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This was my first time eating mushrooms, and I had good times, and bad times. Overall it was good, but now I can see how you could completely lose your shit, and I hope I'm never in that situation, because the bit I got a taste of was a nightmare. I want to preface this with some light background information, so you can see how far my mind has been stretched before, what my experiences have been, and all that. And a little bit about how I came to eat some cubes. This is a life-story type situation ahead, so skip the next few paragraphs if you don't care.
I've been extremely drunk, I guess who hasn't. I've smoked weed honestly only a handful of times, always drunk, and always for free. I really don't know what it's like on its own, which I suppose is kind of weird. A few months ago I did E with some friends, and while rolling I tried Nitrous for the first time and had an old fashioned epiphany. My mind went places that really didn't even exist before that moment, and I wanted to explore more. So I decide to try to take all sorts of drugs, except none of my friends really do any drugs, and I know of no way to obtain aforementioned awesome drugs. The Summer drudges on, all I can really do is buy boxes of whip-its at exorbitant prices and trip out with my friends, or sometimes alone. Now, that stuff is fun, sure, but it doesn't last long enough and I can hardly ever figure anything out from it. Plus, it is so expensive. Now at this point I am kind of at an important part of my life, I was transferring from junior college to a full-blown university and moving in to an apartment with 2 guys. My one roommate, one night, I think when we were drunk, said something about mushrooms. I guess he had a friend who told him about them one time, I don't know. Well I make a few logical connections and realize there are free drugs growing all around me, because I am in a college town surrounded by cows. Enter Google.
Google leads me here, Shroomery, a place just packed with sweet sweet information and as far as I can tell, a really amazing community behind it. This is all about a week ago at this point. I glance through some guides - it looks like a lot of work, and I dismissed it. But then alcohol rears its ugly head and one night at 3 in the morning I find myself in a field, maybe a little bit tipsy, with my friend, who is sober at this point, looking for mushrooms I saw on the internet. It had rained for days so surely any mushroom we found was gold, right?! We come home with a bag full of silly mushrooms that weren't active. They wound up in the garbage can. Two days later we hit up some more fields and find more garbage. Now, last night, I was reading these forums, listening to music, generally unhappy with the fact that these mushrooms were eluding me. My roommate had already went to bed because he had class early the next morning, but I on the other hand had woken up at noon and didn't have a thing to do until the next afternoon. "Fuck this," I thought, "I'm not going to sit around and look at any more pictures of this damn things. I know what they look like, I know how to identify them and I am surrounded by them." I grabbed my mp3 player, a plastic bag, flashlight, jumped in my car, and headed out to the rural areas of a town I had recently moved to, in the middle of the night, all by myself.
Several hours later, walking back through a field to my car, which only had about an eight of a tank of gas left, the sky was flashing violently from a thunderstorm off in the distance. This was it, I had found nothing yet again. Instead of taking the direct route back the way I came I decided to, for some reason, veer off at an angle through the field that I was utterly convinced contained nothing of interest to me. But there they were. One of them, a healthy guy, whitish-yellowish on the outside and golden brown in the center, culminating in the biggest nipple I had ever seen. Next to him, a poor old dying one. Nasty dark brown, clearly on the last stretch of his life. I reached down to the younger one, broke the stem, and held it up. And fucking finally, that shit was blue. I mean I knew it was supposed to turn blue, I was expecting it to, I read that shit on the internet. But when it finally did, in my hands, it was completely different. I threw them both in my bag and looked around. I found nothing more. I didn't care though, I had found enough. It was late and I was low on gas, so I headed home to one of the greatest nights of my life.
I walked into my kitchen, grabbed some strawberry-banana juice from my fridge, and sat down at the table. The thing weighed about an ounce wet so I drank some juice and ate it up, leaving the old creepy one on the table. I woke up my roommate, and at this point it's about 3 am so he's not overly thrilled. But I wanted to let somebody know what was going on. I had told him before how he shouldn't be a douchebag and fuck with me at all, he said he wouldn't and eventually went back to his room. I laid on my bed, starting to feel a little weird. I guess you see so many trippy movies and cartoons so you sit and stare at a quarter and expect it to get up and start dancing just like that. Of course that isn't what happens. Well I feel pretty weird and decide music is definitely always the catalyst for these sorts of things, so I go to my computer, load some up, flip on my 32" TV next to my monitor, and throw MilkDrop on it. My music choice though, was probably a bad one. It was some playlist I had gotten from a friend, full of some kind of sort-of-chill music. Slowed down remixes of NiN, MSI, Skream and some other stuff. Well as I'm sitting at the computer, focused on the monitor, some shit is thoroughly going down in my peripheral vision, not some fun shit, but the kind of shit I think I was better off not seeing.
To my left, kind of projected on the wall behind my desk, is a kid sitting on a stoop smoking something, I don't know, crack or meth maybe, but he's losing his shit, he is not enjoying it. He's rubbing his head, facepalming, but keeps smoking. Behind him, up the steps I think are his parents walking away from him. So I have a damned nightmare happening to my left, all to the tunes of a bleak, cold, kind of uncomfortable NIN song coming through my headset. And nothing going on in front of me, just the internet, same as it ever was, I think it was maybe this site but I wasn't paying ANY attention to what I was clicking on or typing, I was just transfixed on this mess going on in my peripheral vision. And now, out of nowhere, some stuff pops up in my right peripheral vision. Some teenagers, maybe my friends or people I think are my friends, are coming out of a room and walking down some stairs, almost like I'm in a basement. They walk partway down the stairs and look at me. At first they stop and kind of walk backwards back up the stairs, and they think I don't see them. They come back down again, and go back up, kind of fucking with me. Eventually they just start pointing, laughing, snickering, calling for more people to come in here. All the while the guy to my left is falling to pieces. I can't figure out if maybe the stuff on my left is connected to the stuff on my right. Like maybe they are pointing at him and laughing. When I look in either direction there is nothing there.
At the time I wasn't panicking, but looking back this was some pretty awful stuff. Well, I decide I don't want to see this anymore so I get up and lay on bed and look at my TV. Except the same spot is still to my right, and there's still people there, and they are clearly pointing at me. I'm just trying to listen to the music, I think an MSI song at this point, and watch the cool stuff happening on the TV. But I can't focus with them. I throw up the finger at them and look away. They aren't happy, and one girl in particular wants me to know. She comes all the way down the stairs, the first person to do so, gets real close to me and does the typical Maury/Jerry Springer type stuff with her hands, real threatening and all. I couldn't give any less of a shit. She starts punching me, loses her shit, and eventually her friends pull her away and they go back up the stairs. Keep in my mind all this is happening strictly in my peripheral vision while I'm watching a Winamp visualization.
They come back a little later, down the stairs, same old shit. The same thing happens again. Then they come back again. I'm sick of this, so I put a blanket over my head and convince myself they aren't there. Of course when I raise it they still are there, finding it hilarious I just covered my head with a blanket. I decide a change of music might help. I put on some real high energy hardcore pounding x music my friend gave me. It's definitely more positive in nature, and I feel better. I'm not sure, but I think those people to the right started dancing to it from time to time, and I think the chick who attacked me liked it the most. I don't know what happened to those people after this point. I still don't feel happy so I decide to go to the bathroom. All this time I'd pretty much been looking at Milkdrop and the wall, so when I walk out in the hallway everything is pretty trippy. My roommate walks out of his room and one look at his face and I can't stop laughing. It's like a damn funhouse when he smiles, his face changing shapes and him laughing at me laughing makes laugh and I can't even look at him. He said he can't sleep and he's going to make breakfast. I tell him to go to sleep and stop being sober and I go back to my room. I turn off the music in my room and look at the internet again. Holy shit I don't remember turning on mouse trails. And damn, Shroomery is really fucking trippy, I don't remember all these images being animated gifs before. I hear my roommate making breakfast, he isn't going back to sleep. I go to Giantbomb.com and laugh for what seems like an eternity at the logo, a giance smiling cartoon bomb. I imagine going on crazy adventures with him, and laugh some more. I look down at the carpet and it is alive, it's breathing. My ceiling fan is no longer straight and rigid, it's hanging out, chilling with me, it's friendly.
I walk out to the living room and my roommate said he was studying. It was 4:30am and I don't see how he could possibly be studying. I look at his notebook paper and it looks dirty, the blue lines are disappearing and reappearing all over the paper. His handwriting is pulsing, and even though it's far from perfect handwriting, it looks beautiful. The textbook he was reading from however, did not. He was studying for a finance class so he was reading from some awful book filled with ways to count and manage money or some shit. The very thought of math repulsed me, the idea of money made me want to vomit, and seeing the perfect print in the textbook was hideous. I sit there for what seemed like a while and talk about how terrible money is and how it doesn't matter. How cool looking that timeline looks and how just amazing a little doodle he did on the side was. I get up and look at the other mushroom, still sitting on the kitchen tables. I walk up to it and it is breathing heavily. I am seeing something die in front of me. I can't really describe it, but it wasn't an awful thing, it's just how nature works I guess. The carpet is like a jungle beneathe my feet at this point. I grab a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the boxart is incredible. My appetite, however, is not. I go back in to my room and back to the computer. I decide to head to Digitally Imported and throw on the Ambient channel, that couldn't be a bad thing could it? At first, it's not. I'm flying through Facebook, not really reading but looking at people's profile pictures and find one of a stick figure drawing, like a doodle on a calendar or something. I'm looking at it to this awesome music and it is damn near the best artwork I've ever seen. So raw, and simple. The song changes rather abruptly (thanks di) to this weird outer space, long stretched out wahwahwaaah, cold, dark-tone, music. And I had convinced myself to wait it out because surely the happy part will come back. It didn't, and now it was too late.
I felt like I sat there for hours, staring at this once active, moving drawing, watching it transform into a lifeless, boring, almost sinister stupid doodle. I felt like shit. My peripheral vision kicked back in and too my left, in the reflection of my tv screen (that was off at this point) and its casing, I saw myself, or rather, a bunch of myselves. They were lounging around, thinking, idling. As the music turned darker a black bag came over one of me and he started falling into blackness. It was a long fall. This sucked. I kind of snapped myself out of it and stopped the music. I glanced at my open tabs and found this, which led me to this, which could not of helped any more. I don't know what it is but it made me feel loads better. I'm coming down now, I think. I walked back to the living room and my roommate says he's going to bed. I think it's somewhow like, 7 or 8 am at this point. I switch off my computer and lay in bed with my MP3 player. I hadn't really planned my music very well tonight, as evidenced above, so I pick an artist I know can't make me feel bad, MGMT. Specifically Metanoia, a song and a band I think that I will forever associate with this whole experience. At this point I'm not bothering with headphones, just my computer speakers. I'm laying in bed, and when I cover my eyes with a blanket or close my eyes, suddenly I'm seeing all sorts of designs and shapes. Maybe I'm under some slowing mushrooms? Like that one 3d mushroom art I saw once, but it's floating around. Really weird. The visuals start to wear off and by the 3rd listen of Metanoia I'm just thinking about stuff. My life, what I want to do, how much money and corporation and college sucks, how I should change it all. Basically it all culminated, I think the whole night really, with me coming to a pretty personal revelation about my family. I wound up crying to the best part of the whole song (go to about 1:15). It was good, really good. I think I learned from it, and I don't think I'll forget it.
Well this wound up way longer than I thought it would. I'm sure some of this is out of order, and I probably left out some bits. I just wanted to write it all down, for me. I'm glad the experience was more than just "whoooah I'm tripping out maaaan" and I hope it's just as great the next times. I guess I just want to thank this website for leading me here, safely. It's really awesome people come together to help people figure this kind of stuff out.
I loved all your links you provided, I'll definitely go to them next time I trip.
I had a bad trip last time, but it wasn't like SUPER bad, i saw my veins in my peripheral vision, and thats all i could see, they were blocking out the TV, and they were annoying me. I felt very anxious and nervous, but every 10 minutes felt like 1 hour.
My second time i tripped i got to level 4, and it was GREAT! :P I fainted half way through my trip though and then after that it was all downhill from there, since my brothers were panicking for me it made it way worse, I felt nauseous but my visuals were so insane, once you achieve level 4, your closed eye visuals will be projected onto real objects, making them look real. I saw 3d arrows crawling all over the things i looked at, and colors would pulsate and bleed all over everything. It was a truly incredible trip, but in the end i felt so uncomfortable i could have shit my pants if i wanted to. Thanks for posting this.
"Anxiety doesn't exist. It's just your inner brain telling you that you're a pussy."
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