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Anonymous #1

These are my problems!
    #11110664 - 09/23/09 02:01 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

This came from the how often do you cry thread.

I feel as though I am emotionless to so many things.

I have never really told anyone this stuff about myself.

The main thing that I hate about this is that it gets in the way of my sex life (which there pretty much is none). I'm not crying about it, but it is a topic of concern in my life.

To be honest, the only things that really touch me anymore are music (the love of my life so far) and science/mathematics (the way I view the natural world).

Of course hanging with my bros is great and partying and all that good stuff.

Although when it comes to romance I am usually slightly awkward and I believe I come off either uninterested in a girl or overly interested. I think it comes down to the fact that the way I live is on extremes. I am either extremely engaged in something or I am silent.

Maybe I need to find some middle ground? 

I get so pissed at myself when I find a hot chick who I know likes me and then I start getting self-conscious about whether I am messing it up or not. Also, my standards are extremely high in a woman, which doesn't make sense because I hardly ever get any action from them.:nonono:

The sad thing is that I am a very good looking guy from what my friends (girls) have told me. Back in high school in one class, the girls just all sat around me and commented how great my features are (teeth, face structure, smile, body), I just didn't know how to react. Like wherever I go the hotter girls usually give me second glances, they give me chances that other guys don't get. Only to be let down in the end when I don't commit to actually being completely real with them, or w/e it is I do wrong. I know looks aren't everything, but this should be making it that much easier to get a chick.

Anyway feel free to comment and give your opinions about these problems/attitudes. Please don't make useless posts.


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Anonymous #2

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11110702 - 09/23/09 02:21 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I get so pissed at myself when I find a hot chick who I know likes me and then I start getting self-conscious about whether I am messing it up or not. Also, my standards are extremely high in a woman, which doesn't make sense because I hardly ever get any action from them.:nonono:




Doesn't make sense? Obviously, it makes TOTAL sense. Do you not see the connection here? :rolleyes:

Women aren't like men in choosing their mates. Men are big on looks, it's a primary deciding factor for us. (I will have sex with a woman if her hips and her breasts please me, even if she's an idiot.) For women, good looks are more like a bonus. (She will NOT have sex with you because your teeth are nice if you come across as clingy, anxious, and obviously uncomfortable). They are more looking for you to be confident and strong-willed. IE, they don't want you to get so wound up over trying to please them, they want you to just do it.

My advice is to change your standards. Don't think of it as "lowering" your standards, think of it as being open-minded in how you meet the demands of your biology. If you do not do this, you may never get your head out of your ass. :shrug:


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Anonymous #1

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11110750 - 09/23/09 02:48 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Very true man, Yeah I don't even know why I wrote that about the never getting any action because of high standards, lol. Makes total sense.

I thought I would give an example from a recent exp. to give you a better idea of my problem.

Ok, here is an example on how pathetic my last chance to get laid was.

So one of my best friends, I'll call him A (plays in my band), and his girl, I'll call her B, invite me (and none of my other friends) to go hang with B's best high school girlfriends [They are C(very hot, very friendly and likes my style of music and is trying to transfer to the same college as me, D(Hottest girl there, on my scale a 9/10), E and F are girl and guy who are dating.]. I knew that A and B were definitely trying to hook me up with these chicks. Of course I agree to go.

So we get to the apartment complex and C is the first girl I meet (she is already a lil tipsy which should make it easier in theory), we start talking and everything is fluid between us. We decide to go get the beer for everyone. While getting the beer we talk about schools and both realize we are into math/science and trying to transfer to the same school (things starting to look better).

So we get back and start drinking a lil and playing drinking games. I notice the hottest girl in the room and she has that type of glow that girls who are in that 9-10 range have and she seemed very open minded and cool. Anyway, A and B start smoking large amounts of cannabis and just get so high while me, C, and D are all flirting and laughing and having a great time. E and F just chilling. 

Eventually everyone is nice and stoned/ drunk and we start getting quiter and quiter. For some reason when this happened I felt obligated to start some form of intelligent conversation. For some stupid reason I chose a horrible topic, The war in Iraq. Although A, B, and E, and F, were having none of it, C was enthralled in the topic and D seemed slightly interested. Me and C then started to click on lots of things and I was having a great time talking to her and having a genuine exp. Then D started to get a little louder and talking about random stupid things I guess she just got bored of the whole political talk.

After B is explaining how great I am at guitar and that I am going to be famous one day blah, blah, blah I decide to go to my car to get my guitar (which btw I am very proficient at and have been playing since I was 8, I also sing and write my own music). On a side note, when I was walking to my car I saw a couple just making out as I walked past, they looked madly in love and were falling into the bushes without even caring, strange symbolism to my situation I thought.

When I return A an B point me to C's room where her and D have just got ready to smoke some opium with me (what a pleasant surprise). So as we are smoking I am sitting next to 2 of the hottest girls I have ever been around and we are smoking opium! While smoking I start to realize D is a complete horndog and is saying how sexy the situation is, all I do is agree with her, "yea this is sexy." After we finish the opium A and B come in and I play a couple songs for everyone while not to the best of my ability as I am somewhat drunk now plus very high, they are all very impressed. After that A and B leave and it is just me and C and D. Now this just has threesome written all over it and I still don't make a move. A couple mins go by and D decides to go talk with A and B, leaving me alone with C. C has a piano in her room and I just can't help but ask her what she knows and if we could play something, she says that she is pretty bad and doesn't know much and ultimately decides to not play anything. After talking for a couple minutes about music I realize I am starting to get way to into the music conversation and I start doing that thing that my brain seesm to automatically do when I am gaining insights into something. I start to think way to much about music and why some people just don't get past that phase of learning theory. All this thinking has led me away from getting closer to C. After about 20 mins D comes back in and then we all go out for a cigarette.

We go back in and after a while of me not making any moves, D starts to talk about her boyfriend and C is explaining to me how abusive he is to her. Yet D says she still loves him even though he hits her and stuff, I heard way too much about this guy as I sat there learning about the relationship.  After a while of this conversation, C is noticeably starting to get very tired and I realize that she is not in the mood for sex, D on the other hand seemed like she was ready to talk forever. As C fell asleep me and D go out and smoke cigs and talk.

At this point I am drunk and high to the point where I am not thinking clearly and my wit starts to fade away. I have been drinking beer the whole night and it is really catching up with me along with the opium and cannabis. C is talking very real now with me and definitely feels comfortable sharing all these personal things about her life with me. I remember a moment where she said that she always gets excited and horny when she smokes opium. I then proceeded to sit there just doing nothing, randomly making cohesive statements with her. :nonono:

I am really starting to fade away although I am not that tired yet which was weird. I can tell she is starting to get less excited as time goes on and she explains that she has to be at work at 6AM. I am thinking holy shit this girl is freaking awesome. She stayed up with me this late and then she has to go to work in like 2 hours. I last remember her making food and trying to give me some of it, but I was way to gone and I just fell asleep on the couch. :shrug:

I wake up to my cd's on the floor in front of me that apparently I pulled from my car later in the night to show to the girls, of course that was just dumb unless we were fucking to it.

I gather my things and say later to C (still asleep really) and left with A. In the car ride home I told A what happened and how I just never made a move. A who is actually VERY good with women (one of the best womanizers I know) explained to me how easy getting a threesome would have been. That C had told B that she thought I was so hot and charming and obviously wanted me.:awesome: There is hope for hooking up with her in the future i am sure, but I was so pissed at myself for missing a golden opportunity.
----------------------------------------------------------


If you didn't want to read that whole story, here is my main point.

I think this experience showed me that I am doing everything right up until the point where I have to make a move. Next time I will go in for the kill and not think so much about everything.

What are some good ways to make "The move?"

Is simplicity the preferred route? I know it depends on the situation and the girl. But what about a general rule of thumb?


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Anonymous #2

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11110785 - 09/23/09 03:11 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

If you're trying to just have sex with someone straight-up, you have to be alpha-male about it, unreflective and doubtless in your approach. I still struggle with this too, because the definition of "socially unacceptable behavior" seems to include the things you have to do to get laid. Like, grab her ass and stuff. Make her body your plaything. It sounds awful but they really like that when they don't sue you for it. :facepalm:

TL;DR, did skim it a bit, but the fact that she's opening up to you about herself doesn't mean she's slowly getting around to taking her clothes off. It means she likes talking to you.

EDIT: I just realized that your post reads exactly like a trip report. :rofl2:


Edited by Tchan909 (09/23/09 03:18 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11110999 - 09/23/09 05:28 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

this all sounds like something that probably could have come right out of my mouth...word for word  :lol:

I couldn't even tell ya how many times I've had close female friends of mine tell me how they were really into me when we first met, but that because I never made a move - they just figured I wasn't into them, and so they didn't pursue it (and then nine times out of ten, they go on to say some shit like "I'm glad nothing happened between the two of us, cause you're one of my closest friends now, and I wouldn't want to do anything to mess up what we have now")

but then the people I do try to start something with - always seem to think that I'm coming on entirely to strong when it happens  :nonono:


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Anonymous #4

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11112020 - 09/23/09 11:19 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:





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Anonymous #2

Re: These are my problems! [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #11112265 - 09/23/09 12:02 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:








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