No mater how I start this shit it won't match my intent.
I have consumed enough to put this out here and not care, I know whos a newb and who's opinion counts, but given my post count, I don't expect much, just been having a reflective week, and want to put it out there.
A little back history first: 1) I have been drinking so knock my spelling to your hearts content 2) I've been a lurker/member (I feel lurkers are members, granted, young/paranoid/etc. MEMBERS) I lurked for years before I even got my account, and look at the post count. 3) I'm 21 and moving from the Midwest to Arizona in a few weeks, so it's out with the old and in the with the new (Always down for the unkown)
Point of post: I am going to try real hard not to make this a whiny bitch ass post. Honestly, I find most pub posts to be about stupid shit. Not that mines any different give me 24 hours and I'll sober up and find my routine. (Sadly)
Thus far in my life, the best purpose I have for my existence is to guide others in the best possible direction.. Even before the shroomery, before discovering the magic of herb (which I can't smoke anymore for personal reasons) in any group, I was there for advice, always wiser than my peers.
I'm at that nice stage where my peers are coming out of college. If it weren't this day and age they would be far ahead of me on the "drone" path given to us. I have no disrespect for people who work hard for their place in today's society (U.S.)
I am not a materialistic perosn, from the time I was 8, I wanted to be a hobo, ride the rails, experience life. My parents eventually got that mindset out of me, and for the better. It gave me the drive to do well in school and it has made me the educated person I am today. Which I think is the problem...
I AM NOT A DRONE, I understand the hippie movement is no more. However, as an educated citizen of this nation I feel that there is an injustice... But this isn't a rant about government
Without touching religion, I believe that there is a greater good that we all can work for....
***TANGENT (Kinda) TANGENT*** I REALLY CANT EXPLAIN, TOO MANY BEERS... I spent the last two hours, planning on drawing something to get in touch with my creative side, but I kept scribbling (AKA writing in an irrational manner) about how IMO through human self awareness we created all of our problems. (possessions, greed, hierarchy) Simply by aknowledging ourselves as an individual. (CHECK ME WHERE YOU WANT, I LOVE CRITICISM)
But then I asked myself if a deer realizes it's about to be shot. (I know, lame example, but I've had a case to myself, ladies like the vodka) If you believe that animals have self awareness, then why aren't they competing for their individual superiority. I understand territory. That's not self gain. My intoxicated thought (currently stuck on the door out of here for whomever finds it first) is that they understand a greater law. (Call it whatever the fuck you want, people fight over so many minuscule details or names leading to the smae universal understanding that the world works by)
Alright enough with my rant, it's on the door already...
***END TANGENT***
I am more than capable of becoming a doctor, but I pass out at the sight of needles. I want to feel confident that my actions are leading toward that greater good.. When I say greater good I mean the one that we all can agree on an individual basis IF we all respected each other the same. (I CAN'T change the world, enough of US CAN)
Re-reading all this, it all seems like it's just rambling. The classic "greater good" sh-peal. I have been told today it's just an age thing. But really, I just wanna go down for what I (ME) feel is right.
*I'd say I'm just drunk and rambling, but I have conversations like this constantly with friends. They are not necessarily shallow, but they are happy going home with a "hot bitch" or making "good money" out of school. Is it wrong of me to desire such simple wants? I only call them simple because I do not know what I want from life. If I did, I have the capability to grasp it.
Hate to say it, but looking back on this post... 1) sound like a bitch 2) apparently I need a religion (Or atleast a simple code I can live by)
I really don't expect an answer to this post, simply guidance, whether it be book, philosophy, or some other means of thought direction.
I'm not in a bad position at life at all, got 2 beautiful women sleeping at my place right now... I just feel that there's something greater... It's kept be up at nigt for over a year now.
All right pub, have at me! (Hope Karma's on your side)
-------------------- Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence
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