = .006). When cases of UADD were dropped from the analysis, similar results were found (Chi 2 7.29, 1 df, P = .007). If these findings are replicated, molecular analysis of the dopamine transporter gene may identify mutations that increase susceptibility to ADHD/UADD. Biochemical analysis of such mutations may lead to development of more effective therapeutic interventions.



If you missed all of that, they found a correlation between a positive ADHD diagnosis and a particular dopamine transport gene.  Could be just coincidence I'm sure..

Quote:

Genetic variation in the human dopamine transporter gene and its role in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Mazei-Robison, Michelle S.,  PhD, VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY, 2005, 0 pages; 3188045
Dissertation

Multiple lines of evidence suggest that alteration of dopaminergic signaling may contribute to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). While a variable number tandem repeat (VNTR) in the 3' untranslated region of the human dopamine transporter (hDAT) gene has been found to be associated with ADHD, the functional relevance of the VNTR is uncertain. Although the hDAT coding region has been screened in a limited manner leading to the identification of 5 nonsynonymous mutations (V55A, R237Q, V382A, A559V, and E602G), no large-scale screen had been conducted on the hDAT gene for genetic variation within the coding region in ADHD subjects. To determine whether ADHD is a disorder enriched for functional hDAT coding variants, I established methods to identify genetic variation in hDAT exons and screened DNA from over 100 children with ADHD. In a screen of almost 425,000 base pairs of genomic DNA, I identified 22 different variants, including 5 novel variants and one nonsynonymous mutation. The nonsynonymous mutation, A559V, was identified in siblings that both suffered from ADHD. Interestingly, an independent group had previously identified A559V in a subject with bipolar disorder, a disorder known to exhibit comorbidity with ADHD. To investigate whether A559V, or the four previously identified nonsynonymous mutations in hDAT (R237Q, V55A, V382A, E602G) impact hDAT protein function, wild-type and mutant hDAT proteins were expressed in heterologous cell models. With the exception of V382A, the hDAT mutants exhibited equivalent transport, membrane protein expression, sensitivity to inhibitors, and modulation by signaling pathways as wild-type hDAT. V382A, on the other hand, exhibited decreased dopamine and norepinephrine transport, membrane protein expression, and altered regulation by the phorbol ester, PMA. Results from experiments with V382A suggest that this mutant may be stabilized in a transport inactive state at the plasma membrane following PMA treatment. Overall, the data suggests that rare hDAT genetic variants can impact protein function and perhaps contribute to psychiatric disorders such as ADHD.




Next time you want to perform serious inquiry into a medical condition, skip random websites and use pubmed or google scholar.  Avoid looking ill informed.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life


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Invisiblespiralingmind
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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: showme]
    #11216101 - 10/09/09 05:14 PM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

showme said:
do you really believe that ADHD is a genetic condition one is born with, and that the 'medicine' pharmaceutical companies created for it CURES it???

as to your silly chemical imbalance scenario:
http://www.drugsandyourmind.com/chembal.html

ADHD medicine: a daily dose of amphetamine. what the fuck.
Zen my ass. At least know what you're talking about before you go around "helping" people.

Please, do me a favor and research these marvelous medicinal miracle cures before you go off giving terrible advice.






listen to me, I have been diagnosed with adhd since i was in third grade. saying it isn't real is extremely disrespectful. it takes me twice the time to learn something for me than it does an average person. If i pay attention for the entire class I still have to come home and do extra work and practice before I can really grasp it like some people do so easily.  all the stigmas surrounding it are incredibly annoying. I completely disagree with the fact that it is diagnosed so commonly because i don't believe half the people prescribed meds for it actually have it. I cant criticize your opinions or what you have read but please understand learning disabilities are difficult to deal with.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: spiralingmind]
    #11216134 - 10/09/09 05:19 PM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Thank you powertrip! It is definitely genetic, lots of people on my moms side of the family suffer from various issues, but none on my dads side. therefore out of the five people in my family three are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and the differences between us are obvious. I'm not claiming it to be some life ruining thing, I was unmedicated for quite some time because I wanted to learn to control my body and thought process without any substance but it is very tiring.


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Re: depression, adderall, and feeling like a whore. [Re: spiralingmind]
    #11217062 - 10/09/09 08:35 PM (8 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

spiralingmind said:
all the stigmas surrounding it are incredibly annoying. I completely disagree with the fact that it is diagnosed so commonly because i don't believe half the people prescribed meds for it actually have it.



Totally, so many people get offered the chance to get on medication for ADHD. A kid I know just got the offer to go on meds, and I know for a fact he is not a 'true' ADD. I've been diagnosed, my sisters been diagnosed, and my brothers been diagnosed, and we're all pretty damn sure my dad has it too. It's in your blood; there's a big difference between someone who has a lack of motivation to sit still and learn and try to remember what they've been taught, and someone who sits still and tries to pay more attention than anyone in the room and still comes out of class with less information remembered. It sucks, straight up.


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