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Offlinepsychadelicspore
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First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read)
    #11172372 - 10/03/09 12:50 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

just smoked a couple bowls of nice herbs, and can feel the urge to write about my memorial day mushroom trip.

At about noon, a friend and I acquired an eighth each of some strong cubensis. We put them on quiznos sandwiches, and began driving to the place were we inteded to hike.

After about only fifteen minutes, we both started beeling the first effects..the anxiety and giggles, and luckily we had begun walking.

The plan was to go on a hike in the woods, and enjoy the day. A few minutes into the hike though, i realized we had differend ideas and had a feeling this trip would be different.. While i had it in my mind we would wander around for a bit, listen to some music and smoke some ganja in the forest, he had a set destination he wanted to find.

We started hiking, and I was amazed with everything around us. it was a beautiful day, nice people hiking around the entrance to the park, and overall good vibes. however, his pace was a bit fast and i felt he wasnt fully enjoying the trip.

After hiking for a while, we sat down and he offered to load a bowl. as soon as i exhaled that first hit, I fell more in love with mary jane than ever. My whole body felt high, and everything was magnificent. I had a sense of euphoria I had never experienced, and was happy beyond all belief that all i had to do was smoke a plant and have my mind opened to all kinds of new ideas and insights.

So fast forward one hour, and we're tripping balls. We had walked through a grassy meadow, and were now perched on a small ledge on a hillside. we smoked another bowl of green, and were wathcin the whole forest in front of us warp and move around to the rythm of "astronomy domine", by Pink Floyd.

Its probably appopriate now to explain how important it is to trip with people you are comfortable with. Growing up in a very small town, I became very use to doing things on my own, and am overall a very quiet person. When i trip it gets tenfold, as I reach a state of meditation and let my mind take total control, let the fungus tell me what it wants to. My friend is the opposite, and prefers a setting where hes around people he knows, preferably indoors, doing activities like watching tv and stuff like that. I need to be somehwere i can take my shoes off, and be groovy with nature.

So we're sitting on the ledge, and i have my eyes closed, watching a huge red energy grid unfold before my eyes. it soon melts down in brilliant patterns of flowing red.

We smoked more ganja, and I got the most incredible visuals of my life. PAtterns of smiley faces and hearts fell in front of my eyes.
Oh yea, after this trip, I gained a whole new appreciation for the miracle herb.

I watched a bird in the tree, and realized how amazing life was. here was this animal, living in a tree, not needing anything material. it gathered its food, and made shetler for itself. it expected nothing from anything, and nothing expected anything of it. I was so jeaoulous of this bird..how easy he had it..

We kept checking up on each other, making sure we doing ok. Things started to become very intense, because I felt i was beeing to quiet and weirding my friend out. so we stood up, and tried to hike a little more.

by this point, i was frying harder than i ever had.We knew we couldnt walk back to the car, what would we do for another two hours?? we were so overwhelmed with everything, we walked about 5 feet, and realized we had no sense of direction or where we were. Luckily, we were both experienced with psychadelics enough to know to just sit down and wait out the trip. so thats what we did. "buy the ticket, take the ride", we kept telling ourselves..

I fully understand what hunter s. thompson means when he says "it would probably be one of those hellishly intense introspective nightmares. 13 hours of catatonic despair.." although it was only 4 hours, it was definitely catatonic despair..

We bothed prayed for the trip to end, and begged for our sanity back. later, my friend told me it got so bad for him he wanted to break open his skull, and do wahtever it took to fix his brain.

while sitting on the forest floor, i slowly became disconnected from everything. it happened slowly, and i could feel myself slipping into heavy thoughts, about weather i was living life the right way.

I sank deeper into feelings of despair, and eventually felt disconnected from everything i thought made "me".

I had left the shell I called "me", and was now part of everything around me. I had no name, or solid form. I was the wind that blew through the trees, making the wooshing sound across the valley. I was the moss I was sitting on, part of the forest floor. But more importantly, I became..consciousness. I had never felt more pure in my whole life. there were no distractions or negative feelings, just the feeling of life. A this moment in time, i realized what god truly was. not an old man sitting in the clouds, but this pure life form, present in everything. the life force from which we all came, and will someday return to. (my personal theory on the matter..not tryin to force it on you)

Slowly, we began to regain our senses. It felt as though i had died, and was slowly being reborn..all the pieces were being put together, but in the correct order this time.. I had no worries about weather i was living right, I was fine with exactly how everything was working for me. I realized it was pointless to worry about anything, because we cant control any of it anyway.

Although some people would call this a "Bad trip", i look at it as an experience. I know i didnt touch much on the ego death part, but it was like throughout the trip, i slowly forgot about things like clothes, possessions, and eventually things like my own name, and everything i imagined myself to be. aka, the ego correct??

I realize this is a lot to read, but i really hope if you read the whole thing maybe you can relate to it and make sense of it if something like this happened to you. dont see it as a negative experience, but rather..just an experience.  peace.


--------------------


Crucify the ego, before its far too late, and leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical...and you will come to find, that we are all one mind capable of all thats imagined and all conceivable~~Reflection-Tool


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Offlineastrogenic
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Re: First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read) [Re: psychadelicspore]
    #11179493 - 10/04/09 11:47 AM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah. I know what you mean. I've been reading all about ego death. Most if not all hallucinogens will do that to you too. I'm thinking that it's certainly ok to go all the way. Think of ego as a barrier. We eventually come back down right? And we also have a life to live and then we go from there. The ego as a concept reminds me of a barrier elevating up and down like an actual elevator helping you become one with God. Does God have a name? Just God because we named him that and we aren't even sure if he's a guy. Man's ego is probably at fault. The death of the ego is a wonderful opportunity if you ask me. It must be scary though.

And although I've never taken a psychedelic, I think I can relate to that feeling of despair you were talking about. Every time I get high on something like weed, I find myself thinking pretty negative at times, which will only lead to anxiety and a bad trip... But that's what's so typical of the mind. People I know scold me for that too. Stop thinking so much they tell me. You're so negative. Then again, life is just a ride as that Bill Hicks would often say. :wink:


--------------------
:1up: :regularshroom: :poison:


Edited by astrogenic (10/04/09 11:51 AM)


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Invisiblelivelovelaugho9
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Registered: 09/13/09
Posts: 362
Re: First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read) [Re: astrogenic]
    #11179816 - 10/04/09 01:06 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Nice read.



Quote:

astrogenic said:

And although I've never taken a psychedelic, I think I can relate to that feeling of despair you were talking about. Every time I get high on something like weed, I find myself thinking pretty negative at times, which will only lead to anxiety and a bad trip... But that's what's so typical of the mind. People I know scold me for that too. Stop thinking so much they tell me. You're so negative. Then again, life is just a ride as that Bill Hicks would often say. :wink:




FYI Weed is a psychedelic.


--------------------
People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't
think that's what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an
experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely
physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and
reality, so we can actually feel the rapture of being alive.:flowerchild:


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Offlineastrogenic
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Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read) [Re: livelovelaugho9]
    #11180111 - 10/04/09 02:21 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

:shocked:


--------------------
:1up: :regularshroom: :poison:


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Offlinenumonkei
Back! From thedigestive tractof dave theiguana!

Registered: 04/12/06
Posts: 2,500
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Last seen: 8 months, 4 days
Re: First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read) [Re: astrogenic]
    #11180334 - 10/04/09 03:05 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

astrogenic said:
Yeah. I know what you mean. I've been reading all about ego death. Most if not all hallucinogens will do that to you too. I'm thinking that it's certainly ok to go all the way. Think of ego as a barrier. We eventually come back down right? And we also have a life to live and then we go from there. The ego as a concept reminds me of a barrier elevating up and down like an actual elevator helping you become one with God. Does God have a name? Just God because we named him that and we aren't even sure if he's a guy. Man's ego is probably at fault. The death of the ego is a wonderful opportunity if you ask me. It must be scary though.

And although I've never taken a psychedelic, I think I can relate to that feeling of despair you were talking about. Every time I get high on something like weed, I find myself thinking pretty negative at times, which will only lead to anxiety and a bad trip... But that's what's so typical of the mind. People I know scold me for that too. Stop thinking so much they tell me. You're so negative. Then again, life is just a ride as that Bill Hicks would often say. :wink:




Yahweh is bullshit. And no, some do NOT come down. But most of us are lucky enough to after we have given in to the fact that we may well never come back. Bill Hicks did not come back, neither did Mitch Hedberg. It's too bad for those of us left.




~Monk


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Offlinewazuph2o
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Registered: 09/12/09
Posts: 10
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: First time "Ego loss/death" (awesome read) [Re: psychadelicspore]
    #11183242 - 10/04/09 10:31 PM (8 years, 1 month ago)

i feel like this all the time:confused:


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