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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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How to be a guru/swami
    #11175147 - 10/03/09 03:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

1. First, your name has to go. Dave Williams is not very spiritual nor exotic. Try something foreign-sounding then add a 'ji' to the end to make yourself sound cute and accessable.

2. Suit and tie? No way. Wear all black? Hell no! Tight jeans and t-shirt? Sorry. A light colored flowing robe is mandatory.

3. Long hair is preferred, but baldness is acceptable. Just no $100 styled/feathered hair.

4. You must claim an awakening. Bonus points for telling everyone how screwed up you were beforehand.

5. Your message Part I: You must tell your disciples that they need no Master to come to enlightenment while getting them to rely on you.

6. Your message Part II: Convince your devotees that materialsim is a hindrance to Oneness. Free them by relieving them of such a terrible weight.

There is more, but this should get you started.


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11175164 - 10/03/09 03:54 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Where can I get one of them robes?


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: Icelander]
    #11175240 - 10/03/09 04:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Goodwill? An old bedsheet?


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11175263 - 10/03/09 04:08 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

The Profit Icelander spreeks.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: Icelander]
    #11175448 - 10/03/09 04:34 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

If you showered once in a while you would not spreek so badly.


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OfflineLion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11176317 - 10/03/09 07:28 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

He showers us all with insight.  Isn't that enough?


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“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineTheBalance
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: Lion]
    #11178354 - 10/04/09 02:15 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

There is more, but this should get you started.

Go on...


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: TheBalance]
    #11178432 - 10/04/09 02:45 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Once you complete all six steps and start a website to prove such, then I will give you the rest of this info on how to convince your ego (or at least your followers) into thinking you are the special, chosen one.

The Few, The Proud, The Holy!


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Offlineheadyfunkup
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11178450 - 10/04/09 02:51 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

OrgoneConclusion said:
1. First, your name has to go. Dave Williams is not very spiritual nor exotic. Try something foreign-sounding then add a 'ji' to the end to make yourself sound cute and accessable.





this is wrong, you would want a sanskrit name, usually gurus name people, but just pick one that you like, or that you think suits you.


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:aum:

have a grateful day motherfuckers!:sun:


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Offlineheadyfunkup
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: headyfunkup]
    #11178453 - 10/04/09 02:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

wait wtf is this? make a website and have followers. you cant just become a guru lik that its not right, i dotn even beelive haivng a guru is right in the first place.


--------------------
:aum:

have a grateful day motherfuckers!:sun:


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: headyfunkup]
    #11178472 - 10/04/09 02:59 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Please point out the universal Guru certification that is recognized worldwide and has a solid history of picking real spiritual leaders.


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Invisiblejoemolloy
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11178840 - 10/04/09 08:07 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I am not sure if I want to be a guru or a Christian priest/pastor/minister.  Which one creates better conditions for sex with dumb people?


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Don't PM me with bullshit.  I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.


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Invisiblesubject
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: joemolloy]
    #11178866 - 10/04/09 08:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

joemolloy said:
I am not sure if I want to be a guru or a Christian priest/pastor/minister.  Which one creates better conditions for sex with dumb people?



if by dumb people you mean little boys, go with the christian one


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nappy then, nappy now, nappy for a bit
knee deep head over heals in this country shit


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OfflineCherk
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11178937 - 10/04/09 09:15 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Also, you must have a love for talking in circles.


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InvisibleMufungo
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: Cherk]
    #11179226 - 10/04/09 10:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

..and remove concrete nouns from your vocabulary.


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OfflineTheBalance
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: subject]
    #11179375 - 10/04/09 11:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

subject said:
Quote:

joemolloy said:
I am not sure if I want to be a guru or a Christian priest/pastor/minister.  Which one creates better conditions for sex with dumb people?



if by dumb people you mean little boys, go with the christian one





AHAHAHAH!:shocked:


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Offlinemyshroomyhead
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: TheBalance]
    #11181553 - 10/04/09 06:45 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

very sarcastic.

nobody will believe you anyway if you don't have spiritual insights.
If you are a spiritual person you won't pretend being enlightened in order to rip people off.

Some who do inspite of that are just random assholes getting all the pain back which they caused!


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: myshroomyhead]
    #11181596 - 10/04/09 06:55 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

dream on dreamy:monkeydance:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: myshroomyhead]
    #11182002 - 10/04/09 07:53 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

nobody will believe you anyway if you don't have spiritual insights.




Huh?  Manson, Jones, Applegate, Rajneesh...


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InvisibleBand of Gypsys
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Re: How to be a guru/swami [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11183146 - 10/04/09 10:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I am my own Guru. Do I still need to do all that stuff?


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